Netflix finally is able to send out Join Us. I've been waiting for over a year! So last night I watched it. Here are a few of my impressions:
1. I'm sad that Paul Martin is no longer with us.
2. I thought it was interesting how the cult leader made the followers do what he said, but when they followed it to their detriment, he distanced himself from their teaching and blamed the followers. I find this all the time in hyperfundamentalism, GC being no exception. There is a LAW laid down, take for example SWERVER. They say it's not a law out of one side of their mouth. Then you follow the law, insist on the law, etc. Then if it doesn't work, well then, there are exceptions to that law. We didn't REALLY mean that you had to follow what we were saying. (But if you don't you will not be getting God's Best). I think this is called Crazy Making Behavior. We say this, we mean this, this doesn't work, well that's not what we really meant or you applied it wrong, or you did something wrong, it's not our fault.
3. It was so triggering to me, that I'm going to be talking about this at my next counseling session.
4. Paul Martin said (paraphrasing) that kids who are made to obey to the extreme without question or thought ever, are ripe for the picking to join cults. I certainly found that to be the case for me. Even in counseling, my counselor has noticed that I'm asking what to do. She won't give me any advice now!
She wants me to stand on my own two feet and talk it out and reflectively and prayerfully enter my future. I do find myself constantly asking for advice and input. SOMEONE tell me what to do. I want SOMEONE to follow, while at the same time I struggle with following. It's almost like I need someone so extreme so I can fight against them and win. Life isn't that cut and dried I don't think. We'd like there to be an easy formula, but I don't think that there is. (I don't know, talk to me in a year, hahahahaha)
5. I believe GC and other extreme fundamentalist churches are damaging to people's lives. I don't know why it seems they damage some and not others though. Why do I feel so broken up about my involvement, my application of the GC way, and yet still my inability to give my whole self over?
