Discipline does not equal abuse!

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

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[Child_of_Arkham]

Hello, all. I have been Christian for 9 years now and away from Candlewood in Omaha, NE, for 2 years. I am glad I got out of there, but I am still mad and cannot forgive Rory Whitney and company for what they continue to do.

Have any of you received something called a “covenant”? Basically, whomever Candlewood deems a publicity risk apparently gets one of these to “get disciplined” so they can become the perfect robot to gratify the pastors every desire. Obviously, that was depicting how these idiots pervert the gospel of Jesus Christ. In my case it felt like the entire church was extensive of Rory sociopathic creepiness.

I was born to narcissistic and sociopathic father, and I have been attending Christian Counseling for 6 years to rehabilitate from all the psychological, physical, and emotional wounds and sabotage that I endured. It doesn’t help when the church you find Christ in basically uses you the same way. It wasnt the intent of the congregation but that of Rory. He always talked down to me as if I was mentally disabled and showed decreasing interest in me as I attended Candlewood throughout the years. Granted, my issues came initially from my dad and stepmother and people were still genuinely concerned for me there. Rory didn’t give a crap, and he even discouraged me from the talents I had. He just wanted to promote his crooked agenda.

Essentially, the “covenant” did not help me as much as it isolated me. I needed someone to validate me after my father and stepmother treated me worse than a dog. I got similar treatment with this covenant because of my issues. Again, I did have issues, but Rory kept gaslighting me as the culprit and “disobedient to God”. Furthermore, it is almost as the whole congregation was informed on how to talk to me. They began being equally creepy and diminishing  in their tone to me and even used some of the same mannerisms as the Pastor. Overall, it was the same narcissistic and sociopathic abuse I got at home.

I just wish Rory was behind bars. His abuse and hypocrisy has been seen from me and countless other Candlewood defects. In my case, it’s like he used my existing issues against me to control me. I wanna gather all of us together to help turn Rory in for good. He has been stood up before but he always changes up the church goals and rules to both further disguise himself and to outrun the inevitable. Others were actually applauded for the talents I had and what I wanted to contribute (especially in serving the church). The only difference is that they enabled Rory.

Anyone else have a story like this? Furthermore, why can’t some of us be the change that God desires and get these circle jerks ousted for good. If Mark Darling can be held to fire, why can’t Rory and the rest of this perversion of the Bible be tried as well? I know that I cannot be Superman and rescue everyone, but I hate to see and know about others going through the same abuse and indoctrination as I did over and over again. I wish God would end this hypocritical fraud of a Ministry right now!

[ReaperofGCM]

@ChildofArkham

Thank you for sharing. I am trying to understand this a little better, would you care to elaborate a little bit more on the issues you were dealing with
in your life that caused this reaction from Rory?If you would rather keep those private I completely understand but I also come from a similar background. I should
also interject by saying that I am an ex Christian and member of the movement.
 I also haven't done a ton of research on Rory so correct me if I am wrong but isn't he also Rick Whitney's brother, or is the name a coincidence?

As far as the covenant goes, was that something physical you received or was it a verbal understanding?

[Linda]

Thank you for sharing. I am sorry to read about your experience.

I have never heard of being served a "covenant" and wonder if you would feel free to tell us more about what a "covenant" is and what they did to discipline you.

I am familiar with "membership covenants" that people sign and agree to allow the church elders to pursue them if they try to leave without the permission of the elders. How scary to not be allowed to leave a church when you wish and have elders pursue you if you try. Was this action part of a membership covenant?

[Rebel in a Good Way]

Welcome Child of Arkham.  I just want to say that I do believe when people come to a GCC church with "issues," their experience ends up worse than most people.  The pastors think that all can be healed with just Jesus (sometimes Jesus gives us therapists!), and that if you listen to them long enough, eventually you will change (i.e.become like them).  When that doesn't happen--because sometimes people have really complicated things to work through and the pastors are actually NOT equipped for that role--the leadership turns on the person. Instead of admitting their inability to deal with "issues," they say that surely it is the fault of the person for not getting any better. Sometimes people actually get worse in these environments.  And because sometimes people with complex trauma have actual struggles that others can see (unlike some other people who are more able to keep their struggles secret) it is easy to get others to believe the narratives of the pastors that the person is ultimately to blame for their own struggles. In the end, "we're not the problem, YOU'RE the problem."  And the existence of this "problem" is a threat to them, it's evidence that they can't fix everything. So, the problem usually has to GO.

The above impressions are based on what I saw in my region and there was more than one example.  The people I know who came already with "issues" have the worst stories.   

GCC's Value Statement highlights their belief that pastors are equipped when it discusses the role of the local church.  Some on this forum have said their pastors tried to "counsel" them themselves, although #7 does say that "God may lead" a pastor to refer to professional help. Now 2 entities stand in the way of the person receiving needed services--God (who apparently must only speak to the pastor about this issue), and the Pastor.  Even in this statement they say that a counselor should be "biblically based," which seems to exclude a plethora of secular options that might in fact be the best option for people. 

And, it says that the leaders of the local church should be involved in the process. These points indicate GCC believes the local church is really the primary and only thing people need for "healing of souls" (7) and spiritual formation (.  What a responsibility! And one it seems they have failed at, many times.  This is not a realistic expectation of ANY church, but especially not one with only internal training of pastors.  This is high control, high fear (of anything outside the local church).

Side note: The majority of pastoral ethics include the responsibility to refer out to appropriate services and the importance of knowing your limitations and only offering care within those limits.

7. We believe that the Scriptures combined with the local church are God’s primary
system for providing pastoral care and the healing of souls. While God may lead
pastors to refer certain individuals to godly, Biblically based counselors as a
supplement, this works best when it is coordinated with the efforts of the church
and its leaders (2 Timothy 3:16; Ephesians 4:15-16).

8. While God can use outside authors, teachers, and seminars to supplement the
ministry of the Word in each local church (1 Corinthians 4:15), God desires the
local church to be the primary source of preaching and teaching of the Scriptures for
the building up of believers (2 Timothy 3:14).


All of this to say, Child of Arkham, that I believe you brought your pain and struggles to church and were only mistreated more for them and I am so sorry.

[Cult Proof]

Child of Arkham, I just wanted to say I believe your story and I am sorry that you were abused by Rory Whitney.  I had a similar experience with my gcc pastor. I wanted to go to counseling but my pastor repeatedly told me that the “Lord had provided him.”  Such a strong statement made me feel sinful for wanting to go to counseling and  ashamed that the pastors counseling wasn’t helpful and actually made things significantly worse for me.  When I finally left the church the pastor held meetings about me and told people I was “mentally unstable and therefore dangerous”. I lost all my relationships as people chose to believe the authority instead of the truth. I am healing now and significantly better under the guidance of a professional counselor and the care of truly loving people. Literally everything I needed for healing from my childhood was with held from me in the abusive church and then the consequences of that was turned on me and used against me. It’s truly a wicked and evil and cruel form of abuse. It’s classic narcissist abuse. You might consider looking up (if you haven’t already) the narcissistic abuse cycle. It’s different than the regular abuse cycle.  It described my relationship with my pastor perfectly. Anyway, I am sorry for your pain, your anger is valid, and you are not alone. I find comfort in Mark 3:1-5.  May you sense God’s closeness  as He shines light for you to find your way towards peace and joy.

[Child_of_Arkham]

@Cult Proof  I know what narcissistic abuse is. My biological father was a sociopathic narcissist, which is probably why I was susceptible in the first place.

The covenant thing is basically because you are deemed to have certain problems in the church (cuz they LOOOVE to pry into your life) that you will be disciplined according to terms decided by those in charge of disciplining you. Basically, I was isolated because of anxiety issues because Rory thought it a risk to good publicity.

That’s the only “discipline” they care about. They pray so much about their image that they even worried about their rankings in Google search results. Our savior worried about doing the right thing, not popularity.

[Cult Proof]

Curious is people think Rory or other pastors are narcissists?  Personally I think many of the higher up MN and WI pastors are.  I think Mark darling and at least one other MN pastor are narcissistic sociopaths.  Personally I think it’s extremely important to view these churches through the lens of narcissism because how you deal with a narcissistic person is greatly different than working through conflict with miss guided pastors.  I don’t believe these churches can be made healthy because there are too many narcissistic leaders.  In my personal experience I consider them a cult because of the heavy use of mind control and because of the wide spread narcissistic leadership.  I think the leadership style promotes the narcissist and destroys the well meaning Christian.

[Child_of_Arkham]

@Cult Proof You are absolutely correct. These people are narcissistic sociopaths and either want to exploit people that are just like them or that are useful idiots. I can name several people from Candlewood over the years that have either of those things written ALL over their faces. Rory is definitely one. He backed me up into a corner and emotionally bullied me and called it discipline (even in laughing at me at the very end). It’s all about them not being found out for who they are.

I have had to burn so many bridges from these people. I wish I didn’t have PTSD at all so I could literally look them in the eye and call them out. My mother and stepfather tell me to let it go and move on, but I know there are people just like me who have felt the vice grip of that cult and are feeling it right now. I want that church gone! All it takes is for these people to get the light shined on them and they are toast.

[PietWowo]

I don't know Rory, I do know his brother and family. My dad always told me growing up that if there was any sort of conflict to hear both sides. So, I can't comment on the situation, especially since there are no specifics.

I don't remember ever having to sign a covenant agreement with a GCx church. A covenant in the Bible is always between a higher power and someone below. For instance the covenant between God and Abraham. Hence it was sealed with the blood of 5 animals.

Regarding the number 7 and 8 guideline or rule.

Remember in the Torah (the first five Books of Moses) there were laws. 613 of them. One law said to keep the Sabbath and not to do any work on the Sabbath. Another law said that if your neighbour's donkey falls into a pit, for you to lift it out? So, what would you do if the donkey fell in the pit on a Sabbath day? Which law would you obey? Well, this was quite controversial during the time of Jesus. Hence the question a lot: What is the greatest Commandment in the Law. Generally everyone agreed with this. The Shma...(The first word in that command. Hear or probably translated better: hearken)  Deut. 6:4-6. The next question was what was the second. Now the tradionalists would say: "Keep the Sabbath" The Hillel folks would say: "Love your neighbour as yourself.' So, you can see how these two groups would treat that issue with the donkey differently. Of course we know that Jesus taught to Love your neighbour as yourself. That comes from Lev. 19:18. The traditionalists wouldn't. I see the above issue as similar. It's why the Levite and the scribe didn't touch the man who was robbed between Jerusalem and Jericho, because they were not allowed to touch a dying man, even not their own family (Numbers 19). But the good Samaritan was the neighbour.

I hope that helped. And yes, the church is the Bride of Christ and as such they are the pillar of Truth. (I Tim. 3:15) I'm speaking generally here, not about any specific congregation. The truth is found in the Scriptures. So, if a group of people call themselves a church, but they are not living according to the Scriptures then they have abolished the Word of God and are not functioning as a pillar of Truth.