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Author Topic: Why Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed  (Read 3019 times)
Veteran (100-299 Posts)
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« on: August 17, 2014, 08:16:27 pm »

Interesting article a friend of mine shared. I'm curious everyone's thoughts.

Regular (15-99 Posts)
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« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2014, 10:24:52 am »

Interesting article!

My husband and I didn't date or court, but got to know each other in our church, in group settings. We have been married 41 years. We both came from unbelieving families and weren't Christians until late teens. We knew each other better than anyone we had dated previously. On a date you are on your best behavior, in a group setting it's easier to see who is self-centered, who is spiritually minded, who is a servant, who is child-oriented. It's harder to be fake because the others know the real you (say, the guys know the other guys are how spiritually minded they are away from the group and the same with the gals.)

Our children didn't date or court- all but one are married. They met at church, Bible studies, serving in ministries, attending college Christian ministries, attending Christian colleges, even home school sports teams and having interaction with other Christian families.

I don't see courtship as a Biblical model necessarily to follow, but don't see dating as a Biblical model either. Dating is fairly recent - didn't start until the "Roaring 20s" as a way to break many restraints that existed in society. Why would we follow the way of the world in finding a mate? Could there be a better way? What's out there doesn't seem to work. We are told "don't let the world squeeze you into its mold." Romans 12:2 (Phillips translation.) I don't have an answer, just don't think either is a good option.
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« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2015, 11:48:08 am »

Thanks for this article.  I plan to pass it on to a friend who got divorced a couple of years ago.  Honestly, I don't think there is any sure-fire formula that will guarantee a successful marriage.... because first you have to define what a successful marriage is.  If success is not getting divorced, I know of a couple that I can't imagine them ever splitting up but they fight all the time.  How can we call that success? 

I do think the courtship la GCx thing is unrealistic and didn't do a lot of favors for some people, whether they got married through following all of the approved steps; or if they are still single, in their 40s or 50s and never married.  I think success depends on how well you understand yourself and how you can deal with other people.  I have heard many stories where people did everything "right" and still wound up divorced. 

For myself, courtship and dating went out the window.  My wife and I met online; talked on the phone for a couple of months; met for real in person and I asked her to marry me a few days later.  We've been together 12 years and I love her very much.  It hasn't always been easy but at some point, something said to me, "Are you going to honor the commitment you made to this woman?"  In the end, I think that's what a successful- i.e., lasting- marriage is about.  Feeling like you love someone can come and go.  And maybe for some people, divorce is the better option.  But are you going to honor the commitment you made to your spouse?
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