Need Help w. GCM church

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[Ophelia]

I've been attending a GCM church for awhile now and from the beginning I would have moments where I would think, oh that's a bit odd/controlling/silly and my mother commented a few times about people being a bit controlling. But I also found a lot of love and support and encouragement. I've been a christian for many years and attended a plethora of churches. Then, in December, I finally googled GCM and the pretty picture all fell apart. All of the things that bothered me were mentioned as being a problem movement wide. I feel so torn. I'm loved and respected at my church but now I feel betrayed that I was never told about the history of GCM and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with how much control i've allowed them to have in my life although it is no where near as much as some of the stories I've heard. Mainly it's the whole dating thing, the women should get married and have babies and no plans of their own, college esp grad school is worldly (not endorsed by pastors per say but present), you shouldn't be apart from your church even temp. for a study abroad or such, and people not able to read and explore their faith apart from the leadership/ also a subtle elitist view that our church is superior. The prospect of leaving is terrifying but I don't know if I can stay. I was thinking about censoring myself less and seeing what happens. Please, I just dont feel like I can trust my own point of view right now. I'm so confused. And no I cannot reveal location or names or anything.

[EverAStudent]

Dear Ophelia,

Welcome to the forum. 

You have my sympathies and my heart.  I (and probably almost everyone on this forum) understand much of what you are going through. 

No one can tell you whether to stay in your church or to leave it, no one, not anyone on this forum nor even your own pastors.  Only you can make that prayerful decision guided by your personal study of God's Word and the Holy Spirit. 

Consider this question:  Is it not typically true (not always, but typically) that to be torn up over a potential decision indicates that one knows the right choice to make but is anguished by the cost it will take to implement the decision?  For you, which is the right but costly choice, staying or going? 

Here is an article that may be of help in sorting out this question:  http://thefaithfulword.org/leavingchurch.html

Blessings.

[EverAStudent]

Dear Ophelia,

Here is a quote from another thread on the forum which was giving advice to a concerned parent who has a daughter she would like to encourage to leave GC.  Perhaps the quote will be helpful.

Of course, she can always walk away from the GC church without renouncing Christ.  They will want her to think she has married this local church and that walking away from the church is like divorcing Christ.  Yet, their use of such Scripture tortures the real meaning of the text.  In truth, once one has received Christ as Savior, one can never fall out of His hands or be lost from His love.  But one can ALWAYS change churches.  For we are united with Christ for eternity, not to any local church.

[Immortal_Raven]

You also have my sympathies and prayers.  

First, read that link posted by Ever.  The article there is not directly geared toward GC churches in particular, but it is an unbiased look at appropriate reasons for a Christian to leave a church.  The majority of posters on this forum, no matter how unbiased and neutral and sympathetic we try to be, are still skewed somewhat by our experiences in the GC churches and movement.  So taking our word at face value is not something to do lightly either.

One of your last statements struck me though.  "I just don't feel like I can trust my own point of view right now."  To me that's scary.  I would ask yourself why you can't trust your own point of view.  This applies to your church, political stance, personal relationships, romantic relationships, anything really.  I realize it's terrifying to leave a church, a solid group of friends, a community.  But if that's the reason you can't trust yourself, then I'd say remove the temptation.  But it is your life and your walk, I trust God to do what's best for you.

-Immortal_Raven

[Rebekah]

Ophelia,
Your education, your life's work, your family, your mental health, your freedom, and your happiness are not worth risking for these relationships.

I'm sure they really do care about you, but, if you start to back away, your friends' leaders might be encouraged to spend their valuable time with someone more "fruitful."

It is possible to stay on the fringes in GC (continue to attend but not give yourself away). It's not comfortable, but it is possible. However, in that case, you might find that you don't see your friends that often anyway b/c they're always at meetings that you no longer care to attend.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents. If you're worried about being lonely, maybe join other groups and start making friends in other places before dropping out completely. (I know that's easier said than done sometimes.)

My advice is to start backing away and spreading your wings.

From what I've seen, people who see the problems eventually leave, and you really don't want to feel like you struggled with and invested so much time and energy into a group that forgets about you once you're not around.

I hope this isn't too harsh.

[AgathaL'Orange]

When I left, we were scared.  We didn't think we would ever find people as close as GC people were to us.  We left and people really WEREN'T as close as GC people were.  And I found that I really, really, really liked that.  I felt free as though I had been stuffed into a little box and all of the sudden could fly.  I found that I missed friendships initially, but that I actually appreciated the more hands off nature of my new church.  Little by little, very slowly over time, I found people that I could be close with.  Most, my own family that I had pushed aside somewhat to focus on GC.  Also, the free time from not being glued the the GC church opened up time in my life to do things with people like ME (well more like me... not too many people like me out there, LOL).  Anyway, now I have people that I meet with because we have things in common.  Many of my friends don't even go to my church!  I feel so blessed.  But we spent a quiet 2 years or so, not knowing ANYONE at all, in a town that we had lived 11 years in!  That's right, we knew ONE COUPLE outside of our church after living in this town for 11 years.  We didn't know our neighbors, our coworkers, we had no social groups of any kind all because we were spending around 5+ (!!!!!!) nights and days a week with our GC community.  Honestly many weeks it was 7.  I talked to GC friends every day, went to their houses for dinner, etc etc. 

Yeah, other communities aren't like that, but we found that we actually liked that other communities aren't actually that close.

[boboso]

Ophelia,

I think we can all relate to what you are feeling. When we (my wife and I) started to look up from what we were involved in, all of the little things that bothered us at first seemed to come out more clearly. I would encourage you to see with an open heart and mind all of the actions going on around you in the GC church -- see things for what they are.

I would also invite you to ask your "leadership" some questions. These are simple to answer as you are looking for what they truly believe:

1. How does one become a part of "leadership"? Is there a documented, objective, clear path to becoming a part of "leadership"?

2. Does every believer have access to the Holy Spirit? Is it possible to receive direction from God Himself?

3. Is it possible that someone in the congregation has greater spiritual maturity than the "leadership"?  

4. If I find something in the Bible that conflicts with the current "leadership" stance, what should I follow?

5. Is it possible for one to hear from God and the "leadership" not know about it?

6. What motivates you to tell people about Jesus?

Most of us here have been severely hurt by GCx churches and practices. I would invite you to read the testimonies here with an open mind --

I'm curious to hear what answers you receive. Please don't be afraid to ask these questions as it will only help you gain understanding of where they're coming from.

Please understand, if you leave, you will very likely lose some relationships you have at GC. Actually, if you start asking  questions, the relationships will start to change. I was called unteachable at first, then I was "not worth the time" after.

Some of the relationships are based on God's love, others based on GC. One will last an eternity, one will melt off with the rest of our filthy rags.

[BTDT]

Hi, Ophelia - please take the advice in this thread to heart.  What you're feeling is very, very normal, and more importantly, it's very, very healthy. My guess is, as you keep on communicating with God about it, you may find that you're hearing His still, small voice saying "this stuff isn't right, it isn't Me." 

I'm old enough to remember the phrase, "The problem is not in your set".  Your TV is fine, the problem is with the station's broadcast.  Same thing here.  The problem is not in your "receiver", your heart; the problem is in their message, what they're teaching in the name of God.

I agree with those who have suggested that you start making new friends, start branching out.  It has taken us (my wife and me) some time, but we've made some very good friends.  You will, too, I'm very confident of that.  When you do, you may find that some of your current friends draw back, and hopefully others won't.  That's how you'll know your true friends.  As my screen name says, been there and done that.

When I was in GC, I came down with an extended illness.  At first, everyone showed the usual support, but after a couple of months, many just sort of went on their way, on to more "fruitful" things.  My true friends stayed close. (Interestingly enough, I also found out who my "true pastors" were -- they stuck with me as well, cared for me, anointed me, prayed for and over me.  Three of them eventually led our church out of GC altogether.)

Please keep in touch with us, and let us know how things are going.  Above the debate and discussion you see here, we really do care about those who are going through the same things we did, and we'll support you to the best of our ability.

B

[Ophelia]

thank you all for your replies. Sorting all this stuff out is never easy. I started looking at some different churches. Figuring out how to distance myself. It is very painful to leave relationships but I know that I need to be free to make my own decisions.

[Rebekah]

Good for you, Ophelia! That's a really courageous thing to do, and I'm glad you've taken that step.

Do you have family or old friends you can turn to?

Talking to other people who've left and who see the same things you do can be helpful. I know it really helped me. People on the forum are from all over the country. Perhaps there's someone on the forum who lives near you or who was in the same church you're in.

It probably feels too dangerous to post that specific information, but maybe you could post the state you live in. Ex-GCers in that state who would love to talk to you and help you could send you a private message with their contact information.

I apologize for volunteering everyone on the forum, but I know we all do care and want to see you safe. If you'd like contact and help like that, please feel free to ask for it. It's not easy leaving, and we've all been there before.

[everythingchrist]

I joined a "Rock" church years ago with the same initial experience.  After leaving because of the man-centered and church-centered vs. Christ-centered teachings, I saw the GC matters on the web.

Everyone needs to be careful now because the church I was in didn't tell people about their GC roots and nowhere in their mission statement or statement of faith is it mentioned.  I think they know that people who research are onto them!

Find a Christ-centered church.  If the pastor talks about church more than Christ, get out!  You'll be blessed to seek out writing of AW Tozer, Bob Sorge, et al on deeper life. Trust in Christ alone.

[Linda]

If the pastor talks about church more than Christ, get out!

I think this is very insightful.

[TruthSeeker]

I have been attending Walnut Creek Community Church in Des Moines for a while and I would like to know more about this church from the perspective of the people in this forum. Personal experiences would be welcome. I don't know if there's anything wrong with this church but I want to know sooner rather than later. Thank you.

[nelliepooh]

Truthseeker feel free to PM me and ill answer questions as best I can about this church.  I can also tell you my experience. 

[Truth Seeker]

nelliepooh,
Please email me. I need to register for an account in order to PM you. My email is looking.for.truth@hotmail.com

Thank you. I appreciate your help.

[Truth Seeker]

I signed up for an account. PM to nelliepooh!

[G_Prince]

You're not alone in being concerned about W.C. Here's a link to another discussion in this forum about that church:
http://forum.gcmwarning.com/general-discussion/walnut-creek-community-church-desmoines/

[Ophelia]

For a little while, I thought maybe I could ignore everything and stay for a few years. I'm supposed to move in with some one from there soon. But i just don't think i can fake it any longer. i'm starting to feel really depressed. And I'm seeing more and more that I really can't stay but I don't know how to leave. i mean what do i say? i know that if i leave they'll all talk about me in hushed voices about how i broke their hearts.

[Rebekah]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your depression. Please, please, please don't try to force yourself to be someone you're not and please, please, please don't move in with whoever you're supposed to move in with.

You really are not doing anything wrong. There's nothing wrong with you. You're not weak or bad or disloyal or deceived by the devil.

Talking to someone who understands what you're going through can be really helpful.

Would you like to get in touch with an ex-GCer over the phone or in person? There might be someone here who would be willing and able to talk things over with you. Heck, there might even be someone who left that same group.

If you want personal contact, say the word, and we can PM you. If you want someone who might be in your area to contact you, maybe just say what state you live in?

[BTDT]

i know that if i leave they'll all talk about me in hushed voices about how i broke their hearts.

Hi, Ophelia -- This is certainly a very tough decision and a tough time for you.  Please know that the good folks in this forum are behind you, and in your corner.

If it's any comfort -- those who are really your friends will still be your friends after you leave. Though it's painful, you'll find out who they really are, and they will be friends indeed.

You will find friends -- heck, brothers and sisters -- wherever you find the body of Christ in healthy relationship with Him.

-B-