Yeah. It has been thrilling to leave that church. It felt so freeing - I felt burdens just lift when I decided I was done. I still feel that freedom, I just didn’t expect to also start feeling depressed, afraid and doubtful, too. When I decided to leave, I was like a blazing fire - I knew that that place was corrupt and God was blessing me by setting me apart from it. It seems that fire is now accompanied by anguish. Makes me think of David Wilkerson, talking about God baptizing true followers in His anguish so we can be His real hands and feet.
I do want to tell my story. I’m afraid though, that I won’t be vague enough, and people will find out who I am. The only reason I’m afraid of being found out, is because the past few days I’ve had a strange fear of demons getting me. I know this is not a flesh and blood war. It’s spiritual. I’ve been entangled in spiritual darkness and wickedness for at least 2 years now. Praise the Lord He has opened my eyes and set me on the right paths for His name’s sake!!!!! All glory be to Him.
I’m going to make my story brief, and let anybody ask questions if they want to know more.
I’ve known about the GCC for around 10 years now. I have 3 older siblings, 2 of them were in college around 10 years ago and they got into GCC then. They both met Tom short on their campuses and started going to GCC in their respective cities. They went to faithwalkers and invited my to go and I went 2 or 3 times back then and I went last year with my church. *side note* back 10 years ago is when I first heard Mark Darling preach... he gave me the creeps then.
Anyways, fast forward 10 years... no relationship with these 2 older siblings as they have immersed themselves into their churches and just didn’t keep in touch anymore. Made me really sad.
My younger sibling was diagnosed with a severe mental illness 5 years ago, so the rest of my family and I picked up and moved within a week, as the situation was dire. We moved to Columbus, Oh. Thus I eventually started going to a GCC myself, mind you one that one of my older siblings had been going to and now my younger sibling too.
The last 2 years, I and my younger sibling went to this church (my younger sibling still goes as he is not in his right mind and believes in the false hope there).
This younger sibling of mine has been on and off homesless the past 2 years, and it has been such a burden on my heart. I always do whatever I can to help him but I become very stretched and depressed as it is a huge burden to take on as a young woman. Whenever this younger sibling of mine makes emotional choices (most likely due to his mental illness) and ends up homeless, the burden falls on women (my mother, sisters and I).
So recently, my younger sibling found himself homeless again. And this time, I saw him and his situation through God’s eyes as I have been reading my bible a lot more and reading over and over again in the OT how God cares deeply for the homeless, orphans and widows, and He commands us to help them.
My church new about my younger siblings status, as he had been going to this church the last 2 years as well. Men would help every now and then, but it was far and few inbetween and the help seemed to disappear as “life” happened (marriage, kids).
Even my older sibling that has been going to this church for a long time now offered hardly any help because “raising 3 kids kept her hands tied”.
I grew more and more vexed. I decided to reach out to the entire church “for help” through the means of a group messaging app everybody in the church has. Our church has a group on this app that everyone in the church is a part of, an online bulletin board so to speak. I decided to reach post my younger siblings situation in this group message board so that everyone could see and be without excuse of “not being aware of his condition”.
God made it clear to me, in these last 5 years, my younger sibling has gotten tons of medical help... what he has never had in his life was Godly, walking in the authority of Christ, men. Men that would encourage him in the right ways.... Godly men that could do what none of us women could do, not matter how hard we tried...
I knew I would not get help, as my younger sibling has been going to this church for 2 years and hasn’t gotten any reliable help. I decided to post a message about his situation in this group message board to expose them. And it did. Nobody offered help, even a prayer to me. In fact, I got the opposite.
One of them men in the church, a homegroup leader actually, messaged me privately and told me that my brother has gotten that help from Godly men, he needed medical help... which he let me know was incredibly expensive so it was hard to get. So essentially, he told me there is no hope. It made me so angry.
I decided to leave the group message board, which shows to everyone that I am leaving that church. I was fed up, done. I wanted to make it known, once and for all, that they did not want to help my sibling, the least of these. Now I trust God. I took a stand against the corruption. Against all the self indulgence there... I do not see the body of Christ there... I do not see God’s hands and feet. I see people claiming they are Christians who just use he word and that “church building” as a means of upward mobility and status. A “look at me look at me”, look how well my family and I are doing” “look how much money we make”. That’s all I see.
My heart is BROKEN.
Also, I dated a guy from my church for the last year. I broke up with him. That is a whole other can of worms.
I’m sorry if some of this was confusing.... it has been a very stressful endeavor for me. Very scary and all the while, I have never felt closer to the Lord.
Please ask questions if you have any. There is a lottt more I could add.
I am so greatful for this forum and all the stories that have been shared. It has brought me comfort that I am not alone... as it can feel like you are the only one who sees any of this truth, because as for me, I am.