I want to heal, I want my freedom back.

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

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[graceforall]

I am trying to heal from being in a GCM church.

I am connected to a new church and have friends in other churches.  I will never again be connected to just one church, if I am connected to any at all.   Having friends in other churches and constantly being exposed to different ideas is what helped me not buy into a lot of GCM b.s.

It took several years for me to try to walk into a church again.  I never went to any church ever thinking they were all perfect...  and never thought the crap at the GCM church really affected me that much - until I tried to walk into one again.

This new church seems very healthy.  They respect boundaries, encourage being connected outside of the church, seem to handle critism well - actually asked me at one point what did I think they could do better at - and I have been around them for about 10-11 months now.  They know some of their faults, are working on them constantly, they seem honest and open and humble - in ways I did not see at GCM...  They seem pretty mainstream and biblically sound, and yet are ok with people in the church who don't agree with them...  There are some people in the church that have been deeply wounded by other churches - not GCM ones, but other churches with their own problems.  Even the pastors themselves come from a place of being deeply hurt by church.

Recently I realized how comfortable I feel sometimes being with this church and yet how freaked out I am about church in general.  All these old memories and feeling from being at the GCM church are resurfacing.  I keep being very vigilant about certain things, wary of everyone and everything in a church - expecting them to lie or pressure me or kick me out and treat me like scum publically.  Again and again this new church is not like that. 

The way I was hurt by the GCM church has simply pulled on wounds that are much deeper.  However, all the GCM stuff seems pretty bad by it's own... 

I don't want to throw all of the church away because of bad experiences with GCM, and I am so carefully trying to be better at discernment than I was with GCM...

It is so hard to trust.  The more ok I feel, the more freaked out I am.  The worst part is that there was so much good at GCM, and so much deception about what was bad...  I expect I will get hurt when I feel the most ok, when intellectually things seem the most safe.

I want to heal.  I want to live life and be free of this old crud. 
 
I don't know how. 

I don't even know if I should even say anything about my experience with GCM to anyone at this new church - I wonder if they would then be less honest with me, in an effort to reassure me they are not like GCM.   Yet as far as I can tell this new church really tries to create a culture of honesty, even when it is hard - especially honesty FROM the pastors. 

I don't know what to do.  Sometimes I feel so much like a fool for walking into any church, and yet I know there is much good in many churches - and I don't want my experience from GCM to mean that I have to throw all of Christainity out the window.

If anyone has any suggestions or thoughts or advice on how to move past this, heal, if I should say anything or not...  it would be much appreciated. 

hurting more than I realized,
dk

[boboso]

Hi GFA,

I'm sad to say I completely understand where you are coming from. This is the second time we've had to deal with an abusive authoritarian church movement and it (the last was GC) still hurts even more than a year later. I don't think there is one way to heal from these experiences, though I can speak to what has worked for us so far.

It sounds trite, but returning to trusting Christ and Him only has been a huge difference. The Bible is clear about the fallibility of mankind and to be vigilant about what you are to take to heart. The truth is, we're never to have any faith in the flesh whether it is our own or someone else. If a church is run by humans, we have to expect some flaws somewhere. We can never fully be at rest in any fellowship as it is vital to hold one another accountable to scripture in love. It's hard for us to accept that Christians fully hurt other Christians holding a Bible in one hand and a billy-club in another, but it happens and it happens in a number of GC franchises. Remember, at the most basic level: mankind is corrupt and selfish -- even Christians.

That said, appreciation and love for the people who do seek the Lord and who help you grow your relationship with Him is very therapeutic. We are fortunate to have a few friends (and even some family) who truly pray for "God's best" in us. These people are wonderful. It sounds like you have found a nice fellowship to grow in. Watch how these people around you act and see if their words match and most importantly, see if they're motivated by the love of Christ.

There has been no clear answer for us as we still miss the "relationships" we had with GC members. The truth is that these "relationships" were one-sided and conditional. We were reminded again at how precious our foundation in Christ alone is. Instead of building on a movement (read: false foundation) and being force-fit and shaped into the stones that GC would have you be, we have the Rock who builds us together as living stones -- He made our shape and fits us perfectly together!

Yes, it is painful and if you are like us, it will continue to be for a while as this is the risk part of any relationship. There is no time limits to grow in relationships with others, so take your time in knowing these new people. You may be very blessed!

B.

 

[EverAStudent]

To GraceForAll:  Most of my bad church experiences are NOT recorded on this forum.  Some of those that involved GC are, but the rest I have kept private.  With deep sadness I can say that this is an area with which I have had personal experience.

Your second biggest step toward "healing" has already been taken: recognizing and admitting the truth of the past.  As boboso just said, all people are fallible, tempted by selfishness, and give into personal self-interest on occaission.  But recognizing that what just happened to you is far beyond that "norm" is important to help set perspective.

The first step toward "healing" is knowing that Christ is still Lord (absolute Sovereign) and Savior.  Life is all about Him.  Church is all about Him.  If you were saved before GC, during GC, or after GC, you are still saved.  He still loves His children, no matter how silly they have acted or roughly they have been treated. 

Serving at church is His requirement for us.  Yes, our human inclination would have us avoid church and more heartache.  But, happily, He does not give us that option.  So we go into the next church wiser, confident only in our standing in Christ, and ever alert, trying to find the good and the bad.  If the bad we find there is too extreme, we try again. 

In my own experience, I have found now that the only folks I tell about my past experiences are those who need to be warned.  Trying to explain the past to those who are not presently experiencing such things often becomes counter-productive.  They do not understand, I become self-conscious, and some judging even goes on.  If I find I need to talk, I seek out folks (or even this forum) who have been through what I went through.  On the other hand, sometimes God uses the folks around me, who I never intended to confide in, to open me up for His good purposes to assist others that I never knew were going through tough times not unlike my own background.  So there is no "rule" as to whether to tell or not.  Sometimes is works out well for God's glory.  Other times, not so much.  I guess my point is, there is no "oughta" here.  Do as you feel God wants you to do.  But do be wary and biblically discerning at all times.

Trust takes time.  Eventually you will form good friendships with others unassociated with GC.  But that can take time.  In all of it, the Lord will always be there.  Sometimes faith just requires endurance.  Whatever else, know this, what GC did is not the compassionate love that Christ modeled for the apostles and is not what the church was ever to have become.

[EverAStudent]

What is "healing"?  In the Bible, when it refers to our "hearts" it is describing all that makes us individuals, our memories, our thoughts, our desires, our mind, our intellect, our spiritual gifts, and even our emotions. 

When we have gone through bad situations, whether we were partly responsible for them or not, we desire to forget them, we want the pain to go away, we want to move on.  But those experiences become part of who we are now.  The pain, or the memory of the pain, becomes a part of our hearts. 

Healing is not forgetting that the experience or the pain was there.  Healing is the admission it happened while also acknowledging that God is sovereign and is using all this to conform us to Christ's image while continuing to build His kingdom and to vanquish evil.  Healing is not forgetting the past, but acknowledging it, and then moving on with life and service to Christ.  Healing is confessing any small role we MAY have played in our own pain and accepting Christ's forgiveness.  Healing is knowing that pain is the result of the curse on earth and that as a human we are not exempt from it.  Healing is remembering that Christ promised us human suffering as part of discipleship.  Healing is remembering always that Christ loves us always.

Healing is the ability to cry over the past and to rejoice that a better future awaits.  Healing is hope.  And we have the best hope that humans could desire.  When our hearts are filled with hope (even as they remember the pain) we are being healed.