Wow, we head out to Panera for a little supper and when we come home things have gotten lively here! Ha!
Actually, I don't think there was an agenda. The game was purchased (can't remember the name of it) and it (as far as I know) was just a luck of the draw that the men picked the ice cream question card, followed by the sex card. (I suppose the leaders could have stacked the deck, but highly doubt it).
Anyway, we did discuss this over a bowl of soup at Panera tonight and what struck me was Agatha's comment:
I too remember extremely inappropriate things that I wish I would have walked out on. But I am a non-confrontational person, and I didn't want to be rude. However, I should have spoken up.
I really relate to this. I remember at the time thinking that we were well into our 40's at the time and the apprentices were mid-30's so I figured it was just an age thing where I had a different sense of modesty and appropriate topics for public discussions than they did. Plus, we were guests at their home, and didn't want to rebuke them in front of the entire group, so we didn't speak up. Terry's answer to the question, by the way was, "Linda will not answer this question."
Knowing what we know now, we both would have said something like, "Hey, you guys, this is not a topic that should be discussed publicly, let's pick a different question."
But, as Agatha mentioned, we didn't want to be rude and, frankly, were blindsided by the question.
Also, for 10 years we really were quite non-confrontational. In fact, it took the sermon where Mark Darling told us that we were his bride to get us to chat with a pastor about the theological inaccuracies of that statement and it's implications. It took Terry 10 months after we left to post his infamous blog post (which he did because people had apparently been told we left because we didn't like the changes in youth ministry and he wanted to set the record straight). We don't like to confront, but have learned that sometimes it's the right thing to do.
I think of so many times where I really tried to be a team player and gave a pass to things that should have been nipped in the bud.
Especially troubling about that small group meeting was that it was the first meeting after a big showdown about small groups. Being in an official ECC small group was a requirement to participate in the worship ministry. So, for Terry to play the guitar, we had to be in a small group. One couple (an excellent singer whose husband was an excellent guitar player, both had been in small groups for years) had wanted to attend a non-ECC Bible study for a few months and asked for permission to do that instead of participate in an official ECC Small Group. They were told that a different Bible study didn't count, if they weren't in an official ECC small group, they couldn't be involved in the worship ministry. They left the church.
This was the first small group meeting we attended after that showdown and while the couple mentioned wasn't in our particular group, I remember thinking, what a waste to require people to attend a group if awkward, personal questions and nothing particularly spiritual is all that is happening.
Namaste, I don't think it's an issue of being embarrassed (your comment made me laugh, though, I wish you would have been in our small group that day!), for me it is an issue of appropriateness and privacy. Couples should not be sharing the intimate details of their marriage publicly. Also, in small groups, there should be respect for all attending. Some people are more earthy and some more modest, all should be respected. All I'm saying is that no one should be forced to either answer questions like that or hear the answers to questions like that.
And, Agatha, I think I listened to the talk you are referring to here:
In fact, there is a talk by a woman given... it was pretty recent at a couple's conference where they encourage women to do this.
I am so glad we never went to a marriage conference!
