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Author Topic: The health of pastors wives?  (Read 8984 times)
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« on: December 11, 2007, 02:14:44 pm »

I have been reading the site on and off for months.  Always find something I could add, but never do.  I was there way too long (17 years) and know way more than anyone should ever know.  My extended family has been ruined in the name of Jesus(when you are involved in GC you have a new family that is more important).  Anyway, on with my question...I am not sure if this topic has been discussed, so sorry if it has.  It seems that the pastors wives at ECC were depressed and not very physically healthy, is this typical of all GC churches around the counrty?  I know when I was there more than one pastor took a leave because of his wife.  Just really curious about this!
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AgathaL'Orange
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« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2007, 09:13:12 pm »

The wives I knew were pretty stressed, and I know WHY!  They worked so hard, focused on everyone but themselves, got up early, homeschooled, served at the church constantly, and had many retreats and conferences, went to bed late... and raised the kids a LOT by themselves!  Not to mention mentoring, not having a lot of money, living under the GC pressure.... it makes me tired to even think of it!

Given the groups mentality about mental "issues," I suspect that many lived in quiet desperation.
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boboso
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« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2007, 09:50:22 pm »

Sadly, I think I saw more of the same from our experience. The "leadership" wives appeared to be worn out at the very least, and depressed at the worst. On a few of them that cannot hide their feelings as well, a look of desperation.
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Captain Bible
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« Reply #3 on: May 04, 2011, 12:20:20 am »

Looking back on child hood I can see in retrospect how depressed my mother was. Her stress level was so high: home schooling a mess of children, having to spank children every day, Cook all those meals. I remember lots of times where she would leave the evening meal crying after a long hard day... at those times my dad would look detached in a zombie like state staring into space, (he had that look a lot, still does.) There was no support structure for my mom and I am so sorry for what she had to go through.

It is a little bit frightening still when I happen to hear her talk with a church friend, the conversations are so caned and fake. I think to myself, "Come on! you are adults way older than me. Can't you admit to each other that you are not friends." Just two pastors wives laughing together... I could be wrong of course, I often am. listening to those conversations now is like listening to an old language that I have not used in a while, perhaps I am a little rusty on it. I don't speak my GC that well these days. Cheesy
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"When you divide the land by lot as an inheritance, you must set aside a donation to the Lord, a holy portion of the land, eight and one-third miles long and six and two-thirds miles wide. This entire tract of land will be holy." Ezekiel 45: 1
Captain Bible
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« Reply #4 on: May 04, 2011, 12:43:45 am »

Looking back on child hood I can see in retrospect how depressed my mother was. Her stress level was so high: home schooling a mess of children, having to spank children every day, Cook all those meals. I remember lots of times where she would leave the evening meal crying after a long hard day... at those times my dad would look detached in a zombie like state staring into space, (he had that look a lot, still does.) There was no support structure for my mom and I am so sorry for what she had to go through.


To clarify and yet try to stay obscure....

I know my parents love each other. There is something very wonderful between them deep down in their relationship. I think they are both victims of their church culture. My dad did support mom on the whole, I think the GC relationship rules for how to love each other just muddied the waters. I think I know my parents but they have these alter egos that they are feeding. Maybe that is what the leather jackets are about..... 

Rant: Thank you Mark D. for soiling the leather jacket forever! My parents are not leather jacket people, they don't like motorcycles! It just makes me want to scream sometimes... AHHHHH
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"When you divide the land by lot as an inheritance, you must set aside a donation to the Lord, a holy portion of the land, eight and one-third miles long and six and two-thirds miles wide. This entire tract of land will be holy." Ezekiel 45: 1
Linda
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« Reply #5 on: May 05, 2011, 01:19:51 pm »

Quote from: Captain Bible
I know my parents love each other. There is something very wonderful between them deep down in their relationship. I think they are both victims of their church culture. My dad did support mom on the whole, I think the GC relationship rules for how to love each other just muddied the waters.
I think you have hit the nail on the head. I see GC leaders as being victims of their church culture, as well.

The church can become an idol. When people commit to a church, they are committing to an idol. When people come to Christ, they become part of the Church automatically. They don't need to commit to the church. They need to commit to Christ--whose yoke is easy and whose burden is light.

I don't think GC leaders are bad people. I have always thought that early in their history, when they were young college men, they bought into some flawed thinking that sounded good at the time. They were deceived.

You obviously love your parents very much. Thanks for posting.
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G_Prince
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« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2011, 09:38:34 pm »

Looking back on child hood I can see in retrospect how depressed my mother was. Her stress level was so high: home schooling a mess of children, having to spank children every day, Cook all those meals. I remember lots of times where she would leave the evening meal crying after a long hard day... at those times my dad would look detached in a zombie like state staring into space, (he had that look a lot, still does.) There was no support structure for my mom and I am so sorry for what she had to go through.


To clarify and yet try to stay obscure....

I know my parents love each other. There is something very wonderful between them deep down in their relationship. I think they are both victims of their church culture. My dad did support mom on the whole, I think the GC relationship rules for how to love each other just muddied the waters. I think I know my parents but they have these alter egos that they are feeding. Maybe that is what the leather jackets are about..... 

Rant: Thank you Mark D. for soiling the leather jacket forever! My parents are not leather jacket people, they don't like motorcycles! It just makes me want to scream sometimes... AHHHHH

Captain
 
That's interesting what you say about the "alter egos." That has also been my experience with my parents. Now that I am not in GCx and have little interest in the Church doings, I've had to engage them on a different level. It's been really interesting to see the non-GCx persona come out. Frankly, I hardly ever saw this side of my parents growing up; childhood was a like a big theater where everyone played a part and stuck to a church fabricated script. What a way to grow up!   
 
I also don't think they enjoy their GCx roles very much. My guess is that when you first encounter this kind of indoctrination the rampant idealism that comes with it smooths out all the unpleasantness of becoming someone else. Then after a few years you begin to wear this persona as a martyrs badge...hence all the "sighs" and small group meetings packed with struggles, worries, and challenges. The key of course is to "chin up" and remain positive even in the face of crushing depression. If you let your optimism slip the whole persona might shatter. Once you've worn this persona for 10+ years you begin to fear change. "What if this whole life...this personality I've played forever is actually just a fabrication or reality?" That fear alone is enough to keep many people playing the game and executing their roles flawlessly. 
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Here's an easy way to find out if you're in a cult. If you find yourself asking the question, "am I in a cult?" the answer is yes. -Stephen Colbert
Captain Bible
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« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2011, 05:36:14 am »

Dear GC Moms,

I admire your sacrifice and hard work, your love for your children and your steadfast desire, like mothers everywhere, to see them succeed. I always tell my mom to do something relaxing and self indulgent today, Like going out to a park if the weathers nice. I know my mom lives a fast paced stressful life and I am always hoping she can find time to sit back and smell the new blossoms of the apple or Bradford pear trees. Planting flowers is hard work, let your children do it for you and sit back and sip some Ice tea. Above all, have a happy mothers day.

yours truly, C. B.
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"When you divide the land by lot as an inheritance, you must set aside a donation to the Lord, a holy portion of the land, eight and one-third miles long and six and two-thirds miles wide. This entire tract of land will be holy." Ezekiel 45: 1
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