Dipping my toes in....

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

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[Dipping my toes in....]

Hello! Thank you to the creators of this blog. It’s pretty clear to me that this blog is not meant to bash anyone, but rather, offer a place for wounded folks to share their stories, hurts, thoughts, and in this particular section, how they have healed or where they are on the road towards healing. I feel very much in need of a place where I can share some of my pain and wounds without being condemned or labeled “divisive” for daring to talk about the weaknesses in GCM that contributed to my wounds. I also want to talk to others that have left the movement because they can understand some of where I’m coming from. When I try to talk to friends or family that aren’t familiar with the movement, it’s hard for them to understand the emotional blows that resulted from my involvement in a GCM church.



I was involved in a GCM church during college - a “campus plant”. I went to school outside of my home state and essentially knew no one when I started as a freshman. I got involved in a GCM church and quickly built my core circle of friends within the church. During my four years in college, I grew more and more involved in the church. During my final year at school, I got involved in leadership within the church and as such, got to spend more time with the pastor. I wasn’t in the top level of management, but I got to interact with the pastor more and find out more of how he ran things. When I saw how the “management meetings” went, I realized that it seemed like my pastor had no peers and no authority figures in his life. No one dared to disagree with or challenge him. So I told him that. In private, over the course of many e-mails, private meetings, etc. Much to my surprise, I was met with extreme defensiveness. I was much younger at the time and just kept pressing my concern as I sincerely thought it would help my pastor to recognize this weakness in his life. I truly believed (and still do) that he could do much more good if he were to see this weakness. He was a “lone ranger”, above the law, heck, he WAS the law. There was nobody he saw as a peer or an authority to him save his boss, who unfortunately ran a church several states away. Perhaps had I been older, I would have foreseen what happened next, but it completely caught me off guard. The pastor started holding official church meetings to which I was specifically asked NOT to attend. I was insinuated to be a gossip and divisive and the rest of the church was told that it was not appropriate to contact me and hear my side of the story. I was isolated, shunned, and branded as “bad”.



However, as I mentioned earlier, I was much younger and still thought I could help the pastor by continuing to tell him that I was concerned about his lack of peers or authority figures. His boss came in from out of state to try to help sort things out and agreed with much of my concern, however, did nothing to change the situation. As such, I decided to leave the church and thought I could do so on good terms. The pastor wished me well and assured me that he would clear my name of gossip.



After I told my pastor and my closest friends that I was leaving, I asked my pastor if we could meet to just talk to each other - as friends. He declined as he “didn’t feel led” to do so. Then, over the course of the next few years, I was asked to stop coming to church recreational activities that I continued to participate in. Friends just stopped interacting with me - I was no longer “on board” with God’s work and they no longer had time for me. I now know that there was no public clearing of my name with regards to the gossip charge. The final blow was my wedding. I invited many of my former friends from the church. Most didn’t even bother to respond - but those that did indicated they would only attend the ceremony as they didn’t want to associate with several people at the reception. I was so incredibly hurt that they would do this at my wedding. I considered uninviting them, but didn’t. At times, I wish I had because I didn’t like the pang of hurt I felt while watching them walk away after the ceremony. I wish they hadn’t brought that to my wedding, or could have set it aside for the day.



I essentially lost most of the friendships I had spent four years building. The friends I have remaining are mostly also folks that left the church - and have their own wounds and scars to heal. My healing has been extremely slow and painful. Part of it has just simply been maturing and being able to process what happened and why. I was very angry for some time because I didn’t feel that I deserved to be treated as I was - also I was very angry at my former friends for not seeking out my side of the story and for ignoring the friendship we once had. I also felt guilty for being angry cause deep down, I felt that I must have been at fault somewhere. So overcoming false guilt has also been a part - what happened was wrong and it’s OK to feel anger for a time. Which brings me to where I am now - I want to share what happened. I wish it was with my old friends and church - I have no fear of them finding out the truth of what happened, but I won’t disrespect anyone’s wishes to remain ignorant. I also have had a re-structuring of my faith. It’s much looser now. There are infinitely less actions that must happen in order to have faith. I’m less judging, more accepting. Differences of faith, opinion, lifestyles, etc., no longer threaten me (though I think that was just part of maturing and growing up, too). And I think that’s about all the further I’ve gotten so far, even though it’s been nearly four years.



Forgiveness has always been in the back of my mind and I don’t think I’m there yet. What happened rocked my world for quite some time and even though intellectually I forgive my old pastor and friends, I know in my heart I don’t cause pain and anger still flares up regularly when I think of my past. I also have this darn church-phobia now…. I expect all churches to “bait and switch” (thank you to whoever applied that phrase to GCM churches - GCM churches have a lovely ideal and vision in their words, but unfortunately their actions don’t match and they haven’t quite recognized that yet). I’ve had a terribly hard time trusting anyone “churchy”. I haven’t been able to get involved in a church without extreme feelings of fear and suspiciousness.



So there it is - I feel the need to say that I wish I was further along the path of healing, but I’m not. I truly, truly appreciate reading some of the stories and sentiments posted on this blog as they have brought me some peace and hope. The stories are somewhat like beacons of light at various points down the healing road, letting me know that I’m not alone and that there are better places for me to go. Thanks for the opportunity to share. It’s been somewhat cathartic to just write my story. I’ll probably be coming back to dip my toes in this blog again!

[Samuel Lopez De Victoria]

“Dipping toes” person,



I feel very bad for you. You got the “mark of Cain” put on you. Cutting off a congregant/leader in GC comes from the top down. Jim McCotter tended to be that way. I personally believe it is a sign of high levels of narcissism and immaturity. GC is not the only culprit of this. I’ve seen it in other denominations and churches.



I understand your pain quite well. As a former National Leader I went to the rest of National Leaders and pointed out to them that they were treating me like a Leper. They denied it. I gave them examples, and how my old elder buddy friends were no longer calling me or they were checking with some of them to see if I was “Kosher” to talk to. In the end, I got Cain’s mark also. Some of these were former room-mates, elders I helped to develop and even recognized, side by side warriors with me. Sad.



I love Rick W. and even though I was the one that exemplified “loyalty” to him as a co-elder of three churches and National Leader (I also wrote articles on it in “The Cause” magazine), a part of his loyalty theology framework is not part of what I tried to live before him. This thinking is that if someone leaves him, he will never speak to hm again, whether it is a member of his churches, or an elder or National leader. This is not loyalty to Christ necessarily. It may but when a person, while being loyal to Christ is being led elsewhere, then they conclude that you are not obeying the Lord. They are surprised as to why you would leave the “best thing in the world!” That’s arrogance, pride, and elitism. A disciple belongs to the Lord not to a movement or a church. I’ve profusedly communicated to him on this and he will not treat me with respect but simply answer me with a one sentence answer every 5-10 letters or notes. I feel sorry for him and other brothers that have bought into this utilitarian theology. If he only knew how loyal I have been to him many times when he has not deserved it. If such kind of leader was ever to commit some mistake or have a fall from GC grace, they would experience a total cut-off. This indeed is un-Christlike and is much akin to the wounded person being ignored by his brothers until the Samaritan outcast took him in. The principle of “Sow what you reap” will prove to be true and it will come back on those practicing that kind of theology. I know, I used to practice it and it came around back to me. I have apologized and repented to any brothers that I treated this way. This was part of my own healing… to make ammends to those I wounded. I even went before the board and repented in front of them for treating folks like this and then encouraged them to do the same.



Reading that your pastor/elder cut you off (assuming your account is valid) and that few or no one from your old GC church came to your wedding, I feel a lot of pain. I think that is so insulting, disgusting, demeaning, un-Christlike, and very childish. I would seriously question whether that leader is a true elder in terms of scriptural qualifications. At best, he is insecure in Christ, his church, and “loves” people only when they can help his agenda. That is not unconditional love and “friendship” is foreign to that brother. He is not loyal.



Having said this, I still feel that we must be careful that in our ventilation there is no hatred, resentment, etc. True healing must take us to the place we can bless those who have hurt us. Like I’ve said, I believe GC guys are trying to love the Lord with all their hearts, as much as I am. I pray for them and look forward to the day there can be resolution here on earth. In the meantime, we can have that spirit in our hearts and move on to greater grace and glory in our lives.



Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D.

[Genevieve]

Dear Dipping Toes in,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry you were treated that way. I think you’ve come a long healing way in four years! May Christ be with you!

Sam,
I’ve appreciated your balancing voice on this blog, but it’s good to hear you clearly point out some problems as well. Thank you!

[bennyj]

Reading that your pastor/elder cut you off (assuming your account is valid) and that few or no one from your old GC church came to your wedding,

I will verify that this account is true, and that the actions recounted at the wedding did happen.

Dipping, didn't ever see this on the original blog (so glad for this new format!) and was glad to see it here, though you'd shared it with me before.