My story or as best as I remember it

Hi,

Not sure if I want to say my name just yet. I'll call myself Mr. X because I just watched the Nanny Diaries and thought it was a funny way of classification. Anyhow, on with the show. I came across this website after several friends from my former GCM/GCC church contacted me on Facebook. They knew I had left a few years ago and judging from my communication with them, they had also left. What puzzled me is that none of the people who contacted me are still involved with my former church or any other church from the movement. That puzzled me so I went searching on the internet. I started with gcmwarning.net and that led me here.

This may take awhile because I'm trying to include a lot of detail and personal viewpoints, but here it goes. I grew up in a Christian School run by the Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod. I was the quintessential church boy. My family attended all the church functions, always volunteered, etc... Personally, I hated it because I was never consulted. My parents told me to do something and I did it. I did it because I believe in God. I hated going to church and school, but I did it because God said to and I try to do what he says.

Then I graduated high school in 2002 and was off to college in Greeley, Colorado 100 miles from my hometown of Colorado Springs. That same summer, my parents moved to Minnesota for my father to go to the seminary. So I was left on my own with no family or rules for 800 miles. I was loving it. No church, no rules, just what I wanted when I wanted it. I started to feel distant from God though, as if I was growing apart from Him. I prayed about it, thought about it, and determined that I should really go to church again, find a pastor or elder to talk to. The next day, I ran into my former girlfriend and future wife. We got to talking and I mentioned that my parents would probably be ashamed of me since I hadn't attended church in nearly 6 months. She told me about a student group she was involved with that met on Wednesday nights and invited me to come. So I went.

Next came culture shock. I was used to church liturgy, pipe organs, stand, sit, stand again, wear nice clothes, the stereotypical stuff. This was full rock band, T-shirt and jeans, casual attitude worship. I was scared stiff for the first 15 minutes. Then the band played Wonderful Cross, my favorite song growing up. I thought to myself, "Ok, these guys have one thing right, I'll try this for a couple weeks." I got hooked. Everyone was friendly, my former girlfriend who I guess I still had feelings for was there, good music, God's Word, it was great. I got into it for a couple months before going to Minnesota for a summer job.

When I came back, I ran in to a couple guys from Summitview(the church) while at the cafeteria. Before I knew it I was back in the swing of things. I joined a small group, volunteered for sound booth at the church, went on the Rock Retreat with the college group there. This was Fall of 2003. As I immersed deeper into things, I started to question some practices in my mind, but I dismissed them as trivial and semantical. They were just little nuances that shouldn't be harped on. Then I went to the next Rock Retreat in 2004 with guest speaker Rory Whitney, brother of Rick Whitney.

During one of his talks, Rory said flat-out the a baby baptism does not count. That pissed me off. It also angered several others in our group, most notably my wife(not my wife at the time). After the talk there was a heated debate. I did not participate because I was feeling sick. I listened while lying on a cot. In the end, neither side could convince the other, so the debate died, and business went back to normal. When we returned to Greeley, my wife had several one on one meetings with female leaders who accused her of being prideful and arrogant. After several meetings she broke down and admitted to it to placate those leaders. Nothing was done to address me, but it forced me to narrowly look at the church and its practices over the next several months.

I noticed several things.
1. Friends outside the church were discouraged unless you brought them to a church function. I was questioned for opting to hang out with roommates instead of go to a church gathering. Looking back, I thank my roommates for insisting that I hang with them and play drinking games. Drinking shouldn't be taken lightly, but I believe I've turned out for the better.

2. Men were not allowed to have good friendships with women. My wife and I started dating shortly before the Rock Retreat 2004. Her roommate happened to be my sort of apprentice for running the soundboard at church. Everyone else went out of their way to make sure we were not alone together. The only person who didn't care was my wife. She trusts me and I trust her. If I hung out with her roommate, it was seen as wrong by the church.

3. Dating and Courting were strictly defined as to be robotic in nature. My own personal beliefs aside, I found this to be stupid. Girls did not even think of asking a guy out. A guy had to pray for generally at least and year or two, then get counseling from an elder before even approaching a girl about courtship. I asked my wife out after my best friend told me to "grow a pair and ask her out already". Sure I had prayed about it, but asking permission seemed dumb. And the other dating or courting couples seemed so awkward around each other, almost as if their relationship was unnatural. I have many more feelings on this subject, but those are for another place and time.

After pondering these things, I decided just barely to give the church one more chance. My wife and I were getting married and were asked to join a small group of young married couples as opposed to college singles. I thought it might be different. It wasn't. Then things really got complicated when my wife and I told our friends that we were planning to move to Colorado Springs. She had received a student teaching assignment there, I was graduating, she had family there with connections to get me a job, it was a good fit. This was around October 2005.

Immediately after we told everyone, the next topic at our small group was supporting your local church. They interrupted a series we had been doing to do thing study, and it was obvious they were trying to get us to stay. This "God guilt trip" only served to separate us from the group. The believed that you have to stay with the local church. We believed that God uses us for whatever purose He sees fit, and his purpose to us was in Colorado Springs. So we moved in December of 2005.

I've been in Colorado Springs two years now, I have a new church that is much more in tune with my beliefs, attitude, and personality. I can honestly say I have no regret about moving. I still have a few hard feelings toward GCM, not grudges I hope, but reflecting back on that period of my life kind of scares me. My wife had a more difficult time adjusting to our new life, because she was more immersed in their cycle of "learned dependency". I attend board gaming seesions at various stores so I made friends and a social network more easily. But after two years, we're pretty well adjusted.

Now for the good parts of GCM. I havenothing against them as people. Many of them I still keep in touch with. They have their lives and I have mine. The pastor that did my marriage counseling was one of the pastors at that church. I would recommend him to anyone. I guess I just don't condone some of their values and particularly their methodology.

Now for some miscellaneous facts. I personally know Paul Willis, the former member and I watched most of what he went through. Anyone doubting his letter shouldn't. His viewpoints maybe, but the facts in his letter are dead accurate. I grew up Lutheran, my wife grew up Methodist, now we're Reformed. I still pray for everyone there, because I think that their methodology is unhealthy and potentially dangerous. Respectfully submitted.

-Immortal_Raven