Hi Everyone. I'm TaylorJoy, and I got incredibly indoctrinated into the Pearls' "Created to Be His Helpmeet" books through GCM.
I should add that I was at GCM through our whole marriage--starting at Mosaic, that met in a movie theater, and ending at Linworth Road Church in Columbus. [Reading through this site, someone heard Chris Martin speak at a Faithwalkers retreat, and was impressed by his humility and gentleness. I can't speak any higher of the man. He was a genuinely good pastor.] I don't think anyone in leadership "out-and-out" told me that women were supposed to be relegated to nursery work and cooking---but women were generally only doing nursery work and cooking. Those of us who were working hard in other areas were just kind've ...weird. I couldn't fit in, I couldn't identify with the other women there, and I honestly thought it was alllll my fault.
Then, a friend gave me "Created to Be His Helpmeet" during a very vulnerable, emotional time in my life. I had no sleep, I had a new baby, I was having some pretty serious difficulty in my marriage, and I felt like I was failing
somehow. I mean, didn't God promise us this wonderful life if we followed Him carefully?
[eye roll] I truly nearly lost myself by following the premises of that book. [Again, I should say that the seeds for this type of "submission" had already been planted by the book "Fascinating Womanhood," that I read as a teenager. CTBHHM was just the icing on the cake. Plus, I was raised in a very dysfunctional, abusive family, and was
eager for some type of teaching on how to be a godly woman.] I'll let my Amazon review of the book speak for how damaging the Pearls' teaching was:
http://www.amazon.com/review/R14MHSGLXFX58Z/ref=cm_cr_pr_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=1892112604&linkCode=&nodeID=&tag=I joined a community called "No Longer Quivering," a secular group for people coming out of the Quiverfull or Patriarchy movements, and for the first time, heard that GCM was an active supporter of things like Shepherding, Patriarchy, and extreme oppression of women. I was honestly shocked. All that time we were in GCM, about six years, I'd NEVER heard that GCM had any sort of checkered past, or had to "heal" from or repent of abusive practices. I truly love and respect the Martins, and lots of other people in the church....but......I'm really surprised that no one every even spoke of the church's past. I mean, come on, if it's truly over, you should TALK about it, regularly, just to keep other nasty doctrinal seeds from being planted.
You know, nasty seeds like the Pearls.
Now, I don't feel like I was rejected by amazing Godly women for not being Godly or womanly enough. Or even rejected by the worship team for not being young enough. [The worship team at Linworth was its own closed-off unit. I found other ways to serve there, but it still felt so awkward, being shut out without even the opportunity to audition.] I feel like I came into a group that didn't really shake off the spectre of the early teachings of GCM about the role of women. Or maybe they still totally embraced these teachings, and just thought they were "expected" or "normal" for "Christian" women.
I spent four years of my life trying to live that book. Now, after only two or three days of knowing, "GCM was pretty wacky, even though Linworth was a lot LESS wacky," I feel like years of guilt and shame have been lifted off my shoulders. I feel more and more like I can be myself, without having to apologize for it. Yes, I'm strong, outspoken, bold, female, and....geeky and weird. And that's not somehow "wrong" or "less feminine" or "less Godly" than anyone else there.
A complete aside: There was another GCM pastor there, Chris Old, who also completely encouraged me as a Godly woman. He described me as "a beautiful bold" woman. I cried when I heard him say that. I told him about the CTBHHM book that another GCMer had given me, and he said, "Burn that book." It took me a long time to do so--again, I came from a very dysfunctional background, and felt like maybe, since he was a man, he didn't know something about femininity that the other women in GCM seemed to. But it warms my heart to know that at least THOSE two churches are TRYING to come out of the crazy GCM past.
I just don't have to be mired in shame because of it.
