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Author Topic: Essential Affirmations: BUILDING UP WHAT WAS TORN DOWN  (Read 72240 times)
Janet Easson Martin
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« on: June 23, 2015, 11:44:08 am »

BUILDING UP WHAT WAS TORN DOWN

At least for me, what was torn down in my very soul through constant teachings from GCx did not easily go away even after I left. With multiple "teachings" per week and constant directing of members personal affairs, I heard over 1,500 sessions of GCx's twist of what God was like, how he thought of me, and what he expected of me. I was told the Elders word and especially Jim McCotter's word was the CLOSEST we could get to grasping a correct handle on a truly devoted spiritual life. Even though there was a morsel of truth here and there, overall these twisted teachings were what my soul fed on continually for over 10 years.

As a result, even when I read the bible after leaving GCx, I still often felt condemned and kind of harassed by scripture. It seemed quite often when I opened it up I was soooo lacking and never really acceptable enough to God. I felt shamed.  After all, he would be mad at me until I did some really "spiritual" work to show I was good enough again. As a result, it was rather difficult to stir up and maintain a true spirit of praise toward God. And thus, I felt even more ashamed. I would too often visit this cycle of discouragement and dismay; figuring God was aloof toward me because I wasn't "SPIRITUAL ENOUGH" to please him. I was continually "sin concious", and that only led to more defeat. GCx had ingrained in me that righteousness or good standing with God was my constant responsibility. Many times I felt burnt out from trying to "please God."

My biggest breakthroughs after leaving came when I gave up trying and had to simply trust; when my weaknesses were not overcome through working, but through TRUSTING. I learned desperation was a gift, because it forced me to rely on GOD ALONE, and not myself. God whispered through The Spirit that I must RE-LEARN MY FOUNDATION IN CHRIST - WHAT THE BLOOD DID FOR ME. I began reading what other sound christian authors, particularly Andrew Murray, wrote specifically about The Blood. I reviewed what they taught, checking it out in Hebrews and other books of the Bible to see if it was so. I wrote down paraphrases of truth they taught about how the blood works for us and in us. I would say them over and over, and especially when tempted to shame or condemn myself. Believing and accepting these marvelous healing truths into my soul brought back the JOY and PEACE I hadn't consistently had since I was first saved. I am not exaggerating. This is The REAL DEAL: The Blood works, not me. Anyhow, below are some of the affirmations I paraphrased which I pray will cause your spirit to also soar:



ESSENTIAL AFFIRMATIONS


I AM COMPLETELY ACQUITTED OF ALL MY SIN AND GUILT.

MY SIN HAS BEEN SO ENTIRELY ATONED FOR AND BLOTTED OUT THAT ITS POWER TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM GOD IS COMPLETELY AND FOREVER TAKEN AWAY.

THE BLOOD PLEADS FOR ME AND IN ME WITH AN ETERNAL, CEASELESS EFFECT.

IF CHRIST BORE THE PUNISHMENT FOR ALL MY SIN, THERE IS NO PUNISHMENT LEFT FOR ME TO BEAR.

I CAN BE ASSURED THAT THE BLOOD IS ABLE TO PRESERVE ME EVERY DAY IN GOD'S PRESENCE BY ITS DIVINE LIFE-GIVING POWER.




Will post more affirmations soon.








« Last Edit: August 27, 2015, 05:51:10 am by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.        - Saint Augustine
Angel
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« Reply #1 on: June 26, 2015, 12:42:37 pm »

You are not the only one feeling that way. Be sure your post is helping many people. God bless.Thanks
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Janet Easson Martin
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« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2015, 09:09:13 am »

More ESSENTIAL AFFIRMATIONS:

Bask in Truths that will freshly restore your soul. Truths about how His flesh was torn for you that the veil be torn once and for all so that you have boldness to enter his holiest presence. (Not earned by your own flesh)



THE WAY TO THE HOLIEST HAS REALLY BEEN OPENED FOR EVERY CHILD OF GOD AND HE MAY DWELL THERE SAFELY.

BY THE BLOOD OF CHRIST I HAVE BEEN FULLY JUSTIFIED, AND SO I HAVE A RIGHTEOUS CLAIM TO A PLACE IN THE SANCTUARY.

THE BLOOD OF CHRIST CLEANSES MY CONSCIENCE TO SERVE THE LIVING GOD.

I MAY ALWAYS DWELL IN HIS PRESENCE BECAUSE THE WALL (OR VEIL) OF SIN HAS BEEN REMOVED.

I CAN DRAW NEAR TO GOD'S HOLIEST PRESENCE IN FULL ASSURANCE OF FAITH, BECAUSE MY HEART HAS BEEN SPRINKLED FROM AN EVIL CONSCIENCE, AND MY BODY WASHED WITH PURE WATER.





« Last Edit: July 03, 2015, 08:46:28 am by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.        - Saint Augustine
jtk1983
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« Reply #3 on: July 08, 2015, 04:39:24 pm »

Hello,

I am very thankful for this forum. I was in GCx for a decade and much of my experience has been what people have already described here. I first learned of GCM Warning while I was still in GCx. One pastor had even said that the reason this forum existed was because any great movement for Christ will face persecution and that is why the website exists. I never thought I would ever be on this side of the website.

Initially, I did experience a loving Christian community. But what lead me to leave GCx was the caste system that exists. Basically, leaders are first class Christians in the church and everyone else is a second class citizen. If you don't agree with the leadership, you are the one who is wrong or who doesn't hear from the Spirit correctly or doesn't know the Bible as well. You had to make every life decision with your leaders' approval. Leadership meetings consisted of going through each person on a Small Group and letting the other leaders what sins they were committing. The leadership considered dating and talking to the opposite sex sins. Pastors arranged marriages. If anyone left the church, you were told not to speak to them anymore. I know that these things went on because I was taught them, I did them, and I approved of others that did them.

I'm sure I will detail more of my experiences as I read more posts on this forum, but that isn't the main reason I am here. Christ says to forgive, and I need to forgive. But I also need help with my relationship with God. I am desperate for your prayers. I am desperate for a place that will accept me. I have never experienced so much rejection, condemnation, and harassment as I have felt after leaving GCx. But the worst thing is that I associate this rejection with God. If God's people reject me and condemn me, then surely God rejects me. I'm looking for a safe place.
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Angel
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« Reply #4 on: July 09, 2015, 05:53:59 am »

Hi jtk,  I'm glad that you joined this forum, you are in my prayers. Remember that you have a loving father that can not be angry at you because He paid our price with His own precious blood. Don let any body deceive you . God cares for you and He doesn t like His children to be mistreated , manipulated or robed .  "When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs." John 21-15. Here I see a Father worried for his children , He did not say , Peter tell my lambs to care for  this or that or do this or that for you , His main concern is His children. He desires His children to be encouraged , He was asking Peter to shepherd the flock with love.    Matthew 18:10-13

The Parable of the Wandering Sheep
10 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.
Matthew 18:10-13New American Standard Bible (NASB)

10 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven continually see the face of My Father who is in heaven. 11 [[a]For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost.
God is not pushing away His children from Him. Not at all, and if someone is doing this < this person should repent immediately before is too late.Mark 9:42New American Standard Bible (NASB)

42 “Whoever causes one of these [a]little ones who believe to stumble, it would be better for him if, with a heavy millstone hung around his neck, he [c]had been cast into the sea.ark 9 :42.

You are in my prayers ,God bless
 
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Janet Easson Martin
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« Reply #5 on: July 09, 2015, 05:01:39 pm »

Welcome JTK1983,

As I mentioned in my message to you, myself and so many others are glad you were brave enough to come forward. To testify to the harassment and spiritual abuse you received from GCx.  That line about "any great movements for Christ facing persecution" has been used by GCx at least since the 80's, and especially by McCotter, to explain GCx's immense amount of criticism (Much of which was documented and held in VERY large files). Anyhow, though that is a biblically true statement, it has been twisted. The main persecution Jesus is talking about is from unbelievers who don't know Christ. Most of the people testifying to spiritual abuse by GCx here on this website are believers who know Christ. Do you see how they have taken scripture and TWISTED it to suit their own selfish purposes, in making believers who warn others of spiritual abuse out to be "persecutors" of them?  This "enemy" twist is actually a telltale sign of spiritual abuse. John 15:18-25 explains that the persecution Jesus is referring to is from the world. Here's Jesus' explanation:

"They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me."
John 15:21

Most of us did experience the natural love of believers, one for another, in the beginning. But, the more indoctrinated into the twisted teachings we and others became, the less the genuine fruit of the spirit was free to reign. The law and men began to reign. Slowly and subtly those NATURAL fruits of the Spirit became kind of dried up. And so, the need to FAKE it.

I heartily agree about the demeaning "caste" system prevailing there. Probably the devil's substitute for the Holy Spirit being our counselor and guide. Producing a VERY PHARISAICAL culture of people reporting each other to raise their own status. Very far from the Christianity Jesus preached.

Your experience of condemnation and rejection in leaving GCx may have made the devil happy, but it made God your Father very sad. He knows your deep wounding. He sees and understands. After all, Psalm 139 says he knows you intimately. Verse 17 says his infinite thoughts toward you are PRECIOUS. When I was in your place years ago, I could only read the Psalms. They were the only section of the bible I found comfort in. Perhaps because they were used less by GCx to serve its own purposes, as so many other scriptures were. You are not under law or judgement any longer. YOU ARE UNDER GRACE.


Here's are a few more wonderful Essential Affirmations:

I AM COMPLETELY FORGIVEN BY GOD.

I AM TOTALLY ACCEPTED BY GOD.

I AM DEEPLY LOVED BY GOD.





Janet
« Last Edit: July 10, 2015, 07:30:49 pm by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.        - Saint Augustine
jtk1983
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« Reply #6 on: July 09, 2015, 06:21:46 pm »

Thank you both so much for the support, prayers, and encouragement! It is so freeing to know that I am not alone in this. I have been so hesitant to post here because I'm honestly afraid of more backlash from GCx if they knew that I was posting against them. I just want to move on and heal.

Thank you for pointing to me to Christ - I am so thankful to be here.  Smiley
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Linda
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« Reply #7 on: July 13, 2015, 06:57:49 am »

Quote from: jtk1983
I have never experienced so much rejection, condemnation, and harassment as I have felt after leaving GCx. But the worst thing is that I associate this rejection with God. If God's people reject me and condemn me, then surely God rejects me.

Welcome, jtk1983.

I am so sorry for the rejection, condemnation, and harassment you have felt since you left GCx. Sadly, many of us who post here know all to well what you are talking about because we and/or our children have experienced it. It is wicked. There is something particularly painful about rejection that comes from God's people especially when it comes as a result of exposing false teaching.

I am so sorry you feel that God has rejected you, as well. Romans 8 tells us that nothing can separate us from God's love. May you find comfort in God's love in spite of the shunning that has come your way from a handful of God's people who have been deceived.
« Last Edit: July 13, 2015, 01:37:32 pm by Linda » Logged

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« Reply #8 on: July 15, 2015, 08:52:16 am »

I hope all the brothers and sisters that have experienced something like this , try to join this little flock. We declare, Jesus Lord of us , our God almighty , You Are our good shepherd. Thanks for your holy Spirit.
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Janet Easson Martin
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« Reply #9 on: July 15, 2015, 09:15:45 am »

Thank you, eternally, for that little but far reaching PRAYER, Angel. I prayed it along with you.


Here are some more timeless truths I copied as affirmations and wanted to share with any:


BY MY SAVIOR'S WOUNDING I AM FOREVER HEALED.

AS I DEPEND ON JESUS' BLOOD FOR EACH MOMENT AND EACH STEP, GRACE IS SOUGHT AND EXPECTED BY ME.

I HAVE CONSTANT FELLOWSHIP WITH GOD BECAUSE OF THE CONSTANT SPRINKLING OF THE BLOOD OF JESUS.

THE VICTORY THAT OVERCOMES SATAN, THE WORLD, AND THE FLESH IS FAITH IN THE EVER-CLEANSING BLOOD.

THE HORRIBLE PUNISHMENT THAT BROUGHT ME PEACE WITH MY MAKER WAS LAID UPON MY SAVIOR ONCE AND FOR ETERNITY.


« Last Edit: July 15, 2015, 09:19:38 am by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

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« Reply #10 on: July 15, 2015, 12:29:09 pm »

Quote from: jtk1983
I have been so hesitant to post here because I'm honestly afraid of more backlash from GCx if they knew that I was posting against them.

You are not alone. Many feel this way. It's why many remain anonymous. Something, by the way, I recommend.

GCx loves to bully by suggesting that anonymous posters should not be listened to. They even wrote a paper on it.  In so doing, they are basically avoiding addressing their faulty teaching and attacking those who are trying to correct it. Classic ad hominem.

There are many reasons for not posting by name. One huge one is that so much is searchable. People might not want their non-Christian employers to find out they were part of a high control sect that advocated commitment for life to a group started by a self-proclaimed apostle and obedience to self- appointed elders. That's one legit reason.

Another, of course, is that GCx has in the past felt free to show up at people's doors long after they left with letters of shunning. We got ours delivered one year after we left. Who needs that trouble? Or, they might send letters to your children criticizing their parents. Our kids got one. These things are calculated to keep people who leave quiet and thus the false teaching is perpetuated.

The fact that so many wish to remain anonymous speaks volumes about the group. A humble leader will listen to what is being said and address the teaching. They might even feel bad that their leadership has created a scenario where people are afraid to approach the leaders and feel a need to be anonymous. A proud leader will be picky about who said it, whether they were anonymous, how they said it, where they said it, point out the sins/faults of the person saying it, etc. Anything to avoid dealing with what is really on the table which is the Truth found only in God's Word.

« Last Edit: July 15, 2015, 12:31:08 pm by Linda » Logged

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« Reply #11 on: July 15, 2015, 05:38:33 pm »

Thank you all for the kind regards, prayers, and warm welcome. One of the things I'm struggling with is if it is ok to just stop talking to people. Ignoring their phone calls, texts, emails, de-friend them on social media sites, etc. I think that doing so would bring me a lot of healing, but there are two main reasons why I haven't. The first is that I fear even more backlash - more phone calls, emails, harassing me about not being "reconciled" to the church. The second is GCx made me feel guilty for leaving. Insisting that if I am not reconciled, then I am sinning against God. It has become very difficult to hear from Him what is true and biblical. GCx makes leaves you feeling guilty and questioning your salvation instead.
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« Reply #12 on: July 16, 2015, 06:56:24 am »

I read a recent post on Facebook by a person who left a GC church and he called out the leadership in a very factual way. Several people then posted about how what he did was not loving and a few people later posted on their own walls how bitter people make them angry. A few others posted that they also feel the same way and that the organization is changing. It is not changing. Everything that had been voiced publicly by the young man had been voiced by others before him, including myself. Leadership pretends to be sincere when listening to objections and pretends that they are unaware of them but they are not.

I read on a website (called battered sheep or something) a few years back that if you find yourself in a controlling or abusive church to just leave. My experience is that is was more difficult to keep many relationships once I left and that doing so was stressful. If leaving means ignoring some of the folks for a while, then do what you need to do. Once you know you are safely away, you can always reach out to them and if they are true friends, they will be there. Also, I suggest reaching out to others who have also left. It will help you realize that all of this is not just in your head.
« Last Edit: July 16, 2015, 06:58:44 am by Outtathere » Logged
Janet Easson Martin
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« Reply #13 on: August 25, 2015, 08:35:47 am »

That "Bitter Accusation" is based on misusing & twisting scripture to place condemnation upon alert and concerned whistle blowers. The word of God actually condemns shepherds who do not blow the whistle to warn the sheep of dangerous wolves in their midst. The most dangerous wolf in the GCx organization has NEVER been warned about or identified. Likely because he was the predominant founder.

So, we who were unknowingly indoctrinated into these founding lies are VERY MUCH in need of the truth of God regarding WHO WE REALLY ARE & WHAT WE REALLY POSSESS in Christ because it was stolen from us through manipulation and oppression.

GOD's REAL TRUTHS are higher and more wonderful then our MISGUIDED, MISINFORMED and MISTAKEN thoughts based on men's traditions and too often misused and manipulated scripture. We desperately need to regularly bask in these to realize the REAL Abundance we've been given. Here are some more below:


MY ENTIRE REDEMPTION IS BASED ON THE POWER OF JESUS' BLOOD.

THE BLOOD OF JESUS KEEPS CLEANSING ME FROM ALL UNRIGHTEOUSNESS.

THE BLOOD OF CHRIST CLEANSES MY CONSCIENCE.

I GLORY IN WHAT THE BLOOD HAS DONE FOR ME.

GOD'S HEART REJOICES IN JESUS' BLOOD, SO SHOULD WE.
« Last Edit: August 28, 2015, 05:16:45 pm by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

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Angel
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« Reply #14 on: September 02, 2015, 07:32:45 am »

Hi children of the almighty God, El Shaddai, Elohim ,(Powerful God), Adonai, (God), El Elyon ,( God Most High), Yahweh( Israel Covenantal God), Jehovah Jireh ,(The Lord Provides), Jehovah Rophe ,( The Lord Heals), Jehovah Nissi , (The Lord is My Banner) ,Jehovah mekadesh ,(The Lord Who Sanctifies you ),Jehova Shalom, (The Lord is Peace), Jehovah Tsidkenu, (THE LORD IS OUR RIGHTEUSNESS), Jehovah Shammah ,(The Lord is there)
   Hebrews 8:10-12New International Version (NIV)

10 This is the covenant I will establish with the people of Israel
    after that time, declares the Lord.
I will put my laws in their minds
    and write them on their hearts.
I will be their God,
    and they will be my people.
11 No longer will they teach their neighbor,
    or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’
because they will all know me,
    from the least of them to the greatest.
12 For I will forgive their wickedness
    and will remember their sins no more.

THANK YOU LORD FOR YOUR LOVE TOWARD US, YOU ARE OUR SHEPHERD, THE GOOD SHEPHERD !
LOVE TO YOU ALL DEAR BROHERS AND SISTERS IN CHRIST!
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Janet Easson Martin
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« Reply #15 on: September 23, 2015, 07:36:07 pm »


Thank you, God, for reminding us that the more we receive (and recall) our forgiveness and your wiping out our sin, the more we will KNOW who you are.  Thank you for this confidence that makes us live more abundantly and dynamically through this grace of Christ. Praise you, Father.


Here are some more affirmations to cause us to recall:


BECAUSE OF JESUS' SACRIFICE ON MY BEHALF, THE SINS I CANNOT FORGET, HE CANNOT REMEMBER.

HE IS ABUNDANT, EXCESSIVE, AND LAVISH IN HIS GRACE AND COMPASSION TOWARD ME.

GOD DEALT WITH JESUS ACCORDING TO OUR SINS AND PUNISHED HIM, NOT US.

JESUS CHRIST BROUGHT ME UNDESERVED KINDNESS AND TRUTH.

GOD BLESSES PEOPLE WHOSE SINS ARE FORGIVEN AND WHOSE EVIL DEEDS ARE FORGOTTEN.



Whenever I feel my soul isn't anchored, it seems it's because it's shifting in the sands of my good and bad works.  It's like I'm trying to rest in my performance.  Trying to have faith or hope in myself. Which if I dare to; I consequently, fall quite certainly.  I believe God is teaching me to stop putting confidence in my doing; and instead, put all my confidence in my believing in his doing. ESPECIALLY that HE ALONE has made me eternally worthy and guilt-free. These affirmations help me to focus back on the TRUTH OF GRACE which is God's intended comforting and unmovable anchor for my soul.



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« Reply #16 on: October 15, 2015, 09:12:46 am »

The Passion of Grace is unrelenting. Jesus is always pursuing his bride, always jealous for her affection. Remember the passionate music in the movie, "The Last of the Mohicans", that accompanies the strident hero gloriously pursuing his beloved to rescue her. That is just a taste of the passion our betrothed Jesus has for us as he seeks to deliver us from lies and false gods that steal us away from enjoying him. He initiates with us constantly. He LONGS to have compassion on us, but we must gaze at him to receive. In fact, one of the meanings for the word "dismay" (used in Isaiah 41:10) is "to turn one's gaze AWAY". So our dismay can often come from being distracted by other people or other things TO TURN OUR GAZE AWAY FROM HIM.

BUT, AS WE TURN OUR GAZE BACK to the truth of his love, compassion and MERCY, we are  surely RENEWED BY GRACE. We are brought back the hope and assurance of his deliverance and rescue. Let's put our eyes back on the forgotten truths he passionately wants us to rely upon and revel in:


IF BLESSING (FAVOR) DEPENDS UPON GOOD BEHAVIOR THAN IT NO LONGER DEPENDS UPON A PROMISE.

YOUR HOLY SPIRIT DOES NOT CEASE TO GUIDE ME.

SINCE HE PAID FOR EVERY SIN OF MINE, HIS LOVE HAS NO LIMITS TOWARD ME.

I AM CLEANSED AND SANCTIFIED ETERNALLY TO ENJOY FELOWSHIP ETERNALLY.

THE BLOOD'S HEALING POWER SURPASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING.



Here is a recording of the music to this classic passionate rescue:
 http://youtu.be/9tjdswqGGVg


Dangerously, False Teachers pull us away by pretending to be that husband for us, the bible says.  GCX has been heard, seen, and quoted by SO many in this adulterous pursuit on so many occasions. This has been announced and discussed here (especially by Linda), but GCx has not responded. As to most of their spiritual abuses, they are MUTE. They are NOT really biblically PROTECTIVE SHEPHERDS. Their primary focus very sadly is their own success, fame and reputation.
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« Reply #17 on: October 28, 2015, 08:46:08 am »


AM I FAVORED?

Wasn't this often the underlying question in our search for significance while in GCx churches?  We desired the kind of acceptance and approval a chosen few regularly received.  We were often told outright and through many implications what was required of us. To be "teachable" to the elders by never questioning them and always being mindlessly submissive to them. To "bear much fruit" by attracting and lassoing many into the GCx churches and holding them (captive) there by whatever means necessary ("by hook or by crook"). I was witness to elders that told those who considered leaving that they could possibly be struck dead if they left. (Using a real life example of a girl who left GCx and was killed in an accident.) I'm sure some of you are familiar with this spiritually abusive "lesson".

In other words, you were under God's favor if you belonged to GCx; and out of favor if you left.  You were under greater favor if you obeyed all the rules the elders taught you - like not dating, not listening to many certain other bible teachers, not questioning a leader's guidance with others, not spending "excessive" time with family and friends, not pursuing personal goals which conflicted with constant servitude to GCx churches. It was a LOT of work and sacrifice to stay in favor. And most discouraging was that you could never be CERTAIN you were really in good favor.

Well, the truth of the Good News is that you ARE FAVORED as long as you are in Christ. And since he will never leave you after you have accepted and received his glorious grace to forgive ALL your sins, you will always be "highly favored IN the One he loves" (Ephesians 1:6). Do you know this is EXACTLY the same Greek word used in Luke 1:28 toward Mary when the angel greets her and says she is HIGHLY FAVORED?  These great riches of favor have been lavished upon us THROUGH HIS BLOOD, the Truth of the Word of God says. Let us fully realize our favor is not dependent on man or what man says, but on God and what GOD says. Here are some very necessary and glorious affirmations for us to ponder:


I AM HIGHLY FAVORED IN CHRIST.

I AM FREELY GIVEN FAVOR ACCORDING TO GOD'S GLORIOUS GRACE.

THE RICHES OF GOD'S FAVOR HAVE BEEN LAVISHED UPON ME THROUGH THE BLOOD.

I AM HOLY AND BLAMELESS AND FAVORED IN HIS SIGHT.

I HAVE FORGIVENESS OF SINS ACCORDING TO GOD'S GRACE AND FAVOR, NOT MY ACTIONS.




Claim it before Satan and others when they tell you otherwise. Claim the cleansing and favoring power of the blood.

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« Reply #18 on: November 30, 2015, 11:23:27 am »

IS GOD ANGRY WITH ME?

Does He Reject & Turn Away From Me?



While I was still in GCx God drew me to the promise below, but I didn't comprehend the magnitude of its mercy, compassion and deep love at the time because of opposing erroneous messages so frequently taught and received in my mind.  False messages about the nature of God - that he was conditional and demanding toward me.  That he could only be moved by my sacrifices toward him. That my lack of following certain "requirements" distanced him from me. That I could even disgust him and cause him to ignore me. While in GCx I tried hard to sacrifice nearly everything I possibly could YET, did not feel one iota closer to him. In fact, later these many sacrifices caused me instead to be resentful toward this god I falsely learned because he didn't seem to be keeping his part of the bargain. I thought if I kept him from being "ticked" at me he would send his blessings.  This is what my mind summarized my 'relationship' with God was about through the messages I received in GCx.

Obviously, I felt the constant weight of not disappointing God.  I had my mental checklist of things to do that was fed to me constantly. Consequently, my trust turned inward toward my own efforts. And, being human, they could never be enough!  My relationship with God seemed a never ending treadmill. These "teachings" actually distanced me from Jesus rather than drew me near to him.  After all, who feels drawn to approach a god who is disappointed with you.

So when I learned that as a redeemed and renewed child of God that I will never as a person be disappointing to God. That he is not angry with me. That I always receive mercy at His never failing Throne of Grace. That His blood does not cease to sprinkle me from a guilty conscience. I thus decided to instead believe He was actually LOVING, MERCIFUL and close to me, instead of wrongly believing he was disappointed, punishing and distant. THEN my soul could find rest and peace as it did when I was first trusted my Savior.

Here's the profound promise found in Hosea 14:4:

"I will HEAL your waywardness,
And LOVE YOU FREELY (unconditionally, lavishly)
for (because) My Anger HAS TURNED AWAY FROM YOU" !!!



And here's a conclusive affirmation from this TRUTH:


AS I RELY UPON GOD'S MERCY AND FORGIVENESS RATHER THAN MY EFFORTS, I WILL EXPERIENCE HIS LAVISHLY WILD LOVE AND BE HEALED OF HABITUAL STRAYING.






« Last Edit: December 01, 2015, 07:49:05 pm by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.        - Saint Augustine
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« Reply #19 on: November 30, 2015, 10:23:27 pm »

It was certainly challenging when I left GCx, because one wrestles with a lot of emotions like 'is God angry with me because I left,' or 'am I being rebellious to God's will by leaving?' because GCx sure makes it seem like they have the cornerstone on what the following the will of God means and looks like, and that they're only ones who truly comprehend scripture and have a sincere heart, etc. They really do cultivate a certain sense of exceptionalism -- to borrow that word. "We are exceptional in comparison to other believers" seems to be a permeating attitude among leadership. 

One has to learn to separate the notion of divorcing GCx, from the notion of divorcing God, because the two are not the same -- though they might feel the same. We might feel like we're betraying God by leaving -- and really, what hubris of GCx to make people feel so indoctrinated, as to feel like this is so! No church should have such a business making people feel that way. People should feel like they are free to come and go and find their proper church home... not one church is the owner of the Gospels, or the religion of Christianity.

I certainly didn't leave Christianity when I left GCx, though I did wrestle with the feelings above... After quite a few years out of GCx, I did join a Presbyterian church and was there for a while. While these days I am an atheist, this decision was made independent of GCx, and anything else -- I do want people to understand that it is OKAY to leave GCx, that you will not end up automatically faithless for leaving, nor is it an abandonment of God.

It is an abandonment of spiritual abuse, which NO ONE should have to endure. NO ONE. A church family is not supposed to make anyone feel like they are being incorporated into The Borg, or constantly monitored by Big Brother, or like they are living under a KGB regime with constant spies.
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