I Just Want To Be Normal!

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

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[Genevieve]

Okay, so this might sound like the diary entry of a 13-year-old, but it’s true. I was listening to the “Great Commission Story” and “Raising an Army” on this website: http://www.graceforstate.org/faithwalkers.shtml. I was surprised by how often the speakers talked about having a “radical” life that “counted.” If you want your life to count for God, you need to live it “radically.”

Anyway, I started to wonder, what if I just want a good life (different from the good life). I got the impression, normal wasn’t good enough, that people who didn’t want to “go all out for God” were somehow less-than. Calling all overachievers!

(To be sure, they’re not the only church with these issues. It might be our culture as much as anything. I grew up in a non-GCM but very missions focused church and thought for a long time that if I wanted to “be” somebody, I would have to be a missionary. Every other life paled in comparison. GCM may talk about a radical life and disparage a normal one more than others–at least at their conferences (though there could certainly be worse, Sam).)

No one wants to live a meaningless life, but is there only one way to make it “count for God”? I hope not. I hope God isn’t just pleased with missionaries, saints (not GCM lingo here), and martyrs. Because, really, most of us aren’t. We do our best. We try to help those in need, go to church, love God, and love our neighbor.

But we also do those supposedly meaningless things like eat, sleep, talk to friends and family, work (actually sitting at our desks and working), pay the bills, watch TV, read books, laugh, cry.

What makes a life “count for God”?

In the church I grew up in, my youth pastor talked to us about finding God’s will for our lives. He said it’s like Adam in the Garden of Eden. God gave him a garden, and he took care of it. He cared for the pears, peaches, and apples God gave him, and he walked every day with God. God didn’t care whether he ate a peach for lunch or a bunch of grapes. It was all his to choose from, and it was all good.

I’ll take it a step further and say God was pleased with Adam for being Adam, for eating and caring for what God gave him, and enjoying their daily walk together. You can’t get much more normal than that!

[AgathaL'Orange]

There is a verse in the Bible I like, “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.”

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

[MamaD]

That is the verse that popped into my mind when I read this post. I was going to look it up, but got busy.

Thanks for sharing it, Agatha.

I love that verse.

[Just trying to help]

“Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.”



Romans 12:11 (NIV)



Hmm. Perhaps this is what those church leaders were trying to urge you to do. I think your church leaders were trying to encourage you to live for the Lord and His purposes, rather than living for your own comforts, entertainment, etc. That’s what makes it a radical life. NOT that you can’t ever “have a regular life” like watching TV or playing video games, but your life shouldn’t be dominated by it. And no, you don’t have to be a missionary to have fervor for serving the Lord; just make it your priority to do what you feel God leading you to do.



“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness…” Matthew 6:33 (NIV)



Or as it says in the NLT, “…make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.”

[Anonymous]

Way to totally miss the point, “Just trying to help.”

To live a quiet, normal life and to live a life for God are not at odds.

In GCM is it zeal for God or is it zeal for GCM?

“Those people are zealous to win you over, but for no good. What they want is to alienate you from us, so that you may be zealous for them. It is fine to be zealous, provided the purpose is good…”
Galatians 4:17,18

You haven’t helped at all.

[bertrandbaggersly]

I remember one pastor (non-GCM) telling me why he became a pastor. He made the decision when he realized the only things that will matter in eternity are people’s souls and the Word of God. Implicit in his statement was an underlying idea that major life decisions should be based around saving souls and generally maximizing one’s religious involvement. Major decisions made for other reasons are suspect, are perhaps God’s “second best”, and are based on the world’s value system, not on God’s “eternity-based” value system.

As a thought experiment, I wonder how our society would function if all the garbage men suddenly decided to live by that philosophy? They could think to themselves, “The garbage comes back week after week — the work I do doesn’t last for eternity, so what’s the point? I want to burn out for God!” If in their zeal they all switched to full-time Christian ministry, we would perhaps have more Bible studies, prayer groups, and churches, but my, would it stink!

I no longer believe that God values our actions based on their relationships to eternity. God does value an ordinary life. Within our ordinary, quiet lives, we will inevitably have opportunities to love, show mercy, forgive, be patient, and so on. This is the quiet zeal God is looking for. So often he gets the clanging cymbal of misguided idealism instead.

[Anonymous]

the circles of our lives over lap into other peoples lives. we are to serve the people in our families and our neighborhoods, places of employment. gc wants you to serve gcm and its programs, serving the elderly in your neighborhood is not as valuable in their eyes as serving the elderly in their outreach. gc wants a piece of the glory.
families that are too busy with sports etc are just as at risk as families that are too busy with gc. do you want proof? read this blog

[MamaD]

I’m pro-garbage men.

[Samuel Lopez De Victoria]

Anonymous,



You’ll probably jump all over me and you’ll call me presumptious for saying that you don’t sound like the other folks on this forum. They don’t sound as “pissed off” as you do. Your jumping on “just trying to help” seems to show that. Call me what you want but be careful that you are not just feeding the juice the ego loves with it wants to take on the mantle of victimization.



Go ahead… jump all over me…

Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D.

[just trying to help]

Dear Anonymous -



I have to agree with Samuel. Your response felt fairly viscious. (It makes me hesitate to spend time discussing stuff this way.) My thought is, if a person is going to throw their thoughts out there on a blog such as this, why couldn’t they give consideration to the possibility that there may have been a “good” or “right” motive behind the leaders’ directives??

[MamaD]

I am thinking about Arlys. She was 58 when she died from cancer a couple weeks ago.

Arlys was a normal person. 3 children. 5 grandchildren. She was a homemaker who volunteered at a little Alliance Church in the greeter ministry and she organized the prayer chain.

The pastor preaching at her funeral mentioned that he had spent a lot of time at their home in the past week and he realized that everything you needed to know about Arlys that mattered could be found in her kitchen. He said the first thing he noticed was a sign there that said simply, “FAITH, FAMILY, FRIENDS”, and because it was three things and they were alliterated, he couldn’t resist talking about them in his message!

Arlys had 38 photos of family and friends on her refrigerator (he counted). Arlys had 14 handwritten Bible verses also posted on her fridge (he counted). We learned that she kept a tidy home, baked for friends, led Bible studies, loved to spend time with her children and grandchildren, camped, took care of ailing parents and encouraged friends who cared for their ailing folks, she did ordinary things.

The pastor had a few “props” up front with him. Oddly, one of them was a pair of her shoes. He told us all Arlys did at church and how if there was a visitor who had not signed the visitor book, he could always call Arlys to get the name. She made it a point to remember. He told of how she carefully managed the prayer ministry making sure all requests were accurate and prayed for. Then he pointed to her shoes and said I’ve been wondering for the last few days, “Who’s going to fill Arlys’ shoes?”

For a moment, my heart sank. I thought, I can’t believe it, he’s going to give a plug for someone to step up and sign-up for a ministry! But, no. He looked out and said, “The truth is that NO ONE is going to fill Arlys’ shoes.” She was a unique person who loved God, her family, and her friends.

3 days before her death (at home surrounded by her family), one of her daughters set up a Caring Bridge site. One week later, on the day of her funeral, her site had received over 2,300 hits.

She lived a normal life and made a difference for eternity.

[Samuel Lopez De Victoria]

MamaD,



Your friend who died and had a wonderful prayer ministry reminds me of a girl that came with me that I recruited from my old Bible School to join me in Ames, IA to “reach the world.” She started with us witnessing on campuses, trying to reach neighbors, etc. What a heart! She had a terminal disease…Slowly developed tumors in different parts of her body. EVentually she had to have an operation to remove some from her brain. She became blind. She was a prayer warrior praying for folks all day long as she was limited to her home. She died and what a funeral that was!!!! I’m sure she’s got some wonderful crowns awaiting her. Maybe she was there to receive your friend!

Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D.

[Genevieve]

Just Trying to Help,
Thanks for your thoughts, and I think you’re right that they’re trying to help people see what’s really important in life and trying to get people to not waste their time here on earth. It’s not a bad motive!

However, I think their idea of what’s not a waste of a life is too limited. They forget that beauty for beauty’s sake is good. Or that even if something’s not specifically related to enlarging the (GCM) kingdom, it can be pleasing to God. They seem to always need a reason to do something–and it can never be that they simply want to.

Why should you marry? To combine your spiritual gifts and raise your own small army for God. Why go to college? So you can meet people and enlarge your circle of influence. How do you pick a major or career? Something that you don’t hate and that leaves plenty of time for church if you’re a man. If you’re a woman, choose something that helps you be a better wife/mother.

Now, I have heard some great GCM sermons about the holiness of the banana, that basically, everything can be pleasing to God. So I think they really are trying to be more holistic.

Unfortunately, I think their emphasis continues to be on Christians as primarily the army of God, and GCM the Navy Seals.

Their incredible focus and sense of purpose trumps any other more holistic approach to life they may be trying to incorporate.

[A current attender]

Genevieve,



I very much agree with what you wrote to “just trying to help” — that what is pleasing to God doesn’t have to be an action. Me and a friend really struggled with that for a long time — trying to embrace our real worth to God — it was a battle between “being” versus “doing” — in other words, understanding that God loves me because I am me, not because I DO things for Him. That can be a difficult thing to settle in a person’s mind when they are at a church that is very serving-oriented. But I still have to think, in a sense, that when we are all “filled up” on God, it oozes out our pores to the people around us even when we’re not really trying, ya know? So, when we’re really connected with God, we’re beautiful for Him and it’s just part of our being, and it affects those around us. (I feel like I’m talking in circles — I hope that made sense!)



You said, “They seem to always need a reason to do something–and it can never be that they simply want to.” It makes me sad that GC comes across that way. I know it sounds like I’m making excuses, and I don’t mean to, but I feel like my pastors really try to “spur people on” to live “on purpose” because that is their conviction — not because it will further “GC’s kingdom.” But that’s just my impression. And some people need more of a “push” to get involved than others! You do make a point, however, that their “focus and sense of purpose” tends to trump other approaches to living. To me, that’s where a person’s own personal relationship with Christ has to win out. Here’s what I mean…



The pastors at our church very often exhort people to get involved in small groups, mid-week services, ministries, etc. — and you know there are a ton of things you could fill your calendar with! I believe that I need to take that stuff before the Lord and ask HIM, “Should I go to the mid-week service? Would this be doing a disservice to my family by adding too many commitments to the calendar?” And when I feel like God and I have arrived at the “right” level of commitments for me/my family, then I don’t feel bad or guilty about simply saying no (kindly) — no need to even be defensive, because I know I’m “right” with God on it. Well, I know this is somewhat of a tangent off the original topic — but just wanted to share my thoughts, for what it’s worth.

[Genevieve]

Dear Current Attender,
That’s so great that you can take all of that before the Lord and feel free to say no to others while knowing that you’re doing what God wants you to do!

I also think you’re right that serving God should ooze out of our pores and be a natural extension of ourselves.

To be honest, I’ve always been a people-pleaser and have never felt very confident that I knew what God wanted me to be doing. I guess that might be why GCM was so stressful for me. I felt like I wasn’t pleasing them because I wasn’t doing enough and that by not pleasing them, I might also not be pleasing God.

I didn’t feel like the GCM meetings and activities were meaningful (or natural) to me personally, so I didn’t participate a whole lot. Then, by not participating, I worried that I wasn’t living the life God intended for me and was making him unhappy. It was really hard to be there because I felt like a failure all of the time.

So, I’m glad you’re more mature than I was (and probably still am)!

I’m definitely still wrestling with this issue and my own identity as a Christian.

Please pray for me if you think of it.

[A current attender]

Dear Genevieve — I will definitely pray for you! I guess I didn’t explain that I, too, have struggled with being a people pleaser for much of my life — until more recent years (my husband has helped me with much insight, inspiration and healing in this area!).



I’m sorry you struggled with feeling like a failure while at the GCM church — I don’t think God would want that. I know there is not one “right” way of living that makes your life “count” — you just keep seeking the Lord and He will show you! In my experience, it isn’t too often that we know ultra-specifically what God’s plan is for us (such as building an ark with very specific dimensions!) — I sense it more as a general “impression” from God — like the Holy Spirit urging me to do something (often small things like smiling or saying hello to someone I walk past at the mall; but sometimes bigger things like asking a neighbor over for dinner). That’s where I’ve found the greatest satisfaction in life — just showing kindness to others (and with the hope that it is a natural extension of myself, cloaked in the Holy Spirit — because I discovered I’m not often “nice” in my own strength!)…. Well, once again I’m on a tangent. I just care. I don’t even know you guys, and for some silly reason, I really do care.

[Anonymous]

As I have left GCM and I am now trying to have conversations with those who are still exceedingly passionate for GCM, I and others have brought up the topic of activity vs. relationship with God. In pursuing this conversation there is usualy and admitted focus on activity instead of relationship when it comes down to it. The focus is to the extent because of the depth and control found in relationships, that if an activity is missed there is a tremendous amount of guilt, shame and fear for what the small group leader, etc. will say or think by you not being at an event.
Isaiah 28, especially 9-13 might shed some light on the results of this “do and do” mentality for those who still are in GCM churches.

[Samuel Lopez De Victoria]

Anonymous said…



As I have left GCM and I am now trying to have conversations with those who are still exceedingly passionate for GCM, I and others have brought up the topic of activity vs. relationship with God. In pursuing this conversation there is usualy and admitted focus on activity instead of relationship when it comes down to it. The focus is to the extent because of the depth and control found in relationships, that if an activity is missed there is a tremendous amount of guilt, shame and fear for what the small group leader, etc. will say or think by you not being at an event.

Isaiah 28, especially 9-13 might shed some light on the results of this “do and do” mentality for those who still are in GCM churches.

_____________________________



I agree that GC being a sodolity has tended to practically place service over “being.”



Also, I have noticed over the years, that most evangelical churches suffer of the same, especially those that are high committment and cause oriented. One reason I’m pretty much very disappointed with most of Evangelical Christianity and support a 2nd Reformation of the church is because “church” has degraded into service stations with real estate mindedness. Being is lost. Addiction to service is a form to numb and self-medicate, even if it is ridden with theology and verses.



Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D.