Private messages, Gaslighting, and Emotional Manipulation

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

You may read and post, but some features are restricted to registered members. Please consider registering to gain full access! Registration is free and only takes a few moments to complete.

[Linda]

Yesterday I returned home from a meeting and found a private forum message from someone who was concerned about me (i.e. a rebuke). This person had never posted on the forum and created an account yesterday. I was flattered that someone who clearly doesn’t know me well (if at all) went to so much trouble because they were concerned about my emotional and spiritual health. It was so thoughtful. Sigh.

It occurred to me that this is a type of gaslighting. Trying to make someone doubt their sanity and/or play the role of the Holy Spirit (something GCC churches have been doing for many years).

It also occurred to me that private message rebukes might be happening regularly for some of you. In case they are, I thought I’d start a thread where they can be posted (without names would perhaps be most merciful). I’ll post mine from yesterday. I’m not even sure of what post the person was referencing.

That said, here’s a shout out to GodTrumpsAll and Digital Lynch Mob for engaging me respectfully and kindly in private messages in the past to get clarification about some things.

[Linda]

Here is the private, anonymous message I got yesterday. I appreciate their concern for my health. Sigh.

(FYI: My thought about the concerns addressed is that while the apology statement doesn’t indicate much of an understanding of the damage done, we are all waiting to see fruits in keeping with repentance and an impersonal non-specific group apology may be a start. We shall see.)

Here is the message. If you have received one you would like to share please post below. I would hate for there to be a private campaign to shame people happening on the forum that is supposed to be a safe haven for people harmed by GCC teaching and practices.:

“Are you sure you are not still suffering from hurt and bitterness towards Evergreen?  Or am I reading that wrong?  The above post and others make me ask.

Yes, Evergreen has many, many mistakes or sin but at the same time this letter on the website reflects at least some level of repentance NEVER seen before by this institution.  Can you find it anywhere to acknowledge that?  Instead, you chose to take that thread and re-ask the same questions that are on multiple other threads.”

Sorry, just seems unhealthy.”

[Rebel in a Good Way]

You will probably be able to determine the sender of this letter.  When I read it again, I laugh about how many positive things my former pastor had to say about my husband and none about me--and that is why I chose my username, that pastor considered me "a rebel, but in a good way."  Uh, yeah, right, he *really* appreciated women who asked questions   

So, this pastor, who has abused and excommunicated close family and friends of ours, really can't figure out why we would be angry?  And he is owed an explanation.  He "never really heard from us again" because even though he said he cared so much about us, as soon as we left GCC we were no longer of use to him.  You know, the standard MO.  But in their world, they are good and innocent and there is no reason anyone would be angry with him.  And I'm lucky he didn't slander me. 

"When you first started speaking out against my father I called Rob Gerber to ask who you and your [husband] were were. Do you know what he said? He said [husband] was one of the most faithful guys he'd ever met. Showing up early and staying late, setting up and tearing down. Mr. Faithful. He told me that he married the 2 of you, that [husband] left with you for school, and that he really never heard from either of you again and has no idea why you're so angry with him. He mentioned that [friend] was asked to leave the church, but he didn't tell me why. Rob had every chance to denigrate the 2 of you, to tell me juicy details, to give me his side of the story, and he didn't. I had every chance to pry and ask for those details and cajole them out of him, and I didn't. Incredibly, he had nothing but wonderful things to say about [husband]. I just thought you should know that. It's clear that my family and yours could not be further apart on what Christianity is, but in nearly every major religion and political system ever, working out your differences, face-to-face, with a person is a generally encouraged method of reconciliation and understanding. You guys owe it to Rob to at least tell him what he did..."

[Cult Proof]

When confronted with a question where the truth will make a narcissist look bad they will often respond by claiming they don’t know or saying they don’t remember. This is a very passive way to manipulate the truth and to make themselves look innocent.