Hi Everyone. <3

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

You may read and post, but some features are restricted to registered members. Please consider registering to gain full access! Registration is free and only takes a few moments to complete.

[XianJaneway]

My name is XianJaneway, and I've been a part of this forum before, but can't remember my password, lol.

I was a part of a student ministry, and my husband and I were both involved. Yet, when we moved to a "grown up" GCM church, we felt like outsiders. We were continually exhausted. We were tied up with heavy burdens...but, it felt like everyone else who attended was too, so we didn't question it. We thought it was normal.

I've been doing spiritual abuse recovery ministry on Twitter (@XianJaneway) for three years now, and have a small blog, but I wanted to come back here after someone from my old GCM church contacted me today.

She's just now realizing that it is a cult. She's dealing with the deadly intersection of spiritual abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence, and mental illness. I've had a chance to find online communities that deal with ALL of these things, in the IFB/ICC/Evangelical/GCM/TGC/SGM and basically any other high control religious group.

I'm so thankful that you've accumulated these resources here. I'm too tired to think any more, but I hope to come back and give a more complete explanation. <3

[Linda]

Welcome back! I've been following you on Twitter for some time now and didn't realize you had GCC connections. I think maybe I heard about you from Wartburg Watch or Janet Mefferd. Anyway, thanks for checking in. God bless.

[XianJaneway]

Thank you, Linda! What's your Twitter handle? --XJ

[Linda]

I'm @MamaD400 but, honestly, I am not worth following! Ha. Lately it's been random, infrequent, retweets about nothing that matters.

[Scout]

Hi Xian Janeway!  I have been following you in Twitter dow awhile.  Funny (or not so funny) to learn you to came out of a GCM (GC something) church as well.  Keep writing on your blog as it is helpful!

[trthskr]

I wondered if sexual abuse was something that would end up happening to women who married into GCM.  For the love of all that is good and holy; getting pregnant the minute you are cleared for sex after giving birth isn't something that should be celebrated!  I LOVE my husband; but sometimes don't feel in the mood, and that is ok.  I'm going to guess that in this male-dominated religion of GCM it is not that way.  I couldn't imagine ☹️

[New]

I am New. I have read some threads and testimonies, but am unfamiliar with how dialogue takes place here. I am here trying to relate to some of my friends who are involved with this group. While I don't agree with everything they believe/do, I hardly think they are some sort of breeding ground for any form of abuse. I know several married couples well and I think this statement above is a fairly generalized assumption - based on what facts? I am not saying it doesn't or couldn't or hasn't happened, but I know some of these marrieds quite well and their husbands are far from the domineering, sex-demanding men that was alluded to in the post above.

"For the love of all that is good and holy; getting pregnant the minute you are cleared for sex after giving birth isn't something that should be celebrated!" I think most people would agree...? But who are we to judge people like the famous, Duggar Family, who have child after child after child if that is what they choose to do? I should mention, none of my friends in this group/church have done this, they are all on all kinds of birth control. Based on my conversations with them, they would agree with you, trthskr.

I don't know what I am trying to accomplish with this post, because like I said, I only have friends involved with this group. I'm not really looking for more information or a long conversation about this because it doesn't affect me directly. I guess I thought it was worthwhile to state that I don't see this at all in my friends' lives.

[trthskr]

Give it some time 😉.  I think if you knew some of the older couples or those who have been involved since they were in high school or college, you'd see a very common trend of them getting pregnant basically the minute they are married.  Considering most people in this group only date for a few months before getting engaged (only after of course getting permission from the pastor to date) - it's just simply NOT a good idea to get pregnant right away.  Marriage is hard enough on its own much less within the pressures this group puts on young adults.  I couldn't imagine my life as a married working mother if I were still involved with GCM.  There's not enough Zoloft in the world....

[New]

We will just have to disagree on this. I have known these people for 10+ years. I went to college with several of them, spent time with them when they were dating (more than a year), then got married, then have had children (the vast majority waited a year to have children, some have 1, some have 2, some have more, some have had several miscarriages, some are dealing with infertility, some have had children back to back, others have waited longer periods of time, some women have had their tubes tied, some men have had vasectomies...). Personally, I don't know of one couple who has gotten married within months of dating and then proceeded to have 10 children back to back conceiving within minutes of marriage. And again, if they did, who cares? Isn't that between a woman, her husband and God? But this isn't the "common practice" as you make it sound.

I read through your old posts, it seems like you were involved 10+ years ago. Maybe I know you too! But it appears that you have moved away, moved on with your life and are doing well - That is really great! You got out of what was a toxic situation for you, that should not be overlooked, it should be applauded. But I cycle back to my original reason for posting in the first place, I know these people here and now and this is NOT present in their lives.

I'm not trying to "win" an argument with a person whom I don't know on an obscure website that doesn't even directly affect my life, but we cannot as Christians fling accusations of sexual abuse at an entire group of people unless you've got some concrete evidence... and if you do have that info, please, call the authorities.

[Huldah]

I was there a long time ago when most of the members were unmarried. However, looking over some of the threads on this site, it does sound as though GC has created an atmosphere in which sexual abuse or exploitation could easily happen, maybe not in a "call the cops, we have a crime here" sort of way, but in a continual slow drip way of constantly wearing down a woman's sense of herself as anything other than a marital convenience. Just look through the http://forum.gcmwarning.com/gender-roles-marriage-dating-and-courtship/ forum for examples.

[Differentstrokes]

I was involved with the cult until about 3 years ago, I have seen many singles get married within 6 months and start trying for "little world changers right away, I don't think it's as 8ntense as it used to be but the mindset is the same, get her pregnant, keep her pregnant and occupied with children or else she won't be submissive enough to be a good wife.

[Rebel in a Good Way]

Hi XianJaneway, I also follow you on Twitter and have read some of your stuff.  It's always so validating to realize that people with an "expert" voice in this area also consider my group abusive (like when I found Enroth and Martin!).  Unfortunately, GCI was only my first abusive experience, and most of my effort lately has gone into my second cult experience.  I know, can't make this stuff up!   My second cult was in the local newspapers, so at least I can refer people to written materials while trying to explain my bad history with church, lol!  I actually ended up in the second abusive church because I was trying to avoid everything I had seen in GCI and this church did not seem to be mysoginistic, legalistic, demanding money and service, etc.  Unfortunately I knew the specifics to avoid after GCM but hadn't learned the overall patterns of thought reform, group think, spiritual manipulation, power differentials, etc.

Anyway, I am trying to figure out where my niche might be in cult and spiritual abuse recovery.  I have my MSSW and have gone back to seminary.  I am fascinated by the International Cultic Studies Association and love Freedom of Mind by Hassan.  I am not exactly sure where I will end up but it feels like all of my life training and experience has lead to this weird world.  I came back to this forum because there is still a GCM church active in my city, with people I had attended with years ago and considered friends.  And while I think we have healed from our experience, we are walking with people with more recent abuses, including excommunication. 

I barely know how Twitter works, but I will see you there!

[trthskr]

I'm not trying to "win" an argument with a person whom I don't know on an obscure website that doesn't even directly affect my life, but we cannot as Christians fling accusations of sexual abuse at an entire group of people unless you've got some concrete evidence... and if you do have that info, please, call the authorities.

Just now seeing this as I rarely actually get on here- but I do in fact keep up with a lot of people who were my friends back in the day and it is a pattern that's pretty easy to pick up on.  But my real interest in responding to you is I'm curious as to where I flung accusations of sexual abuse at the GCM group?  Also I'm sure it's possible that you used to know me, but you definitely didn't know who I am, because I was pressured to act like someone I was told to be back when I was in GCM, so....no.