Liz's story

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

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[Liz]

I just stumbled onto this site. I was in GCI in the 80’s. Sam Lopez…. Are you still in GCI? That organization caused myself and my family a tremendous amount of pain, including you Sam… I know I also hurt others who I was discipling, I’m so sorry.

[nateswinton]

Welcome to decommissioned, Liz. You’re not alone in your experiences. Care to share your story?

[exshep]

I am new to the blog, Liz. I am too sorry to hear of your story. Feel free to share as little or as much as you are up to. I was not in the 1980s GCI, but had a friend who was. I was in a different set of group similar in nature. I felt bad about some of the things I did in my groups. I did know what I was to learn later. When it was shown it was not my fault, I was able to forgive myself.

[Samuel Lopez De Victoria]

Liz said: “I just stumbled onto this site. I was in GCI in the 80’s. Sam Lopez…. Are you still in GCI? That organization caused myself and my family a tremendous amount of pain, including you Sam… I know I also hurt others who I was discipling, I’m so sorry.”

__________________________________________



Liz… I’m no longer in “GCI.” I cannot remember which Liz you are? Are you the one that lived in Miami once and got her Masters degree in Nursing Midwifery?

[Liz]

That’s me, I joined GCI in 1979 back when it was called Solid Rock Church. I was a brand new believer and learned everything I knew from GCI. I did gain a solid foundation in the Word of God, and I met some of the most committed people I’ve ever met. We were going to reach the world in our generation, but I also was under some very abusive, or perhaps just immature leadership. We were all very young then. I guess I didn’t fit the perfect GCI mold, at one point all my friends were “counseled”to not be my roomate, and I found myself ostracized, at another point I asked the local elder permission to visit my brother who was dying in Florida and his council was to ällow the dead to bury their own dead, but as for you, go and proclaim everywhere the kingdom of God” Luke 9:60. (Fortunately he died over spring break and I was able to be at his side). In those days we didn’t date or even court. A brother asked me to marry him, but I felt NO attraction for him and turned him down, A local elder tried to convice me that he would be a good husband, other sisters had said yes, and miraculously felt attraction after the fact. I did not marry him. I ended up going on a church plant team to Miami, where there was also a culture of control, and no freedom of independent thinking, including getting approval for the types of books you read. I went to the university of Miami, and I found a breath of fresh air, and an excuse to not be involved with the church’s every activity. I married someone outside the church, in large measure to get away, and later heard the word that I had “tubed out”(an old way of saying I had left the faith) and married a rich doctor for his money. (We are currently working in medical missions in a very poor country…so that was hardly the truth). After leaving GCI it took many years to sort out the difference between church and God. I thank God that he holds me in the palm of His hand, and His Salvation and the Faith I still retain is a marvelous gift from Him who I love with all my heart. I now work in full time Christian ministry, but tremble and have a knot in my stomach when I think of GCI…. I’m trembling incontrolably now as I write….. so 17 years later, it still grips me.

[snoopy]

Liz,



I am so sorry.



You wrote, “I asked the local elder permission to visit my brother who was dying in Florida and his council was to ällow the dead to bury their own dead,” That is just plain wrong on so many levels.



First, that they made you feel a need to ask an elder for permission to visit your brother.



Second, that they denied permission by misinterpreting a Bible verse.



If stuff like that is happening today then things need to change fast. If you are an elder reading this and you know of stuff like this going on now, pray that God will open your eyes to this garbage. It is not of God.



And, if you are an elder in the system, and you can’t help change it then by all means get out of there NOW.

[nateswinton]

Liz,

I’m also sorry. That’s truly awful, and I have definately gone through bouts of shame knowing the history of GC more and more through my recent research and stories on this blog. It’s good that you’re able to talk about it.

I know that since September at least four people have lost a parent or grandparent (actually, 3 fathers and a grandmother) from our student group. Pastors, Staff, and members alike attended funerals with those who had lost the family member. I had a friend that drove by himself 2 hours one way to give me a hug at my father-in-law’s visitation. Our pastors covered my wife and I’s rent one month because we had missed 10 days of work to be with our extended family.

So I will speak for Stonebrook in Ames, IA. It’s not like that here. What was it like in other churches?

[Dipping my toes in....]

Wow, Liz, thank you for sharing your story. I can relate to continuing to get knots in the stomach when thinking and discussing GCM/GCI/GCAC. I even started getting the knots just reading your story, cause it upset me to hear. You went through quite a lot.



I have a question for you, if you’re willing to share more (if not, no problem!!!). Did it take you awhile before you were able to get into church/ministry after you left or did it take some time before you were ready again? If it took awhile, could you share some of how you became ready to go into ministry again? I’m asking because I left a GCM church four years ago and am still having problems getting involved in any churches or ministry. It sounds like you’re currently in a very worthwhile mission. Hearing stories from people who have left GCM/GCI and have gotten into some type of ministry again has been really helpful for me on this site.

[Anonymous50]

This is truly a sad and tragic story. I know that some relationships I have known in the past were “set up” this way. I am aware of some marriages being recommended between two previously-disinterested parties, but usually relationships of this sort started out with an interest on the part of the male. The female was approached, after the guy had received much counsel, and the guy expressed his interest in the woman and asked her to consider spending time together with marriage in view. The woman could decline. This is how it usually went in earlier Ames days. I had also heard of stories in early Ames days where the woman who was approached was counseled to consider the offer, even though there was no current interest on her part, on the basis that an interest could/would develop and the man asking was a good man. I also know of cases where neither the man or woman were attracted to each other, but because the man has a general lonliness and interest in getting married, a woman or two would be suggested as good prospects - to plant a seed.



These avenues toward marriage do not seem to be practiced now among the GC churches, but I have wondered about a couple of more recent marriages where I suspect that an elder had been given the idea of marrying a particular woman and I wondered whether the interest actually originated in the elder. But I do not know for sure.



I am not in GC now. The Solid Rock Church Liz I believe Liz is referring to is now Linworth Road Community Church in Columbus, Ohio.

[Liz]

I have a question for you, if you’re willing to share more (if not, no problem!!!). Did it take you awhile before you were able to get into church/ministry after you left or did it take some time before you were ready again? If it took awhile, could you share some of how you became ready to go into ministry again? I’m asking because I left a GCM church four years ago and am still having problems getting involved in any churches or ministry. It sounds like you’re currently in a very worthwhile mission. Hearing stories from people who have left GCM/GCI and have gotten into some type of ministry again has been really helpful for me on this site.

When I left GC, I began attending a Baptist Church. I was there 4 years, and never got too involved, During those 4 years I stuffed those memories until someone gave me a book called the Subltle Power of Spiritual Abuse (I may not be remembering the title exactly). That was a watershed moment. I for the first time allowed myself to talk about some of the hurts of the past with a very supportive pastor. The problem was that once I could begin questioning the Church, I also began questioning God, and reexamining everything. It was hard to not throw out the baby with the bathwater. I went through many years after that ignoring God, I could’n't bring myself to read the Bible…. especially the version I had used for years. My husband would ask me to read the Bible and pray with him , and I just couldn’t. It took about 6years before life circumstances and some painful events brought me back to my knees, But not before having it out with God one night where I yelled and cried and finally forgave and confessed. I started really healing after that, and found a new love for God and his Word. I am now doing what I love, and what I think God made me to do. I still tend to bury things, the problem with burying your issues, is that they are still very much alive and come back to bite you every once in a while, and I feel that this is one of those moments.

[AgathaL'Orange]

Liz,

I just wanted to say, Welcome! Thanks for telling your story. I think many of us can relate to what you’ve gone through in some way or another. My experience was not as blatantly controlling, more of a subtle undercurrent that would manifest itself in more pronounced ways once in a while.

I also feel regret for things I participated in while there as well as times I put “church to-dos” ahead of my family. I also have had difficulty in reading the Bible in the same way as before.

I am so excited to hear of your medical missions. GCM, while damaging and destructive at times, can be a catalyst for change in our lives. If nothing else, it showed you what church was not supposed to be! Anyway, glad you’ve joined us.

Say what you want, be who you are, and feel comfortable here. Many of us are anonymous because we have just recently left or to preserve relationships. Some of us are not anonymous and that’s just great too.

[exshep]

I got to Liz’s story well past my bedtime. I will make a commitment to try to read in detail. I am especially interested since it happened in the Columbus church. I may have mentioned it before in a previous blog. [Forgive me if I duplicate myself]. My heart, with prayers, goes out to anyone whose group has let them down and still smarts from it.

I do routinely post off the forum at www.spiritualabuse.com
While the forum generally does not allowed specific groups to be named, there are posts which address some of the post group recovery issues. There are resources which might be helpful. Take what you like and leave the rest. It is there if anyone feels the need.

[Dipping my toes in....]

Well that’s funny. Ex-shep - I went to check out the site you linked and noticed that the guy that wrote the article on the frontpage (Jeff VanVonderen) is one of the guys that wrote the book Liz mentioned. Just click on his name at the bottom of the page and read his bio. The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse is listed in his publications.

[exshep]

that is the site in question. I spend the bulk of the time on the forum.