Journey to His Healing: Learning to Hear the Holy Spirit Again

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

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[Janet Easson Martin]

"As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit--just as it has taught you, remain in him."   1 John 2:27

One thing a counselor advised to me after I left GCI was to trust the Holy Spirit to speak to me.  I had to learn confidence in God's leading me through his Holy Spirit in me because I had somehow ignored him while in GCI and didn't hear his voice well.  One of the most exciting things about following Christ is meeting with him personally to hear specifically what he wants to teach me, and what his specific will is for me.  To see and hear him address fears and problems in my life.  To follow his plan for my growth.  To guide me in daily and lifelong choices.  To see him speak so tenderly and affirmitively to me and my very specific needs.  He is my Knight in Shining Armor. 

It seems that is what the verse above is talking about--letting the Holy Spirit run my life, and not any other.  Any other person or group of people running my life, manipulating my choices and actions, outlining God's very will for me is a Counterfeit, trying to take the place of God, stealing my very relationship with Him, wanting to take his place.  No wonder I was lethargic, apathetic, and disappointed.  The very ecstasy of christianity was swept away.  I was still in him, and He in me, but I was kept from experiencing the abundant life He called me to--Abiding in Him.  I was so busy trying to perform, to act this way or that, to do everything the leaders said was God's specific will for me, to carry out GCI dreams which were really Jim McCotters "order of things". I was persuaded that God was only really interested in the people who were doing seemingly "grand" things and who were seemingly very "godly" according to the definition of godliness I had been taught.

While in GCI some verses in my times with God alone kept standing out to me but, I didn't understand what they were saying to me at the time.  Now, that I look back I gasp at the warnings.  Galations 1:6-7 was one of those:  "I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel--which is really no gospel at all.  Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ."  It's astonishing to realize God was warning me to get out of GCI.  Another was also in Galations 3:1,2,3,4 and is a blockbuster:  "You foolish Galations!  Who has bewitched you?  ... After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?  Have you suffered so much for nothing...?"     Still another plea, Galations 5:7  "You were running a good race.  Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth?  That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you."

Wow!  God had been trying to help me all along.  He wooed me back to himself.  And nothing will ever be the same----

Thanks for listening,

Janet

[Huldah]

Janet, thank you for such an uplifting post. Your comments were spot on. Anyone who tries to be the Holy Spirit for someone else is doomed to fail miserably. And I love it that you called Jesus, your "Knight in Shining Armor".

[BTDT]

I had to learn confidence in God's leading me through his Holy Spirit in me because I had somehow ignored him while in GCI and didn't hear his voice well.

Janet, would you be willing to write a little bit more about what that process was like for you? Nothing deeply personal or anything, just maybe something to help a fellow traveller along with his process.

Thanks in part to your recent posts, I've been realizing that I'm not hearing His voice well either. Dan Baty once told me to learn to listen to my heart (very wise advice).  I told him, "Danny, my heart mumbles."

Thanks,
-Ed-

[Janet Easson Martin]

Ed,

I finally replied to your request.  I had been praying about it and wanted it to be from His Spirit.  I still tremble at the words Jesus shouted:  "Lazarus, come out!"    I feel that is something He is saying very passionately to those in GCM Churches. , 'My Daughter, My Son, come out!'  His words are alive and have power to raise the dead, and certainly to help us hear his very Spirit even when our's feels dead inside.  I believe God is offering to take off layers of the law that we may still be under as a result of wrong teaching we received .  It is his will for us to have freedom and soundness of mind.  I love how God always gives us our request when we pray according to His will.  Receiving and meditating on the truth about grace (even though it seems too good to be true) and turning away from being enslaved by the law (though it seems like what we need) is definitely His will and gives us the power to sense His Spirit and be refreshed by grace.  You can read about this in full under my post "Journey to His Healing: ARISE".

With much hope (by standing on His Word),

Janet

[Janet Easson Martin]

   Jesus said to her, "Did I not tell you and promise you that if you would believe and rely on Me, you would see the glory of God?".....He shouted out with a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!"       _{John 11:40,43}

     These are the words that seem appropriate to portray my journey of God's deliverance and healing to me.  How he longingly waited on high to rescue me and set me free.  How He took a seemingly hopeless situation and is turning it into His glory, turning the enemies of my soul upon their heads.  It was not a matter of hell into heaven. It was a matter of condemnation, not measuring up, and striving but failing over and over and over again.  Signs of former abundant life in Jesus all but gone.  My lack of joy was not because the honeymoon with Christ was over, it was because the Law sneaked in on me and suffocated the Spirit.  "For the code [of the Law] kills, but the [Holy] Spirit makes alive."  What I did not know was that as long as I submitted to a bunch of rules to achieve "godliness" Christ did me no good.  (Galatians 5:2)  Oh, he was still in me, and jealously desiring for me to dwell in the Spirit he put in me.  But, my reliance had been led astray to the Law (the GCI code of conduct and loyalty) for acceptance and highter spirituality.  I could not receive the grace I needed to obey God because my righteousness had insidiously come to rely upon a new code - the traditions of men in GCI.  Though still eternally secure in Christ, I had lost my very present reliance upon GRACE.  I had, in essence, fallen from grace.  (Galatians 5:4)  I was trying to be justified by the law now, which brought nothing but condemnation and a sort-of-death to Christ's Spirit in me.  I liken it to being bound up in burial cloths a layer at a time with each code I tried to keep.  Eventually, I was so tied up, I became captive to this toxic system.

"BUT THANKS BE TO GOD, WHO ALWAYS LEADS US IN TRIUMPH IN CHRIST"     _{2 Cor. 2:14}

God was always with me as he promises.  I had to be willing to close my ears to the Law (of CGI) in order to hear him alone.  Some people going to the church, but not staunch GCI Pharisees like me, who seemed more interested in following God than a bunch of "loyalty laws" surprisingly helped me to get my ears unsuctioned from the "GCI false code of loyalty".  I listened just enough to see life outside of GCI legalism. They challenged some of their misplaced loyalty together as a group.  Some became my friends and started opening my ears back to God.  

Then, a christian friend at work told a lunch group of us about the book, The Grace Awakening, by Chuck Swindoll.  I started reading it with a bit of trepidation because it was mostly new stuff to me.  As I read more and more I seriously felt  a fresh breeze wash over me.  A sigh of relief.  A breeze of freedom and fun and intimate fellowship with God - not prideful legalistic relating to God.  Wow!  Just in time when I almost drowned in legalism.  It was Him who sent the people and the book.  I bravely came to the realization that I needed to be in a church that embraced GRACE, instead of the law.  I shared this with a friend in GCI who felt the same way, and we started church shopping.  It wasn't easy.  It was a bit scary and uncomfortable because we were treading outside "divinely sacred" confines, but God was definitely the one leading us in triumph.  We were truly growing in dependence on Christ and gaining true knowledge of Him, not mens' traditions.  We were doing what fed the Spirit, not the fleshly pride.  God was calling us out even though we weren't sure just where he would take us.  Because of hearing  some lies so often it took others to come alongside to help us shake them off.  In fact, the teachings I had received from GCI caused much conflict with the Bible teachings I now heard in a number of biblically sound believing churches.  These warring thoughts required me to get much needed christian counseling.  I needed other strong believers who understood and lived under grace to help unwrap the gravecloths I had worn for so long.  "And out walked a man who had been dead, his hands and feet wrapped in burial cloths, and with a burial napkin around his face.  Jesus said to them, "Free him of the burial wrappings and let him go."   _{John 11:44}  

HE had called out to me and rescued me into his loving arms with patience, compassion, and mercy, and SET ME FREE.   When you are not accustomed to freedom it feels foreign at first.  But God warns through Galatians 5:1 to stand firm in your freedom so that you don't get enslaved again to a yoke of bondage. Though I still find little pieces of gravecloth stuck to me, and stumble afraid in dark confined places, I am learning daily how to walk in the living freedom Christ paid dearly for me. He is teaching me true victory through faith alone. (Colossians 2:8,18,19)  Not an impressive outward "godliness", but an inner strength and hope. This is the victory that overcomes the world, our faith.  Not any system of do and don'ts, of oughts and nots. Not our devotion to a man or an elite group of men, or system of a "specially annointed" man, but to our God alone.  He is to be relied upon above all others.  God warns us through Paul on several occassions in Galatians, Colossians, and in 2nd Corinthians, and other places to have nothing to do with those who put you under a "higher code", a "better Christianity", a "holier calling" to ultimately puff themselves up and make you zealous for their ways, alienating you from other christians (Galatians 4:17).  These "religious systems" actually perpetuate unbelief.  They are toxic and kill faith as the scripture above says.  

We already have all the holiness we need in Christ who is in us.  We, my friends, are majestic with royal robes of righteousness, ministers in the true temple for God Almighty, and need no approval from men.  I pray we will not enslave ourselves any longer to the yoke of any Law.  That's exactly why the gospel means "GOOD NEWS!".  Everything has already been done for us.  We must just walk it out in FAITH.  Any other teaching is never, ever God's good news for us.

"Shake off your dust; rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem.  Free yourself from the chains on your neck, O captive daughter of Zion"         _{Isaiah 52:2}


Believe and rely on Him, and see the glory of GOD.

Your friend in Christ,

Janet

[Janet Easson Martin]

God is sooooo compassionate.  He gave you precisely the words he knew you needed to hear.  We need to keep listening to these types of words.  Words of grace and understanding.  Words of faith.  He says whoever believes him will not be disappointed.  Why do we doubt?  And if there's one thing I've learned he longs to do, it is to show us compassion and comfort.

What I had to do was literally not listen to any more persuasion or guilt from people still in GCI because they don't know yet that this system is a deception.  I don't think they are trying to be deceptive, they are so wrapped up in it themselves they aren't able to see or hear clearly.  Consequently, there is no point in discussing or arguing with them because most of them are convinced that they are right and you are wrong.  I had to stop answering the phone for a while and chose wisely not to listen to any messages from them.  If I did see them around town I had to steer away.  This really helped and is how Jesus told the disciples to stand firm in their faith, by not bothering to argue with them (referring to legalists of the day).

Association of any kind with the experience I had in GCI would trigger my brain with toxic thoughts and emotions

I know exactly the feeling you are describing when just seeing them.  It seems to be the same feeling victims experience when they see their abuser when they have not had the space and time to recover yet.  Likely, negative emotions and toxic thoughts which we have learned are triggered in our brain when something or someone associates too closely with our experience in GCI.  I had these for years, but thankfully they were less painful as time went on.  I believe they can also be used by God to protect and warn us of similar danger.  I have had more than one experience where my mind, emotions and even body were spooked by "church leaders" I encountered that had signs of authoritian and egotistical persuasion over people.  My husband thought I was imagining things, but it sorrowfully turned out to be true.
 
Something I learned to do was quote God's truth when these toxic thoughts and feelings started happening.  This also helped me a great deal in the beginning days of recovery.  Many I used were from the book, Search for Significance, and some from good Christian counselors.  Truths like: "I am totally accepted by God."  "I no longer need the approval of others to feel accepted."  "I am fully justified by God (in Christ)."  "I am totally loved by God."  "I am completely forgiven (in Christ)."  "There is no condemnation for me (in Christ)."  "I am who God says I am" (not who people say I am).  "I can do what God says I can do."  "God chooses not to remember my sin (because of Christ)."  "I am adorable to God." (God paid much to make us able to say that and we should honor his sacrifice by believing it)  These, of course, are all based on scripture.

Beth Moore also has been quite helpful (on Life Today TV Broadcast on Wednesdays) to me.  She talks about finding scriptures that apply to the toxic thoughts so that we can speak over them with divine authority and power.  Speak them aloud to ourselves until they are part of our new thought process.  (Still have much work to go on this.)  Eventually, our feelings will follow in great encouragement. I think this is one of many ways God redeems tragedies into triumphs.  We are forced to rely on him and his WORD to be comforted and healed, resulting in drawing much closer to him in faith and confidence.  But I will say I couldn't have started without the help of others.  Either someone who has experienced healing from it or professionally and spiritually trained in it.  Also, mature Christian Women Speakers with the gift of Encouragement and perhaps "Healing" really have helped me.  As I mentioned Beth Moore, and Joyce Meyers.  Listen to "I'm OK, and I'm on my Way" by Joyce.

I also read several other very helpful books:  Toxic Faith , Churches That Abuse, and The Subtle Power of Spritual Abuse.  But I have to admit reading some of those books brought unpleasant and grievous feelings and memories to the surface.  So, I would suggest talking with someone who is very strong and healthy in the faith at the same time.

I will definitely pray for you to be encouraged and strengthened in your faith.  I also pray for those under and in leadership in GCI that they, too, will be healed from this harmful and deceptive seduction.

With Prayerful Support,

Janet