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Author Topic: Recovering  (Read 7010 times)
Ripley
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« on: November 06, 2013, 12:36:56 pm »

I'll be brief with my story for now and will probably elaborate on specific issues in other threads, but I wanted to take a moment to introduce myself before that... judging by others' stories I've seen here, mine is sadly not unique.

I was saved as a kid and began developing a strong faith in my teens, outside of GCx. When I moved to a new city for college, I was looking for a church home. The people at the local GCx church were accepting-- I was lonely, I needed friends, I stuck around. Even though I was uneasy about the typical attitudes regarding loyalty and dating, as well as the xenophobia and uneducated teachings. I should have listened to my gut, right? A few months later, in the spiritual high of my first Faithwalkers, I declared my undying loyalty to my local church at the age of 18. The next few years were filled with guilt, doubt, fear, depression, manipulation, etc. There were some good things too, but it's hard to distinguish them at this point. I spent my first 2-3 years at GCx just trying to do all the things right-- you know, learning how to pray right, how to serve right, how to live in community right, how to be discipled right, etc. I think I genuinely did enjoy my first Faithwalkers or two.

Somewhere in year 3 or 4 the church was growing a lot-- people were coming alive to Christ, having real, personal, direct, dynamic relationships with him. When people are actually experiencing God for themselves sometimes things get harder to control, right? They might have their own thoughts about scripture or about what their life should look like. They get harder to control. It was just as the church was really beginning to blossom and flourish that the leadership seemed to clamp down. Their watery messages became more watery. Every sermon became about serving the church, submitting to authorities, how to reach "the lost" (when very few of these people had any kind of genuine friendship with anyone outside of the church, much less a "lost person"). The only time the gospel was preached was when dictating a specific way in which you should share it (go up to some random stranger on the street who doesn't want to talk to you!). It was a combination of this, plus my own exhaustion with the system, plus (honestly) higher-level college classes in which I actually engaged in critical thinking.

I spent the next couple of years being dissatisfied and frustrated but felt unable to leave because my entire social and support structure was bound up in the church. I was afraid I'd end up how I was before I found GCx... without anyone in the city. So I started looking outside the church, for the first time in my college career actually managing to forge real, genuine friendships with coworkers and classmates rather than just trying to get them to come to church. Why would I want to bring someone to a service where I would have to try to explain away and defend everything that was said and done? There's a lot more to be said about my leaving process, but essentially I pulled away quite a lot especially the last 6 months I was there, and then used the excuse of graduate school for moving to another city and leaving it all behind. Surprisingly, I didn't get a lot of "talking to" about this, I think mainly because most people already saw me as a lost cause when I stopped showing up 4 nights out of the week. A few people expressed genuine excitement for me, I got a few "well if you think it's God's will", but mostly unacknowledged silence from people who I used to consider myself very close to.

Compared to a lot of people my leaving story is fairly passive and non-dramatic, but I'm finding myself entirely disenfranchised by the whole idea of church. I went to a couple of different churches in my new city, and while there was nothing particularly weird or culty about them, I am still wary.
I do still have faith, I do believe in God, but I'm not entirely sure about organized religion. I need a break. Right now nearly all organized religion looks like various systems of power and control, which I don't want to believe is true, but that's just how it seems to me.

Thanks for reading, and I do rejoice in my freedom now.
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BrokenyetFree
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« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2013, 12:53:47 pm »

Thanks for sharing your story.  I experienced many of the same issues at my GCC church.  Welcome to the forum:) 
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Linda
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« Reply #2 on: November 06, 2013, 01:16:58 pm »

Thank you, Ripley. And, I am so sorry.

Quote from: Ripley
I spent the next couple of years being dissatisfied and frustrated but felt unable to leave because my entire social and support structure was bound up in the church. I was afraid I'd end up how I was before I found GCx... without anyone in the city.

I think many of us here understand this fear. And, the sad part is, there is much truth to it. Part of the sting for me is realizing that many who I though were genuine friends turned out to be conditional friends. I had no idea.

I think this is perhaps felt the most by those who come to GC while in college. By the time I joined a GC church, I was older and had many established Christian friendships. So, while GC "friends" shunned us (some were pastors and did this in writing), we had support from Christians.

The encouraging news is that when you find others who left GC, there is an instant bond and understanding.

When we left our GC church, we "hid" for a few years in a big mega church where we felt "safe". We loved God. We had been deceived by some who called themselves leaders. It takes time, lots of time, to get over it. At this point, my rule of thumb is that if I leave a church thinking about God, that is good. If I leave thinking about the church, commitment to the group, obedience to the pastors, it's time to run.
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Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift.
Michealfied
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« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2015, 02:48:32 am »

I think the forum is the best forum one. And we will continue to publish.
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Angel
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« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2015, 10:03:49 am »

True and False Prophets
15 “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.
  Godly leadership  is loving not abusive or selfish.
Our leader and High Priest Is Christ .!!
   Psalm 121
A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.
Blessing and praying for all of you. Lots of hugs !!
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Janet Easson Martin
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« Reply #5 on: June 30, 2016, 08:18:52 pm »

Ripley,

I realize it's been two and a half years since you wrote on here, but wanted to respond.  It's quite understandable that your interest in church organizations might have diminished considerably.  Not trusting churches at all can be one of the very sad outcomes of being under wolves instead of shepherds.  Unfortunately, there aren't any lack of these false teaching churches as Paul instructs us.  Wolves use you and tear your spiritual ability down, but divinely called shepherds love unconditionally and build your spiritual confidence up instead!   It does take time, prayer, and often much effort to find a healthy church home. It can be a scary and lonely task to do by yourself, but the trouble is most definitely worth it.  I believe God is compassionate toward your spiritual wounding and is patient in your healing.  I just wonder if perhaps half of the people who write on here do not have a normal church home (of believers) which whom they can share genuine and uncompetitive fellowship with.  

I also was grateful for your statement below:  

"So I started looking outside the church, for the first time in my college career actually managing to forge real, genuine friendships with coworkers and classmates rather than just trying to get them to come to church."

I have had to LEARN to let God lead friendships so He is free to do his marvelous work, not my forced artificial efforts (instilled by GCx) to force people into my plan.  Like you probably saw, people's own needs are met in this framework, instead of falsely playing God to manipulate them.

It may be hard to believe, but there really are healthy churches out there - not perfect, but good for the soul, where NATURAL relationships grow with the Holy Spirit's moving instead of men controlling.


Relying on His Control,

Janet
« Last Edit: July 15, 2016, 08:15:52 am by Janet Easson Martin » Logged

For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.        - Saint Augustine
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