Taking a Break

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[BrokenyetFree]

Hello,

I have a general question and I was wondering if anyone has insight/experience in this area...

Since leaving a GC church less than a year ago, I've slowly backed away from most things related to Christianity.  I haven't lost my faith or belief in God, but I don't have a desire to read the Bible, go to church, listen to Christian music, read Christian books, etc...I was heavily involved before leaving (had daily devotions and a regular prayer list, attended multiple Bible studies a week, only listened to Christian music), and I feel like I want/need a break from it all.  I still feel like my relationship with God is strong and I pray almost daily, but everything I read or do related to Christianity seems to remind me of GC teaching (mostly false teaching or at least a little misguided), and I haven't developed the ability to discern/correct the negative thoughts in my head yet.  

Eventually, I would like to become involved in a church again, but I get anxiety when I think about it now.  I hope that these feelings will change as I continue to work through doctrines/beliefs that I now consider to be incorrect or guilt/fear-based (like continually dying to your preferences and "giving up your rights", complete submission to church or husband).  I have heard other people mention "taking a break from Christianity" after leaving a GCM church, but I'd love to hear other people's experiences and if anyone has insight on how to get over these feelings or how long it might take...

[2xA Ron]

I had similar experiences.  I left in May of 2012 and felt God was leading me to back off the religious stuff.  My employment situation (in retail, where weekends were the busiest times) prevented me from going to church most of the time.  I quit any regular reading plan, prayer lists, or Bible studies.  I would still pray, but it was conversational, just about whatever was on my mind at the time.  I'd say it took about a year for me to be ready to engage with church again.  It was a very fruitful time in my life though.  The biggest thing I (finally) learned there was that God loves me unconditionally, whether I do all the "religious" things I thought made me a "good Christian" or not.

My best insight on getting out of the "taking a break" time isn't much...it just takes time, time to know that Christ's love for you isn't based on the performance that was so emphasized before.  I think how much time really depends on the individual and their situation.

[BrokenyetFree]

Thank you for your reply.  It's helpful to know that I'm not alone in these feelings and that it will probably improve over time.  I guess that's what this forum is for

[Huldah]

Your feelings are perfectly normal. It took me well over a year after I left to want anything to do with church. Actually, I think it was closer to two years, and even then I probably wouldn't have gone back to church so soon if I hadn't met and married a good Christian man. (It also helped that I was living overseas by then, out of the reach of any potential GC involvement.)

Don't be hard on yourself. Recovery takes time. You can't rush it, and it's better if you don't try to.

[araignee19]

Sounds very familiar.

I stopped going to church or doing anything related to my faith when I officially left my GC church in 2011 and moved to Switzerland. I crashed there, as I was finally forced to rest and get away from everything at the church. There wasn't much opportunity to go to church even if I wanted to (all church services were in French, which I didn't speak well enough at the time). But I was fine with this after I realized the only reasons I wanted to go were because of guilt and legalism. Then I relaxed completely, and didn't even want anyone to know I was a Christian. I didn't read my Bible, pray, journal, listen to sermons, or anything else. I moved back to the US after 7 months, and started attending a church (in the far back row) after a few more months. I would actually leave with mild panic attacks, and did not always enjoy being there. But I wanted to be there (or at least wanted to want to), and that was the reason I kept going.

Overall, I think it took me about 1 and 1/2 years to be comfortable at church again. I still have some struggles, but it's getting better. It just took time and rest.

[askingquestionsaboutGCI]

I felt the same way; seems to be a rather common thread.  I quit attending our GCC church before my husband did, and don't think I stepped foot inside any church for over a year.  We started attending a local church late last fall, stayed a few months, but decided to leave when it started feeling too legalistic and oppressive.  We've recently been attending a Baptist church in our area that I feel surprisingly comfortable in.  I'm not going to jump in and make any commitments at this point, but I am beginning to look forward to going to church again each week, and that's a huge start, I think.

[arthur]

I had lots of problems with our GCx church, and left emotionally long before I left physically. I kept going week after week, because my wife wasn't ready to leave. I wanted to be patient, loving, letting her make up her own mind. I didn't realize the toll that this would take on me. Week after week I'd have objections to what I'd hear, and I'd leave dissatisfied, because I never heard the gospel preached, but rather a poorly conceieved lecture based on dubious theology. The pastors never wanted to hear my objections... and so I started supressing my objections, and the feelings that surrounded them.

The result is that after hurting for so long, I have a distrust of pastors, and it makes me very critical. I listen closely, for any flaw in the sermon, waiting for that "aha!" moment when I can think to myself them man's authority is limited... I don't have to listen to him. He can't hurt me. Its something that I work with day to day, because it impacts other areas of my life where I do have to listen to people with authority over me. It's not a good attitude I have.

My wife and I continue to heal. Our children still miss the old church... they worked hard to make learning the docrines fun. I can't explain to them how dangerous some of the things that were taught there are, the damage that could be wrought in a young person's life if they take them too literally, too close to their heart. I take  cosolation knowing that I've protected their minds, their hearts, and they will not grow up as people who are codependent on a church that isn't dependable.

I should have "taken a break" then. Now, I "take a break" whenever I feel like it, and I think that it helps me gain perspective by reminding me that the church does not have ultimate authority over my life.

[TerryD]

I know what you mean, Broken, and I think it's fine to take as long as it takes to be comfortable with church again.

A lot of people coming out of high control groups like GCX learn to experience Jesus in a fresh way--as a gentle and personal friend--precisely by staying away from church for a time, especially high-energy, high-demand kinds of places. There are all these trapdoors: Songs, phrases, even certain Bible passages that trigger something and you just need stay clear for a while.

Sometimes people feel a little strange, like you said, not wanting to even read the Bible. That's understandable too, given the way the Bible may have been (mis-)used in members lives. I'm convinced God is quite able to handle and understand these things, and is in no hurry with us after a dreadful church experience.

Mt. 10:29 "Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

For me, a few things have helped:

1. Discovering that there are lot's of normal, OK churches around (even though I didn't feel like going much ).
2. Recognizing that in a Christian family and/or extended family there can be true "church" in the context of normal life, and that it's no small thing to experience the gifts of the Spirit and grace through family.
3. Exploring very different styles of church (old and liturgical even!) can heal and enrich my perspective. After years playing in a GC worship band, I now have just about zero interest in that sort of "worship" any more. There are so many richer alternatives, but that's just me, perhaps.
4. Giving myself and those close to me time and space to trust God with that "church"
 part of life, and not worry about it.

[Linda]

Brokenyetfree,

I think a number of us can relate to your post. I certainly can.

One of the hardest things for me is how my Great Commission experience left me confused and sad about "church". Being deceived or misled by leaders who I trusted, colors my view of every church I now attend. I wonder what it is they are not telling me about their group. I wondered what they would teach my children when I am not with them. I used to love going to church. Now it scares me.

When we first left, we chose a large mega-church and sat in the back. Oddly, this mega-church had just removed their pastor for having an affair and that was one of the things that we viewed as a positive. The fact that the elders did not cover the sins of the senior pastor, but applied proper discipline, gave us a certain amount of confidence that the congregation was led by men of integrity.

I also became involved in an ongoing Bible study of about 20 women from many churches. It became my "small group". I am also blessed with many Christian family members and friends who know that Great Commission was a very negative, life changing experience for me and my family and continue to support us as we figure out the "church" thing. (Wouldn't want to be accused of being a "Lone Ranger Christian" )

More recently (and I am 8 years out), we have found a small, but growing Anglican church that we have been attending (Anglican Church of North America, a conservative Anglican denomination). I like the liturgy and the weekly communion. I have never been to a church that read as much Scripture during a service or prayed out loud so long and so specifically during a service. I left GC with a tendency to like "old things". Old things, tried and true, seem safe. Men in movements scare me.

One last thought for now. I sort of have a "rule of thumb" when I go to a church. If I leave the service thinking about God and His greatness, I feel like my time has been well spent. If I leave thinking about the pastor, and how hard he works, or how "persecuted" he is, or about the denomination/association and how much better they are than all other denominations/associations, or how other churches don't understand "new testament church", or if I leave thinking about commitment/loyalty to the specific local church, I will not go back.

God bless you, Brokenyetfree.