Journey to His Healing

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

You may read and post, but some features are restricted to registered members. Please consider registering to gain full access! Registration is free and only takes a few moments to complete.

[Janet Easson Martin]

Thank you so much for letting me share on this site.

Beginning
I started by visiting other churches with a safe person from my unhealthy church.  We both knew finally that things were wrong there.  It was scary and a bit exciting to be free.  We hadn't officially left and still had friends there.  I actually wrote a little essay on discovering who I was in Christ.  It was cool just to think about that!  Taking a step out of looking at who I was in GCI.  Wow what an adventure!  It really helped to have a friend to do it with.  Found a church with healthy people and a healthy pastor (a Southern Baptist Church).  BUT, I still had a war within me.  According to unhealthy GCI, I was "tubing" out.  That's what they called it back then.  It meant not just backsliding, but turning my back on GOD.  I was sooo scared.  Opposing thoughts were at war in my brain: 'Coming to a church outside of GCI was leaving God and turning away from following Him'. {Later, I found out that this is one of the big red flags].  And, 'coming to this new church was the best thing I could do'.  Inside I really struggled.  But, I noticed people gave me room.  I could pursue God on my own terms (the way we are supposed to).  I wasn't looked down upon if I didn't go to this retreat or that bible study.  There was no one following me around, influencing my decisions ("discipling" is what unhealthy churches call it).  The freedom was heavenly, but my mind (probably Satan's whispers) would not let me experience peace yet.  Sitting under this doctrinely sound bible teaching Sunday after Sunday, even though I was tempted to leave and go back to GCI, going to this church helped me keep my course.  

Of course, I compared everything for awhile against the "True Christian Devotion" of GCI.  It was hard to get used to the differences.  Eventually, my mind and emotions were so strained I fell apart.  After much intense christian counseling by an organization that had Methodist, Baptist, Evangelical, Presbyterian, and Catholic Christian Counselors I could move on.  God used a promise from his word a dear friend gave me and these different counselors to reveal the errors of what I had been under for too many years.  His promise to me which I held onto for dear life was Isaih 43: 1-3a:

But now, this is what the Lord says-
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear No, for I have redeemed you;
I have summuned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass though the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour.

I said it to myself at least 20 times a day as I claimed it.  And so it went.  I wasn't being lifted out of the "pressure" or trial.  God would hold my hand while I clinged to him through this difficulty (rushing waters).  He held me in that torrent and I got to experience His closeness and His pleasure.

Til next time, I'll pray if you need to you'll put out your hand for him to take.

Created for His Pleasure,

Janet Easson Martin

[MarthaH]

Thank you for sharing this. It reminds me of my own journey. There was so much fear when I left because I was feeling that I was turning against God. Reading this post gave me great compassion for the friends I have still in the church I attended. They hear over and over about commitment to their church. They are kept so very busy all of the time that they don't have the opportunity to escape. I think what really struck me was that I couldn't think straight for long periods of time until I was outside the movement. There were so many times when I said, "this is it, I'm outta here!", only to see myself stuck there for another 6 months.
Once I left, I found this forum. Hearing other people's stories helps me a lot. I've even gotten to the point where I can see that I did learn quite a few things in my old church and not all of it was bad. I had to re-learn so much and I questioned so much for so long. Now I'm coming to see that my Father was sovereign and allowed me to go through what I went through there.
Anyhow, I've found out that there were a lot of people praying for me when I left. I think I will pray for my friends who are still in there and pray that God would open their eyes and move them to a place where they can grow.
Your story gives me encouragement!

[Janet Easson Martin]

Oh, MarthaH, may I say the Holy Spirit seems to be at a work here- prompting me and prompting you.  This is what he told me in my time with him this morning:


Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth-
everyonewho is called by my name,
     whom I created for my glory,
     whom I formed and made

Lead out those who have eyes but are blind,
     who have ears but are deaf.                             Isaiah 43: 6-8


Thank you for reminding me about God's power: prayer.  That will really be the most powerful way they can be helped.  People prayed for you.  People prayed for me.   In fact, I hadn't prayed over this enote, but I will from now on because it will then have supernatural effect, not just a human effect.  I believe in my spirit that God wants to redeem this TRADEGY and do His great miraculous work here.  Pray that we listen to Him and we'll get to be part of it.

Looking forward to sharing many stories in heaven.

Grateful,

Janet Easson Martin