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Author Topic: Who Knew Pastor's Should Determine The "Right" Tone For Our Voices???  (Read 6933 times)
Scout
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« on: September 03, 2016, 07:53:37 am »

As a member of a pastor's inner circle we were told by him that we should talk like his wife, right down to voice inflection, tone, etc.  This was not presented as a suggestion (even that would have been strange though) but that his wife speaks the "right" way.  Since we left, when our kids watch old home videos they are always like, "Mom, seriously you sound so weird".  As we're watching them, I am so mortified.  Who the heck cares about the tone, pitch of a person's voice?  What does it have to do with God anyways, except He created our voices.  A friend of mine, who also made it to this pastor's inner circle, and I have cringed over this. 

This pastor seemed to always need people to be alike (dress, voice, beliefs, etc.) and he was the one that chose what that would look like.  One time I came to his door, his very young daughter answered and said, "Oh good, you're dressing like my Mom now."  Out of mouths of babes...
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Linda
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« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2016, 07:59:48 am »

Wow. I had no idea.
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Janet Easson Martin
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« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2016, 08:43:51 pm »

How degrading!  Treating the people supposedly in his care with contempt.  The same old "not good enough yet" message from GCx.  Too many of those leaders felt so entitled to be haughty.  I know how depressing that can be living to act and think like someone else and not be free to be yourself.  That was a bondage of GCx so hideous and cruel.  It's pressure is similar to the The Stepford Wives "syndrome", as some have rightly said on here.

Unfortunately, I have a good idea of what you experienced.  I remember being rebuked for how I answered the phone. I also was instructed to change my intonation.  I was in one of the GCx churches where nearly all the women, single or married were trying to copy the tone of this one "leading sister" who also was one of the elders' wives.  Then, a group of us single woman received a weekend of teaching on God wanting us to change our personality! Now, sinful nature I understand, but PERSONALITY ? - that's about the only thing you have left that makes you an individual in GCx.  Made one kind of paranoid that yours wasn't good enough.

I've also mentioned on here that one sister was rebuked about her tone of voice when she prayed - it was too monotone, they said.  There were teachings that implied you were growing or successfully being discipled if you talked or acted more and more like your "discipler".  They twisted the 'imitate me as I imitate Christ' scripture. So I am all too familiar with all that GCx humility whitewashing.  It's all about appearance and image.  It didn't really matter if the person felt alone or dead inside.  Unhappiness would ruin their image.  

Once a leader had a nervous breakdown and they literally held him up by his armpits and publically rebuked and humiliated him.  There were about 500 people present for that "tar and feathering".  I'm pretty confident this was a scare tactic of how GCx dealt with people who couldn't fake their joy anymore.  Another girl had to be admitted to a mental health ward because of a very condemning rebuke she received.  She just disappeared. No one even publicly asked for prayer for her. Lots of sheep ravaged to keep some wolves fed.

Rebuke seems to be a slapping stick in the hand of GCx leaders to intimidate and maintain authority.  However, it is the opposite of how Jesus instructs leaders and elders to practice and demonstrate authority.  Paul tells us that False Teachers tear their people down to build themselves up, (which he also compares to wolves who tear up and feed on sheep).  A VERY GOOD analogy of this type of abuse is depicted in the movie,The Village, with William Hurt and Sigourney Weaver.
« Last Edit: September 14, 2016, 12:21:36 pm by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

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margaret
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« Reply #3 on: September 06, 2016, 07:11:09 am »

This is disgusting. I'm sorry you were a part of that, Scout.

And geez, the fact that the daughter greeted you that way--Brilliant Parenting 101 in effect. Talk about all the members of your flock in front of your small children.

That was more extreme than our local group.  wow.
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swampwitch
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« Reply #4 on: September 07, 2016, 05:31:49 am »

Scout, that certainly sounds familiar. I was with the group in the '70s, and I used to run. I would run around and around the track, sometimes doing most of the last lap doubled over. I ran until I could leave the loneliness and pain on the track, and my husband  (now ex) didn't mind.

But one of his co-elders minded. He and one of the sisters really did not like me, and made it very clear to me. I could not find out what their grievance was, and it greatly intensified my loneliness and feelings of guilt and inadequacy. It was even worse than the total indifference to me exhibited by the other "saints'".

So this elder (in his early twenties) rebuked me for running, saying the other godly sisters did not run, and questioning whether that was "God's best" use of my time. There was nothing said about his being totally out of line to bypass my husband. I kept running, too. If I hadn't, I probably would not have stayed so long.
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MidnightRider
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« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2018, 08:10:03 pm »

When you are trying to reach the world with the gospel in your generation, you canít spend a lot of time on stragglers.
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AgathaL'Orange
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« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2018, 11:14:22 pm »

I always thought it was just a coincidence that some of the women shared a sort of girlish intonation

Come to find out it was intentional?  Yikes!
« Last Edit: March 17, 2018, 05:51:21 pm by AgathaL'Orange » Logged

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blonde
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« Reply #7 on: February 13, 2018, 11:24:04 pm »

Ken Johnson was in our family's small group in Minneapolis for over a year. He was in it prior to his "pastorship." Once he became an official church leader, he dropped out of the small group, stop co-leading it, and started dressing and talking like Mark Darling. I still recall being in the 108th Street building when Mark announced it. Ken did not even tell us in the small group.  It was a surprise to us all.  This was so strange to me, but after what Scout said, this makes so much more sense!

I respected Ken Johnson until he became a pastor. Ironically, over the years, Ken Johnson started become back to himself. He was an engineer trained out of ISU. Iowa State University.

What really is sad what Scout said, what the young Darling said to her..."Oh good, you're dressing like my Mom now."

The more I hear about these stories, Evergreen and GCx is a religious cult. Dress like me, talk like me. Think like me.

-Blonde
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AgathaL'Orange
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« Reply #8 on: February 14, 2018, 08:19:09 pm »

Wait,whaaaaaat?Huh?

« Last Edit: March 17, 2018, 05:52:03 pm by AgathaL'Orange » Logged

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iamnotafraid
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« Reply #9 on: March 08, 2018, 06:43:19 pm »

As a member of a pastor's inner circle we were told by him that we should talk like his wife, right down to voice inflection, tone, etc.  This was not presented as a suggestion (even that would have been strange though) but that his wife speaks the "right" way.  Since we left, when our kids watch old home videos they are always like, "Mom, seriously you sound so weird".  As we're watching them, I am so mortified.  Who the heck cares about the tone, pitch of a person's voice?  What does it have to do with God anyways, except He created our voices.  A friend of mine, who also made it to this pastor's inner circle, and I have cringed over this. 

This pastor seemed to always need people to be alike (dress, voice, beliefs, etc.) and he was the one that chose what that would look like.  One time I came to his door, his very young daughter answered and said, "Oh good, you're dressing like my Mom now."  Out of mouths of babes...

Scout, were you close friends with this pastors wife?  If that were me I would say, "um...no, I'm not going to do that?"  Were you not able to speak for yourself?  Was this Mark D?  It sounds like something he might say as a joke.  We've heard him make very obvious jokes about dress.  Could you have possibly misunderstood.  Unfortunately the comment about the daughter is a little far fetched. 
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