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Author Topic: My Survivor Story  (Read 1610 times)
gcmcultsurvivor
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« on: December 24, 2021, 11:31:07 am »

I was raised in a family of 3. My father was caught up in the Blitz movement and became a pastor under Jim McCotter. My dad followed the teachings of McCotter and followed every word he said.
Spanking: This was not spanking. This should have been referred to as beatings. The method taught to my parents was to pull our pants down, exposing our bare ass, and to be bent over a toilet and then being beaten with a wooden rod. Typically a thick wooden rod, you could always see the blood on it left over from my sisters. We would be beaten to where we would be hugging the toilet begging them to stop. Our tears falling against the white porcelain, mixing with the piss and dirt on the floor. Afterwards, to justify it, we would have to say "thank you for correcting me I was wrong. Children obey your parents in the lord for this is right, honor your father and your mother for this is the first commandment with a promise that it may be well with you and may live long on the earth." I personally was spanked 1300-1400 times like this. My sisters got it slightly less. But not by much. On the days we all got in trouble, my parents would line us up on the stairs asking who wanted to go first, and we would sit there and listen as each of us were beaten.

None of this worked. My dad was close confidant of Mark Darling, McCotter, John Hopler, Rick Whitney, you name it. I don't think these men are right in the head, and they did irreversible damage.

I was smoking crack at 15, snorting coke at 15, smoking meth at 15. I stayed away from school, I was a piece of crap and all I knew was how to beaten. The sex talks, none of that worked. I lost my virginity to a prostitute in Mexico. I kicked the drugs but am a full blown functioning alcoholic at 35 years old. I spent 10 years being a drug dealer, seeing the absolute worst you could ever want to see. Finally brought down by a narcotics squad. I was really good at being a drug dealer because I have no empathy.
My sisters had it worse. A life of prostitution and drug abuse. My youngest sister high on heroin had a baby just last month.
GCM did a number on my parents. My only wish is to see McCotter and all these other men, beaten the same way I was. Lets see how long you can stay away from meth when you have blood coming from your ass and you are licking the piss off the floor.
Merry Christmas. This is a true story.
« Last Edit: December 24, 2021, 11:37:45 am by gcmcultsurvivor » Logged
Huldah
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« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2021, 09:11:20 am »

Gcmcultsurvivor, I'm so very sorry for what you and your sisters endured. How awful. I have no words.
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Janet Easson Martin
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« Reply #2 on: December 25, 2021, 11:46:17 am »

I’m so glad Jesus is drawn to the needy, not the self-righteous. He came for and cares very much about the the alcoholics, the drug addicts, the drug dealers, the prostitutes, and those who went to them. If I have it right, Jacob was not unfamiliar with prostitutes in a season of his life.

You are not the only child of a GCx leader to be involved in drugs or deal them. Some even had to go to prison.

The experience of physical and emotional abuse you described is beyond words, like Huldah said.  Personally, it would make me hate a “god” like that if I thought “he” condoned that. I believe that behavior was the farthest thing from God’s character or approval. The suffering you and your siblings endured God was in NO way indifferent to. He says very compassionately:


In all their distress he too was distressed,
and the angel of his presence saved them.
In his love and mercy he redeemed them;
he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old.

Isaiah 63:9


« Last Edit: December 29, 2021, 07:17:37 am by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.        - Saint Augustine
Ned_Flanders
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« Reply #3 on: December 26, 2021, 09:28:08 am »

My God... it is really sad to read this and it makes me very angry.  I hope someday you can be healed and discover the reality of God's love through Jesus Christ.  Because you most certainly didn't get it in that Church or in your family. 
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Janet Easson Martin
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« Reply #4 on: December 26, 2021, 08:33:53 pm »


Tyranny vs. Grace

In the Family



I deeply regret that I leaned too much on the side of the law rather than on grace in my parenting. Part of my influence was from what I was taught and observed in a GCx Church. Several times the Holy Spirit clearly showed me I needed to learn and practice Grace-based parenting; which I still didn’t heed enough.

I can also say that I heard from a Christian psychologist many years ago who was familiar with GCx members, current and former, that there WAS DEFINITELY ABUSE in the child rearing of families there. They, of course, shared no names or details, just that it was a sad reality.

The extreme of graceless parenting and ungodly abusive “discipline” seems like what you so wrongly experienced. I like what the author shares in the video below about graceless religion (and parenting) as he descriptively declares —that Legalism is the Communism of Christianity, in that it confines & crushes rather than frees & builds up.



Grace Based Parenting - Tim Kimmel

https://youtu.be/WJCzGrFlu7I




« Last Edit: December 27, 2021, 08:48:12 am by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.        - Saint Augustine
Linda
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« Reply #5 on: December 27, 2021, 12:26:48 pm »

gcmcultsurvivor,

I am so sorry.

Reading your story actually made me feel nauseated. This is an all too familiar horrible story.

All sin can be forgiven, but sin cannot be undone and the consequences of sin can last a lifetime.

Peace to you,
Linda
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Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift.
Janet Easson Martin
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« Reply #6 on: December 27, 2021, 09:25:02 pm »

I think the most destructive belief that GCMCultSurvivor and other adult children of similar parenting likely faced is that God’s love toward them is conditional and often angry. Who would want to serve a God who is nearly impossible to please?

Below is an excerpt from the Liberty for Captives site which addresses a similar distorted view of God:


I spent most of my life in a Bible cult. When that church fell apart six year ago, I had to come to grips with my own distorted view of God, my legalistic worldview, and a brittle sense of self which relied heavily on rule-following to feel secure.

Though outwardly I appeared normal, inwardly I was wrapped in chains.

I also had to live with the pain I had caused family members and friends as a result of shunning them in our church’s misguided belief that all who were not part of our tiny fellowship were guilty of apostasy. I vowed that I would never hurt anyone like that again.

Progress, though slow, seemed steady. Over time, I laid aside many of the most destructive beliefs from my former church. But one area remained deep-rooted and surprisingly resistant to change. It was the idea that God is fundamentally a rule-maker and that his love is conditioned primarily on my ability to do what is right. I felt like a child always cowering beneath the upraised hand of an angry parent. This conception of God expresses itself through a worldview of legalism.



Liberty for Captives - Steve Smith

https://www.google.com/amp/s/libertyforcaptives.com/2016/04/04/breaking-the-chains-of-legalistic-parenting/amp/




« Last Edit: December 27, 2021, 09:42:13 pm by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.        - Saint Augustine
Janet Easson Martin
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« Reply #7 on: December 28, 2021, 09:07:00 pm »

I’m glad we are still continuing your thread, GCMCultSurvivor. I believe God wants to elevate this conversation about the abuse of too many children of GCx Leaders and Non-Leaders. There are more true stories that need to be told anonymously. Just voicing one’s experience of the abuse allows the victim to begin to be empowered which is part of the healing process. However, it should only be shared in a SAFE PLACE. So, keep your stories general enough that others would not recognize who you are. More telling details may need to be reserved for private counseling with a licensed therapist with good reviews on a reputable site. It would be extremely helpful to seek out one who has education, training and experience especially in childhood abuse, and in spiritual abuse.

In regard to a SAFE PLACE, there is to be no bullying toward victims of abuse on this site. Read the FORUM RULES.

I am rather new to the marvelous Christian psychologist, Dr. Diane Langberg. She has some talks about this subject that are in laymen’s terms the non-psychology student can understand. She unravels what the tragic experience of repetitive childhood trauma does. Her talk includes many things I haven’t heard before. It is eye-opening and revelational. She is a world-wide expert in the area of trauma and has a special heart for trauma in “christian” environments.

I have provided the link to one such talk below. Anyone who’s interested could listen for a short time from the 4:40 mark as she explains this very harmful condition of Complex Trauma in the lives of adult survivors of repeated childhood abuse and betrayal.



Complex Trauma: Understanding and Treatment - Diane Langberg

https://youtu.be/otxAuHG9hKo



« Last Edit: December 29, 2021, 07:13:36 am by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.        - Saint Augustine
Janet Easson Martin
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« Reply #8 on: January 02, 2022, 10:00:26 pm »

GCMCultSurvivor and Interested Others,

Posting excerpts from the most read topic on this GCMWARNING Forum website — “Spanking” — under “Jim McCotter Poison” since he was responsible for persuasively convincing many parents to traumatize their children in the name of God in the GCx Organization (he essentially founded.)



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For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.        - Saint Augustine
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