My Experience At Evergreen and The Rock

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[OneOfMany]

I chose the name “OneOfMany” because most people that visit this forum do not register, and if they register they do not post. I have been “OneOfMany”.  I now feel compelled to share what I experienced while a member of Evergreen Community Church.  I want to add my voice to those who are warning others about the organization that calls itself Evergreen Community Church.

I spent years at “Evergreen Community Church” and the “The Rock”. After leaving I came to recognize that the organizations world view unhealthy and not based on truth. It leads to abuse. It leads to broken people who need to heal.

This forum has helped me to heal! I found this forum after I began to search the internet for information on Abusive Churches  and one day stumbled upon this forum with testimony from those who went to the same “Church” I had belonged to. That is when my healing moved full throttle ahead.
I will say that I can relate to almost every single testimony describing problems with GCM that have been posted here and that has helped me to move beyond wondering what is wrong with me and to recognize that I was part of a culture that treats people with contempt. The only thing wrong with me is that for some reason I could participate in such a culture and not recognize that people were treating others in a manner that harms the mind and the soul.

Here is what I experienced while a member:

A lack of sexual boundaries are endemic in the “church”.  I firmly believe that should Mark Darling be removed from his position in the church the lack of healthy boundaries will persist because it is part of the DNA of the organization.

•   As a Single member of the church I sat through a singles event during which a Pastor’s Wife on stage shared details of her sexual acts with members of the same and the opposite sex. She appeared to be in distress while she shared, not sharing in a manner of someone who wanted to share in order to help other people. Her Pastor Husband kept encouraging her to keep on sharing details of her sexual life before she was married. Honestly sharing these facts did not edify those of us listening. It did not teach us anything that would change our current lives. I have no idea why she was pressured to share these intimate details. I left wondering how she could ever walk through the church again without feel “naked”. Sharing details like that is inappropriate and not anyone else’s business.  She cried. It appeared to break her.
•   Another single’s event a different Pastor’s wife sat on the stage crying her heart out as she shared that she could not stop taking care of her own sexual needs until she was married. Again this was inappropriate information about her behavior that did nothing to help those listening. Frankly I left with the message that one cannot stop playing with oneself until married so the spouse’s hands did the job instead of your own.  How does someone hold up their head in a group after sharing, under duress, details like that? I have heard healthy testimonies before and the tears on that stage were not that of someone who wanted to share out of free will to edify others. Nope. And in fact the message seemed to imply that one should   get married so someone else so that your sexual needs would be met.
•   Married small groups/growth groups sharing intimate sexual acts completed with their spouse to other group members in the guise of being transparent.
•   Arranged Marriages. Need I say more? People suddenly would announce they were getting married and it was a surprise as even so called courtship was conducted in secret.
•   Singles small groups in which members were put together as a group of strangers and then told to be transparent, to share the intimate details of their lives especially areas of sin. It is not healthy to share intimate details with strangers!

The organization does not believe in the sufficiency and power of God’s Word.
•   I remember being told that we did not have more scripture in the “Small/Growth Group” bible studies because it would scare new people away.  I was never given an answer when I asked how people could become Christians if they did not hear the word of God
•   “Sermons” with little to no scripture.  Sermons appear designed to entertain with stories of the pastor’s lives. Again it was stated that sharing God’s Word would scare people away from knowing God.
•   Pastors set themselves in God’s place by describing themselves as “messengers” of God’s truth and that they can set standards by which people live.
•   I was strongly criticized for reading my bible every day because it was not the current bible reading program the organization wanted us to follow.

The organization is dishonest.
•   Love Bombing. Spending a lot of time with new people and then telling them that you no longer have time to spend with them because they are now a Christian and a member of the church is both dishonest and cruel. It is not a Christian or loving behavior. It is a sickness with GCM churches to treat people with such contempt!  To those that say this does not go on I say that is surely does!! I was told this very thing by my small group leaders and know others who experienced the same dishonest behavior from those they met at their GCM church. I was encouraged to behave in the same manner.
•   Not sharing vital information such as who are the members of the board that handle the finances members donate.
•   Withholding information on what is really going on when people leave the organization. For instance when the Berlin plant failed, meetings were held which did not tell us anything about what happened, and did tell us not to inquire on the matter. I remember that time.
•   Lying about the history of the organization. Not telling the truth even when people ask. Yes I did ask. I was given just enough to appear to answer the question but not the truth.
•   As a member not really knowing what is going on with just about everything. Plans are secret. It is kept secret what is going on with people and ministries. I always felt that I was not trusted while in the organization because of sudden announcements that lacked any previous information relating to the announcement. It was after I left and read what people write here that I came to realize that the problem is a complete lack of transparency with just about everything operating in the organization. A culture of not letting people know what is going on.
•   Sharing a Gospel message that is not the Gospel. We do not control God. Simply telling God that you are a sinner, that you are sorry you sinned, that you accept God into your heart, does not mean God enters your heart or your life. It is the worst kind of lie as people believe they are saved when they are not.

Evergreen Community church is manipulative and controlling.
•   Music, sound waves, lighting, voice intonations and more are used to elicit an emotional response. It is a form of group hypnosis. The organization advertises that you can experience God there. But this is not God. It is a natural response to the environment created. The exact same production could tell people they are experiencing something else, if they were told it was not God but that other thing they are experiencing. When music accompanies singing, it is worship. When music dominates, it is entertainment.
•   Pastors telling us that they have authority in our life for personal decisions we make.
•   Being told to volunteer at pastor’s homes to help with childcare or cleaning or whatever they needed. I never did that. But I felt guilty that I did not do that because the message was so strong that we should. I was single at the time and already had filled my days with the organizations activities to the extent that I could not do that on top of everything else.
•   Unreasonable pressure about life details. For instance I remember feeling frustrated that we were being told not to spend money on prepared food but to cook from scratch. Never mind that I worked full time and did not have time to cook from scratch!! It was possible, I was told, if I wanted to listen and follow their direction. Also implied was that not to follow their direction meant I was not living a full Christian life and that I was disobedient.
•   Constantly being told that it is gossip or slander when normal enquiries were made about what was going on in the organization.

The organization is physically unhealthy.
•   One can never do enough to satisfy the organization. If you go to “church” on the weekends then you are told to go also on Wednesday. If you go to church on Weekends and Wednesday then you should also be in a small/growth group. If you do all of that then you are told you are not doing all that God wants you to do because you are not in a ministry. It goes on and on and on until so much free time is taken up by this organization that personal life suffers. When I spoke to leaders about my not having time to handle personal needs they told me to join another ministry. If there was a problem in my life that I wanted help with I was told to join something else in the church. It seemed to be the answer to everything that came up. Health problems – get more involved. Money problems – get more involved. Family problems – get more involved.
•   Redeeming the time. I remember the guilt piled on about how time was spent. I still feel guilty if I watch a movie because I will “never get that time back”. Those guilt messages are not easy to let go of.
•   I remember Brent Knox saying we should cut our sleep on a regular basis to read the bible. Even every single morning.
Evergreen Community church takes credit for what only God can do.
•   Pastors claim to bring people to Christ. No one can bring someone to Christ. Only God can bring someone to himself.
•   Telling people that all they have to do is admit they sin, tell God they are sorry, invite God into their heart and then they are saved. Nope. That is NOT what the bible says. If the pastors believed in God’s word they would not tell people such things.

[Differentstrokes]

Thanks for sharing. Much of this is very similar to the church I attended, especially the last part...

[Linda]

A lack of sexual boundaries are endemic in the “church”.  I firmly believe that should Mark Darling be removed from his position in the church the lack of healthy boundaries will persist because it is part of the DNA of the organization.

•   As a Single member of the church I sat through a singles event during which a Pastor’s Wife on stage shared details of her sexual acts with members of the same and the opposite sex. She appeared to be in distress while she shared, not sharing in a manner of someone who wanted to share in order to help other people. Her Pastor Husband kept encouraging her to keep on sharing details of her sexual life before she was married. Honestly sharing these facts did not edify those of us listening. It did not teach us anything that would change our current lives. I have no idea why she was pressured to share these intimate details. I left wondering how she could ever walk through the church again without feel “naked”. Sharing details like that is inappropriate and not anyone else’s business.  She cried. It appeared to break her.
•   Another single’s event a different Pastor’s wife sat on the stage crying her heart out as she shared that she could not stop taking care of her own sexual needs until she was married. Again this was inappropriate information about her behavior that did nothing to help those listening. Frankly I left with the message that one cannot stop playing with oneself until married so the spouse’s hands did the job instead of your own.  How does someone hold up their head in a group after sharing, under duress, details like that? I have heard healthy testimonies before and the tears on that stage were not that of someone who wanted to share out of free will to edify others. Nope. And in fact the message seemed to imply that one should   get married so someone else so that your sexual needs would be met.
•   Married small groups/growth groups sharing intimate sexual acts completed with their spouse to other group members in the guise of being transparent.
•   Arranged Marriages. Need I say more? People suddenly would announce they were getting married and it was a surprise as even so called courtship was conducted in secret.
•   Singles small groups in which members were put together as a group of strangers and then told to be transparent, to share the intimate details of their lives especially areas of sin. It is not healthy to share intimate details with strangers!

Welcome and thanks for your post. I am glad you found the forum helpful. I do as well.

None of these points are surprising. I was aware of all the conferences you attended and shocked by the content. I had heard of some married small groups where couples shared details of sexual acts and offered tips. I even heard of detailed descriptions of honeymoon activities being discussed. This is sick. Of course, not all small groups did that. Perhaps only a few. But it should never have happened.

[Rebel in a Good Way]

OneofMany,thanks for sharing.  I relate to you and your bullet points!  That is also how I process things.  Sometimes it just helps to make a list and have it all to look it, grouped by category.  Not sure if it was a healing/helpful process for you, but it helped me to have a visual to look at, like here it is.  It also helped to get it down so that I wouldn't really have to think about it, but wouldn't lose it (like have a vague memory that something was painful but not remember exactly why).

Other than often talking about how wives are supposed to have sex with their husband (at least every 3 days) because (only) men need sex, I fortunately missed out on all that sex stuff, but the rest sounds pretty familiar.  I even remember that it was an HONOR to be asked to babysit for the pastor's family. Now that I have kids and discover how hard it is to line up babysitting, I realize what a perk that was!

Since you specifically mentioned movies, thought you might like this link:

http://forum.gcmwarning.com/the-healing-forum/movies-as-a-form-of-healing/

[Huldah]

OneofMany, thank you for sharing. Many of the points you listed describe my own experience decades ago. It's disheartening that some of the same problems still existed for you all those years later.

Most of the people in my church were unmarried back in those days, so we didn't have to endure the intrusive sexual discussions or sermons you mentioned. Also, in my time, there was an attempt to stick with Scripture in the sermons, even though Scripture was misinterpreted in some key ways. It actually sounds like things got worse, not better, after my time.