Scriptures provide freedom to "Date in Sexual Purity"

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[KellyMordecai]

The Scriptures do not oppose "dating in sexual purity." 

The Scriptures do not promote it either.

This then becomes a "Romans 14" issue.  An issue that is a "disputable matter", that
is up to a believer's conscience.  (And there are many "disputable matters.")

The Apostle Paul discussed the Corinthian's argument that "Everything is Permissible"
in I Corinthians 10:23-33

Paul did NOT dispute that, "Everything is Permissible."  He did list five good criteria:

1. Make sure said freedom is "beneficial" to yourself.
2. Use your freedom, to act in love.
3. Use your freedom to build others up.
4. Use your freedom, but don't cause a "stumbling block" in other's lives.
5. Use your freedom to glorify God.

Paul also wrote in Galatians 5:1, "It is for freedom that Christ has set you free.  Stand firm then,
and do not allow yourselves to be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

Paul was not talking about the "slavery of sin", but the yoke placed by men.  By men
making up, and enforcing "extra-biblical" rules of men.  (Gal. chapters 5 & 6) go into this.

Paul also discussed freedom to enjoy all that God created, "For everything God created is good,
and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by
the word of God and prayer."  I Timothy 4:4-5

About 6 months ago, I called Jim McCotter and asked him,
   "Can two Christians be kicked out of a church for dating in sexual purity?"

After a pause, then a ponder... Mr. McCotter said, "No."

Where is Scriptural authority to kick someone out of a church for "dating in sexual purity"? 
Since there is no "penalty", then, there is no "Crime."  Thus, "Dating in Sexual Purity is allowed." 

Those that wish to become "Date Nazis", need to BACK OFF!  Paul's words of Romans 14:19-23
COMMAND said "Date Nazis" to back-off.

Some other churches (not GCM) have problems with this as well. 
Why would other churches have this problem?  (Really... mid-level leaders, typically not pastors.)

ANSWER: Because it has a spiritual root to it.  Satan wants Christians to miss some, many, or all of
their "child-bearing years", as Satan opposes "godly offspring."  (Malachi 2:15)  Paul calls this out
in I Timothy 4:1-3, where men will teach "doctrines of demons" forbidding marriage.  Marriage
produces "godly offspring", per Malachi 2:15.  Malachi 2:15 is how Paul could call children born from
marriage as "holy", in I Corinthians 7:14.

Much more can be written of your freedoms to "date in sexual purity."  To save space here,
see the website I created to give hope to single Christians, and set their minds free to initiate
with the opposite sex.  (Both singles, and available of course.)

www.hopeforChristiansingles.com

This web page discusses more on freedom: "Christian Culture" and Scripture - "Dating" (by KZM 11/13/'21)

Kelly Z. Mordecai - Published Author, (former GCM member, that found freedom, forgave many, and found peace.)
E-mail: kellyzmordecai@protonmail.com

[Janet Easson Martin]

Welcome, Kelly!

Appreciate your thoughts and scriptural truths on dating. Are you one of many who was counseled in GCx against the freedom to date who and when you wanted to, rather than needing the approval of more than one church leader for who and when to “court”?

I like that you were a “former GCM [GCx alias] member who found freedom, forgave many, and found peace.”

Though I was not able to access your website, and haven’t studied to any real depth “dating” according to the scriptures; what comes to mind most is 1 Corinthians 7:1,  “it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” (NIV) and “it is good for a man not to touch a woman.” (NASB) I like that the Greek word for touch sets the boundary with its meaning touch to arouse rather than the Clinton-est definition of ‘sexual relations.’
 
In my opinion, holding hands and being alone together would not fall under such a scriptural category. I agree that men make rules that supercede the scriptures. Like you said GCM [GCx] and some other church groups do hyper enforce their own rules; “spying” on people, reporting, humiliating, and even shunning people for breaking them though they haven’t violated the scriptures. They even take pride in how “pure” their group is by commanding and controlling superceding of scripture. I love how the Bible warns us against being a slave to such control as you rightly highlighted. You are right on about that scripture on slavery being about being under men’s rules. Our only obligation is to the Word of God and His Spirit.

Thanks for sharing.

[KellyMordecai]

After the tragedy of what happened, (heartbreak, and condemnation),
I finally spoke with two pastors, and he soon one went into action.
He began working toward a believer's freedom; for the benefit of the
local church.  He even did a couple of sermons encouraging dating.

My mistake were multiple. 
(Of course, this was in my youth.  Mistakes I would not make now, as
I have learned to love, and think of others better, grasp my freedoms,
and protect myself.)

1.  Not going to the pastor when things were difficult.
(This is why I use the term, "mid-level leaders.")

2.  Not opening up to my mother, older Christian cousin, and grandparents.
(My mother advised me to leave the church prior.  My older cousin warned
me that they did not allow dating.  There is still a blessing in listening to
your parents.)

3.  Not knowing the scriptures well enough.
(There was so much freedom from the Apostle Paul's writings.)

4. "Buying" the extra-biblical concept that "God picks your spouse."  He does not.
(See I Cor. 7:36-38, and James 4)

5.  Hurting a girl I loved by not communicating why I was breaking up with her.
(She was on and off based on how others pulled her away.  We held a twinkle in
our eyes for each other, as many saw.  I did not open my heart to her.... that
I loved her, and wanted to ask her to marry me.)

6.  Not communicating with people.... multiple people causing the mess & pain.
(I did not know how to do this at the time.)

7.  Not understanding how people "meddle" to break-up relationships.
(Jesus knew people meddle, that is why he said about marriage, "What
God has joined together, let not man separate.)

In general, the Scriptures I knew not well enough to operate in grace,
in love, and direct communication.  Scriptures that also simultaneously
warned me to "Guard your heart", and communicate firmly, but with love.

So... I made mistakes.  At the same time, I had not the maturity to
see how deceptive the "Extra-biblical laws of man" were.

So... I made mistakes... as did others.  The only way out of the pain,
and long-standing "heart-pain" can only be washed away by my own
forgiveness.  Forgiveness of others, and forgiveness of myself.  I have
this saying, "Forgive, forgive, and forgive again until it sticks.  Pray
blessings in the offender's life so I can be a 'peace-maker.'"

God is still good, and amazing....   He saw it all, and awaited me to
turn my heart to him to be healed.  (And He healed me.) 
Then, I feel that God wants me to help others avoid the "pitfalls", I fell into.
(The key here is found in the freedoms Scriptures describe.)

The pitfalls are still there...  mostly the pitfall of bitterness.   Which, again...
forgiveness steers me away from.

Kelly Mordecai   (Kellyzmordecai@protonmail.com)









   

[Janet Easson Martin]

Wow, Kelly! I feel like you have ministered to us (those who read here) in what you shared. I’m SO glad you came on here to bless many people with your story.

How deeply painful what you and your “girlfriend” went through. And, you have let God turn it around for good! It seems that is God’s deep compassion and intention on the other side of our hurting heart. Your emphasis on forgiveness does not go unnoticed. May we grow in that instruction of Jesus.

Cudos to that pastor who was moved to brave action to heal a long held and harmful “tradition/rule” of GCx. To teach that because it was right, not because it would make the church “look more acceptable.”

Thank you much for sharing some of your journey.



As a side note, forgiving my spiritual abusers is a necessary component in my healing; but it is not always one of my first steps as there are layers of loss and grieving to be identified and processed. It may be like an unfolding development. I see the Apostle Paul as obedient in this yet, stern in his judgement toward the abusers and greatly concerned in his warning against such abuse.