(Church) family first

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

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[Rebekah]

Calgal's mentioned a couple of times that her ex-husband was married to the church. That got me thinking about my own GC connections and how they seem to be more strongly tied to the church than to their own blood.

In my non-GC family, when a family member comes home who lives far away, everyone drops everything. Life does not go on as normal.

But with the GC connections, they rarely skip anything to spend time with family they don't see very often. They still go to their prayer meetings, small group meetings, band practices, conferences, etc. At first, I was surprised and hurt by their lack-of-dropping-everything, but now I expect it. Church is first; family second. I get it now.

Is this normal in GC families?

[AgathaL'Orange]

I found it in the frequent retreats the men took away from their families, the late night and early morning prayer meetings, the frequent evening meetings, and the general time away from family.  Now, most families spent tons of time together and also brought their families when they could.  But for most of the leadership/men's meetings, I definitely felt that our family was not supported like it should have been.  

Then again, the first time I heard Dr. Livingstone had left his wife and children for long periods, I was horrified.  Also mission boarding schools make me sad.  I know that's the way it was often done, but that doesn't mean I have to like it or think it's good.  I'm not going to sacrifice my family for the sake of anything.  I don't believe God requires it, in fact, to me scripture is pretty clear that if you want to be married and have a family, you probably aren't going to be as involved in church life as you could be if you were single.

For me, family life is the life God gave me to help me in growing as a Christian.  It's my own monastery.  My own battle and mission.  It's where I am learning to be a grownup and learning patience, love, and humility.  I have a long ways to go.

My husband is about as involved a father as you can imagine, and the time away was sheer torture for both of us and caused many tears.  We were such fools to ignore that!  Thank goodness it's different for us now.

Here's a wiki quote about Dr. Livingstone

While Livingstone had a great impact on British Imperialism, he did so at a tremendous cost to his family. In his absences, his children grew up fatherless, and his wife Mary (daughter of Mary and Robert Moffat) eventually became an alcoholic and died of malaria trying to follow him in Africa. He had six children: Robert reportedly died in the American Civil War[21]; Agnes, Thomas, Elizabeth (who died two months after her birth), William (nicknamed Zouga for the river along which he was born) and Anna Mary. His one regret in later life was that he did not spend enough time with his children.[

[puff of purple smoke]

My GC church really hammered home the idea that they were your "spiritual family" and diminished the importance of your regular family. I was in a college/singles small group, and I know of several people whose relationships with their parents were damaged while they grew closer to their GC church. Here are some of my memories:

• I was on a multi-small group camping trip, and I recall listening to a female college small group leader, in tears, telling us about how her family "doesn't understand" why when she goes home for Christmas she needs to make so many phone calls to her GC friends. The way she explained it was with such desperation.. she NEEDED her GC "family" so badly that she couldn't bear to be away from them even over the holidays with her real family.
• Another friend's ties with her parents gradually diminished the longer she was in GC, and she told me she only recognized how badly after she had left the group. I think many people in GC don't realize what's happened to their relationships outside of the group.
• Family were also discussed in college small groups sometimes, but almost always this was in a negative light or in a "we pity them" tone. One of my small group leaders was often criticizing his parents in group, even though they were Christian and had raised him Christian! The problem for him was that they weren't in GC and so I guess that meant they weren't "serious" Christians. I challenged him on this but I don't think he really listened to me.

In regards to ignoring your own family after married, GC (specifically Mark Darling) acknowledges and attempts to justify this behavior openly in a tape that was listened to by my GC men's group. The verse he uses is Corinthians 7:29: But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none. Like everything in GC, it's designed around the idea that "we need to save the world in this generation and we don't have time to stop and worry about our families, our critics, seminary, doctrinal studies, college education.. we just need to save the world now." There's no time to stop and worry about blood family when you're saving the world with your spiritual family.

[calgal]

Oh, I've been told about that verse so many times (as if you had none...) by my ex and told to sacrafice. 

All the time, while I savored in secret my time with three sweet little boys, indoctrinating them in the ways of love, tolerance, kindness, godliness, gentleness, critical thinking .... reading books under the willow trees ... kissing their boo-boos ... answering their questions (or refusing and demanding they find the answers in the dictionary!) ... or asking them to write a proposal in response to a disagreement with a brother ... praying for them as I prepared their noontime meal, washing an organic vegatable.

These were grains of sand in a master clock ... which I cherish each one and wouldn't trade for a church meeting ... unless the boys were with me.  God gave these boys to me for a reason.  And there is a reason we are all so close now.  We 'see' each other ... it is not that difficult to make a family work but for some reason, GC can't get it right!!! And they have the be beautiful bible at their disposal!

However, if you are constantly exiting the door, distracted by "other" priorities, kids get this ... and wives too.

So, yes, most of these husbands (and maybe some GC wives play into this martrydom) are married to the church and the church 'kids.'

So there .... good night.


Calgal