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Author Topic: Women not to be alone with men  (Read 2989 times)
Godtrumpsall
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« on: March 06, 2018, 10:26:36 am »

  I thought this was an interesting quote from someone's post on the board a long time ago (I think it was feministrebel?)

"It was also a very lonely time... because as a single woman, we were not allowed to spend ANY time with men, alone, in any way... even if it wasn't a date... Even if it was just riding in a car, together, to a retreat (like LT.)"

This person said they were at GCM from 1995 to 2003.  This was taught, to the point where this person was complaining about the stringency of the degree this was taught. 
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AgathaL'Orange
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« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2018, 11:59:23 am »

In my experience this did not apply to leaders who were counseling women.  I had one on one counseling sessions with a pastor (which in my case were pretty much 100% appropriate).  The counseling itself wasn’t great, but nothing untoward happened.
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Differentstrokes
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« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2018, 12:39:32 pm »

Same, I have had multiple meetings one on one with male pastors as a young teen and as a young adult. The counseling actually ended up being pretty destructive for my mental health, but nothing bad happened
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Rebel in a Good Way
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« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2018, 01:54:13 pm »

Godtrumpsall, you haven't answered questions about your motives on another post in here, so I'm not quite sure what you're trying to get at with this question. 

I also experienced one-one-one "pastoral counseling" as a young woman.  Nothing inappropriate other than the direct advice given that I shouldn't move away, should plant my flag, etc.  Glad I "rebelled" (hence my user name)

The not being alone with the opposite gender is also called the "Billy Graham Rule" or now the "Mike Pence Rule."  The premise is that no one can accuse you of wrongdoing if you are never alone with the opposite sex.  Or that you cannot slide in to temptation. Billy Graham never wanted the gospel he shared to be tainted by any scandal.

It has become part of Christian purity culture.  This rule has been criticized because it is mostly touted by men, which implies that women are evil seductresses who are either trying to tempt them or falsely accuse them.  Much of American Christianity places responsibility for sexual sin on the woman (as has been discussed elsewhere in this forum).  It implies that men and women cannot have natural, platonic interactions without sex being introduced.  And, it most often keeps women on the outskirts since men have power (especially true in GCC) so they are shut out of conversations or decision making processes to which men have no barriers.

All of GCC has male-only pastoral leadership.  I'm sure each church is different with how these rules play out.  Obviously the person who originally brought it up was mature enough to realize she could have handled relationships with men, but a legalistic rule was imposed on her.  This is not to say we should not exercise discernment and use wisdom in all of our relationships, just that these rules don't necessarily make us act morally, but rather our hearts do.  And this was a man-made rule that negatively affected the original commenter.   
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