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Question:
After leaving GCx did you experience nightmares of still being in their ranks?
Never - 4 (50%)
Occasionally - 1 (12.5%)
Regularly - 3 (37.5%)
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Author Topic: WALKING OUT by Sheer Faith  (Read 12711 times)
Janet Easson Martin
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« on: December 10, 2014, 09:03:19 pm »

WALKING OUT by Sheer Faith


I remember guardedly watching all around me, scared and thrilled, as I walked out of my last GCx church meeting toward the parking lot to leave this organization permanently. Only one other person (who also was leaving) knew my intentions that day, to never return.  Yet, I was PETRIFIED someone would figure it out and try to stop me. I'm not kidding, I was shaking inside and my knees nearly gave out getting to my car.  When I shut my car door, I breathed a little easier, but still averted my eyes from anyone and drove slowly but carefully out of the lot.  Making the turn onto the public road I was ecstatic!  I had DONE IT!

The intense fear of not escaping them that day only served to confirm my brave decision. The psychological pull of that organization was like a strong gravitational force that I had to exert much faith against just to separate.  For many years I experienced nightmares that I was somehow back there captive to them again.

Yes, most of the people there were probably believers, and many basically nice people; but they had submitted to a devotion, loyalty, and worship that was NOT of God.  My spiritual, emotional, and mental health could no longer afford to be entangled with them.

Nearly as soon as I left God started showing me, repeatedly, different verses that promised me restoration for what had been taken; even double for what had been stolen.  I believed him and saw him lovingly care for my needs, amazingly, in just that way.  The wounding to my soul has taken much time with God, love from family and friends, FREE and sincere fellowship with other believers, and professional counseling to heal. I, personally, also felt it necessary to cut ties with people still in the group in order to completely break away.

It seems from many testimonies on this site that this is not an unusual experience in leaving a GCx church group.


What was your experience in walking out ?


« Last Edit: February 23, 2015, 07:44:17 am by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2014, 08:44:26 am »

Thank you....THANK YOU for sharing that!!! Ditto to every experience!!

The day I left, I felt freedom. Leading up to that day, I felt so anxious. I had wanted to leave over a year before, but kept slipping into the control mechanisms. I remember thinking, "it shouldn't be this difficult to leave." After some attempts to break bonds in peace, I found myself still in the group 6 months after I first tried to leave and wondering at that point if I would ever be able to get out. When the day of deliverance finally came, I realized that it was God who had freed me and that is what has sustained me in dark times since.

I too have dreams that I am still in rooms with leaders or that I am somehow still under their authority. In those dreams, I am looked upon as suspect and treated inferior. I used to have those dreams a few times each week. Now, it is less frequent but I think it may be about once a month.

I agree that many, if not most, were believers. That saddens me. I looked at the Faithwalkers schedule in the region I was from out of curiosity and saw so many of the same old propaganda messages. 'Devotion and Loyalty' are heroic (the theme this year is 'Heroes'). Packaged in between hours of emotion driven music and people will receive a 'high' followed by a man-made conviction to serve and be obedient. I wonder if anyone would give the messages a second thought if they removed the music. All this to say, I'm no longer surprised when people see the flaws and still find themselves unable to leave the organization. I used to be angry at people who saw the flaws and stayed (including some pastors and staffers). Now, I feel pity and pray that God would deliver them.
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Janet Easson Martin
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« Reply #2 on: February 16, 2015, 08:36:58 pm »

Outathere,

Sorry I have not replied yet. Thanks for responding and sharing. The fact that we had no infrequent fearful dreams of not really having escaped this group speaks VOLUMES of the kind of pressure we were under (used to control and manipulate its followers). I'd be curious what percentage of people who left GCX have experienced these "captive" nightmares.

More to respond tomorrow.

Janet
« Last Edit: February 23, 2015, 07:45:51 am by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

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« Reply #3 on: February 17, 2015, 09:55:37 pm »

Outathere, so glad God gave you strength to leave. And glad you were willing to post here about it. I imagine there is someone even now reading your post who is in the same place you were, and can be inspired by your courage.

I bet those "nightmares" of "not escaping GCX" are not too uncommon. Maybe this site could possibly take some sort of poll on that affect on us (GCx escapees). Not until I started really drilling my head on The Power of The Blood with affirmations like "The Blood pleads for me and in me with an eternal ceaseless effect", and "My sin is so entirely atoned for and blotted out that's its power to keep me away from God is completely and forever taken away" did I begin to stand up for myself and the gospel of GRACE in those dreams. (These are personal paraphrases of truths shared in Andrew Murray's book 'The Practice of the Presence of God'.)

I agree that music can sway our emotions. 'Charismatic' hype from so-called "teachers of the bible" can also sway us, along with our thoughts, and decisions.

Will pray with you for those who see the "bondage", but have yet to break free. There is something very empowering in taking action for ourselves to step out and leave unhealthy ties, and actually experience a REAL refreshing freedom.

Your Co-Escapee,

Janet
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« Reply #4 on: February 18, 2015, 07:18:42 am »

I was pondering the idea of being in bondage and being freed recently. Many people who have been incarcerated for lengths of time find it very difficult to function in normal society once they are released. I had the same problem. Many others who left around my time found it very difficult to function with the new found liberty they were experiencing. Many were second guessing their move. Many others were indulging in certain pleasures that were banned when they were in GCx. Others found it very hard to function in churches once they left. For me, it took several years before I began to feel somewhat normal. I still have a hard time believing the best of people in authority (once bitten, twice shy). I am thankful that several people have suggested counseling. Nouthetic counseling was helpful for me.

Sadly, because people have a hard time once they leave and often make mistakes adjusting back to society, their true reasons for leaving a controlling church are often questioned. "Well, Tommy left and now he is at the bars. The only reason he left is because he wanted to drink (date, etc.).

I got the courage to listen to a message on dating from one of the GCx churches this past week done over Valentines day. It was good because I was able to listen with some empathy. The desires that they have are somewhat noble in the sense that they want to protect people from the dangers in the world that have ruined so many lives. Still, without proper handling of the scriptures, they insert human measures to control people. One of the points brought up in the message was to tell people only to date people under authority. I kept thinking how that could be misused. In the church where the message hailed from, it was often used so that people would only date if they got permission from the pastor in their church so that they would remain in their church. Likewise, it would often cast doubt or suspicion on the motives of people wanting to date or being approached to date people from outside of their church. You can listen and see the notes here: https://walnutcreekchurch.org/media/part-6-dating  (disclaimer: the passages of scripture they used weren't written by the authors to address the problem of dating  Cheesy)

There is a good article that was published recently which I found helpful:  http://www.marydemuth.com/spiritual-abuse-10-ways-to-spot-it/

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« Reply #5 on: June 22, 2016, 09:19:51 am »

WALKING OUT BY SHEER FAITH - Part TWO


Today as I talked to God and he spoke back in his Word, he graciously reminded me that He is MY STRENGTH; He is MY FORTRESS; and that He is MY LOVE (Psalm 59:9).  As I trust him to do in me what I cannot do; and trust him to hold me close when I fear, I will experience His miraculous love.

As I finished my time with a section in Isaiah 62, it seemed God prompted me that believers needed to separate themselves from GCx and instead rely on the person of Jesus in order to once again experience his supernatural and unconditional love. Likely, the gate they came in through is the one they need to leave out of.  This gate is usually relationships with others in GCx. They have become dependent on them for "spiritual strength and protection" instead of Christ.  These are unhealthy soul ties that probably need to be cut. Below is the message I felt God would say to them from Isaiah 62:10


"Go through, go through the gates!"


Did you know the Hebrew words for go through in this passage mean A L I E N A T E?!  Sub-definitions are cross over, strike out.

GCx men have set up man-made boundaries which are NOT from God and His WORD.  I BELIEVE God is saying, 'You are missing out on my supernatural strength, protection, and LOVE by submitting yourself to them.'  Your actual Savior comes with rest, refreshment, and comfort for your soul.

You need to alienate yourself from them to totally rely on God again.

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« Reply #6 on: June 23, 2016, 07:14:11 pm »

Here is an article regarding this topic that is quite helpful.  The author describes how she didn't know the harm her (spiritually abusive) church was doing to her UNTIL she left.


Click on the link below to read:
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/its-time-address-spiritual-abuse-church
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« Reply #7 on: June 25, 2016, 08:54:50 pm »

WALKING OUT BY SHEER FAITH

Recognizing The Red Flags


Here is an excerpt from a new helpful blog site that I found recently:

"To gain the attention of the leadership and possible ministry position, people jump through hoop after hoop of works to prove their loyalty.

Religion (works) will bewitch those under its influence, and I can speak from firsthand experience when I say that you just don't see it until you get out from under it.  It wasn't until I left that I realized everyone in there was consumed with brown-nosing to gain position and power.

These churches are psychological pits of codependency, people in leadership that need to prove themselves with works, and those that choose to submit to their authority and are willing to play the game and prove themselves to the leadership with more works."


Here is the link:  

http://red-flag-churches.blogspot.com/2014/02/red-flag-churches.html
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« Reply #8 on: June 26, 2016, 04:35:40 pm »

By The Way


By the way, some great books about spiritual abuse are highlighted at the end of the page of the red-flag-churches link above.  Some of these same books have also been mentioned on this De-Commissioned Forum in Recommended Reading and elsewhere.  

One of the books on the list is "Churches That Abuse".  Those that are not familiar with Enroth's book may be INTERESTED TO KNOW THAT GCX IS NAMED AS ONE OF THE PLAYERS IN THAT BOOK!!  It also specifically names Jim McCotter!  It describes in some detail the abusive 'goings on'.  It seems fair to conclude from considerable testimony here on this site, MUCH OF IT STILL GOES ON TODAY!!

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« Reply #9 on: July 01, 2016, 08:31:50 pm »

Listening to Your Gut


This past Wednesday, June 28, 2016, The LifeToday TV Program featured spiritual discernment. The explanation highlighted is very helpful, especially the last section of Part 3 about listening to your gut. Here is the link is below:

http://lifetoday.org/video/spiritual-discernment-part-3-4
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« Reply #10 on: July 04, 2016, 08:21:52 pm »

Breaking FREE


Breaking Free is a fitting topic for the 4th of July.  Freedom really does affect our well-being.  And spiritual freedom makes all the difference in the world.  I found an article on the www.spiritualabuse.com website entitled "Breaking Free: What I've Learned About Spiritual Abuse" by Barbara Milligan (who has been published by NavPress) originally appearing in STEPS, a publication of the National Association for Christian Recovery.  It almost sounded like it could have been written by someone formerly caught up in the GCx "church" organization.


Below are excerpts from this article on the spiritualabuse.com website.  I, personally, have highlighted in blue what I thought were key phrases.  The link to the complete article is: http://www.spiritualabuse.com/?page_id=41


"While my husband, John, and I felt that we had good reasons for leaving our church home, we didn’t think at first that what we had experienced was spiritual abuse. We had gotten involved in the church knowing that the pastor, Richard, and his wife, Jill (not their real names), were young and perhaps immature in some ways...

But as we spent the weeks and months after we left trying to sort out our feelings about what had happened, we wondered if we, along with others, had become the victims of spiritual abuse in spite of trying to keep our eyes open. We wondered if perhaps our eyes had not been open enough. And if we should have responded earlier to the clues.

...Fire alarms went off inside me, and the room came alive with protests. “So why can’t one of you lead the meetings?” some logical person asked, nodding toward the two leaders. The woman who had spoken earlier said she had volunteered herself and the other leader but that Jill had said no. Beneath the woman’s gracious manner I saw a hint of bewilderment and disappointment in her eyes.

...So why did she refuse to trust them? Were the deep personal needs that were being met by that group not important to her? Did she even recognize those needs? And was it not important to her that other people’s leadership gifts be developed? I felt discouraged about the church as I began to wonder how often other people’s needs were being swept aside because of Jill’s lack of trust and her desire for control, and why the pastor was allowing such things to happen. Because we were still new at the church, I also wondered with dismay what kind of future John and I would have in a church where the opportunities for people, including ourselves, to share feelings might be rare...

Then there was the time that Richard asked John and me to meet with him after he’d heard that John and I were leaving the church.  We scheduled the appointment, and we rehearsed with each other what we would and would not say. So we were caught off guard at the meeting when Richard announced that he wanted to read us a list he’d made of John’s “character flaws.”

...Although John and I left the church after that meeting, we returned a few months later, because we were unable to find another church...

...John and I soon began to notice, however, some other things that disturbed us. First, there was the gradual and steady disappearance of the more spiritually mature people in the church. And no one seemed to know why any of them had left. Then there were the subtle beliefs that originated with the pastor. There was the belief that if you are truly serving God, either you are in “full-time ministry” or you are preparing for it, and the rest of us working folks are a disappointment to God. (Don’t ask who was funding the full-time ministries.)

...Then there were the self-serving claims Richard made in the church newsletters: Because the church was obeying God, he had blessed it by multiplying its numbers and enabling it to spin off several other churches and numerous highly successful ministries. A gross exaggeration.

...Part of the overall problem was that any attempt to confront someone in leadership had disastrous consequences. Anyone who expressed an opinion that the pastor didn’t like was understood to be unsubmissive, if not outright rebellious. Worse still, the associate pastors aspired to become clones of the pastor and were afraid to challenge him on anything. But none of this was common knowledge; it happened in secret.

...As much as we loved our church family, we could not continue supporting an organization whose leaders refused to see the harm they were doing....

Having quietly left the church for the last time, we watched from a distance as more people did the same, many of them spiritually bruised and bleeding, some of them hemorrhaging from a sense of betrayal. And as we listened to their stories, we learned more about the subtleties of spiritual abuse."
...



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« Reply #11 on: July 05, 2016, 05:06:40 am »

Wow. Yes this is still happening today in GCx churches.  And national leaders are either condoning it, or turning a deaf ear.
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« Reply #12 on: July 13, 2016, 01:36:42 pm »

I had joined in 1981, when leadership's views of control were rather large.  For example, it was not considered appropriate for a member to have a voice in deciding which other members they shared housing. 

I had been involved for many years, and began to ask questions.  I had considered leaving for more than a year before I did, in about the same timeframe as Janet.   I would bring up my questions and concerns privately to the leaders, and the response was always - let's talk about that later, with them never intending to discuss it at all. 

Later, I approached one of the elders, intending on discussing a few matters that weighed heavily on my heart, some of which were later revealed as key points in the "Pride Paper" of 1991. 

He asked if we could talk about it the next week, and promised he would call me.   He didn't, until months after I had left.
I felt lonely and abandoned, and when I talked with a few other members,  I found similar sentiments, but no one willing to leave. 

On the fateful Sunday when I decided to leave, I finished my meeting setup duties, and as the service began, quietly walked to my car and drove away.    The next week, I began visiting other local churches.

Three months after I had left, I had lunch with two others members who worked at the same place I had.  When they said they hadn't seen me in a while, and I told them I had left, and why.  They were surprised, but positive and welcoming.  They must have called the leadership, because that night I received a phone call from the leader who had blown me off, asking why I had left and why I had not talked with him.  His tone was that I had behaved poorly and wronged him by leaving and not giving him the chance to talk with me.  When I pointed out that I had approached him, wanting to talk, but he had not been responsive, he made excuses. 

Interestingly, I contacted that same leader recently, who is now a pastor at a non-GCx church.  His comments were that he and the other leaders were young and inexperienced, but that they had done no wrong.  It seems that this leader never took to heart the points from the pride paper. 


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« Reply #13 on: July 13, 2016, 08:04:05 pm »

Stephen C,

For a leader in an organization that prides itself in watching for "sin", they sure have to be blind (especially after all this time) not to see their abusive behavior. Jesus calls religious leaders posing as shepherds spiritually blind and dead (like white-washed tombs).  All those scriptures they knew about protecting the flock were not obeyed.  Instead they rebelliously became Satan's agents to attack and destroy others' faith, like haughty Pharisees.  That's why Jesus told his disciples to depart from the Pharisee's teaching.

This leader's attitude is far from that of a true shepherd of God's people.  He seems more concerned about his own reputation than the welfare of others.  I would guess because he is not relying on the Holy Spirit he is not able to care for others in a Holy manner.  Weak excuses are certainly not sincere regret or godly sorrow.


Opening My Eyes to the Truth With You,

Janet

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« Reply #14 on: April 27, 2021, 08:30:42 pm »

Breaking Unhealthy Soul Ties


The term soul ties usually refers to a deep connection to someone or some group of people.  Soul ties can be a God-given and healthy thing in a relationship such as marriage, but they can also be an unhealthy thing when it’s something that literally controls your life. Examples of unhealthy soul ties would be an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend, a manipulating and controlling close friend, or false teaching church leaders. Those whose approval or opinion changes the actions you take from what you would naturally do.  Those from whom you feel it is nearly impossible to break free, who keep sucking you back in to their world.  These are actually ungodly relationships because they dangerously entangle you and TAKE THE PLACE OF GOD.

A very well done video on unhealthy soul ties caught my attention today.  It is important to ponder if God might be trying to warn you about a tie you currently have that is dangerous to your well-being.


Link to “Soul Ties” Video from GraceWithPurpose

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gUZMPMyZboI


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« Reply #15 on: April 28, 2021, 08:32:50 pm »

Breaking Unhealthy Soul Ties
Therapeutic Question


After watching the video above which outlined 3 signs of unhealthy soul ties, I was especially struck by the second one.  Basing my actions on their approval rather than what I would have naturally done.  In essence changing my natural personality.  Eventually becoming a shell of a person.  Seems more startling when that’s written down in black and white.  So, I thought it would be worth the effort to write a list of what I, instead, might have done as a new believer in Jesus without the influence of some very unhealthy soul ties.  I’m going to spend some time thinking and praying about this.

It may also be very therapeutic for some reading this to consider such a question.


What actions would I take instead, if I was free from an unhealthy soul tie?  (What would I do differently?)

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« Reply #16 on: April 29, 2021, 07:53:59 pm »

Breaking Unhealthy Soul Ties
Therapeutic Question





What actions would I take instead, if I was free from an unhealthy soul tie?  
(What would I do differently?)



Since I was just finishing my college degree and was invited to work in Virginia in the area I had studied.  I may have spent some time with the girl I shared an apartment with who also helped me get this first professional job, instead of pushing my new beliefs on her.  I would have been much more gentle with her persuasions.  I wouldn’t have broken up all my secular vinyls in the first week I was born-again, like I was strongly persuaded to by my GCx discipler. I would have kept some records and others discarded others as THE SPIRIT led me.  It would have been an opportunity to please my Heavenly Father on my own, and be encouraged with my voluntary growth.  I would have kept wearing make-up, instead of throwing it all out like I was talked into.  I wouldn’t have gotten rid of most of my clothes as my discipler insisted. They were by no means inappropriate.  I really don’t get that one.  Something about showing you are “new in Christ”.  Well, let’s hope that goes deeper than clothes and make-up in most believer’s lives. I wouldn’t have worn polyester shorts (not cool back then) as I was practically made to. I would have gone to visit my family WAY MORE.  That one just makes me cry, but I claim Romans 8:28.  Praise You Father, that most of my family does know you and I will get to redeem that in your eternal city with them.  It’s rather frightening already! No wonder my old roommate thought I was in a Cult!  I’m think I’m just getting started.

A big one that was VERY interesting was that I would have visited more old friends with some of my free time.  I was SO excited about Jesus. It would have only been natural that I would have wanted to share my new found faith.  Nobody had to persuade the women at the wheel, the blind man, or the demon-possessed man to go and share what Jesus had done for them. I did have a chance to visit one or two old friends, but it was too agenda-focused and not very natural because I was following what my GCx disciplers instructed me.  My sister and I could have ministered ACCORDING TO THE SPIRIT to so many people, as God had me lead her to the Lord shortly after I came to Christ.  But, I was discouraged from connections outside my new “church” group.  These disciplers were with me almost every day of the week, so I pretty much had no free time.  They even went home, overnight, with me the first time I saw my mom since I began joining their group.  They were not invited.  They just came along much to my family’s dismay.  Today, I would have said, “I’m going alone and that’s that.”  Actually, I wouldn’t have been friends very long at all because I was put down, rebuked for petty things and told what to do so often by them.  They REALLY hammered down my self-esteem and obviously built theirs up.  But, it IS WHAT THEY WERE TRAINED TO DO.  It’s funny how man’s manipulative and self-seeking ways of grinding out the Gospel are so small (and sometimes a detriment to it) in comparison to God’s great and glorious plans to reach people heart to heart.

That’s enough for anyone to listen to right now.  Feel free to share what you would do differently, or would’ve done individually if you were not entangled with unhealthy soul ties, perhaps especially from “spiritual” leaders.





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« Reply #17 on: April 30, 2021, 05:51:55 pm »

Breaking Unhealthy Soul Ties
Therapeutic Question





What actions would I take instead, if I was free from an unhealthy soul tie?  
(What would I do differently?)



To continue my answer to this though-provoking question, I would have had my ears and eyes open for different groups of Christians meeting so we might mutually encourage one another as the Bible says, and could learn the foundations of the Christian Faith.  I think this would be a natural yearning for anyone new in Christ.  You want to share and hear what God has done in the world around you.  I would have shopped around, hopefully; looking mostly at established churches where a person wasn’t in control, but you could tell God was.  A place where it felt like all the members were important, not just the ones in elevated positions.  Where input was desired and questions had freedom to be asked.  After my spirit feeling “right” or safe, I would have also looked for a group that had men close to my age.  I would have liked to attended what they call “college & career groups” in churches back then. I would have gotten to really know how people thought and what made them tick in a discussion group, where you could actually share your opinion on questions about the Bible.  Where you could share your doubts, fears, and dreams.

I would have liked to choose my own friends, find some kindred spirits where the relationship dynamic genuinely flowed.  I would have appreciated hearing truth from bible studies and preachings and make my own decisions for my life like roomates I might live with, how many nights I would devote to official church activity, what events or conferences I would choose to attend or not attend, while also pursuing some great friendships outside my church as God would lead.  I would hope to have time & money to create some projects of my own or with chosen others to serve God in my own way.  I would not have given my hard-earned money to GCx.  I would have rebuked those elders who told me through underlings not to give my money to poor saints, after these elders had all received more than a tithe themselves.  I would not have given away sentimental treasures from my own family to elder’s families because I was shamed into it. I would have enjoyed waiting on the Holy Spirit to put such things on my heart, if that was his will.

I realize some of these disciplers thought they were doing a favor to these families, but trust me they had plenty favors coming their way.  The lived off the generousity of single brothers and sisters.  They got free haircuts, babysitting, shopping, clothing, and great housing payments as they might rent a room to singles.  One time another girl and I were paying too large a portion of the rent while living in only one room of an elders house.  Depending on what services the singles offered the families, sometimes they may as well have had a live-in nanny.  

It was ridiculous to ask a group of 30 to support 3 large Elder families.  Those elders should have been working or stepped down to be faithful to their family with a full-time job.  But, of course, following the McCotter edict of surrendering (or quitting) college as a “Sacrifice to the Lord” so that “one’s” could have more time to share the gospel; made the prospect of making a good earning look dreary.  It was a Pharisaical Burden that made their load heavier.  Personally, I think it was to build up McCotter’s empire bigger and faster.  Anyhow, I would never have chosen to give my money or possessions in that oppressive way, but in the way God says - voluntarily with joy.

I know some may think I’m being mean to the elders’ families who were poor still into the 80’s, but I didn’t vote for three elders’ families to be supported by 30 people with my finances or time.  That was their choice to stay in that situation.  If I told some devoted women of God I know what was expected of us and what we did as singles in GCx, first they would say: “And What Kind of Church was That?!! - A Cult!”, and second would be, “Why did you stay?!!”  Of course, some of us have since realized we were literally under a spell that was stronger than the flesh.  I personally believe it was a spirit of deception and oppression from the devil working through agents of Satan that took us captive and kept us there.

Elders are not immune from the sins of idolatry and rebellion.  They can also be children of God, but disobedient one’s, taking part in commanding dangerous soul ties of their people.  God will remove these harmed sheep from their clutches, and bring them to faithful shepherds who desire to feed them instead of feed off of them.  







« Last Edit: April 30, 2021, 06:38:24 pm by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.        - Saint Augustine
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