An Ex-GCM Pastor Finally Says "Hello"

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

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[An ex-GCM pastor]

Do you remember the movie, Eyes Wide Shut with Tom Cruise? That is what it was like for me as a pastor at GCM. I could never know which way was up. We had always followed one particular leader in our GCM section. I have left and now go to a better church. I am in recovery. I am happier now. For those who read this forum, life was not so easy being a pastor there. It was harder on my wife. We've been reading this blog/forum for quite sometime now. It's very refreshing to read that others had the same feelings, even from long ago.

-An ex-GCM Pastor

P.S.  I'll do some name dropping later, as I get to know this crew and get more comfortable with my leaving.

[Linda]

Welcome! Thanks for posting.

I never saw the movie "Eyes Wide Shut," but the title sounds like something I can relate to. For years, I felt like I was seeing something "not quite right", but tuned it out mostly because we knew some pastors and their families quite well and operated under the assumption that the "quirky" things had to do with the fact that they were "uneducated men". So, we gave them a pass.

After we left, I remember reading an article by Rick Whitney entitled Building Courage and a Spirit of Sacrifice into Our Wives . Articles like that make life really hard for those of us who are complementarians! He actually tells men:

Sometimes, the only way to cultivate and develop a joyful response to sacrifice on the part of our wives is to plan times of sacrifice into our marriages.

According to the Bible, the husband is supposed to sacrifice for the wife, not plan times of sacrifice for the wife.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

Well, I'm glad you are here and that you are doing well.

Oh, one last thing, I have never assumed that life was easy for GCM pastors and their families. Some families seem to be thriving. Others, especially the wives, just seem sad and tired all the time.

Also, please don't worry about being judged here because you were once a pastor. I have always operated under the assumption that the current pastors who are taking bold stands and calling posters here "divisive" truly believe they are in the right. Many of them got saved at a GCM church and since they aren't allowed to listen to anyone who disagrees with their way of doing things, they remain in the dark and the deception continues until God opens their eyes.

I remember a pastor leaving our church and we were told to not ask him questions. Also, we were told not to ask questions of any of his family members who still attended our GCM church. There was some vague reference to attorneys implying that if we talked to the guy he might sue us or something. Very odd and very controlling.

Anyway, glad you're here. Thanks for posting.

[G_Prince]

Hello!

Great to hear from you. I'm curious about what you said concerning a particular leader being the dominate force behind a church. It seems like this is often the case in GCx churches. One pastor sets the tone, and everyone including his fellow pastors, attempts to emulate. Do you think this is fairly standard. What was your experience?

[lone gone]

welcome, I hope your recovery is speedy. I can tell you that it usually is but that there are leftovers you'll face as time goes on. The leftovers are what usually trip a person up and cause discouragement. God is more patient than we are so rest in His arms as you heal.

[Angry]

Ex-gcm pastor,
Sorry to hear of your troubles with the group, but also happy that you saw through the fog and got out.  It will take time, but hopefully you move upward with your life as you put this dangerous group far far behind you.

Without knowing all of the twists and turns of your story, all I can encourage you to do is be careful as you alude to "naming names".  We are steadily visited by current members who could easily get word back to your former church and cause you trouble (speaking from experience).

Please exercise caution accordingly.

Angry

[calgal]

Dear Ex Pastor:

I'm an ex-wife of a pastor in training (an elder at the time) and now the ex-wife of a current GCI pastor. So I know the inter-workings of the organization and understand your reluctance to reveal yourself.  Is there anyway we can submit our email address to the adminstrator to share to certain members?  As I'd like to connect with you.  There are current GCI members who I would not like to know who I am due to the fact that my ex is still invovled and I have a son who is being groomed for leadership now.  This is tough for me.  I'm not sure where to turn.  Any ideas?

FYI - I was part of the group that started up the Iowa City church

Thanks,
 
Calgal

[Rebekah]

Hi, Calgal,
You can send a private message to certain people with your contact info. Look under "My Messages" at the top of the page.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. That sounds very difficult, especially to have your son being groomed for leadership.

[everythingchrist]

I'm sure this makes trusting anyone difficult!  Trust in the LORD.  Read the bible, AW Tozer and others for deeper truths!  The GC church I attended (and they now don't mention they are a GC church,but go by "Rock" churches of various names) was feeding baby food and making converts to their opinions, not converts to Christ.

Move on and trust in the LORD!

[margaret]

How long does it take to recover?  I feel so effed up, and like it's always gonna be this way.  Was in for a very long time. Even had my hurts validated by some of the more healthy GCM-ers who recognize our ex-church as abusive.
Yet, the same abusive leaders remain in "AUTHORITY."
(Their favorite word of all time)

[jtk1983]

Margaret - I am in the same spot. No matter how much time goes by, I don't feel like I make any substantial progress in healing. I feel so effed up too. That I can't ever get things right. Isn't that the message we got from GCx for so long?

It's hard to even know how to approach God.

[tjlyttle]

So I am just starting the healing process after leaving a GCM church 2-3 months ago, but I think this quote absolutely nails it:

“For most of my life I have struggled to find God, to know God, to love God. I have tried hard to follow the guidelines of the spiritual life—pray always, work for others, read the Scriptures—and to avoid the many temptations to dissipate myself. I have failed many times but always tried again, even when I was close to despair.

Now I wonder whether I have sufficiently realized that during all this time God has been trying to find me, to know me, and to love me. The question is not “How am I to find God?” but “How am I to let myself be found by him?” The question is not “How am I to know God?” but “How am I to let myself be known by God?” And, finally, the question is not “How am I to love God?” but “How am I to let myself be loved by God?” God is looking into the distance for me, trying to find me, and longing to bring me home.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming

For those of us that have been enslaved in a "do _______ to make God happy" environment, we have to return to the Gospel and remind ourselves and others that Jesus wasn't kidding when he said "It is finished". God isn't looking down on us frustrated and angry, He loves us and is still pursuing us. It's that kind of crazy love that has our Dad running down the road to give us a huge bear hug when we've been abandoned by everything else that we thought would give us happiness. It's that kind of love that changes us and sets us free.

[jtk1983]

Wow tjlyttle, thank you for sharing that quote! I was especially encouraged by the statement that the Lord is looking into the distance for me, trying to find me, and longing to bring me home. At the end of the day, that is what resonates with my heart. In the aftermath, He is stilling looking for us.

[margaret]

Tjlyttle, I JUST read that book by Henri Nouwen....it is AMAZING!
I also chatted with a Christian friend, explaining that I'm in a recovery phase now, after having been in an abusive church for years.  I had said, "I'm just not sure what I need to do now."
She said, "maybe God just wants you to BE right now."
That felt so freeing!

[lovebombed]

Hi ex-pastor.
I wasn't a gcm pastor, as I am a lady, but I very nearly joined staff. I quit that process because they demanded some huge fee for me to go to Floridia for a week to learn to fundraisers (this would have been in winter of 2007 or 2008 and I think it was 750? Dollars, but I could be mistaken on the number. I was told that if god had truly called me to this, that money would appear. It didn't do I didn't do it. I was groomed for leadership- I led a small group (of both men and women! (Ugh the gender binary assumptions slay me) on campus! And on a summer project!)
I wonder, since this post was from 2008, where are you nine years later? In the nearly 7 years since I left, I went to a liberal seminary and became a trained pastor and chaplain, and have lived and worked in awesome places all over the us. My hope is that you are in a better place in like than 2008.