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Author Topic: Married to a GC pastor  (Read 8638 times)
AgathaL'Orange
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« on: March 14, 2012, 11:34:17 am »

I edited this to remove the link.  I feel uncomfortable putting up a link to a private blog post.


Instead I'm just going to share some quotes from a blog I found today of a GCM pastor's wife.

Quote
Being married to the pastor......For the last 5 1/2 years I have driven around the downtown area with my husband hour after hour looking for buildings to rent or buy, land to purchase. In fact, most of our date nights would include a wonderful dinner followed by driving. We both enjoy driving around and talking anyway, so we put our date nights to good use and would drive around the downtown area looking for the perfect spot for our church to meet. **** would see a building, we would climb out peak in the windows, count steps (seeing how big the building was), call the seller's number, envision what we could do to make that space work, then get back in the car and look for more properties.


This made me sad.  I am sure they are lovely people.  But it does make me feel sad that she has to give so much of her marriage and time with her husband to the church.  He needs to pick a better activity for date night.  Smiley
« Last Edit: March 14, 2012, 06:56:54 pm by AgathaL'Orange » Logged

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Neverbeengcm
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« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2012, 02:09:56 pm »

Wow!  That poor woman will eventually see that she is married to the church and that her husband will always put the church first.  It saddens me to see a young woman who wants to love her husband so much that she cannot see the error in his ways.

God bless her.   I hope she can find the strength to talk to her husband about spending their "date night" doing something just for them.  His obvious need for power and personal glory is his driving force.

Good luck to both of them.
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randomous
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« Reply #2 on: March 14, 2012, 08:10:55 pm »

Wow, that is stunningly out of context.  The wife isn't complaining or upset about it in any way if you read the whole blog post.  She's excited about the growth of their church and everything God is doing since the beginning of their church plant.  She actually enjoys talking to her husband while they are driving in the car. 

I personally wouldn't think that'd be fun, but the wife here talks of it glowingly as something she's enjoyed because they're talking, after a wonderful dinner.  Who do you think you are to tell them how to spend a date night? 

I won't even address neverbeengcm's typically ignorant, judgmental, and hateful response.
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AgathaL'Orange
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« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2012, 05:41:25 am »

That was the entire point of my post... that she was happy to do it.    They are both head over heels about the church.  The "regular" life just takes a back seat.  I think it's wonderful that she's happy.  I really do.  But it's sad to ME, because at a time in their life when they could be doing other things, they are driving around starting a church in a town that already has a church with people who are already Walnut Creek attenders (WCCC is LESS than 10 minutes from this "new" church).  And it's just like all of the other self sacrificing things that GC members are happy to do.  Then one day you wake up and realize, "Hey, wait a minute!  I just spent the last few years driving around or (fill in the blank)."  Or in our case, cleaning the church and painting (I remember feeling VERY HONORED that I was given the job of painting, and another member actually was upset that the job had been given to me).  People are given these jobs as though it is an honor, but they are just being used. 
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AgathaL'Orange
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« Reply #4 on: March 15, 2012, 06:06:01 am »

Also, Randomous, I can't remember who you are, but I can tell that you are a member of a GC church!  How can I tell?  You NATURALLY assume I am saying that she is complaining and that I am faulting her for that.  Actually, I see no such moral failing here.  In fact, I am actually saying, "Hey, lighten up, you are young, you have young kids... LIGHTEN UP!  Have more fun!"  In their minds I'm the siren beckoning them to fun, travel, and family time, the fool who doesn't realize "what's important".  Sad 
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Neverbeengcm
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« Reply #5 on: March 15, 2012, 06:47:56 am »

Wow, that is stunningly out of context.  The wife isn't complaining or upset about it in any way if you read the whole blog post.  She's excited about the growth of their church and everything God is doing since the beginning of their church plant.  She actually enjoys talking to her husband while they are driving in the car.  

I personally wouldn't think that'd be fun, but the wife here talks of it glowingly as something she's enjoyed because they're talking, after a wonderful dinner.  Who do you think you are to tell them how to spend a date night?  

I won't even address neverbeengcm's typically ignorant, judgmental, and hateful response.

I am a little bit surprised to see this post.  But, sometimes differing opinions allow us to see things with more clarity.

Personal attacks and name-calling do not change my mind about the original post. Unfortuantely, I am not ignorant to this type of scenario. You may see some responses that you take to be judgemental.  I am sorry if you are offended. The word hate is a very strong word.  I am sorry you used it.  I have seen and felt the hurt from women I care about. Sometimes it takes years of de-programming to help them to become people who can adjust to normal society. I do not hate anyone in the GC.  I do not hate the GC.  But, I do feel the need to get the word out that the false teachings and hurtful controlling structure of the GC ruins the freedoms that every God-loving human being deserves to have.  The need to please the pastor is stressed so strongly in the GC doctrine. Serve your church for life is stressed.  Men are the ones who benefit the most from all this.  Women are the ones who have to submit the most to the system and they are the ones who suffer the most from the control of the church.  

I know more than a few women who were in this woman's shoes.  It may seem to be a little bit fun to spend time with the man she wants to love doing what will give him more power in the church.  But, eventually the light bulb comes on and she will realize that she is not as important in her husband's world as the church. Then the marital problems start and most women eventually either leave their husbnds (and the church) or they become shallow shells of their former selves.  It is very sad to see.  I know...I have loved ones on both sides of this very sad scenario. I have seen the life get slowly sucked out of the spirit in women in these types of situations.  The women will eventually become baby machines for their husband and the church while the husband feels compelled to seek more glory and power in the church.  It is not very pretty and most people do not want to hear about it. But, I have seen it happen way too often.

Date night in the GC seems to send confusing messages. Isn't date night supposed to be about that husband and wife?  In this story, the pastor chooses to spend a good portion of "date night" serving the church while neglecting his marriage.  He could have talked with his wife anywhere.  He could go sight-seeing anywhere.  Instead of honoring and submitting to his wife his loving wife.  He repeatedly decides to nurture the self-serving side of himself by looking at something that will only result in getting him more power in the church.  I respectfully disagree with that type of thinking.  

To me, every night is "date night" in my marriage. I understand how much my wife needs me to show her that I love her and care about her.  She is the most important thing in my life..after God.  I am a romantic kind of guy.  There is no way that I would take my wife out for a "date night" and then spend our time on anything that was not devoted to her and/or us. Maybe Great Commission followers have a hard time understanding that the emotional connection a woman needs with her husband is very important.  This guy can drive around looking at churches any time he wants. He does it on "date night".  To me, he should be focused on his devoted wife...not the church while on a date.
« Last Edit: March 16, 2012, 06:43:43 am by Neverbeengcm » Logged

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Linda
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« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2012, 07:07:08 am »

Quote from: randomous
I won't even address neverbeengcm's typically ignorant, judgmental, and hateful response.
Ahhh, but you did address his response. You addressed it with this tidy bit of ad hominem.

Quote from: neverbeengcm
This guy can drive around looking at churches any time he wants. He did it on "date night".
Excellent point. It is good to be a GC pastor. You set your own schedule and set your own salary and make people obey you by getting young, new believers to follow you and quoting Scripture out of context. About the salary: I know they will say "we have an independent board that sets our salary", but the next question a thinking person would ask is, "Who appoints and removes members from the board?" If the answer is, "The pastors," then the pastor is setting his own salary. If you don't know the salary, living expenses (tax free for pastors), and benefits provided to your pastors, you should not give a penny to your church.

Being a pastor (and by this I mean a "make a living at it" pastor) is a job. It is no more special than being an accountant, an auto repair person, a mailman, or a beautician. Would these people ask their spouse to do their job on a "date night"? I'm guessing that the role of pastor is not seen as "just a job" and that the order of priorities for a GC pastor would be God, church, family, friends because GC sees church as equal to God.

Seeing the church as equal to God makes the church an idol. God, open their eyes so they can see this. Amen.
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Get.A.Life!
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« Reply #7 on: March 16, 2012, 03:22:24 pm »

Agatha, maybe you should re-post that link to Meg's blog to show people all the "fun", "normal" and "regular" activities that she does on a daily basis with her children.... Or wait, that would show a well-rounded and fair depiction of their family wouldn't it? And we wouldn't want to do that, would we?

You all should note, this was the ONE post that she has posted about the church in a long time.

Attack me all you want, you don't know me or where I am coming from (although you will say you think you do because I am a GC member). I will stand up for my friend and her family because I actually know them.



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Linda
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« Reply #8 on: March 16, 2012, 04:06:49 pm »

Guess you hit a nerve, Agatha. Someone wants us to get a life. Never heard that before. Smiley  Next poster will call himself "you.haven't.healed" or "get.help" or "move.on." I'm sure.

I think many of us understood that you were not being critical of the blogger, but rather pointing out that "church" becomes God to GC people. They have made for themselves a very holy sounding idol. God, church, marriage all get blurred together. The family exists for the purpose of serving the church. The wife exists for the purpose of serving the husband. Christian "gals" exist for the purpose of serving the "guys". The whole church exists to serve and obey the pastors. I'm sure if we look long enough, we can find Jesus in the mix somewhere...

A woman who loves and wants to serve her husband would no doubt not mind spending hours driving around town with him looking at buildings for his church to meet in. I'm sure she would be happy to spend any time with the guy. He sounds busy with important church work. Same would hold true for someone who had a husband in the private sector. Would we think it such a noble task if that man spent date time driving the mrs. around town looking for office space for his business or would we think, "Hey, bud, you are a workaholic, this is not a good thing, you should spend some quality time with the little lady and the munchkins and stop thinking about work so much."

In fact, the Bible gives the husband the honor of loving his wife as Christ loved the church, which, if you recall, involves sacrificing for her. GC twists that (remember the old Rick Whitney post that appears to be removed where Mr. W suggested "cultivating times of sacrifice" for the little mrs. so that the guys can do the manly tasks of running the church.)

Honestly, I'm fed up with people coming on here and calling us names and slandering us. It won't silence me. There is some really bad teaching and practice happening in GC churches. The leaders publicly slander us by misrepresenting us and fool themselves into thinking they are humble when in fact they are unteachable and perpetuate error. What a sad group.

Reminds me of the Laodicean church.



« Last Edit: March 16, 2012, 06:37:27 pm by Linda » Logged

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wastedyearsthere
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« Reply #9 on: March 16, 2012, 04:26:03 pm »

I shudder when I think of the years as a single "sister" that I cleaned married women's houses and babysat for them because that was what I was told we ought to be doing.  Btw the married woman that I thought I was close friends with that I served for years shunned me the moment I changed churches!

People beware! 
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AgathaL'Orange
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« Reply #10 on: March 16, 2012, 05:08:47 pm »

If GC pastors do lots of family activities, spend tons of time with kids, and treat their wives like royalty, or better yet like a best friend and equal then that makes me happy.  My goal is not to cause someone pain.  I truly do hope they are happy.  

I'm very sad that many people devote so much of their time to "shuffling" the DTC church from place to place.  Call me crazy, but I think people are better served doing something else with their 20's.   Undecided

Sometimes, I have to ask myself, why do I care?  I care because I experienced it.  I care because I have regret over my experiences and over the experiences of people whom I "led" into the church.  I'm sad for the parts I played in leading people astray.  

But I'm also very happy to be free now.  It's wonderful.

« Last Edit: March 16, 2012, 06:24:27 pm by AgathaL'Orange » Logged

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FeministRebel
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« Reply #11 on: June 08, 2012, 02:43:50 pm »

I went in, and read her bio...

And it made it really sad. I went back to feeling... what I felt when I was at GCx. Completely forced into a mold, and not allowed to be me. Completely guilt tripped for wanting to want things... Completely LACKING in self identity, and seeking to make that identity attached to that of some man -- with the supposed mission of furthering the "Kingdom." 

"Iím nothing special but *** married me knowing full well what he was getting. " How SAD is that!!!

I'm sorry... but these churches ANGER me so much. They take these impressionable women, talented, and full of passion, and don't know what to do with them... other than to make them feel their only talent is mothering, and being a wife. There is NOTHING wrong with those things, but we are SO MUCH more than those things.

She spends quite the paragraph telling us what she's awful at, and how she's 'nothing special.' Woman, wake the HECK up. How sad... I'm going to go cry for those 7 years I lost at this place. These people have NO CONSCIENCE.

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