Narcissist

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[Cult Proof]

I don’t know if other people relate to this or not, but I feel like this describes my experience of 18 years of abuse by my gcc pastor. I actually had a professional counselor tell me that I PTSD from being abused by my pastor under what he called his “counseling.”

 http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/cycle-of-a-narcissistic-relationship/

Personally I don’t give any weight to Mark Darling’s apology or the apology of Evergreen because I think they are all abusive narcissist.

[Janet Easson Martin]

Cult Proof, I think you're on to something very key among the abuse in the GCC/GCx church system! When I saw the second cycle illustrated in the link above my eyes POPPED WIDE!  Oh my gosh!  That cycle is what I heard in McCotters teachings in person.  Even at my first glance of the narcissistic cycle:  Idealize his "divine revelation" of Christianity.  Devalue all others and your own opinion.  Discard any that disagree.  B-I-N-G-O !!  I realize it is more complex than that, but that was only after 5 minutes of reading.

This is psychology crucial to analyzing the workings and mentoring of McCotter and "his men" - the majority of GCC/GCx leaders or mentors of current leaders.

Thank you SO much for sharing this link.

[Cult Proof]

http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/words-you-need-to-know/

I found this to be a very helpful read too.

[Cult Proof]

It’s interesting that you heard this straight from Mc Cotter. My experience of abuse is much more recent. I think that’s significant and important, the problem isn’t only in the past AND the current issues continue to be rooted in the past.  Some people have given Suzanne a heard time because her experience of abuse was years ago, but I am so thankful for Suzanne’s courage to speak because my abuse is so much more recent. I was abused by a few leaders but at least two of them have publicly talked about brainwashing themselves through Mc Cotters teachings.

I fully understand and want to be sensitive that some people may not be at a place of being able to pray (after all we are talking about psychological abuse that has taken its path through  spiritual abuse) if you are able to pray please be praying for those of us who still have very fresh and raw wounds.

Lastly, I found it very interesting to read about the different kinds of narcissist. Personally I thought certain descriptions described certain leaders very well. I believe that I was abused by a covert narcissist.

[Janet Easson Martin]

Just to clarify for others, what I heard from McCotter was stern, implicating and even threatening teachings that followed the pattern of IDEALIZE - DEVALUE - DISCARD.  I never heard in my more than 10 years there between 1980 and 1991 from anyone inside this organization the truth that our thought patterns were repeatedly and deceptively trained to devalue and discard ANY opinion conflicting with McCotter and the GCx elders under him.

[Cult Proof]

Janet Easson Martin, are you talking about mind control?  Thought stopping techniques?  I can identify several moments where thought stopping techniques were used against me, from the mid 90- present day. That is even apart from other psychological abuse that I endured.

[Janet Easson Martin]

Though we don't readily recognize it as mind control, yes I believe that is what is happening.

I realize the link you posted initially has more to do with individual relationships, but I can see where it could apply to a relationship with a group also, with the narcissist as the domineering leader.

[blonde]

Cult Proof can you expound on what you mean by: thought stopping techniques?

I see that as very insightful.

-Blonde

[Cult Proof]

I’ll try to provide a better answer but here a link on mind control http://old.freedomofmind.com/Info/BITE/bitemodel.php

I don’t remember where I read about thought stopping techniques but what struck me is people will use prayer as a way to end a conversation, ending a conversation is a great way to discourage a person from formulating thoughts about whatever it is they were trying to talk about. The no gossip and slandering rule is also a very effective thought stopping technique. Humans often process by talking to other people, if you aren’t allowed or are afraid to talk to people your thinking and processing is limited. Those rules also prevent people from realizing that other people have the same concerning thoughts as they do. Isolation, using fear of rejection, being called out as a trouble maker, slanderous are great ways to abuse people into shaming themselves for thinking negatively about the leader or the group. In reality many people in the group are all thinking the leadership is wrong or something wasn’t right. Another very subtle thought stopping technique is to simply change the topic, that shuts down a persons thinking. A more abusive thought stopping technique will shame a person for what they were expressing, when I person feels shame for thinking something they will stop their own thoughts. Gas lighting would be a more abusive form too. Also, very common for narcissist to say they don’t remember or don’t know why when the truth makes them look bad, the awkward silence after their denial I believe creates a thought stopping moment. You might say thought stopping technique used regularly and covertly will over time get a person to stop their own negative thinking about the leader and or group and that is very effective mind control.
Hope this is helpful. I’ll try to find other websites so people can decide for themselves if thought stopping techniques have been used on them.

[Cult Proof]

https://www.openmindsfoundation.org/thought-stopping-phrases-concepts-and-techniques/

I posted and removed the wrong link. If you haven’t seen this link please check it out. I thought this was very helpful and was reminded of several other ways thought stopping techniques were used against me in gcc.  At least in the church I am coming from it’s important to recognize that this is so much a part of the culture that the members have been trained to stop each other’s and their own thoughts. The pastor uses his Sunday morning message to set the stage for thought stopping and then the people do it to themselves. It’s quite awful and manipulative.

[Cult Proof]

I just read that narcissist often call their victims emotionally unstable or in some way attacks the soundness of their victims mental health. I also read that every lie a narcissist says about their victim is actually true about themselves. I don’t know how true those statements are but it sure is interesting considering gcc has a history of calling people like Suzanne and myself  mentally unstable. Perhaps this pattern exposes narcissistic leadership. Personally I think it’s very interesting, the lying reflecting back on who the narcissist really is, it implies the narcissist is the one who is mentally unstable.