Left after 30 years

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

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[margaret]

I finally made my break.
Over the last 20 years I began, what I feel, was a God-led journey from legalism to grace.  I was in one of the GCM churches where the leadership still operated according to pre-Apology Paper practices.  Even though I conducted myself according to scripture, when bringing up my complaints regarding our elder,I was the ones that fell by the wayside.  The über-authoritarian elder was kept, despite agreement from the higher-ups that he needed to change.  
Now I am afraid of finding a new church.  Afraid to join, afraid of any type of leader that might be too manipulative, and having a hard time not throwing the baby out with the bath water.  I mean, I KNOW God is still good, but outside of that, I'm mighty leery.  
Wondering if I'll ever trust church again.

[ustawannabee]

Margaret, welcome to the forum, many of us feel your pain. It can be a painful journey but necassary one to walk. Our prayers are with you

[Amos]

I can't find another church.  Sorry.  So I'm just floating.  I read my Bible through every year, but every church I visit leaves me feeling like I just kissed my sister.  Uninspired and critical.

I read a lot.  I can talk with someone about the reality of God in my life - the realness of His presence and the logic of it all.

I'd told my wife once that if she left me, I'd never remarry (she didn't leave by the way!).  That's pretty much where I am with church.  I was joined to Great Commission.  I didn't agree with releasing the Weaknesses Paper, but it was put out there. I understand why DB wrote it and applaud what he was doing.  I didn't see the abuses others were talking about where we served (but don't disagree that they happened in other areas).  Lived by the convictions of what the Word said, not by the "GCI way."  Was always very careful about what the Word did and did not say.  I would say that in one sense our region was a bit of the rebel side of Great Commission, but that character has wasted away over the years as Great Commission in general kind of panned out. 

I saw abuses, but by what I'd call the "weaker" in the church - those who'd hear a hint from a leader and take that as gospel.  That was a weakness, and I always called that out when I saw it.  In a legitimate (in depth and private) discussion with a leader, I don't recall a single time when they disagreed with me in calling something like that out.  But that was in our region.  I've also had these discussions with all the levels of leadership in the church in the recent past.

When one has an issue with someone in the church, there is a biblical process to follow and I followed it.  After following this process, I'm no longer a part of the church.  I'm not content with that, but that's the way it is.  My integrity is in tact. 

What I would recommend to people is:  be strong in the Lord and in his Word.  Hold to your integrity.  Follow the biblical process and confront abuses as they arise.  Eventually this process will work to cleanse the Great Commission churches as much as possible (seeing that they are still full of sinful people and always will be) or Great Commission churches will fade away.

It's also not a sin to go to another church where you can find a home to serve and to be nurtured.  I believe I'm finally at peace with the knowledge that God is the One at work in the world.  The idea that the Great Commission chuch movement alone was going to multiply from "Jerusalem to Judea and Sumaria and to the uttermost" on its own was... I'm not sure what word applies.  But the reality is something different from what we believed and taught.  I've often looked back and felt that we were pretending to be a bigger movement than we were.  We were wise in our own eyes.  That is a serious error.  I sincerely regret teaching or promoting this singular idea. 

My best friends are still very active in Great Commission churches, and I have tremendous confidence in their integrity.  They are true people of God who really care and love.  I love them, support them, and pray God strengthens them.

[Linda]

Welcome, Margaret.

I can relate to your concerns and fears--especially those that involve finding a new church. My belief is that healthy church leaders will welcome and gladly answer questions and will not hide their history. It's okay to question. In fact, it's a good thing to question.

More later, but I just wanted to extend a welcome.

[Janet Easson Martin]

Hi Margaret!  Welcome!

I wonder how many people you represent.  Many who are as you, but haven't responded in writing on this "De-Commissioned" Forum.  I think you can enjoy the victory of understanding and living in grace instead of legalism; and finding the strength to actually leave.  After 30 years, I would say that took courage and listening to the Spirit to depart.  God will continue to guide you with his Holy Spirit he made to live forever in you.  For now, trusting him and his word more than men is not a bad place to be.  I personally think people like us who have had years of manipulative teaching from one organization are better for listening to many sound teachers - not just one.  Kind of like the wise Bereans - listening and looking in the word (especially in the Greek Linear to see if it indeed supports what they are teaching).  For awhile I continually ask God to wipe away the ingrained wrong interpretations I had been taught in GCx.  I ask him to help me see it afresh.  For me, looking at the Greek word meanings for certain passages has really helped.  Also reading books by authors who are known to have a view grounded in the GRACE of Christ.  They have helped me look at many scriptures in a different way than I was taught in GCx.

There are particular bible study groups I cannot participate in because their "rules" are too reminiscent for me of my time in GCx.  Others may think it less devoted I turn down offers to attend these, but they feel oppressive to me.  God knows that.  I believe he is very compassionate toward us.  There are lots of other bible study groups I enjoy and that God provides for me.  My own church has provided many of them.  Same with church pastors and leaders, any that seem too "controlling" or "power-hungry" for me I will not sit under.  The issue is what you feel secure in.  God is very sensitive to our hurts and fears and knows what WE personally need, and will provide exactly that for us.  He does tell us to regularly fellowship with other believers, so He has people out there to love us with his gentleness and sincere care.  We are allowed and supposed to pay attention to red flags that go up in our spirit when visiting churches.  It is tiring to church shop, sometimes exhausting.  But, finding one that embraces you unconditionally as an individual with your own thoughts and gifts is immeasurably worth the effort.  

Testifying that He Makes Everything Beautiful in His Time,

Janet





 

[margaret]

Thank you both so much for the reply.  It really means a lot, and Linda, I totally get what you're saying.
It's funny, though, how I'm kind of worried that the leaders of the church might be spying on this site and could identify me.....irrational fear?

[EverAStudent]

Welcome to the forum Margaret.

Trust.  Tricky thing even in the best of circumstances. 

GC was the first church institution that was seriously corrupt enough to drive me to doubt much of modern Christianity's implementation of the historical faith in Christ.  Since then, I have seen worse and equally bad, sufficient to drive me to question whether Christ is truly in charge (a foolish thought, perhaps, but that was my emotional response).  At present, we have no church home and I have no trust in institutional churches at all. 

Nonetheless, my wife and I hold (cling might be a better word) to our faith in Christ.  We continue to search for a church in which to worship and serve, but I have about given up hope that we will find such a place.  We even partnered with a pastor to begin a new church in our area to minister to the disaffected ...  LOL ... he left without notice to pursue a high paying pastorate at another church, just left us a voice mail... LOL.  Trust...gone. 

While I am certain that men of integrity still reside in some pastoral offices, my own experiences with "celebrity pastors" (i.e. pastors driven by the need for personal adoration and publicity), greedy pastors, power-driven clergy, and untrained preachers has left me disillusioned with the institutional church.  Still, we continue to search as we fan the flickering flame of hope and cling to Christ as our only resort. 

My point?  No one who is in-the-faith can afford to be on their own for long.  And even though the modern church may be slipping away to follow after Balaam we need to keep searching, serving, and even trying to prop up what remains, at least until Christ returns.

[Linda]

margaret,

I just wanted to make sure you know that leaders in GC do spy on this site. We left our GC church in 2005 after a year and a half of discussions with several elders. In 2012, out of the blue, we received a letter from Brent Knox and Mark Darling. In it, they mentioned that John Hopler reads this site and was hoping for "reconciliation", or something like that and asked them to write.

The problem was that our issues had to do with Mark teaching our 17 year old daughter at an HSLT in Colorado that the high schoolers attending should make a commitment to GC for the rest of their lives. Our issue with Brent was that he taught that people should give the controls of their lives to their elders. We have no personal issues with these men. We do find their teaching wrong. There was nothing to reconcile. There was teaching to correct.

The way they got around this was that they said they were going to take down the bad teaching. I think around that time they also took down Rick Whitney's Faithwalker's teaching about being totally committed to your local church for the rest of your life. The plan seems to be to teach bad stuff, get challenged and then remove the teaching WITHOUT CORRECTING THE TEACHING.

I recommend that people stay anonymous.

[Huldah]

Hi, Margaret, and welcome.

It's pretty normal not to trust other churches or believers when you first leave a church like GC. It seems to be the standard reaction, even among those who still hold to their faith in Christ.

You may never be as quick to trust as you once were--and that's not necessarily a bad thing; trust has to be earned--but there's a good chance that some day you'll find a church where you can feel safe. In the meantime, it's okay to rest and heal. Spiritual and emotional wounds are just as real as the physical ones.

[margaret]

Well, I must say, after a few days of perusing the site, and sharing brief posts, I am empowered by the stories.  I am validated, and my distaste for the authoritarian leadership is affirmed.
Thank you.
And my initial fear of any current GCM-ers monitoring this site is now gone!  I figure, "What can they do to me now?"
What a freeing feeling!
Again, thank you. 
This has been quite therapeutic.