Sexual immorality at GCC

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[JustGiveMeJesus]

*this is a bit graphic... I’m nervous it will be taken down, but I really felt I should share my experience*


So the GCC church I went to for 2 years was riddled with sexual immorality. When I stared going to the church, I was in a very very shakey place in my relationship with God. I had been coming out of a lot of high stress family issues. And even before the family issues, I rebelled against God and committed many sexual sins myself.  I’m a single women, btw.

I was just starting to gain my footing and get some toxic stuff out of my life when I started going to this GCC church. I was so excited. I met so many people so quickly and we hung out all the time! It was everything other churches never offered me... “community”.

I now realize what a big deception that was, as all we ever did as a group was drink and watch carnal movies. We never talked about God or prayed. I also began to notice that most of the “community” I was having was made up of mostly single men my age. I started to feel like an object to be won, and I got very very mad. I quickly realized what felt like real community, was just a bunch of single guys trying to find a wife.

 There was this guy, let’s call him “Michael” who had already been going to this church for years before I got there. We went to the same home group, and I was interested in him. He seemed to really love the Lord, he was really friendly, and people  at the church talked highly of him.

One day after homegroup, he asked me on a date. So we went to get pizza and then came back to the place our hg met at (the place was the hg leaders home, btw). He set up a blanket in the grass and we sat outside.

It wasn’t long until he started getting very touchy and then kissed me. I was so infatuated, I thought to myself... wow! This super Godly man, who is so well plugged into this church,  likes me!!

He then asked me if I wanted  to ‘sleep’ with him in his car... in the parking lot of our home group. I felt this numbness take over, the same numbness I felt in my past when I let guys use me - like I was watching a movie of myself. I said  yes and we did.

Long story short, we never dated or went on dates but we continued sneaking around and sleeping with each other. After a couple months I couldn’t handle the guilt anymore and told a leader at the church. I cried and confessed my sin to her... Which led to one of the pastors finding out.

The pastor told “Michael” to stop. “Michael” didn’t, so the pastor told him  that if he ever talked to me again he would be kicked out of the church. “Michael” cried before the pastor but continued sneaking around with me... up until the point where I had enough of being used... It got to the point where I was the one initiating seeing “Michael” and never him initiating to see me, so I asked him why that was... why he never reached out to me first anymore. He told me it was because if he got caught and he was the one initiating, he’d be in so much trouble. It was like I was hit with a ton of bricks, realizing just how much this man, who’d been going to this church for a long time, was using me. As long as I initiatied, if he got caught he could say that he is weak and can’t stand up against the temptation. He could say it’s my fault.

So I later found out that “Michael” had done this to several other women in the church, who since left the church. I also found out, “Michael” had been kicked out of another church he was attending before this GCC church for sleeping with a younger woman.

This pastor, who also is the pastor of our college minskry,  took “Michael” under his wing and mentored him. And I was left in the dust.

After “Michael” used me, a bunch of my friends found out and didn’t want much to do with “Michael” anymore... so “Michael” stopped hanging out with our age group at church and instead started hanging out with the college kids. Since then, he’s dating one girl at the church for less than a month and I’ve seen him hanging out one on one with a female college student, multiple times.

I do not understand at all... what the heck is this?!?! What kind of shepherd is that?!?

[Rebel in a Good Way]

JustGiveMeJesus, I am so sorry that you experienced this relationship pain in addition to leaving your church. Strangely, your situations sounds very similar to something that happened in my area (in a different state).  So you are not the only one who has been manipulated by a church boy. 

I am not necessarily for churches policing the sex lives of its members, but when it comes to a pattern of people feeling guilty and sneaking around, being used by one of the attenders, something is not quite right there.  I think there are unhealthy teachings within GCC that make women responsible for men's sexual sin (watch how you dress) but you can't really "cause your brother to stumble" in to using you like that one a first date.  That is someone with intent and purpose to specifically ask you to go have sex.  However, because of men's great need for sex (an idea taught by GCC pastors) I think men somehow end up getting a pass because "their desire is so strong" and they receive empathy  Or something like that.  I mean, Mark Darling was enabled by all of his co-pastors to be sexually deviant in ministry. 

At any rate I'm sorry this was the kind of community you encountered.  I'm sorry that you were used by someone who put up a good front for most of the church, presented himself as trustworthy, and then tried to engage you in sex on the first date. 

A few of your words really jumped out at me--referring to numbness and like watching yourself in a movie when he first initiated sex with you.  This sounds like dissociation and along with you saying that you've let guys use you, I wonder if there's been some abuse or trauma in your past that could be addressed with adequate therapy.  This is different than a church just trying to keep you away from sexual sin--what you describe sounds deeper than that. Therapy, along with spiritual support from a healthy church if you so choose, could lead you to deeper healing.