Hi! Technically I've had this account for a while now, but I haven't got up my courage to say anything because 1) there's not too much to say and 2) I felt uncomfortable because I have never officially been a GCMer, but I have several friends who are and the last thing I want to do is to post about their personal lives and possibly hurt their reputations or anything like that. I am simply interested in the church, and I found this forum after doing some research on the church after something happened with a member of the church/my friend.
Okay, maybe some background info on me and some friends are required for me to talk further about my experience with the church. I'm sorry that this might get long, but I'm just going to jump right in and do very little editing.
I am from Des Moines, IA, born and bred, but I currently live in a different city attending college.
My family is staunchly Catholic on both sides, but I always felt from a young age that the Catholic church was not right for me. I had no particular aversion to it specifically (no hatred toward it, I mean) but I felt no pull and no loyalty to the church. I was still very Christian at the time though, and considered myself a Roman Catholic until ages fourteen/fifteen. A little before my fifteenth birthday I was sexually assaulted by someone I thought I could trust (not raped, but touched and molested without my consent, and if I hadn't fought him off I would have been raped, probably). I completely lost my faith in a god. I said my prayers at the dinner table blankly without any conviction or love toward God because there no longer was a god to me. I began to fight with my parents about attending church every Sunday; they attributed it to my teenage years, and continued making me go. I was not comfortable talking to my parents about what happened (plus, I thought it was my fault at the time) so they never found out, and just interpreted my misbehavior and depression as a phase (I don't blame them, I was a pretty good kid before it happened). I suffered from depression, rapid weight gain and loss, insomnia, anger problems, and school issues throughout the rest of high school, partly because of my pent up feelings about what happened to me.
A lot changed after I graduated. I attended one year of community college, living with my parents for the time, until I could get good enough grades to get into a state university (I had shitty grades in high school, excuse my French
) I had no real friends on campus because most of them had moved away to college. I made one good friend in my math class because we studied together a lot, and I had one other friend who I had known since childhood who was taking classes there too, but otherwise there was no one to talk to for a while, and I began to feel worse then when I was in high school.
Then, my childhood friend introduced me to a few people. I had noticed them sitting at the table in the commons area at school. They were always together, laughing, eating pizza, handing out pamphlets about Jesus and his saving power, sometimes playing the guitar for other students or simply talking to them about their lives. Most of them were guys, and a couple of them were in one of my general ed requirement classes. My friend (let's call her
Sharon) had gone up to them to eat some of their free pizza and they convinced her to attend bible studies with them. She also was looking for new friends, so she figured why not? She was
immediately hooked. All of the members were so friendly, and she became particularly close to a couple of girls that she met at the bible study. She wanted me to attend the bible studies too, or at least to stop by church one day. Sharon told me that she had been saved. I was happy for her, despite my apprehensions about Christianity. Sharon seemed genuinely happy about life, happier than I'd ever seen her in her whole life actually (we knew each other since we were four and five years old).
She picked up me up one Saturday for a church service and I officially met many key members of the Westown Church. I won't name names because that is rude in my opinion, but I immediately felt put off by a couple members. They kept asking me about my background (Catholic, which they grimaced at like I had just admitted that I had herpes), what my relationship with Jesus was (nonexistent), if I was single (a guy asked me this and I misinterpreted as him wanting my number, but I think he was calculating in his head how much of an asset I would be as a single person in the church rather than a busy married person (because we all know that single people have no lives, right?), etc. I already was feeling recruited, like a notch in someone's heavenly belt of new followers. It bothered me, but I continued attending church and then going over to member's houses after church because I wanted to support my friend, and let's be honest here, I really liked getting free food (sometimes I chipped in and helped pay for ingredients, but usually it was free).
I put up with all of these recruiting efforts until two things happened. 1) I discovered some of the political leanings of prominent church leaders, and 2) my friend herself began to talk to me and tried to recruit me herself (after guidance and advice from god and her pastor/church friends). Like woah. Suddenly, I wasn't as cool with the WCCC and Westown Church. Sharon began to treat me differently because I wasn't being accepting of other members (I had zero qualms with all members, I just got into one short debate about evolution being taught in schools (I'm for it, he wasn't) and she got very mad at me for my "disrespectful behavior" (even though he yelled and I didn't and I was not condescending, rude or high strung in my opinions). I felt like maybe I should back away from it all, so I stopped attending any more church services, but sometimes still went to church events with Sharon. Sharon recruited other friends I'd had in high school who still lived in the DM area. I was happy to see some of them again, but it was frustrating to hang out with people who were beginning to talk like robots. They spouted out bible phrases left and right, tried constantly to get me to open up about my "spiritual journey" (question: why does everything related to religion have to sound so tacky and hokey??)
I finally opened up to my friend about what had happened to me in high school. I don't blame her for some of the things she said because of ignorance on the subject and the uncomfortable situation I put her in (people have a very difficult time talking about sexual assault), but I particularly remembering her saying, "that dressing modestly helps avoid men's lustful eyes," and "if you prayed more to Jesus then you might find in your heart to forgive the boy that did those things to you."
I realized at that moment that she was no longer my friend, but simply a sheep, mimicking things that had been said to her by other WCCC followers, and that she was blind to many of the problems that the church was facing. She NEVER would have said those ignorant things before she joined the church. I went home that night and wept for myself, but also for her and others who didn't follow their own paths, and let others lead them.
I still attended events with her after that, but I saw the church in a different light. I saw how women were often treated, like they were meant for matronly duties only. I saw how my friend dropped out of community college because her passion for the group was getting in the way of schoolwork. I saw the misinterpretations of the Bible, the blatant disrespect for people who were different than them, the fake charm and fake friendships that I had formed. I moved to a new city in 2011 and decided to stop contact with most of the members, except my closest friends. Not surprisingly, they never tried contacting me at all after I moved or checked up on me after I moved, despite our friendships. Even Sharon stopped texting me, unless I texted her first about coming back into town to visit. That's when I realized that she had been advised by other members to stop talking to me all together, but fortunately she decided not to completely heed their advice.
It's been really frustrating having a friendship with someone who is so engrossed in this new life. There are many genuinely good people in this church, and I don't think their is anything wrong with being Christian (I myself am an agnostic, but I still often pray even though I am a doubter). I don't want to ruin a good friendship, but her involvement in this church concerns me, and I don't want to see her get hurt. Should I talk with her about it next time I visit DM or should I let this slide and see if she'll figure it all out on her own?
Thanks for reading this if you did
