Parenting at GCC churches

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

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[Janet Easson Martin]

Sounds like good news, JFP. 

I agree that abuse can often be cloaked in acceptable language [or doctrine even].

[Vince Capobianco]

Blaming others for your misshandling of your children is so weak.  Stop doing that.  You were mature enough to make a baby.  Raise it properly.

[Huldah]

And if you're not sure how to do that, Jim McCotter can teach you how to leave them black and blue to clean the evil out of them. Vince can hook you right up with Jim.

Footnote #8: Sherry Ricchiardi (1978-11-26). "McCotter explains views, finances of Bible group". Des Moines Sunday Register. "McCotter's sermons often are tape recorded and sold at the THEOS owned bookstore. The theories in one tape dealing with child rearing practices drew criticism from ISU child development professor Sedahlia Crase. Crase says, "A student asked me to invite McCotter to speak to the class because she felt I wasn’t presenting the Christian perspective on child-rearing. The student said McCotter was a nationally known authority on children, but I had never heard of him. That's when I learned of the tape. I was shocked when I heard it. He actually advocates bruising children." Part of the taped sermon was based on Proverbs 20:30, which McCotter translates as, "Blows that wound cleanse away evil; strokes make clean the innermost parts." On the tape, McCotter says, "When you discipline, this verse indicates, as others do, that you want to do it so it wounds. Now, when you say 'wounds,' it doesn't mean that you have a bloody mess on your hands necessarily. It doesn’t mean that you have a child 'wounding' like he has a broken leg." McCotter added in his taped sermon that this means you have been severe enough that the child's attitude at that point has been reversed. "And he may, and often will be, black and blue", McCotter continued. "My children have been many times. And it cleans evil from them.""

[Linda]

But it doesn’t NECESSARILY mean you will have a bloody mess on your hands. Maybe you will and maybe you won’t...leaving them black and blue should be sufficient to cleanse the evil out of them...

THIS IS CHILD ABUSE.

And if you're not sure how to do that, Jim McCotter can teach you how to leave them black and blue to clean the evil out of them. Vince can hook you right up with Jim.

Footnote #8: Sherry Ricchiardi (1978-11-26). "McCotter explains views, finances of Bible group". Des Moines Sunday Register. "McCotter's sermons often are tape recorded and sold at the THEOS owned bookstore. The theories in one tape dealing with child rearing practices drew criticism from ISU child development professor Sedahlia Crase. Crase says, "A student asked me to invite McCotter to speak to the class because she felt I wasn’t presenting the Christian perspective on child-rearing. The student said McCotter was a nationally known authority on children, but I had never heard of him. That's when I learned of the tape. I was shocked when I heard it. He actually advocates bruising children." Part of the taped sermon was based on Proverbs 20:30, which McCotter translates as, "Blows that wound cleanse away evil; strokes make clean the innermost parts." On the tape, McCotter says, "When you discipline, this verse indicates, as others do, that you want to do it so it wounds. Now, when you say 'wounds,' it doesn't mean that you have a bloody mess on your hands necessarily. It doesn’t mean that you have a child 'wounding' like he has a broken leg." McCotter added in his taped sermon that this means you have been severe enough that the child's attitude at that point has been reversed. "And he may, and often will be, black and blue", McCotter continued. "My children have been many times. And it cleans evil from them.""

[Vince Capobianco]

Cowardly and unrighteous gossip and slander, along with reviling.  Clean it up, girls.  Ask Jim all the questions you want tomorrow, and prove your statements about Jim's teachings are accurate! 

[Linda]

😂😂😂

Us gals, are getting on your nerves, I see.

I stand by my words. Leaving a child black and blue is child abuse.

End of story.

[Huldah]

If you or Jim think the Wikipedia citation is inaccurate, go remove it. Anyone can edit Wikipedia.

[PietWowo]

I hope the court made the right decision for your kids. Spanking a kid for refusing to eat fish seems like a travesty of the whole idea of discipline.

The non-GC church I was part of when my kids were small put a huge emphasis on the importance of spanking. Looking back all these years later, I see the damage we did, and I wonder how I could have been so misled. I won't go so far as to say that all spanking is wrong, but I'm no longer confident that the verses used in support of it are correctly translated or interpreted.

I hope your kids are doing well.

Of course that would beg the question "How would you interpret those verses?"

[Vince Capobianco]

Jim is answering GCI questions right now live!

https://www.facebook.com/JimMcCotterLIVE

[Janet Easson Martin]

The above post of advertisement for McCotter does not represent or support the vast majority of former members of GCx for whom this site was created. 


Be wary of false preachers who smile a lot, dripping with practiced sincerity. Chances are they are out to rip you off some way or other. Don’t be impressed with charisma; look for character. Who preachers are is the main thing, not what they say. A genuine leader will never exploit your emotions or your pocketbook. These diseased trees with their bad apples are going to be chopped down and burned.

“Knowing the correct password—saying ‘Master, Master,’ for instance—isn’t going to get you anywhere with me. What is required is serious obedience—doing what my Father wills. I can see it now—at the Final Judgment thousands strutting up to me and saying, ‘Master, we preached the Message, we bashed the demons, our God-sponsored projects had everyone talking.’ And do you know what I am going to say? ‘You missed the boat. All you did was use me to make yourselves important. You don’t impress me one bit. You’re out of here.’  

Matthew 7:15-23     The Message (MSG)

[Huldah]

Jim McCotter wasn't alone in recommending harsh disciplinary methods. In the 70s through the 90s there were a number of evangelicals who raised spanking practically to the level of a sacrament. James Dobson, Gary Ezzo, and Michael Pearl are a few of the names that come to mind.

However, there's a school of thought that says that spanking, as practiced in modern evangelical circles, is never mentioned in the Bible. In this view, physical punishment was for older male children (teens) who were engaged in behavior that could ruin their own lives or the lives of people around them. The Hebrew words translated many times as "child" may actually have meant "adolescent" or "young man". (A similar translation error was made concerning the so-called "little children" who were mauled by bears after taunting Elisha.) According to this interpretation, there is no example of the word for a young child being used in connection with corporal punishment.

I don't know Hebrew, so I can't say whether any of this is correct or not. I just found the idea extremely thought-provoking. I wish I had heard it in my parenting days when my own kids were little.

It also shows how important it is for pastors and teachers to either have some formal training in the original languages of the Bible, or at least to have access to materials that explain the original meanings. How terrible it is, if they taught people to "clean the evil from" their children and leave them black and blue all because of bad translations.

[Janet Easson Martin]

More than one adult child of GCx parents shared on this site how their ‘spiritually abusive’ training sadly set them up for further abuse including sexual abuse. A recently released movie titled, “An Amish Sin” (with Kellie Martin) recalls something similar and demonstrates the silencing of wounded children. They have little voice or escape. They may even feel little hope. This article I looked at today describes what “domestic spiritual abuse” looks like. I have included excepts from it below along with the link from The Gosoel Coalition.

So glad this is being highlighted as a hidden epidemic in the church today so that we can openly address this very harmful child-rearing methodology.

Sadly, some of these things were done by well-meaning but falsely-taught GCx parents whose children may have borne deep wounds. These things have been bravely revealed on this very site by adults who were the child victims. Let’s not call it by any other name but SPIRITUAL ABUSE when people are wrongfully wounded in the name of God. He can and will heal if the parents weep for their children and ask God to deeply heal them.



What Does It Look Like?

While every home and situation is unique, here are 15 signs that spiritual abuse may be taking place in your household. This list is certainly not exhaustive, but it’s a start.

You may be experiencing spiritual abuse by a spouse or parent if he or she is doing any of the following in the name of Christianity…


How does God view domestic spiritual abuse? He hates it. He hates all spiritual abuse. In Titus 1, Paul rebukes Jewish Christians who were teaching heresy for selfish gain (sounds a lot like spiritual abuse, doesn’t it?):

For there are many who are insubordinate, empty talkers and deceivers,
especially those of the circumcision party. They must be silenced,
since they are upsetting whole families by teaching for shameful gain
what they ought not to teach. . . . They profess to know God, but they deny him by their works.
They are detestable, disobedient, unfit for any good work.

(Titus 1:10–11,16)

God detests spiritual abuse.



A Hidden Epidemic God Hates - Steve Hoppe - The Gospel Coalition

https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/hidden-epidemic-god-hates/?amp

[Janet Easson Martin]

Damage and Repair

These excerpts below from the book, “Soul Repair” by Jeff VanVonderen and Dale & Juanita Ryan, seem to speak to the discussion above of McCotter’s guarantee of godly children in following his teachings and practices. Many GCx parents under the persuasion of fear of failing to accomplish this goal were persuaded by McCotter and many of his disciples to apply their methods.(Paragraph three of the excerpted portion below will sound quite familiar.)

It was rather ignorant and prematurely prideful for those GCx leaders to parade their strangely obedient young children among the members and proclaim that “the proof was in the pudding.” After all, most of them had yet to even be adolescents. They implied they were holier Christians and had superior parenting skills because they claimed their young kids behaved better than those outside GCx.

Little did some of us know it was because the cost of making noise in church or crying or other such interruptive behavior was way too painful a price to pay. (GCx were not the only Christians to practice such harsh measures.) Physical punishment was used for way more than outright rebellion. Very sadly, if I were married with children in GCx I could have fallen into the same pattern. Be sure God will hold those responsible who authoritatively taught such error and abuse.

What, of course, we all know by now is that it was parenting by the law without grace.

The essence of “Soul Repair” is a marvelous tool for understanding and healing from spiritual abuse by a group or parent. The principles presented are very good at explaining the vast lack of grace in those environments, and their hurtful and damaging results. I have personally found this concept of grace being restored to the believer results in a very refreshed relationship with God where joy becomes the propeller of a burden-less path of obedience. Grace produces true fruit. So, I pray it brings you the rest, hope and joy God definitely planned for you.



In the New Testament, Jesus reserves his strongest language for criticism of religious leaders whose spirituality is abusive. For example, in Matthew 23:27 Jesus describes the Pharisees as “whitewashed tombs.” This expression might seem like merely a picture of hypocrisy—being different on the outside than on the inside—but there is more to it than this. People at that time believed that if you touched a tomb you would be defiled. So Jesus is not only calling the Pharisees hypocrites; he is saying that if you fall under their influence, you could become spiritually harmed. …

The apostle Paul’s primary adversaries thought he put too much emphasis on grace. They tried to correct his teaching, explaining that the good news is not simply about what God has done but also what we need to do. … Spiritual abuse communicates the message that God does not love and accept us as we are, that we must work to earn God’s approval...

...that desire made us susceptible to people who said, “Hey, you want to know God’s agenda? Well, we know more about that than anybody else. We’ll tell you what God wants, and encourage you to work really hard to make it happen.” Then—very subtly and with good intentions—we began the game of trying to measure up. The belief that we must work for God’s approval immediately creates two problems. First, as soon as we begin to work for God’s approval, we begin to judge others. We work hard to get grace, and so we feel justified in condemning anyone not working as hard as we are working. Second, working to earn God’s grace usually means that we have to hide many unpleasant things about ourselves in order to measure up to expectations. ...

If we are caught in this abusive cycle, our relationship with God is probably distorted by shame, rejection and judgmentalism. ...

-Jeff VanVonderen and Dale & Juanita Ryan, “Soul Repair”




Link to Book:
https://www.amazon.com/Soul-Repair-Rebuilding-Your-Spiritual/dp/145963618X