Forced Friendships

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

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[Scout]

More of the strangeness....
The pastor who's inner circle we made it into (you were considered very special) told a "sister" and I that we were to be best friends.  It was stated just like that.  Of course, I was drinking the Kool-Aid and spent years trying to make that happen, as did she.  We had no natural connection and not a lot in common.  But we told people we were best friends.  This pastor's "men" we're our husbands who actually were friends.  This pastor seemed to want and need to control everything, down to his people's friendships.  Of course, we carried the tradition on.  Whoever my husband's men were, then their wives were to become my best friends.  I remember one of my "best friends" and I really didn't like each other, not personally just seriously nothing connecting us other than her husband was now in my husband's inner circle.  I know I dreaded every time we got together with them cause her and I just never had a natural flow of conversation or similar interests.  We let our husbands do most of the talking.  One time she looked down at my sandaled feet and said,  "You have really nice toes".  That was the deepest thing she ever said to me and I don't blame her!
It just all felt so contrived.  Interestingly,  the women that I was drawn to were the "bad" ones-not fully committed, the doubters and the outspoken ones. All of who no longer attend this church and most of whom are my best friends!

[Janet Easson Martin]

How painful and exhausting!  How heavy a burden that must have been as you may have felt you weren't godly or acceptable enough until you could perform his edict.  It seems he was selfishly caught up in the image game GCx played continually.  It was all about appearance and greedy agenda rather than God's actual will.

Many people were treated as pawns in the hands of their disciplers and ultimately that discipler's elder.  In the beginning some of these relationships may have been based on sincere love and a real desire for friendship , but after awhile if there wasn't a true appreciation, the relationship actually became hurtful and wearing because it wasn't genuine.  I know I truly hurt others I was supposedly "discipling", and discipler's and elders definitely hurt me.  It became obvious later that many of these "relationships" we're for show and had a selfish agenda.  I believe this fake friendship approach flowed from the top down.

We missed out on people we may have connected with and that actually found us fun and interesting.  Instead, we were often surrounded by those who felt they had to tolerate and feign friendship with us rather than truly accept and appreciate us.  This lack of sincere love actually created loneliness and depression among many. Friendship was definitely manufactured in GCx.  

Yes, Scout, an important freedom subtly stolen from us by GCx.  Thank you VERY MUCH for pointing this out!