May lose a friend to WCCC

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[stayalert]

I've only recently became aware of the danger of Walnut Creek, from a friend of mine, Nick, who started going there last Fall. I got to know him through his wife Lyn (just married last summer) who I've known for many years. Lyn is an energetic, friendly, dynamic Christian, who came to Christ as a teen through the ministry of my wife and I and our small non-denominational church.

After Lyn married Nick, they both continued to attend our church Sunday mornings but also began to get involved with WCCC/Walnut Creek West, which has a Saturday evening service. It didn't take long before they were so heavily involved in numerous Bible studies and other events throughout the week that we rarely saw them, except for most Sunday mornings at our church. Nick began to feel like something wasn't right and began to do his own research on the history of GCx movement, and asked me to do the same (which we did, leading us to this site and others). He has been asked by more than one leader on numerous occasions to give up his promising career in professional golf, which of course takes him out of town frequently (where he does frequently share his faith). He's also heard leaders claim they are the only church "doing it right" at a recent mens retreat.

Lyn, on the other hand, feels he is overreacting. Nick actually loves our church and would like to commit to it, but Lyn is entrenched in the friendships and lifestyle at Walnut Creek. Lyn has never had anything critical to say about our church until now, citing there are no young marrieds in the congregation (which isn't true, there are a decent number, and Lyn has always understood the value of older and younger generations in a church community—but this seems to have changed).

Nick's chief concern is that WCCC and the friendships she's developed there are taking her away from him; she spends far more time, most evenings, away with church activities, and personal discipleship with her friends almost every morning before work, than she does with him.

We both can see she is in way over her head, and Nick is having a real conscience struggle with continuing at WCCC, while also not wanting to attend a different church than his wife. It's difficult to counsel them on what to do, but I've been praying for Nick and wondering myself how to encourage his leadership in his marriage. Lyn has always been strong-willed and slow to listen when she's on a determined track.

I was reluctant the first time Nick asked me for help on this, because I was never after a witch hunt, and in the beginning felt (and still do) uneasy about looking at a prominent Gospel-preaching, Bible preaching church in my city, that has done undeniably good things for God's kingdom, in this new unfavorable light. The term "cult" is used a little too loosely these days (by some) and I still don't consider WCCC or its branches a cult in a strict sense. But there is definitely a very pervasive and enduring core element in the leadership that do cult-like things, as MANY seem to have experienced.

Any advice on how I can encourage these two would be appreciated. I don't want to intervene where I'm not welcome (Nick welcomes it; Lyn may not so willingly), but I don't want their marriage and spiritual lives to suffer needlessly.

[EverAStudent]

Welcome to the forum. 

I am sorry that this forum has to exist.  I am also sorry that you had a need to use it.  I am happy that God has given you this resource as a part of the information and wisdom you will need in helping counsel this couple.

No two christians or churches are identical, not even in the GC family.  My own experience was that in spite of all the pious talk we heard from the pulpit on the sanctity of marriage, our GC pastors did not hesitate to try to split up my wife and I when it became apparent to them that my wife (a musical talent) wanted to remain with GC even as I was having doctrinal misgivings about it. 

This is my warning:  Make the couple aware that under no circumstances will Christ be pleased with either of them if they permit loyalty to a local church to cause their marriage to fracture.  It is a truth that Christ would rather they be unified (as one flesh) and worship alone at home than to split up so they can worship in different congregations. 

Personally, I would appeal to Nick to demonstrate headship of the home and initiate leadership by insisting on a weekly basis that the two of them worship at a non-GC church.  He needs to guide his wife to begin becoming a worker at the non-GC church with a similar energy she invests at WCCC.

What GC learned many years ago is that frenzied activity is addicting.  Wives feel needed and appreciated when they are constantly asked to lead this or take ownership of that.  It all becomes so fulfilling that marriage becomes secondary to them.  It would be good to point this out to the couple as well.

[AgathaL'Orange]

This is soooo tough!  I agree that this couple needs to know from some reputable source that marriage for sure needs to come before loyalty to any church.  And I am so angered (tiredly so) that the church would be encouraging her to spend so many hours away from her husband.  As many of you know, this very church did similar things to my husband and I.  In the years when we could have been appreciating time together, traveling and getting to know each other (we were newly married when we joined), we actually were often separated for silly things like leader's meetings, etc.  And now we have a profoundly disabled child who will live with us forever (it's okay, we love him, and he's amazing), but I think of those first three years... the only time we'll live together alone for the rest of our lives.  And all I can see is how selfish the church was with our time.  Sickening.  Truly sickening.  And of course, don't even get me started about the separating they imposed when we had young children.  And for nothing.  Their "leader" meetings were such a waste of time.  The entire "leader" label was a facade, because the leaders are clearly the ones who make all the decisions.  And we all know at WCCC who that is.  They should feel shame and regret, but unfortunately that's our burden to bear!

I love being out of WCCC.  I hope Nick and Liz can get out, with marriage intact.

[stayalert]

Thank you both for your responses! I appreciate the perspective, advice and encouragement. Also wanted to add Nick's experience to the growing library of testimonies here. Much of what I've seen on here rings very true to his experience. Will proceed in love! Thank you again.

[pvitartas]

Yep - this church hasn't changed since the 70's.  If you are in it, you are IN God's will!  Every other poor Christian is simply in God's permissable will, and is an object of pity.