Beauty in disabled people (mompom's story)

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[mompom]

I just want to say something that I haven’t had the courage to say for the entire time I have been on this blog. It’s in answer to the question, “Why do you people insist upon focusing on your hurts and the flaws of GCM when you could be furthering the kingdom of God?”



Why? Why? I will tell you why.



Because a few years ago, I had a hurt son. He still is hurt, but back then I went a little nuts. I questioned everything. I questioned whether or not God loved my son. I questioned whether or not miracles existed. And when I sought out the church and the healing power of love and support and fellowship, I found an incredibly utilitarian church that was ONLY focused on the Great Commission. The true functions of church fell by the wayside. There was no place for those who aren’t going to be able to pull their own weight. Where would they fit in?



There were days when I was driving aimlessly around town for hours with him in the backseat and I would try to think where I could go to find the healing balm for my soul that I needed. I wanted to carry my son in my arms into a church and lay him on the altar and beg for him to be released from his pain. The kind of answers I received were be thankful, you must be sooo disappointed, and these are our tests that God gives us to get our attention. No one seemed to understand that I wasn’t disappointed with him. What was disappointing to me was that there was no place for him… not even in the church.



A church that can’t get past it’s issues and get to a place where it can be “loyal” and “faithful” to one of it’s hurting members is not a church. GCM is not a church. I am getting a little sick of the arguments. GCM is not a church. They didn’t have a place for us if we weren’t pulling our own weight. They kicked my son out of the nursery because other people were afraid that he would hurt their kids (he was 3). My “friends” threw a shower for every other baby, but not my own little sick baby. That’s what friends do. I kept a sunshiney face for so long. I would pray that I could stop being “selfish” and “ungrateful.” I internalized everything.



Now I know a lot more than I did then. Here’s what I know now that I had to find on my own:

1. Suffering is not a test or a punishment. It is a fact of life. And in suffering a Christian can find beauty.



2. My son is beautiful and he is not a “disappointment.”



3. My son is not going to be able to evangelize or DO anything for the church, he can barely speak. But his spirit has blessed the souls of numerous people, some perfect strangers.



4. A “church” that doesn’t work for those with disabilities is no place I wish to be a part of.



5. GCM was too focused on reaching the world to slow down and meet the needs of those within their midst.



6. I will never forget the painful times when I was barely hanging on. I was literally on the verge of a nervous breakdown. And still, I was expected to remember to greet new people, keep up with my service obligations, and to not complain.



7. You show me in the Bible where Jesus tells the lame man or the blind man or the woman stricken with seizures to “evangelize or get out of the way,” or the same to her parents and I’ll join GCM again. Until then, I’ll be as far away from that group as possible.



Mess with me all you want. Mess with my kid, and you won’t be seeing me ever again.



That is just one example (there are others) of how GC’s issues are still at the forefront today.



It needs to be a parachurch organization because they CANNOT meet the complete function of a church. Why can’t GCM just be a mission organization and leave the “churching” to those who are gifted in mercy or compassion or helping?



I am getting a little tired of the whole, “You guys are so bad to be focusing on GCM’s weaknesses when you could be furthering the kingdom of God.”



Well, damn it, I’m furthering the kingdom of God one g-tube, one injection, 500 episodes of 100 trials to learn how to make the sign for “more,” and one day at a time. And if no GCM Christians plan on standing next to me holding me back from the brink of despair, than I see their true “heart for God.” You know some people see miracles in healing. Others see miracles in salvation. This is my miracle: when I was left behind by the church, and the “army” kept marching on to “faithfully” do their work for the kingdom…. my miracle was that I didn’t lose it and that God was there to pick me up, dust me off, tighten my bootstraps, put my son on my back and giving me the strength to go on.



Thanks GCM, I wouldn’t have really found the true body of Christ without you. I have listened to all the “fruit” arguments how GCM is showing such great fruit in its ministry…. Well, you know there sure are a lot of numbers growing I’ll give you that…



How many of those numbers are the disabled? Honestly, at least I am thankful that we weren’t made a “project” like most people with “issues” are. Thank God for that.



Anyway, I am soooooo sick of the whole debate. They will never see their faults. I give up. I have a better chance of trying to teach my son Calculus.



You refused to see the beauty of my son. You refused to be loyal to me when I was at my lowest point. You refused to “help the widow and the orphan in distress.” Didn’t the Bible say that was “true religion?” Enough said.

[nateswinton]

mompom,

I don’t know if you went to my church or not, but if you did, based off your story, I’d have to say that my church failed you for sure. Maybe I say that because I’m much less of a “take the hill” and more of a “take a deep breath” person.

Both of my brothers are disabled and my sister is pretty dyslexic. I will admit that even though I grew up with that in my home, I’m weak at dealing with people with disabilities, and I naturally want to be around people like myself.

I personally probably would have failed you and your son. It would only be by God’s grace that I would be able to handle a situation like the one you described well.

I hope that you have been or are able to find a church that has a more compassionate and understanding community. I wish that the GC church you were in could have met your needs. I think some about the passage in the Bible about “noble and ignoble” vessels in the home. Your son deserves to be treated with special respect by the believers around you.

[mompom]

Even upon reading this, I bet there will be people who still think that I am obsessed with myself and my own needs. I am having to relearn how to ask for help because of how guilty I felt for not being a strong enough Christian to view my situation as an opportunity to reach out to therapists, nurses, doctors, and other parents. You know sometimes, you just CAN’T do anything more. And yet how many times did GCM look at me struggling and ask for more. More time, more money, more loyalty, more smiles, more outreach, more ministry, more confession, more quiet times, MORE MORE MORE.



And yet, the truth is that Christ is my hiding place. He is my healing water. He is rest for the weary.



GCM’s got the message all wrong. All wrong. You can never do enough, be perfect enough, be outgoing enough, strong enough.



Oh yeah and the whole, “God is faithful to me, because he gave me this healthy child,” is a bunch of bunk.



NEWSFLASH:



God is faithful even if your child is born mentally retarded.



God is faithful even if your child dies.



God is faithful even if you have cancer.



Oh that used to make me so mad when people would smugly say, “Oh God has been so good to me, look how healthy my child is, look how much he’s given me, etc.” As though somehow their righteousness and fervent prayers had somehow found favor with God… of course that would mean that if you DIDN’T have a healthy child, or if you had cancer that God wasn’t faithful to you? Huh?



So I know that now too. God is faithful. No matter what happens.



Anyway, it’s been a tough day, and I am tired of trying not to hurt anyone’s feelings. Yeah, you GCM people out there really did me in. I’ll say it. You really did. But I love you still and I forgive you now. And MOST of the time I don’t feel any anger. So… anyway… that’s where I stand.

[nateswinton]

mompom,

I don’t think that experiences like you and your son have had are good in any way. I’ve heard people talk about really hard times in their lives and say “I’m really glad, though, cause of what I learned!” I don’t feel like that.

I do think it’s so good that you’ve come to see that God can meet all your needs that that he’s your “rock” and “stronghold” and “living water”. I wish everyone could realize that without trauma, and I bet God does too. I don’t think God needs to use pain to show us things. It seems like pain does make us able to see Him much better sometimes though.

That said, I thank God on a very regular basis, and I’ve been blessed in more ways than I can mention - here or in prayer. I have to insist that my prayers do not imply a lack of love, affection, grace or faithfulness on others lacking the blessings I’ve recieved. I thank God simply. I have no idea what kind of people you were around in your GC church, but I would hope that their prayers were similar.

I try to keep the image from the Bible in my mind of the two men praying - the Pharisee and the Tax Collector - and how one is self-righteous and the other is ashamed and repentant.

I can see how you’ve been hurt, and you pain and anger are based on real events where you and your son really were neglected and unloved. I can respect that and I think you deserve all the space in the world to express that hurt out.

I don’t want to silence you at all, and I think you’re in the right place to vent.

I just hope that in your venting that you can minimize dealing out wounds by implication to others who are just as innocent as you and your boy were when you came to that GC* church.

Best of luck in your recovery, and best of luck in the future

[Princess Buttercup]

Very touching, Mompom. Thanks. I’m so sorry for what happened to you.



Thanks GCM, I wouldn’t have really found the true body of Christ without you.



That sums it up for me, as well. I’m finding a lot of the true body spend time on the decommissioned blog.



I want to go to a church that has lots of Mompoms and Mompom sons.



I agree. GCM churches are not churches. They are parachurches.



I agree, I, also, am sooooo sick of the whole debate. They will never see their faults.



I think the point of posting at this point is not to help GCM leaders see their errors. They have been carefully instructed that those who point out errors are slanderers and the “band of brothers” teaching keeps them loyal first to each other as elders.



I do think there is value in exposing the error and weaknesses to others as a means of warning them.



I might even go as far as to say that those posting warnings have a prophetic gift that is being ignored by those in leadership. One by one, God in his mercy is trying to get their attention through people bold enough to speak, and one by one, their voices are being silenced.



If you are a GCM leader, you might just want to rethink things.

[nateswinton]

“I agree, I, also, am sooooo sick of the whole debate. They will never see their faults.”

Ouch, Buttercup. Could you clarify who you are refering to when you say “They”? It seems like you’re saying “people in GC*” as a blanket statement. Did you know that I’m a staffer with GC*? Did you see the January 7th post and the letter from GC* staffer Tim Courtois on this blog? Have you heard of Dave Bovenmyer?

It seems like there’s alot of blanket statements and judgements going on both sides.

Somepeople “in here” (GC*) think all of you on decommissioned, GCMWarning, and the Jim McCotter blog are crazy, jaded, slanderous, misguided, bitter, and possibly evil. It seems like some of you that post on this blog thing all of us in GC* are a bunch of utilitarian, sexist, elitist, authoritative, brutal, conspiring scam artists and blind guides.

Neither statements are true. I think nearer (but not all the way) to the truth is that some people that post here act borderline crazy at times (though those occasions are rare). Many people are jaded, I, myself (debatably, but admittedly) accidentally participated in slander just yesterday here. I’m not alone at all. Some people here are misguided. There are some very bitter (and often seemingly justified) comments here. I haven’t, myself, seen anything explicitly evil here, but I guess someone could argue semantics with me if they want.

As far as GC*, clearly some people in GC* are authoritative. Some are utilitarian in their relationships. I know a few people personally that are in my church. I know alot of people that are debatably sexist in GC*, though they would argue that they are not. I know alot of people that come across as elitist, and alot of people that have admitted to elitism and genuinely repented of it in my church. I count myself in that bunch. Some people have been treated brutally in my church by other church members. I know of a few unresolved situations currently. It’s not the norm, but it exists. As far as conspiracy, I haven’t seen it, but I dunno what that means in the end. As far as scams, Angry would scream “SLICK 50/BLITZ/GCI”. I would count myself as a blind guide as often as not. Thats why I’m taking a leadership back-seat right now in my life trying to sort through some stuff.

All of that said, none of the negative labels I just threw around are the norm. Here or in GC*. I could name 10 completely reasonable, sane, credible decommissioned posters off the top of my head right now. I could also name 25 leaders in my church right now that would be described by anyone that knew them personally as grace-filled, compassionate, gentle, wise, and growing in Godliness.

I think if we’re going to get a whole lot accomplished, we need to avoid the blanket statements.

I’ve been harping on this for a while to different people, but I genuinely want this to be a place where GC* people (from the newest attendee to the oldest pastor) can come and learn from past mistakes and move towards reformation and reconciliation.

I think there have been countless mistakes and possibly even malicious practices in GC*. I’m not minimizing that, and I won’t. I’m saying that this blog can be a fantastic tool to come alongside The Movement and make changes take place if it’s used properly. One of those proper uses is to avoid generalizations where you can.

When you make a generalization that’s only 50% true, someone’s gonna refute it quickly. But if you cite specifics and call for specific changes, there’s hope for serious action being taken.

Steve Nelson got chased out of here in a matter of hours. Do you think he’s gonna go to the national board and tell them “Yea, they’re pretty reasonable people, we should definately work with them and get a reformation rolling soon”. No, he’s gonna think “what a mess” and in one sense he’s got a right to right you all off.

If you want to call names all day, that’s fine, this blog is for everyone. But I want to save this ship, and I think it’s extremely salvageable.

[Alpha Beta]

Steve Nelson got chased out of here in a matter of hours. Do you think he’s gonna go to the national board and tell them “Yea, they’re pretty reasonable people, we should definately work with them and get a reformation rolling soon”. No, he’s gonna think “what a mess” and in one sense he’s got a right to right you all off.



How seriously are we supposed to take Steve when he slanders sites critical of GC before his congregation and refuses to admit it? I agree that blanket statements made here are often over generalizations, but Steve got “run off” because he was being called out about a specific issue and didn’t want to discuss it.

[Princess Buttercup]

I was agreeing with Mompom when she said, “They will never see their faults. I give up.”



People have been trying for 30 years to help these people. They don’t want help. They don’t think they need help. Yes, I do believe that there are some authoritative, blind guides involved with leadership in GCM. Not all in leadership fit that description.



I think it’s pretty clear to anyone who has been around who “they” refers to. It’s not you Nate. It’s pretty obvious that there is an inner circle within the “band of brothers” who come up with the talking points and do spin control and believe in the “old” ways.



Steve Nelson did not get chased out of here any more than me saying,”Nate challenged Buttercup on a few things so I’m out of here.” He chose to leave. Frankly, I think either he was asked to leave or he found himself in over his head. He said some pretty slanderous things in his message against gcmwarning and he needed to be challenged on them.

[Zack de la Rocha]

“People have been trying for 30 years to help these people. They don’t want help. They don’t think they need help. Yes, I do believe that there are some authoritative, blind guides involved with leadership in GCM. Not all in leadership fit that description.”



So what is the purpose of this site? Is it primarily a healing grounds? A signpost?

[MidnightRider]

My $0.02: Do not expect GCx leaders to read this site and reform their ways.

I was happy to find this site because I wanted to know if others had seen and experienced the same things I had in GCx, and how they had been affected.

[Zack de la Rocha]

“My $0.02: Do not expect GCx leaders to read this site and reform their ways.



I was happy to find this site because I wanted to know if others had seen and experienced the same things I had in GCx, and how they had been affected.”



So for you it’s more a place of healing…finding that your are not alone, aren’t some crazed lunitic..

[exshep]

The above comments do remind me of my campus preaching days. It was something I did my junior and senior year of college. Sometimes I wish I could forget it– but that is another blog.

I always used to get the comment, “Nobody is listening, so why bother”. I have my doubts about the style of confrontational preachers, but it does generate a lot of discussion. It does get one thinking. I can use the same analogy for the blog. Since we are on the world wide web, we never know who is reading.

[Dipping my toes in....]

MOmpom, your story broke my heart and lifted my spirits all at the same time. I am a daughter of a woman with courage like yours - My mom is a peaceful woman by nature but if you mess with her daughters, she will surprise you with her strength and determination. You remind me of my mother.



Zack de la Rocha: For me it’s more of a place of healing and learning, too. I miss the old topics - the Healing discussion and the Forgiveness discussion…… I tend to avoid the intense point for point debates cause I don’t enjoy them. I’m not interested in doing that at the moment. On that thought, I agree a lot with Nate’s post and really appreciate his efforts to find middle ground (thanks, Nate!). But even though I don’t like those types of discussions, I think they’re necessary and good for the forum cause everyone’s different. At present, I like the touchy feely discussions. At other times, I may enjoy the intellectual discussions. Some lean HEAVILY towards the healing and touchy feely stuff. Others lean HEAVILY towards debate and intellectual discussion. It’s just all part of a diverse group of people in various different places in their lives discussing a common experience and concern.

[nateswinton]

Zack de la Rocha -

I wish you and Rage never would have broke up…

[Princess Buttercup]

I think the point of posting at this point is not to help GCM leaders see their errors. They have been carefully instructed that those who point out errors are slanderers and the “band of brothers” teaching keeps them loyal first to each other as elders.



I do think there is value in exposing the error and weaknesses to others as a means of warning them.



Zack, Here’s what I wrote in comment #150. It’s why I post. At this point, I don’t believe GCM will correct it’s errors. I do hope I am wrong. Only time will tell. And, until correction happens, innocent people need to be warned. The leaders have had many opportunities and been shown much grace. They don’t see and they don’t understand. They are blind to their errors. May God open their eyes.

[exshep]

He just might. Tune in tomorrow to find out. I can relate to those who feel GC is beyond cure. I have no arguement with them and the next latte is on me. Somehow I have hope that God will. I have detected enough inklings of hope to stay in GC and the blog. It is not blind faith. It is a touch on the subjective side, but it keeps me going.

[nateswinton]

I’m not saying this at all in an accusatory or “I want to make people guilty” sense at all - just want to open with that clarification before I even start my real comment:

My God put the stars in the sky, parted the Red Sea, destroyed cities, flooded continents, invented sex, defeated sin, and loves perfectly. That’s the one I’m trusting in to cause the Reformation.

This verse can become cliche´, but I’m gonna use it anyway, cause I believe it:

Psalm 20:7
“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.”

Again, I’m not saying anyone here has small faith, I’m not knocking anyone, I’m not trying to be arguementative or slight or smug. I’m just stating the basis of my personal belief that this is worthwhile and that the reformation I’ve been talking about for so long can and will happen.

[Brian Hagerman]

To #146 MomPom and others



I would recommend that you listen to two of the keynote addresses from the Faithwalkers conference that just concluded (http://www.gccweb.org/conferences/faithwalkers/teachings.html). Main Session 8 concluded with Don Schlichte, who talked at length about caring for his severly handicapped son until death. Don left most of us in tears. Main Session 6 includes Mark Darling discussing how he expresses his anger with God.



I would say two things in response to post #146. First, if your church did not provide you with the emotional, spiritual, and physical support that you needed, that is truly unfortunate. But that is not a GC problem, that is a church problem. You can find loving churches of all denominational brands, and not-so-loving churches among the same brands. The fact that yours did not step up to the plate means that they were not as loving an compassionate as they could have been. But again, not a problem specific to GC.



My second response is that, while the great commission of Matthew 28 is the responsibility of all Christ-followers, some are more gifted as evangelists than others. In fact, making new believers, and then leading/teaching them to become disciples, are two different concepts. GC has been very much about the business of making new babies, but perhaps not as strong in the ongoing discipleship arena. In the past, and maybe even the present, making new spiritual babes is a priority that might be given more attention than discipleship. Yet, I would say that my skills and gifting is more for the latter — teaching and discipleship — than for evangelism. In a good church, you need men and women who are passionate for both evangelism and discipleship. Bring them in, then teach them about Jesus. Two separate things, and often different people doing it.

[Princess Buttercup]

About God being big that Nate brought up. I thought of adding that, but didn’t for two reasons. The first is that for all of us here it should be obvious, but to acknowledge that aspect, I added “May God open their eyes”. That is my prayer.



The other reason is that I believe people have free will. We are not God’s puppets. To say I don’t think GCM leaders (and, again, I mean the people who we all calling the shots from the top, not everyone on staff with GCM) will never change is a comment on my lack of faith in the GCM leadership, not a statement that God isn’t sovereign. If GCM doesn’t change, iti’s not God’s fault.



That is a great verse, Nate. My trust is not in chariots either.



In his message, Steve Nelson says that he does not know the person who started GCM warning. (Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think GCM warning was started by one person.) In spite of saying this, he says, “I think he had probably crossed some lines that he shouldn’t have…and was approached on that and became disgruntled with the church…and so sometimes when people are approached on things like that they repent…sometimes when we’re confronted on our sin, it makes us really angry and that was this guy’s response.”



If Steve Nelson didn’t know who started GCM warning, then why is he telling us that it is a person who had sinned, gotten angry, and didn’t repent? Wouldn’t that be slander? To invent charges against a brother in an attempt to discredit the site? Furthermore, whether or not the site was started by a “disgruntled sinner”, doesn’t speak to the truth of the information on the site.



GCM is good at that. If they can’t find fault with your argument, they just tell you that the way you approached them is wrong. They are never wrong.



I am one who “stumbled” across that message online last June. It was chilling to me because of the attempt to use the Bible to control negative information about GCM.



Here’s a little tip. If your leader tells you not to look at porn,don’t look at it. If your leader tells you not to look at information that is critical of practice or doctrine of “The Movement” he belongs to, look at it. Information control is something that can get you on a cult watch list.

[mompom]

Brian,



The thing is, my church was VERY loving. I would say that they would be considered as loving and welcoming a body of believers as any other GCM church I attended.



As we have all said again and again. This utilitarian idea is seen in dating, parenting, marriage, friendship, and many other areas in GCM culture.



Some people may think it’s a good thing, but in the attempt to live godly lives, the focus in GCM culture is too much on the future. It’s too much in heaven.



In heaven, all wrongs will be righted. In heaven, all the sacrifice will make sense. In heaven, all wounds will be healed. In heave, there will be no disability. In heaven, we can catch up on all the fellowship we missed on earth when we were furthering the kingdom.



And yet there are very real earthly problems right here right now. GCM claims to be radically different than other churches– in a good way.



Where is there vision to ease suffering here on earth? Where is the national vision to start a disability “buddies” ministry nationwide so kids with difficulties can attend AWANA and Sunday School with the other kids? Where is the emphasis on accesibility? Where is this vision?



When we were going through this tough time, my home church 3.5 hours away that I had not attended for 5 years threw a celebration of life for my son. People from that church attended in hordes. They celebrated him. They partied and praised the Lord that he was alive and had made it through. They literally stood with us and said with their actions. We are here. We are not going to let you sink away in oblivion and despair. We will join with you and proclaim the beauty of this one life and the miracle that he is.



That is a true church. Never once would someone there say, “This is just going to be your area of suffering. It’s a test.”



But yet, that is again and again the kind of attitude I hear in sermons, at Faithwalkers, in small groups, at conferences, and one on one with people at GCM. Sure, you can say it was only MY church. But what if my church is a bunch of churches? And this bunch of churches shares speakers, and attitudes and theology with GCM. It’s institutional, it’s in the DNA, it’s not going away.



GCM says itself that it’s focus is the Great Commission… that is it’s name after all. And like many of us have said repeatedly… you focus on this aspect to the exclusion of the other functions of CHURCH.



The thing is, if GCM were to even attempt to start a disability ministry… I GUARANTEE it would be as a way to bring new unchurched people in. It would never be as a way to help ease burdens, stand in solidarity with people or to broaden the beauty of the church.



It would be a strategic mission, a march for publicity, and the aim would be growth, outreach. It would most likely not be a mission of compassion, love, and respect. Maybe I am wrong, but somehow I just can’t see anything different happening.



Brian, as you said, GCM is not the only church to do this. That is true. But it’s just the kind of flaw that is more likely to be in a church like this.



GCM is the group that does international ministry to save people not to actually love them because you think that would be enjoyable or fun. GCM is the group that gives out water not because people are thirsty but to make Christians look good and to get people interested in their group.



There has to be a sincerity of love and acceptance. You know, like when people are just nice cause God is changing them into a nice person… not because they are forcing it.



Is anyone understanding me or have I turned into a ramble?



I am aware that there are some overstatements here. Not EVERYONE in GC is like this. Perhaps no ONE person is like this… But you take the GCM vision and you put it into an institutional/organizational strategy mission and you lose the person to person sincere love and friendship. And discipleship does not count.



Here is an example of a true friendship not a discipleship one:



I made a friend in 7th grade who was my friend until college. At that time, we moved to different schools. Today, 13 years later, she moved back. Although we had hardly spoken more than maybe one or two times a year, we immediately got our kids together to play and began to work out together three times a week and go out for coffee one time a week. That’s a friendship.



Okay, contrast that with my GCM relationships. Friends for 8 years. Someone moves, to a different church… same town. No contact, no phone calls, soon you realize that you had nothing in common other than small group or a mentoring/discipleship/bible study arrangement. It is similar to if you left a job… utilitarian workers working side by side to achieve a mission.



So Brian, that’s how this is institutional across GCM. It’s just another manifestation of what we’ve all been saying.