Pastor Mark Darling-Pastor who abused me

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[Digital Lynch Mob]

You were requested to send said letter? Requested by whom?

[pvitartas]

Attacking a person's mental health is Orwellian.  It is not a point of debate, it is a deflection.  It is an ad hominem attack at its utter base.

Independent council, please. 

Historical attempts at cover ups by the Catholic church for this sort of issue should serve as an example of what NOT to do.

[jeromydaviddarling]

Wow, another anonymous poster chiming in with anonymous information. Let me see if I have this right: 20+ years ago you gave my dad a letter excoriating him over theology and he disagreed. His disagreement CLEARLY proves that NO ONE can EVER confront him. You now feel that this information is relevant to send to a news organization as proof that while my dad may not be a rapist, he definitely likes ear pornography? And you think a respected, educated, seasoned journalist is going to take that into consideration? Would you also send this to Joan Harris? Could you also define what "ear pornography" is? At least we now know that someone is "directing" Suzanne (I mean, I already knew that, but it's nice that it was posted publicly). Glad I saved that post before it was deleted

[blonde]

Jeromy ask you dad to to http://www.netgrace.org/ and not lawyer up. Again, the Bible states: 1 Corinthians 6 and on-wards

Do Not Take Believers to Court

6 Suppose one of you wants to bring a charge against another believer. Should you take it to ungodly people to be judged? Why not take it to the Lord’s people? 2 Or don’t you know that the Lord’s people will judge the world? Since this is true, aren’t you able to judge small cases? 3 Don’t you know that we will judge angels? Then we should be able to judge the things of this life even more! 4 So suppose you disagree with one another in matters like this. Who do you ask to decide which of you is right? Do you ask people who live in a way the church disapproves of? Of course not! 5 I say this to shame you. Is it possible that no one among you is wise enough to judge matters between believers? 6 Instead, one believer goes to court against another. And this happens in front of unbelievers!

7 When you take another believer to court, you have lost the battle already. Why not be treated wrongly? Why not be cheated? 8 Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong. And you do it to your brothers and sisters. 9 Don’t you know that people who do wrong will not receive God’s kingdom? Don’t be fooled. Those who commit sexual sins will not receive the kingdom. Neither will those who worship statues of gods or commit adultery. Neither will men who sleep with other men. 10 Neither will thieves or those who always want more and more. Neither will those who are often drunk or tell lies or cheat. People who live like that will not receive God’s kingdom. 11 Some of you used to do those things. But your sins were washed away. You were made holy. You were made right with God. All of this was done in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. It was also done by the Spirit of our God.

Ironically, the next section in the Bible is in line of your new and growing ministry:

Sexual Sins
12 Some of you say, “I have the right to do anything.” But not everything is helpful. Again some of you say, “I have the right to do anything.” But I will not be controlled by anything. 13 Some of you say, “Food is for the stomach, and the stomach is for food. And God will destroy both of them.” But the body is not meant for sexual sins. The body is meant for the Lord. And the Lord is meant for the body. 14 By his power God raised the Lord from the dead. He will also raise us up. 15 Don’t you know that your bodies belong to the body of Christ? Should I take what belongs to Christ and join it to a prostitute? Never! 16 When you join yourself to a prostitute, you become one with her in body. Don’t you know this? Scripture says, “The two will become one.” (Genesis 2:24) 17 But whoever is joined to the Lord becomes one with him in spirit.

18 Keep far away from sexual sins. All the other sins a person commits are outside the body. But sexual sins are sins against their own body. 19 Don’t you know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit? The Spirit is in you, and you have received the Spirit from God. You do not belong to yourselves. 20 Christ has paid the price for you. So use your bodies in a way that honors God.

Mark lawyer'ed up. I get the impression you define your life by you father, Mark. You are not. You are your own man. I respect that. Again, ask your dad to do the http://www.netgrace.org/ route.

-Blonde

[arrogantcat]

Net Grace is an organization devoted to child sexual abuse. This hasn't been alleged. There is absolutely no reason the church should hire them.

[Huldah]

That wouldn't necessarily disqualify GRACE from working with adult victims of alleged abuse. Suzanne said on Facebook that they (GRACE ) were willing to do the investigation. She even offered to split the cost with Evergreen so that the investigators wouldn't be beholden to either side. But if you feel that GRACE isn't a good fit for this situation, is there another investigative team you'd recommend instead?

[Digital Lynch Mob]

I'd recommend the investigator who has been working on this for almost the past two months.

[Huldah]

Speaking of her, where is she now? I was under the impression that her report was submitted to the BOT on March 27.

[AgathaL'Orange]

I'd recommend the investigator who has been working on this for almost the past two months.

Two months.  Wow!  Time flies. 

DLM, I know your opinion is that Suzanne is lying, but whether or not she's telling the truth, there's a credibility issue at stake.  I'm trying to figure out how to square that away in the minds of former members who'd like to move forward and current members who are hoping for a solid, above board, transparent approach.  I guess for me, I'm wondering how people can be assured that issues are being addressed properly if the alleged victim isn't feeling good about the process?  Thoughts?

[AgathaL'Orange]

That wouldn't necessarily disqualify GRACE from working with adult victims of alleged abuse. Suzanne said on Facebook that they (GRACE ) were willing to do the investigation. She even offered to split the cost with Evergreen so that the investigators wouldn't be beholden to either side. But if you feel that GRACE isn't a good fit for this situation, is there another investigative team you'd recommend instead?

I know that Grace does more than that, because the Ortbergs, from what I understand have suggested Grace to investigate Willow Creek and Bill Hybels.  So it must not just be for child sexual abuse. 

[Huldah]

Agatha, you're correct. I checked the GRACE website, and it turns out that they did an investigation for Bob Jones University. So clearly they aren't limited to investigating only child abuse.

[Linda]

Our desire is to get to the truth of the matter, so that compassion and assistance can be demonstrated to those who have been hurt and changes can happen on  an organizational level.

This sounds exactly like what should be happening.

1. Truth should be found.

2. Those hurt should be identified (in the case where victims are lying the pastor would be the person that was hurt) and helped.

3. The structure of the organization should be corrected in a way to minimize future charges of abuse.

No one is saying GRACE has to be the group. The victims are calling for an independent 3rd party investigation with a team that both sides agree on. This is totally reasonable. Again, I repeat, no one is saying it has to be GRACE.

The idea that a BOT (appointed by the people being investigated) is "independent" is illogical. In addition, the idea that the people being investigated (i.e. the pastors) who appointed each member (and therefore know who each member is) along with a handful of "special" members are the only people who know who the members of the BOT are is astonishingly biased. Furthermore, the idea that the victims do not know who the members of the BOT are, but those being accused do, shows even further bias.

ECC people, if your church will not tell you who the people are who are on your BOT, then I suggest you rethink what it is to be a member, and what it is to be a church.

[Linda]

I would love to hear what you know about the process.

Would also love to hear what people think about a financial board of a nonprofit being mostly anonymous.

No one said anything about board members lying. My understanding is that the pastors of ECC felt the BOT would be susceptible to persuasion by those alleging abuse if their names were announced.

[Omega Man]

I'm a Christ follower who does not attend Evergreen or ever did.  I was made aware of this situation about 10 days ago and have done extensive reading of publicly available material.  I will try to speak simply...What's a matter with you??!!!  You are an embarrassment to the cause of Christ in your behavior.  There are almost no posts on Social Media (by definition of this being conflict) that fall under the approaches found in scripture for Christians to resolve their problems. 

Suzanne, you are not brave, you are utterly disrespectful to scripture and it's mandates.  You have created a maelstrom and I find nothing elevating or pointing to Jesus in your approach.  As a Twin City Evangelical, I disavow completely how you have handled these matters. 

Jeromy and others, you are equally disrespectful to the Bibles clear and not very confusing instruction on conflict and resolution.

And all of the rest of you voyeurs, drawn like a moth to a flame, onlookers who are tickling Suzanne and Jeromy's ear with what they want to hear...Shame on you.  You will get your reward just as Job's friends did.  All of you (sorry, I should be saying most of you) are sadly the "Noisy Cymbals" of I Corinthians 13.

I see NO Love here
I see NO God exalted here
I see NO Obedience here
and worst of all, I can't see Jesus anywhere

All I see here are people who want to win.  That's all...win.  The heck with God, the heck with Scripture, the heck with the Church's reputation, the heck with other Evangelicals working to win people to Jesus...you just need to win.

It's too bad none of you have somebody in your life with the strength and conviction to force you to meet and spend time doing the deep and really hard work of true reconciliation and shut off your computers and your cell phones and work to bring God glory in conflict.

Jeromy, you do have an amazing dad, I suggest you act more like he is and stop trying to win and start worrying about Jesus.  I'm pretty sure God is big enough to fight your battle as you honor Him in it.
Suzanne, there is virtually nothing in how you have and continue to handle this that I respect.  You may be working hard at becoming a #metoo celebrity and maybe you'll achieve it, but at what cost?  I'm pretty sure God is big enough to fight your battle if choose to honor Him in it.

All of this breaks my heart because I love the church and it's broken people of which I am the chief broken piece of clay.  Tonight at Bible Study Fellowship, our topic was ironcially, Romans 14 where Paul implores Christians to put Unity and the Cause of Christ over their rights and preferences.  Are any of you actually doing that?  No, Really?  I mean really doing that?

Ironically, the only people I'm finding I respect in this matter are actually Mark and his wife.  Their silence speaks volumes to me about their maturity, their humility, their faith and how they feel about their Church and their Savior.  I suggest more of you do the same.

[HughHoney]

onlookers who are tickling Suzanne and Jeromy's ear

What decade of Great Comm are you from? Thank god I got out before the ear tickling started

[araignee19]

Omega man, I sent you a private message so as not to stir the pot further here. Just wanted you to know because the notification can be tough to see.

[AgathaL'Orange]

Omega Man, I have no desire to sit and write a doctoral dissertation refuting your points.  It’s a waste of my time and I’m tired.  


But.  1.  You’re really wrong on a lot of counts
And 2. The way you talk about Suzanne is offensive and cruel.


Seeking justice is a good thing to do.  Apparently you don’t care about justice.  Not surprised.  A lot of people have come on here lately claiming to be Christians yet are perfectly happy with stifling accusations and silencing people claiming abuse.  

If you’d like better reception to your scolding lecture, try the Patriarchy Club down the hall.  Lots o’ members.

Only slightly more members than the Nepotism Circle and the Loyalty at All Costs prayer group.  Secret Misogynists International is looking  for a Vice President.

I know you can find a receptive audience but you won’t find it here.  

[Huldah]

Ironically, the only people I'm finding I respect in this matter are actually Mark and his wife.

Perhaps you're convinced that Mark is absolutely innocent of any wrongdoing. If so, your respect for his silence makes sense. But how does his silence merit respect if it turns out he did the things he's accused of? Would any reasonable person watch a court trial and say, "Hey, this guy may be guilty or he may not, but he's pleading the Fifth, so in my eyes, he's the only one in the whole trial who deserves respect"?

[Watching]

The following regarding the investigation was just posted today on the ECC website:

Update on the Investigation April 10, 2018

We know that many of you have been patiently waiting for an update. Here is what we can share with you at this time.
According to Evergreen's charter and by-laws, its Board of Trustees has final authority over financial and legal oversight, including employment decisions and policy matters. In these areas, the pastors submit to the authority of the Board. This governance authority is designed to provide oversight, accountability and operational integrity for the church. On January 30, 2018, upon learning of the allegations of inappropriate sexual behavior  against Mark Darling (alleged to have occurred prior to 2001) including the charge that the matter was handled inappropriately by pastors, the Board made the decision to recuse all pastors from the investigative process. The Board also placed Mark Darling on administrative leave. The Board chose not to conduct its own internal investigation of the allegations because they believe that this matter needed to be investigated by someone outside the church, with complete independence and without bias. After thorough due diligence, a highly qualified, independent investigator was selected and retained on February 9, 2018.
The investigator, Ms. Joan Harris, has over 20 years of experience and has conducted hundreds of investigations. She is a lawyer, but her role in this investigation is as an investigator, not as a lawyer. She is not a litigator in this matter and she is not a legal advocate or counselor for Evergreen Church, Mark Darling, any pastors or Evergreen's Board. She was retained by the Board to investigate the facts surrounding the allegations that have been made, independently and without bias, and to report those facts to the Board. Ms. Harris was specifically retained to independently investigate: 1) allegations of sexual abuse by Mark Darling 2) allegations to the effect that Evergreen Church was aware of the abuse allegations and did not act appropriately, and 3) any related claims that arise during the investigation. The Board has not met with or discussed any of the allegations with Ms. Harris. The investigation is being directed by the investigator not by the Board.
Approximately two weeks after the investigator was retained, on February 20th, the person making the allegations informed the investigator by email that she would participate in the investigation by way of her attorney. A week later, a request was made to this person by email asking her to provide their attorney contact information so that the investigator could set up a meeting with the attorney. The response back from this person by email was that her attorney would reach out directly to the investigator. Accordingly, the investigator continued with her investigative process. Five weeks went by with no contact from this person's attorney. On April 5th, two Evergreen Board members met with the person making the allegations to inform her that the investigation was
 
continuing with Ms. Harris and to inquire on the status of her planned participation in the investigation by way of her attorney. At this meeting, she indicated that she would not be participating in the investigation.
The investigation will be completed and closed with the information the investigator obtains from those individuals who have agreed to participate. The investigation is likely to take a few more weeks to be completed, plus the needed time for the investigator  to write her report. The Board hopes to  have the findings by the end of May, but we cannot give a specific timeline since Evergreen is not directing the investigation. Given the time that has passed, one might assume that this has been a very lengthy investigation, but please know that Ms. Harris is performing other work and duties for her firm in addition to working on this investigation.
The Board of Trustees will communicate to Evergreen's congregations the outcome of the investigation and what action, if any, they are taking based upon the investigation's findings. If the allegations are found to be true, in the case of a leader, it will be dealt with firmly and transparently by the Board.

[Linda]

Thanks for posting.

My understanding from Suzanne’s Facebook timeline is that Suzanne’s request for a mutually agreed upon truly independent investigator was turned down at this meeting. I didn’t see that mentioned, but might have missed it.