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Author Topic: Pastors Wives Newsletter: June 2010 by Sandy Hopler  (Read 9492 times)
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« on: June 28, 2010, 12:48:01 pm »

Pastors Wives Newsletter
Volume 10, Number 6
June 2010
Dear Sisters,
 
This month, Thelma Clark writes on "teaching what is good." She reminds us that whatever phase of spiritual growth or phase of life we are in, we are going to influence others. Therefore we need to spend time in His Word with a heart ready to believe and obey God.  The woman who loves God's word is in a position to train younger women.

When I go to God's Word with a heart of faith, He can use me in a positive way in the advancement of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Occasionally a woman will say to me, "I'll never forget that time when you said to me...(fill in the blank)"--and I won't remember at all what I had said or when I had said it.  But at that time, I was led by the Spirit and He used me somehow in that sister's life.

So, let's learn from Thelma's encouragement to abide in the Word of God.  As we do, God will use us wherever we are to be a blessing to the people in our lives.

In His grace,

Sandy Hopler

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Teaching What is Good
Thelma Clark
Prairie View Community Church
Parker, CO

During high school, a man who had not personally played the sport our son loved, coached him in it. And while this man brought leadership and some good character qualities to the team, the players didn't benefit the way they would have had he personally gone through years of practice and games to acquire the skills necessary to win actual games. What a contrast to the plan God has for training women.

"Teach the older women to...be examples of the good life so that the younger women may learn to..." (Phillips) to be models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to..." (The Message).

When the Lord was taking hold of my heart and giving me a desire to influence others, I was taught that the emphasis of these verses was to teach by example. I realized that I needed to grow and become the person God wanted me to be by spending time in His Word with a heart to believe it and to obey. "THEN they can train/coach the younger women."

It helps me to think of this passage in outline form: "be...don't be...but be examples ...THEN you can train...." You can fill in the blanks with the text.

Being shown how to do something always makes something easier to learn than just being told how to do it. It's good for me to ask myself: Am I an example of living before Him everyday; of not gossiping; of loving my husband the way the Lord would want; of loving and training my children the way He intends; of...? It's definitely a life-long, on-going work.

Charles Swindoll tells of a group of men who were discussing their favorite translations of the Bible. Eventually the oldest man among them spoke up, "I liked my mother's translation best." When the other men asked if she really did write a translation, he answered, "Yes, she translated it into her everyday life. That's what brought me to faith." Example influences.

It's encouraging, though, that no matter how "old" we are in the Lord, He will use us as we walk with Him and let His Word impact our hearts. When we helped start the church in Ohio, I wasn't much older in any way except that I was one of the few who were married, and then later I had one, then two, then three of our children. Those were fun, but challenging days. I remember feeling pretty consumed with just learning how to train my children and manage a home, while staying involved with church activities and having people over. Yet sisters have said that God used me in their lives during that time. I can think, "Now what was I doing...juggling strollers and three little ones in and out of places, trying to talk with at least a few people?"

I didn't have a lot to teach, but as we spent time together I would just tell them what God was doing for me and how His Word was so living that it would speak right to my need: a neat promise that helped us endure a trial, or of some verses on anger that were affecting the way I spoke. It reminds me of Deuteronomy 6 where parents are told to imprint their children by telling them what God has put on their own hearts, and to do it continually as they live life together.

Morgan Thatcher spoke to our ladies group last week, and it was so encouraging for them to hear from someone going through the same things they are. The gals were challenged as Morgan gave examples of practical things she has recently struggled with as a wife and mother, and how the Lord has spoken to her through several verses that helped her make right choices.

As for passing on "what is good," there is nothing better than this desperateness to stay attached to God every day, hanging onto His Word for dear life. No matter what we go through, "God is GOOD" and He longs to strengthen us and to show us another aspect of His goodness that we've never known before. Every day there are reasons for women to be anxious; every day there is a need to freshly put hope in God. The result? Women whose inner selves are transformed into what He says have great worth: more gentled and quieted spirits (I Peter 3).

This past year, my daughter, who has five young children, discovered that she had melanoma. She went through weeks of tests, waiting, surgery, and dealing with fears. It was difficult to watch her endure the inner struggles known only to one's own heart, but when all was said and done (she's now cancer free-praise Him!), she had experienced a sweetness of the reality of God and His precious Word that she'd never experienced to that degree before. She would say that the Lord truly does walk through the fire WITH us, that "The nearness of God is my good."

The other "good thing" that I'd like to mention is the need to be an example of valuing what God values, calling "good" what He says is good-which includes the role He planned for us as wives and mothers. I need to be an example of wholeheartedly embracing this work as the highest calling I could have. God designed it as the most privileged, safe, happy place He could have put us, and like the Israelites, we can "despise the 'pleasant' land." Instead of feeling "less than," I should be so very thankful for the privilege of being a wife who's primary purpose is to help her husband, bringing him good every day of my life, enabling him to be "in the city gates."

What joy it must bring God when we believe that whatever His Word says is right and good, so we simply obey-knowing that this is what gives anything eternal value.

Much of God's instruction to us concerns physical things: "Being busy at home, managing the home, all kinds of good deeds, handling food/clothing, raising children, washing the feet of others, helping those in trouble, etc." Because these aren't valued by many around us, at times I can feel like I'm not accomplishing anything very significant. At those times it helps me to read again what God said specifically for women, clearing my head with what He says is important (I Timothy 2, I Timothy 5, I Peter 3, Titus 2, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, Proverbs 31).

How encouraging to see that these really line up with much of what I do, and to remember:

1) If these were His instructions for wives, and

2) If He's the one who gave the Great Commission to all of us, then these "commissions" must fit together perfectly in His master plan. Also, it is these very things that put us with people (our families and others) so that we can influence them for Him. They open the door to our "stage" for influence. They are very good indeed.

Even though I haven't always had the privilege of being around literal "older women," many of you have greatly impacted me, not only with your lives, but also with your words. "Faithful instruction is on her lips, and kindness is the rule for everything she says" (Proverbs 31). I'm so thankful for the many conversations that have adjusted my perspective, raised my bar, given me good ideas, or increased or challenged my faith. I still read through notes that I've jotted down during these last 40 years after spending time with a sister-things I knew God wanted to use in my life-and things that He's still using. 

He has also used many of you who have given teachings or written articles, books, or Bible studies to make huge impacts. We're blessed to be recipients of the myriad of ways He has gifted women, and each stage of life will probably look different for all of us. As the years add up for me, and I only have one child at home, there are a few hours some days where it's quiet and my mind isn't engaged in schoolwork or training children; but because the "mother's heart" is still there, I'm finding that God is using those hours to be able to place others on my heart more often so that I can pray for them, enabling Him to give me promptings concerning them.

If this is a little glimpse of what it will mean to be an older woman, I can see what a resource they can be: their genuine motherly interest, their experiences in life from which to draw, their walk with God and the Word, their humility from going through times of failure and weakness, their seeing God's faithfulness over and over again, and their availability to pray for and counsel younger ones.

It reminds me of something Joan Stockdale in Poland recently wrote: "I just got back from helping a new mom with a breast infection. The young mom said, 'I am just so calm when you are here.' God taught us so many wonderful lessons in those hectic years as moms of all of those little ones. It is an honor to pass it on." What a blessing Joan was to that young woman! 

Matthew Henry wrote: "...which is a positive duty of aged patrons, namely to be teachers of good things! Not public preachers, that is forbidden (I Corinthians 14:34...in the church), but otherwise teach they may and should, that is by example and good life. Hence observe, those whose actions and behavior become holiness ARE thereby teachers of good things...."

As Neva said in her March letter about Jan Gordon: "Jan and I hardly talked that whole weekend, but her service and life spoke volumes to me and to many others."

 

Thelma Clark     
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We must become the change we want to see.
-Mahatma Gandhi
Huldah
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« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2010, 10:19:40 am »

Two points worth noting:

First, "I wasn't much older in any way except that I was one of the few who were married..."

This is an example of the unfortunate tendency to equate marriage with spiritual maturity. At Solid Rock, the message was that God wouldn't send you a spouse until you had earned the privilege. Therefore, single brothers and sisters were, by definition, immature, not quite trustworthy, needing close (intrusive) guidance and supervision by deacons, elders, and married couples. If I'm understanding Thelma correctly, this unbiblical assumption still persists at GC.

Second, "Even though I haven't always had the privilege of being around literal 'older women'..."

From what I could see, this had less to do with privilege than with choice. Age was looked down on in the same way that singleness was looked down on. A favorite quote of the elders was, "I have more wisdom than the aged, because I keep thy commands." (Psalm 119:100). We were taught that Solid Rock and its sister churches were the only churches following the correct New Testament pattern. In terms of spiritual maturity, following the pattern counted for more than years or decades of faithful service in an "inferior" church. With this attitude, the youth-oriented leaders of Solid Rock effectively cut themselves off from the influence of older, wiser, more experienced believers. They also actively fostered an attitude of distrust for older people such as  professors and even parents. Small wonder Thelma or any of the rest of us had so little opportunity to learn from older women. Older women simply weren't valued, at least not in the late 70's when the movement was so young.
« Last Edit: July 03, 2010, 10:22:52 am by Huldah » Logged
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« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2010, 11:07:30 am »

Excellent observations, Huldah.
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« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2010, 06:43:46 pm »

I couldn't agree more with what Huldah said.  I feel like I was a little puffed up because I was married.  I will never forget an Evergreen video a few years ago where they showed the single guy as a total dork living in his mom's basement playing video games.  And there was a fake seriousness people would put on when discussing marriage.

Parenting brought another air of superiority and somber faced seriousness. 

I have had a really hard time since I have left HyperChristianity for a more realistic Christianity because I am trying to rid myself of the notion that every choice is meaningful.  Like, what I buy, what I eat, what I wear, how I parent, where I live.  The freedom is available to me, but I have been unable to release myself completely and still live in fear of making the wrong choices.  That culture breeds self doubt and judgment.  You worry not only if you are "okay" but also use comparisons both negatively and positively to draw the "I'm okay/I'm not okay" conclusions.  But why do we do this?  Because we were right!  We were being judged!
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« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2010, 07:39:02 pm »

Agatha, I so very much agree!  The first church we joined after leaving GCI was a wonderful Baptist church.  The pastor there called this elitist menatlity "super saintism." 

Sure, every choice should be "wise," but not everything we do needs to drive us nuts with wondering if it is "the best" because only God could know that anyway, and He is not telling!!!!  Grin  I just gotta keep remembering that.  Thanks for the reminder, my Greek Orthodox sister!!!
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« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2010, 01:19:50 pm »

I think I am becoming very "simple" in my faith.  There are a few essentials and the rest I believe is open for discussion, debate, and study.  I love freedom!  Now if only I could LIVE like that.  I still keep waiting for the "hammer to fall" after I make the wrong choice.  Ugh!
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« Reply #6 on: October 05, 2010, 01:38:12 am »

GCC Web News and Information - Pastors Wives Newsletter
September 2010
 

Dear Sisters,

I have loved our journey through Titus 2:3-5 so far! The godly person described in these verses is the kind of Christian I want to be. It's been so helpful to have so many "handles" attached to the qualities of the woman who pleases God and is used by Him in the lives of younger women. And with this month's letter from Karen Haring, we are given insight into the life and influence of a sensible woman. Karen reminds us that, as we think, so our actions will follow. Sound thinking-sound living.

May God lead us all to be sensible women, who stand solidly on His Word!

United with you,

Sandy Hopler

Encouraging the Younger Women to be Sensible

by Karen Haring (Chestnut Ridge Community Church, Morgantown, West Virginia)

When I mentioned to my friend that I would be writing on the topic of "sensible," she said, "What exactly does that word mean?" That's a great question, and in order to get a good handle on the meaning, I did some research. The Precept Austin website has this information from the Greek:

"Sensible (sophron) has the idea that they now have 'saved' minds (derived from sozo = save + phren = mind) and a saved mind should lead to right thinking, which leads to right living ("good deeds")."

Some words that are given as synonyms for sensible are: self-controlled, sober, discreet, wise, using good judgment.

In order to better understand a word or concept, it helps to first realize the opposite of the word, or the problem. Opposites might be: foolishness, unspiritual thinking, and poor judgment. As I thought of the opposite of sensible, a favorite verse immediately came to mind:

"The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." Proverbs 14:1

I think this verse relates in so many ways to the directives to women in Titus 2. I can easily get into the foolish mode of wrong thinking, which can lead to harming my household (and others) instead of building them up.

I can get into wrong thinking by believing that my own ideas and ways are best. I must say that a lot of times I think I'm right, but there is the saying that "no one but a fool is always right." When I get stuck on "being right," I'm actually being foolish. I can be foolish by not seeking my husband's thoughts or ideas, by neglecting God's Word and thoughts on a matter, and by not listening to His Spirit inside of me. This can often lead to wrong priorities, poor judgment, and negative consequences for my family and me. In the parable of the ten virgins, five were foolish enough not to think things through and prepare to have extra oil for their lamps. Later when these five were desperate, they asked the other five for help, but it was too late.

As women, we can tend to be emotional, and this is another reason that we are instructed to be sensible. I can get all worked up about something, and my husband, Tim, will remain calm and level headed. He can be a voice of reason when I overreact and am liable to use poor judgment. I think Mrs. Bennet from Pride and Prejudice had this problem:

"An example of how attention is focused on feeling in the objective story is depicted by Mrs. Bennet, a foolish woman who uses only her emotions to assess how things are going, and in doing so almost ruins her daughters' chances for a promising future: 'She was a woman of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain temper. When she was discontented she fancied herself nervous'" (Austen 7)-dramatica.com.

When we are foolish, we do destructive things to our kids and our husband. We have incorrect priorities. We can think about and chase after things that waste our time, instead of being sober minded about what God has given us and the opportunities we have with those around us. We lose our chance to influence our family, believers, and unbelievers. People will love to be around those who are discreet, trustworthy, and wise. People will open up and share their deepest difficulties and struggles with those who have this quality of being sensible. Husbands will be encouraged, built up, and supported. Children will be open, and communication and our relationship with them will improve. Other women will share their lives with us. Being sensible paves the way for influence.

And how do you become sensible? By allowing yourself to be influenced. Right thinking will lead to right living.

Trust in the Lord; don't lean on your own understanding.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

It's important to fill our minds with His Word and His thoughts. I like to think of "practicing His presence" throughout my day. I read the One Year Bible, which is also helpful because it includes portions of Proverbs to read daily. This helps me to grow in wisdom. I enjoy praying specific verses, both to get God's mind on things and to ask Him for help. And I love looking up verses on anything and everything I'm going through! The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

Get our husband's input and advice.

"Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ." Ephesians 5:22, The Message

I ask Tim about all sorts of things -the meaning of Bible verses, priorities, with whom I should be spending my time, what to do with the kids, advice on situations I'm dealing with...even advice on pastors' wives articles! It's easy to slip into doing things ourselves, or according to our own ideas. Asking my husband for his thoughts helps me to be sensible and to build up our house. It helps me to know and understand what he is thinking, and support him.

Get input and advice from others as much as possible.

"Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed." Proverbs 15:22

"One who walks with wise men grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs 13:20

Sometimes I can think to myself, "Oh yeah, I've encountered this before. I know these ropes." But it's amazing to me how others can have a clearer, eye-opening perspective when I take the time to ask. I may have driven a few people a bit crazy over the years, as I asked questions all the time of wives, moms, and older women. I still do a lot of this, getting advice from leaders and friends in our church.

Bounce ideas off of others! Seek out advice, and you will be truly wise. The more counsel we get from other godly people, the more sensible and wise we will become. Learn to be a "master of questions," asking others' advice on things any chance you get! This is both a protection for us and our families, and a chance for us to grow. I have learned so much by asking many, many questions from others who are godly and wise.

When we are driven by emotion, self sufficient, or view ourselves as always right, we become foolish. Only as we allow ourselves to be influenced by God (and others) can we truly be sensible.
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Jane
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« Reply #7 on: September 08, 2018, 05:07:54 am »

I was in Columbus when Thelma Clark was there.  Yes,  marriage was reserved for the so called “spiritual” and the elders did discourage marriage pretty much for everybody but elders and deacons. Most of the women in the church wanted to marry elders. But I for one, did not look at marriage as a privilege because the life of a married women in Solid Rock did not appeal to me. Thelma Clark in particular comes to mind, because her life depressed me when I thought of it.
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