I need help with my daughter, a new GC* attendee

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[ConcernedFather]

Advice in helping removing a daughter from a GC* church.
Please excuse the typos, etc. I am sending this post from a mobile device from the FW conference.
My daughter is a college freshman. She was raised in our Evangelical, Bible-beleiving home and attended a wonderful Bible-believing, non-denominational Christian school.
This fall she began attending a GC* house church plant.
I regret that I did not do my homework and it was only here at FW that I realized that "the movement" is a TACO.
I need help and advice. My fervent daughter loves her new-found friends. How do I lovingly and with as little pain as possible help her understand the nature of the organization?
A Concerned Father

[EverAStudent]

Dear concernedfather,

First, welcome to the forum.
Second, I am sorry your daughter has become involved.
Third, good for you for going to the FW conference and checking it out for yourself!
Fourth, spelling does not count on online forums.
Fifth, there are other threads on this forum from parents who have asked exactly this same question.  Scanning through those will give you some help while you wait for the other posters on this forum to respond directly.

Some possible courses of action:

• since GC is big on obeying authority, directly order your daughter to disassociate with GC (there is a risk of rebellion and being cut-off)
• go to the thread that asks "what is your list of problems with GC" and print it out and give it to her to read for herself
• go to GCXWEB site and view the video by the denomination's founder, Jim McCotter, as he advocates all the males in the group to become modern day apostles and prophets--the man and his doctrines were really outrageous by the time he quit his own movement
• find the "apology" letter from GC leadership and read it--virtually all the abuses they admit to in the letter have continued to this day
  

 
You have my prayers.

[EverAStudent]

Here is a thread started by another concerned parent seeking advice: http://forum.gcmwarning.com/hellos-and-testimonies/advise-needed-on-convincing-my-child-to-get-out/

This thread lists some of the problems some folks have had with GCx: http://forum.gcmwarning.com/general-discussion/what's-your-list/

[Linda]

Concernedfather,

I think it is great that you attended the conference with your daughter. You now have first hand knowledge of the teaching and perhaps some of the things that troubled you, also bothered your daughter. I'm curious, as a "newcomer" to Great Commission and FW, what about the conference teaching did you find most alarming?

GC is a shepherding movement. My husband and I had been Christians for many years (60 years combined), were heavily involved in our church, and yet didn't catch on to this until our 8th year there. There is a lot about the organization that is kept hidden from most attenders.

Here is a link to an article that explains more about the shepherding movement.

http://gcxweb.org/Misc/LarryPile-OtherSideOfDiscipleship.aspx

[ConcernedFather]

Well, we just returned from the FW conference.

The remainder of this post has been removed. My post was composed in heat of the moment, and I fear that it may seem unloving.

I have forwarded the post to Linda as a private message. Perhaps I will post it with some modifications publically after more prayer and reflection.

When the spiritual health of your child is threatened, it is easy to get "worked up." Thanks for understanding.

[Rebekah]

Good for you to get worked up! Your daughter is somebody to get worked up about. The way these churches hurt kids and families is something to get worked up about. Most of us have spent a lot of time (usually before we left and even after) trying to be "loving" and "forgiving" but what we were really doing is keeping silent so we wouldn't rock the boat (maybe I'm only speaking for myself here).

What's going on in some of these churches shouldn't be protected, and it's ok to be angry about that here (and in general).

A lot of us have said over and over: The people usually have good motives. They think they're doing the right thing (which is actually pretty frightening that they think that). It's not all bad all the time. But the things that are bad are pretty serious and deserve some anger--especially when it's your daughter!

So, good for you! Fight for her.

[nelliepooh]

I began attending a GC church in college and the thing i noticed was that the people in her peer group at school will make it very hard for her to leave the group and still feel connected as a friend.  After i left the group i heard very little from my old friends.   They tend to do everything together and you have to be either in the club or out so to speak.  My recommendation is first to see how your daughter feels about the things she is being taught by her church and discuss with her your concerns about what you heard from them at FW.  My bet is that she may have things to say to back up what ever the leaders are saying.  If you out right tell her to get out it will probably not be the best route to go because it will either draw her deeper into the church and hurt your relationship with her, but not doing anything may lead to the same situation.  Talking out your concerns with her will hopefully make her realize that your feelings about the church are justified and hopefully will help her question what she is being taught.  Also it may be hard for her to find another source of Christian support at college as GCM is a major college campus ministry, so encourage her to seek out other churches in the area and find a wide group of believers. 
hope this helps.

[Rebekah]

Yes, I agree with nelliepooh. As you probably heard, they're not afraid to divide parents and children in the name of their cause. It sounds like you have a good relationship with her, so she'll probably take your concerns seriously. You know your daughter and what she's most likely to listen to.

The one good thing is that it seems like people who get sucked in the deepest are those who were either saved in the church or born into it because they don't have anything else to compare it to. It's a lot harder to believe "we're the best; this is the only godly way to live" when you've seen other godly people living their lives differently in other churches.

It is possible to be in the church and not go in for all the craziness, but it's not a comfortable position to be in. If she sticks around long enough, she might notice that the friends she's made probably aren't the kind of friends she's used to having. They probably won't call just to talk or get together just for fun (unless it's a planned social night with the group). If there is one-on-one time with a new, close friend, it's likely to be an accountability meeting or something with a "purpose." She might notice that she starts to feel more like a project or a notch on someone's leadership belt than a true friend.

Plus, if she doesn't show the kind of fruit they want to see, they'll be encouraged to spend their time with someone with more GC potential.

At least, that's what it was like for me. I did truly like a lot of the people I met and wanted authentic, close relationships with them like I'd had in my high school youth group. But I could never get beyond the "project-ness" of the friendships, and since I could never buy in the way they had or get in deep enough, it never went very far.