My heart goes out to you all for the pain you have suffered under the name of "God." That is so unfortunate and sad. As a former leader myself and one who homeschooled his children I have found how church movements and spin-offs (such as some parts of the homeschooling movement) attract "Black and White" thinkers that insist on their view of their box world. Take for example those who believe Halloween is evil because of its origins and those who think it is Okay because that is not the intended purpose. There are many examples like these ad nauseum.
My wife and I have talked about some of these aspects and we tend to think that many Christians do not have the ability to see, respect, and not shame other Christians having different paradigms and perspectives. This is not to say that truth should be sacrificed but there is no need to shame or act superior. That is narcissism... which takes me to the next point.
Often, Christians hide behind, choose, twist theology to fit their particular brand of extreme narcissism. Then they proceed to pontificate and beat others up in the name of Christ. How unloving and repulsive... but most of us at some point of our adolescent immaturity have do that at some time. Hopefully the love and patience of God has awakened us from our stupidity.
After years working as a church planter and pastor and some devastating events, I made my way back to getting a new life. I went into the field of counseling professionally. In the process I was able to examine some of the dynamics I mentioned and have written some on the subject of how extreme narcissist work. If you don't mind I would like to share those links in case you might recognize a spouse, friend, leader, boss, or other that fits the bill. When you can understand what is going on you can protect and avoid great harm. God bless all of you.
Links:
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/03/29/narcissists-who-cry-the-other-side-of-the-ego/I just wrote this one on the kinds of leader narcissists you find in ministry/church:
http://www.faithwriters.com/article-details.php?id=123961Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D.
http://www.DrSam.tv 
