What is Spiritual Abuse?

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

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[margaret]

There seems to be some doubt as to the validity of the concept of "Spiritual Abuse."

There's a great article on churchleaders.com and can be found at:
https://churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-articles/155481-10-ways-to-spot-spiritual-abuse.html

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Excerpt--10 Ways to Spot Spiritual Abuse:

Spiritually abusive ministries…

1. Have a distorted view of respect. They forget the simple adage that respect is earned, not granted. Abusive leaders demand respect without having earned it by good, honest living.

2. Demand allegiance as proof of the follower’s allegiance to Christ. It’s either his/her way or no way. And if a follower deviates, he is guilty of deviating from Jesus.

3. Use exclusive language. “We’re the only ministry really following Jesus.” “We have all the right theology.” Believe their way of doing things, thinking theologically, or handling ministry and church is the only correct way. Everyone else is wrong, misguided or stupidly naive.

4. Create a culture of fear and shame. Often, there is no grace for someone who fails to live up to the church’s or ministry’s expectation. And if someone steps outside of the often-unspoken rules, leaders shame them into compliance. Can’t admit failure but often searches out failure in others and uses that knowledge to hold others in fear and captivity. They often quote Scriptures about not touching God’s anointed or bringing accusations against an elder. Yet they often confront sin in others, particularly ones who bring up legitimate biblical issues. Or they have their circle of influence take on this task, silencing critics.

5. Often have a charismatic leader at the helm who starts off well but slips into arrogance, protectionism and pride. Where a leader might start off being personable and interested in others’ issues, he/she eventually withdraws to a small group of “yes people” and isolates from the needs of others. Harbors a cult of personality, meaning if the central figure of the ministry or church left, the entity would collapse, as it was entirely dependent on one person to hold the place together.

6. Cultivate a dependence on one leader or leaders for spiritual information. Personal discipleship isn’t encouraged. Often the Bible gets pushed away to the fringes unless the main leader is teaching it.

7. Demand servanthood of their followers, but live prestigious, privileged lives. They live aloof from their followers and justify their extravagance as God’s favor and approval on their ministry. Unlike Jesus’ instructions to take the last seat, they often take the first seat at events and court others to grant them privileges.

8. Buffer him/herself from criticism by placing people around themselves whose only allegiance is to the leader. Views those who bring up issues as enemies. Those who were once friends/allies swiftly become enemies once a concern is raised. Sometimes, these folks are banished, told to be silent or shamed into submission.

9. Hold to outward performance but reject authentic spirituality. Places burdens on followers to act a certain way, dress an acceptable way and have an acceptable lifestyle.

10. Use exclusivity for allegiance. Followers close to the leader or leaders feel like insiders. Everyone else is on the outside, though they long to be in that inner circle.

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This puts into words what I've had such a difficult time doing for my own life and healing after leaving GCx churches. After 30 years under this type of indoctrination, I have found it incredibly difficult to attend church, or trust any leadership at all.

The only one of these 10 that I found to be partially inaccurate in regards to GCx is #7, and that is because many of the "elders" in this movement are not very wealthy.

I can understand how those of you still in GCx would have a difficult time understanding or validating any of these points. I probably would have poo-poo'ed them myself while I was still in.  But once your eyes are opened, you'll see.

[bLizard]

Wow, Margaret, that is powerful. My tally is the same as yours - 9 out of 10 were totally true for Evergreen. Even #7 sometimes applied; church members, especially singles, were sometimes organized to work for the leadership for free (babysit their kids, do their yard work, etc). Professionals within the church were expected to provide free or heavily discounted services to them. And so on. I don't think any of their lifestyles were lavish, but they were certainly well compensated and held a position of privilege compared to their followers.

It's been 18 years since I left and I'm only just starting to heal. The leaving was somewhat accidental - my husband had to change careers for health reasons, and his only job offer was in a city without a GCx church. We promptly went church shopping in our new location, but found fault with every one we tried. At the time, we put it down to burnout from the intensity of our involvement previously. We agreed to give the church thing a rest for a few months and revisit the issue when we felt the hunger to return. We never did.

I first heard the term "spiritual abuse" six years ago from a fellow ex-member with a similar story to mine. Prior to that, I didn't know there was a name for what we had experienced, that other people had been through it too, and that it was wrong. The relief I felt to find that it wasn't just me - that I had been done wrong by, I wasn't just a "bad Christian" - was life-changing. It explained so much about what had happened and perhaps the keys to get my head back on straight and repair my relationship with God.

The crazy thing is, I should have known better. My parents were in an abusive cult from when I was 3 years old to age 8. They got out and started going to a "normal" evangelical church. But I was 21 years old and new in town and excited about God and happy to have found a church that was "fired up for the Lord". I failed to see the signs and failed to recognize the damage until long after it happened.

[Rebel in a Good Way]

Margaret, this is a helpful list!  I think my problem was that it was so subtle and insidious.  While leaders were in fact "demanding" allegiance, it was covert.  It was presented in biblical and flowery language, talking about love and sacrifice and unity, etc.  If a pastor said "I demand your allegiance," most of us (unless we had already been groomed for a long time) would say "No thanks!" and run.  However, it is not presented that way.  So we need to look for the cues and hidden language involved in these dynamics.  They do get us to say "yes," but we usually think we are saying yes to something else (God, biblical directives, etc).

[Huldah]

Rebel, that's a wonderful insight about the use of covert language. It also explains how hard it is to make other people understand the problem after you leave, especially the manipulation that occurred in everyday, undocumented conversations rather than public sermons.

[araignee19]

2. Demand allegiance as proof of the follower’s allegiance to Christ. It’s either his/her way or no way. And if a follower deviates, he is guilty of deviating from Jesus.

Anyone else ever hear the phrase "Plant your flag and die"? This was a commonly used phrase in my time with GCx, and was even preached and discussed at one of the Faithwalkers conferences I went to (maybe around 2008? I'd have to check back through records to be sure). This concept was: I was personally being called to "plant my flag" with Summitview, because that was the church I was "born into" and they were my "family." This commitment was meant to be for life, without exception (other than for church planting or to transfer to another GC church, of course), at the cost of giving up jobs, grad school opportunities, or other things that would take me away from this "family." This was preached as being a sign of being a good believer, and the impression I always received was that the "core" followers would of course do this because that's what good Christians do. Leaving your church was literally compared to divorcing your spouse, and was said on stage (by Mark D. I think, but maybe anther core leader) to be as bad as divorce. If that isn't an example #2 I don't know what is.

That was probably one of the first things I started to see as creepy in Summitview/GC. Very unbiblical.

[AgathaL'Orange]

Yes, I absolutely heard “plant your flag and die.”  The highly dramatic and emotional sermons around that phrase were intended to demand allegiance.

[araignee19]

Unfortunately, that appears to be the only sermon no longer available in their archives. Oh well. I saved it.

[Rebel in a Good Way]

Sad to report they are still teaching "flag planting."  (min 29 of the teaching below) They've toned it down a little bit, saying it doesn't "have to" be a GCC church, but God wants us to plant a flag in a local church.  And they say there are plenty of good churches in the city, but in previous teachings this pastor has commented on how hard it is to love the pastor at the church across the street.  I mention this because it's a subtle way to "other" an outside church.

Pastor Rob Gerber teaches: God want us to "commit to this church" to "this family."  God says "I want you to make a conscious choice that says 'This is where I am, this is who I am, this is where I'm planting my flag, and I'm staying here.'"   He says that although we are part of many different communities, our church community is the most important one.

Just re-listened, I forgot to mention the comparison to marriage.  Also, several references to "God says" and "God wants." 

And also, it is kind of funny, the pastor says that committing to a local church might look good from a distance but become scary as you get closer.  There's a reason it's scary, Rob! 

The pastor asks "Are you committed, or are you just coming?"  How does that sound to those who can barely "just come" to church at all?  Those who find it difficult for any reason--past abuse of any kind, having a child with a disability, social anxiety, caregiving responsibilities, or feel unwelcome due to any number of social reasons, etc.  Sometimes "just coming" is a huge victory!  My current pastor says we are happy to have people who can "just come" as long as they need.  If they just come and go, that is fine too.

For background, Cedarcreek Church in Eau Claire has close involvement in the "Northlands Region."  Mark Bowen and Mark Darling have been involved in their enacting of church disipline.  Dave Lennander left Cedarcreek to take over in Berlin.  He and Rob Gerber (who presented this sermon) have been in GCC since each of them were in college in the 70's and 80's.  Just to say they are very influenced by and representative of GCC.  At any rate, this teaching was from 2.18.18.

https://www.ccreek.org/sermons/committed-community/

And the sermon for the following week on conflict resolution includes the "take the log out of your own eye" verses.  So I think to myself "That is not untrue, it is generally a good concept.  How would that be taught in a healthy church?"  I have literally only heard it misused to deflect criticism (outside of GCC as well).

[wisemind]

"We need each other in the local church if we are ever going to reach our potential as Christians and as followers of Jesus Christ. Find a body of believers where you can, "plant your flag in the middle of some bloody field and die!"

"Commit your heart to your local church and then show it, by serving your brothers and sisters in Christ until your knuckles are raw. Serve the people until your heart is broken. Then serve some more. And keep on serving - because they are family."

This is found on page 18 in Rick Whitney's booklet Totally Committed! Copyright 2006

[Boggs]

I definitely heard this language at Cedarcreek Community Church in Eau Claire, WI and Coulee Rock Community Church in La Crosse, WI. Phrases like
"find a few families you will do ministry with for the rest of your life"
"plant your flag and die"
"don't be a church-hopper" (definitely a slur)
"leaving your church is like a divorce, when things get tough in your marriage you stick it out and stay together"

This language doesn't have to come from the pulpit to be effective. I think it's learned at Faithwalkers, GCLI, and regional meetings, then parroted to other members. I heard more of this from the committed core members than any pastor.

[EyesOnChrist]

What I find so disturbing is the analogy of leaving a GCx church to a divorce.  We heard that when we left, and were told that right to our face.  It is so wrong.  And yet, we now see how this statement is believed at the GCx members if that's what the pastors are preaching, sharing with their down lines, and absorbing as truth.  It's not Truth.  Someone point to Truth in the Bible where leaving a church is parallel to divorce of a man and a woman.

We didn't even attempt to correct people on their misaligned theology, particularly because we were already seen as haters.  This is still so grieving, because nothing was further from the truth.  We joyfully gave so many years, and did so in the faithful, available, teachable way that was always presented. What it felt like was a slam of a door and has shown us the true colors of many inside the GCx church.  This has got to be grieving to Christ as well.

We would ask any person and pastor still in a GCx church to really search their heart on how they treat people after they leave.  If you don't have a compassionate side to see that the person that has left has value and worth, even though they don't worship the same Christ we all claim to know in the same place on a Friday or Sunday, you have some issues.  And to those that have compassion and are still genuinely interacting with those who have left a GCx church, thank you. 

It has been 3 years since we have been gone from a GCx church.  We have heard that much as not changed, especially with those that have become lifers.  GCx used to be a place that welcomed people.  Now it seems a person is only welcome when they ascribe to man made rules.  Wake up Church and search the scriptures for yourselves.