Rejecting GCC -- but still attending.

Welcome to De-Commissioned, a place for former members of the Great Commission movement (aka GCM, GCC, GCAC, GCI, the Blitz) to discuss problems they've experienced in the association's practices and theology.

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[evangelicalagnostic]

My story is very similar to many of yours. I started seeing the cracks in GCx's theology shortly after college. Not wanting to leave the church (born and raised GCx-er) I sought clarification, assuming I was just misunderstanding. I began asking questions but was shut down, publicly and harshly, by a now-pastor (then-elder). I began to withdraw from the constant schedule of meetings and service -- only to be reprimanded and driven further into doubt and guilt.

Eventually (about a year ago) I gave up trying to be a "good GC woman" and just stared... living. How I spoke, dressed, acted, thought, all changed. Not dramatically, but significantly.

And I am SO much happier

I don't struggle with guilt or fear or the pressure of "disappointing Jesus" anymore. I'm actually enjoying where I am in life! I NEVER felt this happy while a committed member of GCC!

... but I'm still attending. I have so many friendships and connections. And my wonderful husband is still very committed. Is it possible to be an attendee but reject the legalism?

[Differentstrokes]

Welcome! I tried giving up the gcm principles and still going to church and it lasted about a month. I was berated constantly for being rebellious and not giving my life over to god(meaning the church, let's be real)... I hope it works out for you though, don't let them bully you!!  It's perfectly fine to make your own decisions and live your own conscience, I wish someone had told me that.

[margaret]

Welcome--glad you're here!

I can relate to the "seeing major cracks in their theology," "began asking questions but was shut down," and seeing the "underlying legalistic agenda." 

Especially:
"Eventually (about a year ago) I gave up trying to be a "good GC woman" and just started... living. How I spoke, dressed, acted, thought, all changed. Not dramatically, but significantly.

And I am SO much happier

I don't struggle with guilt or fear or the pressure of "disappointing Jesus" anymore. I'm actually enjoying where I am in life! I NEVER felt this happy while a committed member of GCC!"

So well-stated! I did THIS EXACT SAME THING! (but it has taken me longer to really enjoy it!)

I started this process a few years before you did, and thankfully, my husband was going through it at the same time, so we exited together. After a few years, he found a church he felt very strongly about, and then joined. I am still so wary of churches, that I'm not even going to church regularly, much less want to join anything. However, we've been married quite a bit longer than you, and, contrary to all GCM teachings, we both feel perfectly fine with him doing what he wants to do, and me doing something totally different in regards to church.

I am sure we would not have handled it this way 20 years ago. So I see where you are and respect your decisions.

You've got some tough choices in front of you, and I hope that you both find peace with the choices.  Feel free to private message me if you wish to talk more.

[Janet Easson Martin]

So glad you wrote and shared your burdened and common "GCx" story.  So many, I'm sure, are afraid to admit the heavy weight that following "GCx" brings.  Or they may not yet realize that the heaviness they feel comes not from trusting Jesus, but an idol - a worthless ideology - carved out and fastened together - submitted and bowed down to - to the hurt and destruction of a man's inner being.

I love your title, "Rejecting GCC".  One can most heartily reject GCx, and not Jesus.  They are NOT one and the same!  False teaching is infamous for fabricating a False Jesus!!  Rejecting GCx is an important step toward accepting the lavishness and deep mercy of GRACE!  The truth of Grace lifts and buoys.  It does not weigh down and crush.  It forever swallows God's anger and disappointment.

I know well that familiar false weight of "disappointing Jesus".  A deceptive "sound bite" used by GCx to hideously attack and control one's flock!

I will pray for your difficult situation.  Praise God for your sweet, dear, incredible husband!  I believe God and He will come through for you.  I also think GCx is crumbling at the seams and it's image will not hold up much longer.  Your story here is part of God's glorious story to end it's harmful history.

Thank you again for writing.

[evangelicalagnostic]

Thank you so much for the gracious responses! It's such a blessing to know I'm not the only one who has gone through this paradigm shift (and come out better for it, in the end!)

Margaret - Glad to find someone who can relate so well! As the opportunity presents itself I may approach the subject again with my husband. It's good to remember that I'm not asking HIM to leave -- not if he still feels encouraged and connected there -- but I can communicate that I don't feel that way and would like to pursue other options. Being there is actually making it harder, not easier, to pursue a Christian walk. I might DM you, thanks!

Janet - Good point!! It feels like until some of my questions get answered (or at least heard), I will keep having doubts about the entire church/Christianity thing. I appreciate what you said: "One can most heartily reject GCx, and not Jesus.  They are NOT one and the same!" It's been SO ingrained (from birth) that I can't imagine Christianity without automatically associating GC. But I'm willing to try!

Differentstrokes - Ahhh thanks for that. It feels SO GOOD as I begin to stand up for my needs and shed the weight of expectation. I'm ready to be myself (even if it's, apparently, rebellious) Thank you for your encouragement!

I'm still very close with my family (who are all incredible people), but I would still see them outside of church functions.
Being in stiffly modest attire with 5+ kids at every Faithwalkers shouldn't be the barometer of my spiritual life, right?

[Free in Christ]

Hi evangelicalagnostic,

Thank you for sharing your story and your bravery in admitting where you are.

I didn't grow up in the movement, but married into it. My husband and I came to the conclusion that we couldn't stay in it, so I understand the balance of "rejecting" it but still living with it in various aspects of your life. As you mentioned, your family are great people. So are my husband's family, and they haven't rejected or shamed us for leaving the church. It can be weird at times, because I don't support the movement, because of the legalism I experienced, but I don't air my frustrations with them because we put our family relationships before that. So, it may be tricky, but it is possible.

My husband didn't feel as strongly about leaving as I did, because he didn't have the same negative experience I did and also because of our differences in personality. Whereas he is more like a rock that is pretty hard to influence, I am far more impressionable. Because of my particular temperament and personality, I simply can't be in the environment that was GCx - it was far too tempting for me to become legalistic - something the Bible preaches against pretty hard core (Galatians).  So while my husband would have been fine staying, I was not, and he honored that. It was hard for my husband to understand at first though. 

Also, I have been so pleasantly surprised by other Christians and churches we have experienced since the time we left. There are so many amazing churches and people following Christ. God is so big, and His expressions throughout the world are not nearly as narrow as one singular movement. We have experienced a lot of grace and acceptance, and that has been very healing.

Last, a book that really helped me is "Grace Awakening" by Charles Swindoll. It's from 1990, but still has a lot of good truth. It really helped me in rejecting legalism and embracing the freedom we have in Christ. It's funny, it's such a foundational, simple Christian book about grace, but reading it felt very subversive in the context of that church.

Now my husband and I are actively involved in church, but I did have to take several years off from church, as I was very wary of it, as are many of the others on this site. So be kind to yourself. You have a lot to process through. It takes time, and what it looks like might be different for each person. If you do need to take a break from church to heal, find a good friend who truly is free in Christ, and involve them in the process so you won't feel so alone.

If you want to chat, please feel free to send me a private message. 

[Janet Easson Martin]

What a superb response and considerate advice!!  That book, "Grace Awakening", is what finally opened my eyes to leave the bondage of GCx.

[evangelicalagnostic]

Free in Christ - Thank you for your thoughts! I also read your post on another topic, where you wrote: "Having doubts does not nullify your faith... Sometimes doubt is a really necessary part of faith". My skepticism has gone ignored and denounced for so long that I'm to the point where I feel guilty if I start to wonder again.

If I'm being honest, it feels incredibly freeing (and easier) to just want to leave it all: my church, GCC as a whole, even Christianity.

BUT I know 'easy' isn't always 'best'. I do want to seek Truth!

I'll check out the book, and I might PM you, thanks!

[XianJaneway]

EvangelicalAgnostic,

BIG HUG!! <3 Yes, I was there, and I also attended GCC, and my husband did, and we had our kids there...and the awakening is painful. So. So. So painful.

I'm glad you're asking the questions. It's hard to ask them in an environment rife with complementarian theology (women & men having drastically different roles) but my husband and I were there, and came out stronger on the other side.

The thing that was most helpful for me at this stage was to *KEEP LEARNING*. 

I learned about spiritual abuse, about the history of GCM, about mental illness (which I believe the founders of GCM likely have) about what made me vulnerable, and about the Bible.

Do not expect your husband to come alongside you *right now*, but absolutely expect God to walk with you through this valley of shadow. Like Mary, treasure all the things you learn in your heart. God brought my husband out of his blindness at the right time. The fall was hard, but I was stronger, and able to help lead him out of the darkness that crept up on him without him knowing.

Feel free to email me, or follow me on Twitter @XianJaneway. We have a HUGE spiritual abuse community there!

[evangelicalagnostic]

XianJaneway - Thank you for the love!! I hope we, too, can come out stronger on the other side. Thanks for your encouragement