Spanking

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

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[margaret]

Welcome, Heartbroken. I'm glad you're here.

This is one of the forum topics that I am very uncomfortable to read up on.  The regret I have from following Great Commission's teachings on child discipline runs so deep that it can send me into such a spiral of depression. I was a sheep--a dumb follower who didn't know how to think for myself. I can't tell you how many times I have apologized to my kids for being so strict over such stupid things.
One of the few things that help me is to accept that I can't change the past, but I can now show love and acceptance to my children, and to theirs as well.

[Heartbroken]

Thank you very much for your replies.  It is such a painful topic.  The church I referred to doesn't teach this parenting practice from the pulpit as it did in the past, but rather in mentorship and counseling, as well as some small groups led by pastors.  I did not disclose my name or the church and location because of relationships with loved ones there, and previous fallout from expressing my concerns.  I am seeking God as to whether it is right to share.  I understand the request and want the truth to be told.  I'll keep praying. 

[Heartbroken]

Spanking for potty accidents is also frequent - and the poor kids are terrified when it happens.  Misinterpretation of a child's actual motives and intentions seems to be a big problem (as you said
"interpreting the child's actions in the worse possible light"), as well as potential anger issues in the parents.  Venting anger under the guise of "discipline" is a travesty. 

Welcome to the forum, Heartbroken. You may have noticed that we're having a recurring problem with spam and lots of it, so I hope you see this reply before it gets pushed way down the queue by all the spam.

I'm very sorry to hear that this kind of thing is still going on. Abusive parenting was all the rage in the 70's, 80's, and 90's, not just in GC, but with organizations and writers like Focus on the Family, the Ezzos, and the Pearls. Now that that generation of children has grown, we've seen the drastic effects of harsh discipline. We have a generation of kids raised Christian, who want nothing more to do with Christianity. Some of those kids, now adults, show up on this forum from time to time, and it's obvious that they've been deeply traumatized by well-meaning but badly misguided parenting.

By "abusive parenting," I mean a the idea that discipline is synonymous with spanking. I mean graceless insistence on first-time obedience. I mean total ignorance of the physiology of young children. (For example, insisting that a child who's old enough to tell you they need their diaper changed is old enough to use a toilet, and should therefore be spanked if they go in their diaper instead. This ignores something called "nerve myelination," which means that a child has motor control over speech long before they have control over their bladder and bowels.) I mean refusing to acknowledge that discipline covers a whole range of non-punitive techniques, like frequent encouragement and reinforcement of good habits as opposed to mainly concentrating on everything the child does wrong. I mean always interpreting a child's actions in the worst possible light. (I knew of a very young child who got so overwhelmed and excited on Christmas morning that he announced he didn't want his gifts. The mom, instead of recognizing that this was his childish attempt to calm himself down, immediately assumed that he was being "ungrateful".)

Like you, Heartbroken, I'm not saying that spanking is always wrong. But I believe it's wrong to make spanking the automatic discipline of choice.

Also like you, I'm grieved that children are being treated so harshly in the name of Christ. This will backfire in way too many cases. Too many of those children will grow up to hate and reject Christ. I've seen it happen.

[Huldah]

Thanks for your replies, Heartbroken. I understand about needing to protect your privacy. Please don't feel any pressure to share more than you want to.

The church I referred to doesn't teach this parenting practice from the pulpit as it did in the past, but rather in mentorship and counseling, as well as some small groups led by pastors.

Same experience here. Some of the worst things weren't necessarily taught in the official services, but they were taught and enforced in everyday interactions within the group. Some of these were as damaging, or more so, than the official teachings.

[Linda]

I totally understand and respect the desire for anonymity. I also understand that things are taught behind the scenes. We were there 10 years, very active, and had never heard of GCLI or heard the name Jim McCotter mentioned. The unnecessary spanking is truly destructive and heartbreaking and takes advantage of new parents who are trying to do the right thing.

 

Thank you very much for your replies.  It is such a painful topic.  The church I referred to doesn't teach this parenting practice from the pulpit as it did in the past, but rather in mentorship and counseling, as well as some small groups led by pastors.  I did not disclose my name or the church and location because of relationships with loved ones there, and previous fallout from expressing my concerns.  I am seeking God as to whether it is right to share.  I understand the request and want the truth to be told.  I'll keep praying. 

[margaret]

The church I referred to doesn't teach this parenting practice from the pulpit as it did in the past, but rather in mentorship and counseling, as well as some small groups led by pastors.
Same experience here. Some of the worst things weren't necessarily taught in the official services, but they were taught and enforced in everyday interactions within the group. Some of these were as damaging, or more so, than the official teachings.

When I describe my former organization I often say that on paper they were fine, but in practice they were like a cult.

[LeftTheChurchEntirely]

The church I went to taught spanking young, using “an implement so the hand wouldn’t be seen as an instrument of discipline “… and one leader preached more than once “I could get a lot of mileage out of a pencil”.

We chose to ignore that advice, along with much advice in a book we got as a gift “growing kids gods way”.

I’m so very glad we left that church. 

[margaret]

to LeftTheChurch Entirely,

    I am sincerely very happy for you, that you were able to think for yourselves and make the best choices for you and your family. You saved yourselves much damage and heartache.
In the "Druthers" Department, I wish I had learned that sooner.