My Experience: Then and Now

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

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[Columbus Old-Timer]

Hey everybody.

I’m new to this forum and this is my second post. I hadn’t planned on sticking around here but have found myself fascinated and moved by the stories of ex-GC people who have left the movement many years after I did, which was in 1984. Somehow I had gotten the idea the group had abandoned a lot of its Mafia-style behavior since then, and am appalled to learn that, really, nothing has changed.

I wanted to share a bit of my own “recovery” from those days in hopes that perhaps something I say might help someone else. The last twenty-four years have been a very rocky ride for me, emotionally and financially, but I truly can see God’s hand in everything that has happened, including my GCI experience, and am (most of the time), profoundly grateful. My understanding of grace has expanded far beyond its theological definitions to include acceptance of, even the embracing of, those aspects of my personality which predisposed me to be so gullible to GCI’s teachings in the first place. I would even go so far as to say that when GCI promised me that “God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life” that that wonderful plan, unbeknownst to anyone, included the experience of and recovery from both child-abuse and church-abuse. A deep respect for the mystery of the context in which our lives play out has replaced the anger and bitterness I carried for so many years after I left the group.

At the time I left, my life was one confused, unhappy mess. Like many others who were either forced out or left because they were revolted at what they saw going on, I had great difficulty adjusting to life in the “real world”. Having spent twelve years of my life believing that I was in the center of God’s will, I now found myself without basic life- skills, and I blamed God and GCI for it. My mistake, and this continues to be my mistake if I don’t take pains to counter it with truth, was to assume that life’s meaning and value are found in external achievements, accomplishments, and living up to the expectations of others rather than in a deepening appreciation for the maturity of soul which might result in coming to terms with the experiences of the past.

God’s will, as far as my life is concerned, is not a predetermined trajectory. God’s will and grace are found in the context of any given situation or set of circumstances in which I find myself. That set of circumstances will certainly and invariably include my own foibles and shortcomings, which God, in His infinite mercy, takes into consideration in the working out of His plans and purposes. There is a deep, deep process going on which, by definition, we can only catch a conscious glimpse of here and there. The magic and wonder is the knowing by faith that “God loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life”! I cannot lose. No matter how much I mess up, God can and will create a new set of circumstances in which I have the opportunity to make a good choice.

I spent many years going to the “elders” for their counsel or permission on matters concerning which I should have been following the dictates of my own conscience. This mind-set served only to perpetuate my own immaturity. What I’m suggesting is that while, yes I had to suffer the consequences for my ignorance, I have found real value and meaning in the experience of recognizing, and taking advantage of,  the opportunities (such as writing this post) that have arisen because of it. This is what life is all about! It really doesn’t get any better than this!

Let me conclude with a quote from one of the letters of the German poet Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1926):

“What is asked of us is that we love what is difficult and learn to handle what is difficult and heavy. In difficulty there are benign forces, the hands that work on us. In the midst of difficulty we are meant to experience our joy, our happiness, our dreams: there, against the depth of this background, they become visible and only there we may recognize their beauty. And only in the darkness of difficulty our precious smile attains its meaning: only there it shines with its deep and dreamy light, and in the brightness that it spreads momentarily we behold the wonders and treasures all around us.”

Peace.

MLM

[steelgirl]

The first 2 yrs I was involved.  It was a church in my town that was comparable in size to where I grew up in.  Made logistical sense for me.  However there was a big move in 01.  I was in a great small group from 99-01 or at least thought I was.  The next few yrs was hard.  After the big move, the elders decided you had to be asked to go to a small group in the community part of the church.  If you appeared to have too many issues forget it.  I was in one group with one discipler/mentor and another person who was worse off than I could be.  I don't regret building friendships.  However I am bummed about not going to the lifegroup that would have made logistical sense. I eventually got invited, however these people really did not know me.  Another thing somebody from the first group told me to show more of my cards than I should have.

There were hard things from 01-03.  God however did allow me to be a part of a great ministry opportunity in the midst of this crap.  I started checking out a church in Aug 03.  I still was a part of the GCM church until May or June 04.  I am now apart of the church I started checking out before I left the GCM church.

[Columbus Old-Timer]

At some point we need to ask ourselves the question "what is spiritual growth and who is responsible for it?". In GCI I was taught that spiritual growth was inseparable from obedience to the dictates of the elders. After I left, and got enough distance to start to realize that God wouldn’t strike me dead if I listened to someone else’s point of view, I gradually began to see that blind obedience was the biggest cop-out of my life, and, for myself at least, constituted nothing less than moral failure. The next step, then, was to accept my failure, chalk it up to experience, and embrace the certain truth that I, and I alone, am responsible for my growth, which is to say, responsible for my choices and their consequences, whatever they may be. I don't find myself beleaguered by questions about submission to authority, because, frankly, I am responsible directly to God, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

From the GCM/I/whatever standpoint, this is a radical, even heretical position. It is precisely because it seems so radical to someone who is still in, or has recently left, the movement that it is so important. How does a person arrive at a point in his or her own life where the blind surrender of one's will to a human authority, whether to the Pope or to a plurality of evangelical thugs, appears as a reasonable option?

I would suggest that that in most cases such a person (myself included) is lacking some basic psychological strength that should have been established during childhood. While the person cannot be faulted for this lack, and certainly should not feel any shame for it, he or she is nonetheless responsible to recognize it and begin the journey toward finding what was lacking and then to build on that. Responsibility is not blind obedience. To the extent that a rank and file GCI brother pursues a leadership role by seeking to please and impress the elders, he is becoming more and more culpable for his involvement in the wounding of many, many lives. To the extent that a sister, through her subservience, supports the goings-on of GCM-at-large, she too is culpable.

Those who have left have taken a truly courageous step. It is very difficult to leave a movement which has the kind of emotional and psychological hold on people that this one does. Whatever you do, honor God by honoring your God-given ability to decide for yourself what is right and wrong.

[steelgirl]

At some point we need to ask ourselves the question "what is spiritual growth and who is responsible for it?". In GCI I was taught that spiritual growth was inseparable from obedience to the dictates of the elders. After I left, and got enough distance to start to realize that God wouldn’t strike me dead if I listened to someone else’s point of view, I gradually began to see that blind obedience was the biggest cop-out of my life, and, for myself at least, constituted nothing less than moral failure. The next step, then, was to accept my failure, chalk it up to experience, and embrace the certain truth that I, and I alone, am responsible for my growth, which is to say, responsible for my choices and their consequences, whatever they may be. I don't find myself beleaguered by questions about submission to authority, because, frankly, I am responsible directly to God, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

From the GCM/I/whatever standpoint, this is a radical, even heretical position. It is precisely because it seems so radical to someone who is still in, or has recently left, the movement that it is so important. How does a person arrive at a point in his or her own life where the blind surrender of one's will to a human authority, whether to the Pope or to a plurality of evangelical thugs, appears as a reasonable option?

I would suggest that that in most cases such a person (myself included) is lacking some basic psychological strength that should have been established during childhood. While the person cannot be faulted for this lack, and certainly should not feel any shame for it, he or she is nonetheless responsible to recognize it and begin the journey toward finding what was lacking and then to build on that. Responsibility is not blind obedience. To the extent that a rank and file GCI brother pursues a leadership role by seeking to please and impress the elders, he is becoming more and more culpable for his involvement in the wounding of many, many lives. To the extent that a sister, through her subservience, supports the goings-on of GCM-at-large, she too is culpable.

Those who have left have taken a truly courageous step. It is very difficult to leave a movement which has the kind of emotional and psychological hold on people that this one does. Whatever you do, honor God by honoring your God-given ability to decide for yourself what is right and wrong.

An immature brother recommended I show more cards than needed to be showed.  It backfired and caused Hell.  I am grateful to a friend who invited me to go to this church that I now attend.  The thing is this friend could have been more burned than I was, since the two evangelical churches outside of GCM has not suited her either.  Hopefully a traditional mainstream church that hopefully teaches the word might be what she is looking for.

[theresearchpersona]

And on that note about human obedience to men...

there's "obey your leaders" when the word is defined  correctly..."be persuaded" is somewhat the sense; not by mere words or persuasive speech as Paul warns (does not the NT constantly warn "do not be taken captive" and that wolves will come in and even rise up from among us and not spare the flock) but with God's words and with it rightly divided...and without wresting it to suit our own comfort...nor to make everyone uncomfortable for the judgmental bastardizing of "take up your cross" where GC in the name of anti-western-apathy trying to light the fire on its members who've never been fed, taught, or maybe even converted (false gospels, poor and inadequate understanding and teaching of Christ...if ever He's taught at all...the liberal "social gospel" which 50 years + ago evangelicals worked hard to KILL); Jesus Himself (and His apostles) also warned of "false prophets", and troublingly the contexts of the NT are often of those who are "prophetic" in the sense of teaching in God's name...though GC is arrogant enough to prophecy in God's name, "join us, I promise you'll see great things". Only thing is...no one can do this (as we're warned) even if you're doing something that "always works"...if that's the case you're being manipulative. GCers have been indcotrinated for years into total obedience to these men as also being truly faithful to God...even when those men are in error (and this is explicitly taught). Whereas the Word says "do not be taken captive", nor to listen to false prophets. What's troubling also is that this is rampant and not just GC...for instance Grudem's "Systematic Theology" attempts to re-define "prophet" since the founder of the Vineyard (the group which he's connected to) was a false prophet and charismatic lunatic: the guy tried to figure out how to force successful "signs and wonders" and other junk...Jesus warns "a wicked and perverse generation seek after a sign".  

So there's a lot of concern...not just for GC, but the outside-of-GC stuff is important since it's so often influenced by it. What needs to happen...these men need to be exposed publicly (and continuously) as Paul commanded, that they be rebuked publicly, and it all needs to be brought to light: scripturally they're disqualified...and I don't look forward to the time and pain it would cost to de-teach and re-teach (scripture not wrested) all these people, not only dealin with the GC stuff but the rest of what is called "Christian" these days.

[exshep]

Welcome aboard. I skimmed your post but could relate.  I lost a friend to the Columbus church as well.  Today we have reunited.  That person is having a hard time processing it 20+ years later.  It must be excruciatingly painful.

Your story sounds familiar.  I can see how the shephering soured a lot of people's walk with the Lord. Thanks for your share. I am nodding in agreement.  Good to meet you.

[theresearchpersona]

At some point we need to ask ourselves the question "what is spiritual growth and who is responsible for it?". In GCI I was taught that spiritual growth was inseparable from obedience to the dictates of the elders. After I left, and got enough distance to start to realize that God wouldn’t strike me dead if I listened to someone else’s point of view, I gradually began to see that blind obedience was the biggest cop-out of my life, and, for myself at least, constituted nothing less than moral failure. The next step, then, was to accept my failure, chalk it up to experience, and embrace the certain truth that I, and I alone, am responsible for my growth, which is to say, responsible for my choices and their consequences, whatever they may be. I don't find myself beleaguered by questions about submission to authority, because, frankly, I am responsible directly to God, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

From the GCM/I/whatever standpoint, this is a radical, even heretical position. It is precisely because it seems so radical to someone who is still in, or has recently left, the movement that it is so important. How does a person arrive at a point in his or her own life where the blind surrender of one's will to a human authority, whether to the Pope or to a plurality of evangelical thugs, appears as a reasonable option?

I would suggest that that in most cases such a person (myself included) is lacking some basic psychological strength that should have been established during childhood. While the person cannot be faulted for this lack, and certainly should not feel any shame for it, he or she is nonetheless responsible to recognize it and begin the journey toward finding what was lacking and then to build on that. Responsibility is not blind obedience. To the extent that a rank and file GCI brother pursues a leadership role by seeking to please and impress the elders, he is becoming more and more culpable for his involvement in the wounding of many, many lives. To the extent that a sister, through her subservience, supports the goings-on of GCM-at-large, she too is culpable.

Those who have left have taken a truly courageous step. It is very difficult to leave a movement which has the kind of emotional and psychological hold on people that this one does. Whatever you do, honor God by honoring your God-given ability to decide for yourself what is right and wrong.

I'm glad you brought-up the guild-by-association thing too. I've been anxious (I admit, and I need to pray instead) for brothers and sisters being a part of this and for how they'll have to face judgment over it that would be so severe...I've talked to some about certain things and I get the cop-out "well I have to obey my elders"...yet again, you can't excuse yourself that your obedience to men isn't disobedience to God when you have the word and you've been commanded by God himself...this sounds to me like the Pope when he says (or when Rome says) that their commands and any Papal ex-cathedra speaking trumps God's word.

I've struggled with trying not to associate with anything that should not be approved or promoted while not abandoning these people whom I do love; and then trying to discern if/when I need to leave and make sure I'm not putting any person over God and His commands...and on that note I think I should go read the word. Thanks much!