Cycle of Regret

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[AgathaL'Orange]

I noticed recently that I kind of went through another cycle of regret (my own term!) about GCM.  I have been feeling really sad about all of the time I devoted to the group while neglecting time at home with my husband and children.  I know my husband regrets the time lost as well.

I thought that I was completely over it, but it came back again.  

I think what triggered it is the awareness that my children are getting older, and that those years will never come back.  

I think it is absolutely heartbreaking to think of all the husbands neglecting wives and children for the sake of attending numerous meetings, retreats, and service to the group.  They aren't even aware of it and seem to think that God's will for their lives is to give up some of the earthly joy of spending lots and lots and lots of quality time with family.

Does anyone else ever feel this way about their GCM days?  Do you find that just when you think that you are through feeling bad about it that it sort of crops up for you to deal with again?

In my old GCM days, if something came up emotionally, I would think that I wasn't entrusting it to God enough.  But now I believe that it is natural to have some cycles in your life where you have to sort of lay things to rest again... even things that you thought were gone.

[MamaD]

Last weekend, our family pulled out some old (pre-GCM) videos. One thing that struck me was how orderly our house was.

When we got involved in our GCM church, we had something going on all but 4 or 5 weekday evenings a month. When you are not at home in the evenings and are homeschooling during the day, papers mound up, laundry mounds up, things don't get put away, there is no time to visit with the neighbors, or the grandparents, play with the kids, read a book, or just sit and think deep or not so deep thoughts. It's like a roller coaster that is moving, but you can't control.

I have also been going through a "cycle of regret". Interesting phrase. For me, taking back my life is cleaning my house and life of all the accumulated clutter.

De-com is helping with the emotional clutter. Glad trash bags are helping with the rest!

[AgathaL'Orange]

This topic came up in my mind again recently.  I found that the regret was less "severe" and more of a "happy I'm out" thing.  I recently spent some time with some dear friends from our early GC days and while speaking with them was filled with joy that they are out and we are out.  What freedom we can all experience!  I love that I can get to know all kinds of people.  I love community involvement.  I love doing "nothing" but just being with my family sometimes.  I love my life now.  I rarely feel hopelessness or depression or "not good enough".  When it does come up, I have good strategies for combatting those thoughts.  Therapy has been a refreshing time.  My therapist recently reminded me of how Jesus pulled away from the crowds and asked for the disciples to "keep everyone away".  How had I missed these messages of setting healthy boundaries (even by Jesus who died for us).  Rest and recuperation fits into the Christian world.  God set up the Sabbath for rest.  How did we miss this all those years?

I love freedom and joy and as I look ahead to lent and this time of reflection, I think I'll post a daily thought or two and welcome you all to do the same.  I'll start a new thread.

Peace, love, and light to you my friends.