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Author Topic: Journey to His Healing: ARISE Part 1  (Read 5753 times)
Janet Easson Martin
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« on: February 20, 2011, 06:52:33 pm »

     Jesus said to her, "Did I not tell you and promise you that if you would believe and rely on Me, you would see the glory of God?".....He shouted out with a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!"       John 11:40,43

     These are the words that seem appropriate to portray my journey of God's deliverance and healing to me.  How he longingly waited on high to rescue me and set me free.  How He took a seemingly hopeless situation and is turning it into His glory, turning the enemies of my soul upon their heads.  It was not a matter of hell into heaven. It was a matter of condemnation, not measuring up, and striving but failing over and over and over again.  Signs of former abundant life in Jesus all but gone.  My lack of joy was not because the honeymoon with Christ was over, it was because the Law sneaked in on me and suffocated the Spirit.  "For the code [of the Law] kills, but the [Holy] Spirit makes alive."  What I did not know was that as long as I submitted to a bunch of rules to achieve "godliness" Christ did me no good.  (Galatians 5:2)  Oh, he was still in me, and jealously desiring for me to dwell in the Spirit he put in me.  But, my reliance had been led astray to the Law (the GCI code of conduct and loyalty) for acceptance and highter spirituality.  I could not receive the grace I needed to obey God because my righteousness had insidiously come to rely upon a new code - the traditions of men in GCI.  Though still eternally secure in Christ, I had lost my very present reliance upon GRACE.  I had, in essence, fallen from grace.  (Galatians 5:4)  I was trying to be justified by the law now, which brought nothing but condemnation and a sort-of-death to Christ's Spirit in me.  I liken it to being bound up in burial cloths a layer at a time with each code I tried to keep.  Eventually, I was so tied up, I became captive to this toxic system.

"BUT THANKS BE TO GOD, WHO ALWAYS LEADS US IN TRIUMPH IN CHRIST"     2 Cor. 2:14

God was always with me as he promises.  I had to be willing to close my ears to the Law (of CGI) in order to hear him alone.  Some people going to the church, but not staunch GCI Pharisees like me, who seemed more interested in following God than a bunch of "loyalty laws" surprisingly helped me to get my ears unsuctioned from the "GCI false code of loyalty".  I listened just enough to see life outside of GCI legalism. They challenged some of their misplaced loyalty together as a group.  Some became my friends and started opening my ears back to God.  

Then, a christian friend at work told a lunch group of us about the book, The Grace Awakening, by Chuck Swindoll.  I started reading it with a bit of trepidation because it was mostly new stuff to me.  As I read more and more I seriously felt  a fresh breeze wash over me.  A sigh of relief.  A breeze of freedom and fun and intimate fellowship with God - not prideful legalistic relating to God.  Wow!  Just in time when I almost drowned in legalism.  It was Him who sent the people and the book.  I bravely came to the realization that I needed to be in a church that embraced GRACE, instead of the law.  I shared this with a friend in GCI who felt the same way, and we started church shopping.  It wasn't easy.  It was a bit scary and uncomfortable because we were treading outside "divinely sacred" confines, but God was definitely the one leading us in triumph.  We were truly growing in dependence on Christ and gaining true knowledge of Him, not mens' traditions.  We were doing what fed the Spirit, not the fleshly pride.  God was calling us out even though we weren't sure just where he would take us.  Because of hearing  some lies so often it took others to come alongside to help us shake them off.  In fact, the teachings I had received from GCI caused much conflict with the Bible teachings I now heard in a number of biblically sound believing churches.  These warring thoughts required me to get much needed christian counseling.  I needed other strong believers who understood and lived under grace to help unwrap the gravecloths I had worn for so long.  "And out walked a man who had been dead, his hands and feet wrapped in burial cloths, and with a burial napkin around his face.  Jesus said to them, "Free him of the burial wrappings and let him go."   John 11:44  

HE had called out to me and rescued me into his loving arms with patience, compassion, and mercy, and SET ME FREE.   When you are not accustomed to freedom it feels foreign at first.  But God warns through Galatians 5:1 to stand firm in your freedom so that you don't get enslaved again to a yoke of bondage. Though I still find little pieces of gravecloth stuck to me, and stumble afraid in dark confined places, I am learning daily how to walk in the living freedom Christ paid dearly for me. He is teaching me true victory through faith alone. (Colossians 2:8,18,19)  Not an impressive outward "godliness", but an inner strength and hope. This is the victory that overcomes the world, our faith.  Not any system of do and don'ts, of oughts and nots. Not our devotion to a man or an elite group of men, or system of a "specially annointed" man, but to our God alone.  He is to be relied upon above all others.  God warns us through Paul on several occassions in Galatians, Colossians, and in 2nd Corinthians, and other places to have nothing to do with those who put you under a "higher code", a "better Christianity", a "holier calling" to ultimately puff themselves up and make you zealous for their ways, alienating you from other christians (Galatians 4:17).  These "religious systems" actually perpetuate unbelief.  They are toxic and kill faith as the scripture above says.  

We already have all the holiness we need in Christ who is in us.  We, my friends, are majestic with royal robes of righteousness, ministers in the true temple for God Almighty, and need no approval from men.  I pray we will not enslave ourselves any longer to the yoke of any Law.  That's exactly why the gospel means "GOOD NEWS!".  Everything has already been done for us.  We must just walk it out in FAITH.  Any other teaching is never, ever God's good news for us.

"Shake off your dust; rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem.  Free yourself from the chains on your neck, O captive daughter of Zion"         Isaiah 52:2


Believe and rely on Him, and see the glory of GOD.

Your friend in Christ,

Janet
« Last Edit: March 21, 2011, 05:10:05 pm by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.        - Saint Augustine
esperanza317
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« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2011, 01:22:17 am »

It's a sleepless night.  I'm just coming out of a GCM church.  I could have written your post.  You used the same words I have been using. . . toxic, insidious, bondage, condemnation, not measuring up, lost my reliance upon GRACE . . . all resonate with me.  I think we've found a new church home, but when we will run into GCM leadership in different places, the meetings are awkward and very difficult for me.  We saw someone tonight at our new church as they dropped their kids off for AWANAS and it was terribly awkward and now I can't sleep again.  How do I over come this?  I've only had two Sunday's away from GCM.  I was feeling okay the last few days, but as soon as I had an encounter with a GCM pastor tonight the heavy weight came right back down on top of me.   Cry

Your words here express my feeling precisely . . .
Quote
HE had called out to me and rescued me into his loving arms with patience, compassion, and mercy, and SET ME FREE.


Please pray for me and I'll take any encouragements and one has . . .
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Janet Easson Martin
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« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2011, 08:37:07 am »

God is sooooo compassionate.  He gave you precisely the words he knew you needed to hear.  We need to keep listening to these types of words.  Words of grace and understanding.  Words of faith.  He says whoever believes him will not be disappointed.  Why do we doubt?  And if there's one thing I've learned he longs to do, it is to show us compassion and comfort.

What I had to do was literally not listen to any more persuasion or guilt from people still in GCI because they don't know yet that this system is a deception.  I don't think they are trying to be deceptive, they are so wrapped up in it themselves they aren't able to see or hear clearly.  Consequently, there is no point in discussing or arguing with them because most of them are convinced that they are right and you are wrong.  I had to stop answering the phone for a while and chose wisely not to listen to any messages from them.  If I did see them around town I had to steer away.  This really helped and is how Jesus told the disciples to stand firm in their faith, by not bothering to argue with them (referring to legalists of the day).

Association of any kind with the experience I had in GCI would trigger my brain with toxic thoughts and emotions

I know exactly the feeling you are describing when just seeing them.  It seems to be the same feeling victims experience when they see their abuser when they have not had the space and time to recover yet.  Likely, negative emotions and toxic thoughts which we have learned are triggered in our brain when something or someone associates too closely with our experience in GCI.  I had these for years, but thankfully they were less painful as time went on.  I believe they can also be used by God to protect and warn us of similar danger.  I have had more than one experience where my mind, emotions and even body were spooked by "church leaders" I encountered that had signs of authoritian and egotistical persuasion over people.  My husband thought I was imagining things, but it sorrowfully turned out to be true.
 
Something I learned to do was quote God's truth when these toxic thoughts and feelings started happening.  This also helped me a great deal in the beginning days of recovery.  Many I used were from the book, Search for Significance, and some from good Christian counselors.  Truths like: "I am totally accepted by God."  "I no longer need the approval of others to feel accepted."  "I am fully justified by God (in Christ)."  "I am totally loved by God."  "I am completely forgiven (in Christ)."  "There is no condemnation for me (in Christ)."  "I am who God says I am" (not who people say I am).  "I can do what God says I can do."  "God chooses not to remember my sin (because of Christ)."  "I am adorable to God." (God paid much to make us able to say that and we should honor his sacrifice by believing it)  These, of course, are all based on scripture.

Beth Moore also has been quite helpful (on Life Today TV Broadcast on Wednesdays) to me.  She talks about finding scriptures that apply to the toxic thoughts so that we can speak over them with divine authority and power.  Speak them aloud to ourselves until they are part of our new thought process.  (Still have much work to go on this.)  Eventually, our feelings will follow in great encouragement. I think this is one of many ways God redeems tragedies into triumphs.  We are forced to rely on him and his WORD to be comforted and healed, resulting in drawing much closer to him in faith and confidence.  But I will say I couldn't have started without the help of others.  Either someone who has experienced healing from it or professionally and spiritually trained in it.  Also, mature Christian Women Speakers with the gift of Encouragement and perhaps "Healing" really have helped me.  As I mentioned Beth Moore, and Joyce Meyers.  Listen to "I'm OK, and I'm on my Way" by Joyce.

I also read several other very helpful books:  Toxic Faith , Churches That Abuse, and The Subtle Power of Spritual Abuse.  But I have to admit reading some of those books brought unpleasant and grievous feelings and memories to the surface.  So, I would suggest talking with someone who is very strong and healthy in the faith at the same time.

I will definitely pray for you to be encouraged and strengthened in your faith.  I also pray for those under and in leadership in GCI that they, too, will be healed from this harmful and deceptive seduction.

With Prayerful Support,

Janet

« Last Edit: March 21, 2011, 05:12:31 pm by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.        - Saint Augustine
esperanza317
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« Reply #3 on: February 24, 2011, 10:59:23 am »

Janet,

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words.  It is water to my soul.  I'll be meditating on the scriptures and thoughts you've provided.  I'll check out some of the books too.  I'll be watching the forums because I need that support.   

Your words of encouragement are confirming as these are the same thoughts, encouragements, and advise I received this morning when I talked on the phone long distance to my first and only real Pastor who is like a father to me.  He is NOT from a GCM church, but from a HEALTHY church.  Thank you for praying and please keep praying. . . 
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