What should prayer look like?

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[araignee19]

I had a somewhat major revelation the other night: not all Christians believe you have to pray specific prayers that can fail. And now I'm confused and wondering if I have been praying wrong all along.

As a little background, at my GCx church, we were taught very strongly that prayer requests should be something specific and "answerable." What I mean by this is instead of praying, "God, please help me to be a light for you today," we should pray "God, please help me to share the Gospel with Suzie, Sally, and Kelly today." Or "God, please help me to provide for my family," should be "God, please give me the exact amount of money needed to pay for rent this month." It was taught, either implied or outright, that if you were not praying for specifics like this, you didn't have enough faith. Basically, if you weren't praying a prayer that could be specifically answered, you never put yourself in a position where things could, or would, fail if God didn't come through, and therefore you didn't have faith that God would answer your prayer. Furthermore, it was taught, again implied or outright, that if God hasn't answered your prayers, you either didn't have enough faith, or you weren't being persistent enough (Luke 11:1-13). I thought God had promised that if we prayed long enough, hard enough, with enough faith, and it was something good your were asking for (i.e. not praying for him to help you rob a bank) God would give you what you asked for. This was supposed to be a promise he had made to Christians, and I tried to "hold him to it."

A few years back, I took these ideas to heart. I prayed for something very specific, very persistently, with full faith that God would answer, and encouraged many others to pray the same prayer. The prayer had a deadline on it, and was very clearly something God either would or would not do. It was not a prayer about which you could say, "well, he answered it, just not like you were expecting," or "He answered 'no' or 'wait'." Long story short, God did not grant my request. This, and other prayers like it, basically destroyed my faith in prayer, and almost my faith in God. It's been a long while since I was able to ask God for things, because I didn't want any more reason to doubt him (my logic goes: either prayer doesn't work, or God isn't real).

At some point, I decided to do a study on prayer. I figured maybe there was a third possible explanation for why my prayers weren't answered, other than the two above. Maybe my idea of what God promised he would do was wrong. But that got pushed to the wayside when I left Summitview, as other things needed to be dealt with first.

I was talking to someone the other night about this, and he said that the reason he doesn't pray very specific prayers is that he doesn't want to put God in a box, or put himself in a position where he is not happy with the answer God does give. I think this was the first time I had ever heard anyone argue that it was actually a good thing to pray without being terribly specific. Now I am thinking about prayer a lot again, and wondering just how wrong my ideas about prayer are.

So what are your thoughts related to this topic? How should we pray? What has God promised to do, and what are words we have put in his mouth? Has anyone else run into this teaching in GCx? And do you agree or disagree with it?      

I'm looking forward to everyone's thoughts...

[EverAStudent]

It is wonderful that you are thinking on such matters that directly affect the practical implementation of the daily Christian faith.  yay!

My two pennies on the subject:

Jesus prayed for very specific things and had to deal with the fact that God said, "No."  For example He asked that the cup of the cross be taken away (if it was God's will)...it was not.  He asked that all believers be unified...they were and are not. 

At other times He prayed specifically and the prayer was specifically answered...Lazarus rose from the dead and the child's demon was thrown out.

And Jesus also prayed generally...that the nation of Israel would be forgiven for crucifying Him.

So pick your example and know that every sincere prayer has its place before the throne of God because they are all heard.  Only those that are "the will of God" will be granted while the unprayed request will likely not be answered because if you pray not you should not expect to receive (ala James). 

[2xA Ron]

I think both types of prayer (specific and unspecific) can be good.  The Lord's Prayer, for instance, is very vague and open-ended, whereas the prayers of Gideon in Judges 6:36-40 are very specific.

I never got the idea that my prayers always had to be specific from the GCx, but I did feel convicted at one point to pray a more specific prayer for something, since I'd been staying intentionally vague on that topic out of fear.  God chose to answer that prayer.

I think the big factor in determining whether we pray specifically or not has got to be our motivation.  Are we staying vague because we want to respect God's ability to do whatever He pleases (not put Him in a box), or because we're afraid He doesn't care enough to answer (which was my problem)?  Are we being specific because we have a specific need, or because we want bragging-rights when the prayer is answered?  James 4:3 indicates that if our prayers are motivated by selfishness, God is smart enough not to answer them (just like most parents are hopefully smart enough not to let their kids have cookies and ice cream every time they want them).

One thing I think is very important, though, is that we don't credit ourselves for an answer to prayer, as if it was our doing by believing hard enough or praying persistently enough.  Nor do I think we should blame ourselves when prayers go unanswered.  Whether our prayer requests are specific or vague, they are, by nature, requests.  God is always free to say, "no" if He believes it's the best answer to give us.

[Huldah]

This, and other prayers like it, basically destroyed my faith in prayer, and almost my faith in God. It's been a long while since I was able to ask God for things, because I didn't want any more reason to doubt him (my logic goes: either prayer doesn't work, or God isn't real).

I'm so sorry you've had to struggle with this. This is why doctrine matters. This is why "zeal" or "a great heart for the Lord" are no excuse for handling the Word of God in an incompetent manner.

Who are they to prohibit general prayers when Scripture itself places no such prohibition?

As far as answered prayer being the proof of one's faith, consider the last verses of Hebrews 11. Through faith, the Old Testament saints were murdered, mutilated, hounded into exile, and (we can infer) saw their prayers go unanswered. Lest anyone say that things were different under that dispensation, consider the plight of Christians facing horrific persecution today under sharia and other totalitarian regimes. Could anyone justly accuse them of lacking faith?