Colliding with Deceptive and Abusively Dismissive Leadership in GCx Churches

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[Janet Easson Martin]

It became more and more apparent that they [GCx leaders] literally could not HEAR us when we spoke, and they were making judgments about the state of our heart even when we told them they were wrong. At one point, I said, "I am not hurt nor am I angry. I have forgiven you and moved on. God is totally working in my heart." The [GCx] pastor looked me in the eye and said, "You are wrong. You are hurt and angry and you are lying if you say you aren't. I cannot believe you are so blind about your own heart." I was astonished!
-MarriedWomanPhD,   2010

[Janet Easson Martin]

Make no mistake though....MB and all the GCx Mpls pastoral staff (at that time) knew the specifics relating to these sexual misconduct allegations against MD. They all knew and they all agreed that there would be no church discipline.
-braveheart,   2/5/18

[Janet Easson Martin]

... they say that they [GCx] want peace, but what they really mean is that they want you to stop sharing your truthful hurts and experiences with others. ...  I do not trust the movement nor do I recommend any of the churches.
-DevastatedTC

[Janet Easson Martin]

Below is one of several sad encounters this mother and her children had with GCx. In the first excerpt the daughter describes how GCx leadership “handled” their very serious issue; then, an excerpted portion of the post she referenced that her mother wrote. (Any may read in full both their stories on this site.)  Strange they didn’t tell the mother of this girl who was a minor especially for her safety, but reported only to her father whose behavior was now in question.

Reminds me a little of a recently publicized case regarding a mother who needed to protect her children from their abusive father, but the church leaders very unwisely and insensitively chose to dismiss the seriousness reported by a woman and even seemed to support the questionable father because of legalistic views of patriarchy.



I was definitely abused during my family's involvement with our GCx church--and with the full knowledge of the pastors and other church leadership.  I was a teenager at the time, and when I turned to the church for help they simply reported my "rebellion" to my abusive stepfather, leaving me vulnerable to further abuse at his hands.  It seemed that even at age sixteen I was supposed to submit to the rod, even when the "rod" took the form of a belt or a kick to the ribs, and even when I had no idea what I'd done.  Evidently, the leaders were not as concerned with my stepfather's abusive tendencies as they were with my family's submission to his will.  (Note that when I say my family, I mean my mother and myself specifically.)

My mom's account of our experience can be found here.

-Cossette729



I attended a GCx church from 2001-2004. … My husband and I were involved with the Awana's ministry in 2001-2002. …

My husband had an abusive tendency. I found out that my 16-year-old daughter had confided in a girlfriend at church that her dad had attempted to choke her. I did not know this at the time. The girl told her parents, and the girl’s father told my husband. Neither parent contacted me or offered any support to my daughter! This put my daughter in more trouble with my husband! Despicable! These people were leaders in the church. My daughter felt so betrayed, but I was not aware of the situation until months later.

-LucyB

[Janet Easson Martin]

Just saw the 1944 movie “Gaslight” (with Ingrid Bergman & Angela Lansbury) tonight with my family. There is so much in that movie to learn from about the insidious abuse of gaslighting. The fake instant bonding. The increasing possessive control. The isolation disguised as care. The dismissal and denial of real facts. The twisting of fault upon the victim. The painting of the innocent as the wrongdoer.

These are SADLY the same methods used by MCCotter, the GCx leaders, and those blindly discipled by them to get people into their church; and to keep them there.

The turning point in the movie occurred when someone outside the isolation of the home came in to hear what the victim was experiencing. He listened and observed and told her the truth about the things they saw and heard. He VALIDATED her experience and it made ALL the difference.

Validation for spiritual abuse victims is very empowering because it gives credence to their claims. This site and others like it have helped hundreds if not thousands of GCx victims.

[Janet Easson Martin]

A forum like this, which serves as both a place of healing and a repository of information, will by its very nature spend more time discussing the problems of the church than the good qualities. Because we can talk openly about the problems, others who've been hurt have a place where they can discover, "Hey, it's not just me! Here are other people who've been through the exact same thing. What a relief to finally know that I wasn't imagining it, I'm not crazy, and I'm not just some washed-up spiritual failure who's been blinded by Satan."

-Huldah,   2018


...what helped me the most was exactly what you have expressed: I was not, and am not, crazy for having had all the discomfort with how GCM was run. Also that I was not alone; so many others felt exactly the same way and had quite similar experiences.

-Margaret,   2023


It is already encouraging knowing this exists ~ reminding me I am not the only "crazy" one who left GCM. ...dig into what I experienced during GCM and kind of unpack those memories in order to fully heal from them.

-greenfieldsofglory,   2023


I thought it was interesting how the cult leader made the followers do what he said, but when they followed it to their detriment, he distanced himself from their teaching and blamed the followers. I find this all the time in hyperfundamentalism, GC being no exception.  There is a LAW laid down, take for example SWERVER.  They say it's not a law out of one side of their mouth.  Then you follow the law, insist on the law, etc.  Then if it doesn't work, well then, there are exceptions to that law.  We didn't REALLY mean that you had to follow what we were saying.  (But if you don't you will not be getting God's Best).  I think this is called Crazy Making Behavior.  We say this, we mean this, this doesn't work, well that's not what we really meant or you applied it wrong, or you did something wrong, it's not our fault.

-AgathaL’Orange,   2010


I have been out of Urban Refuge- Evergreen [GCx Church] for a little over two years. I had years of confusion there, and wanted to leave much earlier than we did. ... The Evergreen line that I was told by various pastors is that " I do not like to follow.", " I do not like to submit."    I felt like a crazy person.  I could not articulate what I was feeling or seeing.

-Heidi,   2018


Thank you for all of the thoughtful posts. It is so comforting for me to know that I wasn't crazy with all of the things that I have experienced.

-MarthaH,   2010


For the first time since leaving GCx, I can properly label what happened to me. I was a victim of abuse, control, manipulation, and slander. For so long, I thought what was happening to me was divine justice. That I was being punished for my sins. ... You made me think that you were justified in treating me like garbage. You weaponized forgiveness and in your desperation tried to keep me within your control. I am calling you out for what you did, because it needs to be properly labeled for what it is. And in doing so, now I can move on, heal, and have hope.

-jordan1984,   2023


As we left I found it healing to read this forum and learn that I wasn't crazy, I wasn't making a huge mistake, that others had similar experiences across multiple churches in the [GCX] movement. After a while I didn't visit the forum as I got my feet underneath me again. ... In the 7 years since I've found my voice and feel that I can help others by telling my story and letting others know they are not alone, they are not crazy, that there is hope in their future. So now I post to warn and shine light into dark corners.

-Boggs,   2018


I must admit I still feel a bit crazy as so many people from my former church rave about how amazing and awesome they are. For years I thought I was losing my mind as I saw obvious signs of manipulation and control. I still rehash the things that were said and done...I'm in a fog really.

-Primrose,   2015


...when things got really bad, where my friends and I were so overwhelmed with all the negative things we were seeing, we tried to talk to R., who was head of the Edge as well as CedarCreek by that point. We went into it completely hopeful but each concern was systematically destroyed. We were wrong, he said. There weren't problems (except for transparency, which he said would be addressed but never was).

Finding this forum was like a breath of fresh air. All of us felt so crazy, thinking we were ignoring God, that we weren't doing enough, that R. and the elders were right. And being able to come here and read about the issues people have seen has been so comforting (and sad). Finding experiences from years before that were practically identical to mine. And seeing how people were using their experience to help others. This place has truly been a comfort to me over these last few years.

...to those who doubt that GCx is still abusing its power: I promise you. It still happens.

-Alexa,   2018

[Janet Easson Martin]

Found a related article on Church Leaders Gaslighting. It includes crucial advice in confronting these church leaders —that of taking someone else with you as a witness to what is said. GCx leaders’ twisting or condemnation of any accusation or even the person bringing it happens so frequently, it may not be the best for some to confront because of the slander you are likely to receive. Pray about confrontation, and most certainly don’t go without a reliable friend.

Though this isn’t mentioned in the article, if two or more believers are confronting their leaders about corruption of the truth that they have both/all witnessed; the Bible does empower them to reprove their leader’s wrongdoing and call into question their position of authority. If they don’t repent, scripture says we are to take it to the church to warn and protect our fellow believers there. The Word of God does not require these witnesses be Christian leaders themselves, but be very sure about the facts and that there are multiple witnesses. Reporting these things to this website is also a way to tell it to the church. Fellow believers in your church could be directed to this website to hear the facts you witnessed that have been suppressed.

Sadly, step number 2 below of taking it up the chain has usually not proved successful in “GCx” Churches.



What Should Christians Do When Church Leaders Gaslight Them?  
by Michelle S. Lazurek


… To save face or seek the approval of others, some gaslight these members into believing their concern is invalid or unnecessary. What is gaslighting, and what should a Christian do if a church leader gaslights them?

Gaslighting is defined, according to Merriam-Webster, as “psychological manipulation of a person, usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator.”

Some examples of gaslighting might be:

• Denial of behavior
• Pretending conversations never happened
• Words and actions do not match
• Minimizing or ignoring behavior

Leaders sometimes use gaslighting as a tool to wield their power against someone else or maintain power or authority. Although most Christians aren't familiar with the term gaslighting, as it’s a term most counselors use, gaslighting is a form of abuse.

It is an abuse of power, and it is also a form of mental abuse. What could Christians do if they feel a leader is gaslighting them?


1. Confront Them Directly

Even if the leader's behavior is far from approachable, it is important to confront them directly. However, it is important to have a witness with you to make sure words are not twisted or manipulated to make you look like you're wrong. …


2. Report Them to an Authority

If he does not want to hear what you have to say, it is best to go to the authorities above them. If they are part of a denomination, most denominations have a leader or someone who is above them that oversees their church.

Tell the overseer what is going on and provide evidence if necessary. If you can, keep your correspondence in writing so that you can provide this evidence to the overseer if necessary. …


3. Leave the Church

It may be best to leave the church entirely if you've gone through all the proper channels and no one addresses your concerns. Although it won't help you recover from the abuse you've suffered, it's always best to remove yourself from a toxic situation. …


4. Seek Help

Seek the help of a counselor to help you get past the emotional and psychological abuse. Although Romans 12:18 makes it clear that “if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone,” God never wants us to endure abusive people, words, or actions to make us question our own reality. …


Link to full article:
https://www.christianity.com/church/what-should-christians-do-when-church-leaders-gaslight-them.html?amp=1

[Linda]

The turning point in the movie occurred when someone outside the isolation of the home came in to hear what the victim was experiencing. He listened and observed and told her the truth about the things they saw and heard. He VALIDATED her experience and it made ALL the difference.

Validation for spiritual abuse victims is very empowering because it gives credence to their claims. This site and others like it have helped hundreds if not thousands of victims.

Such an excellent observation, Janet.

We own that movie and it is really spellbinding (and disturbing!) It is also well acted. Ingrid Bergman won best actress for her performance in it. I need to watch it again soon.

[Janet Easson Martin]

I hadn’t seen it for 30 years, and was surprised how well done it was for 1944. I didn’t know that Ingrid Bergman won an award for it. I read Angela Lansbury was quite thrilled that her very first film role was with Ingrid Bergman in Gaslight. Also read that Angela and her husband of over fifty years left California when their teenagers got entangled with the Charles Manson cult and doing drugs. There must have been a lot of gaslighting going on to create his following. They felt they needed to escape that whole environment for their sake so they went to Ireland for at least a year. What they had hoped did come to pass including one of her children going to a drug rehab. Those children went on to lead successful lives.

An escape from a bad environment (or a cultish environment) brings such rest and refreshment; and wonderful new adventures though they can be intimidating in the beginning because of the unknown, but they are SO worth it.

[Janet Easson Martin]

“Something’s Not Right: Decoding the Hidden Tactics of Abuse and Freeing Yourself From It’s Power” looks like a very helpful book on the dismissal and cover up of spiritual abuse by churches and how to label it and break their spell.

From the forward of Wade Mullins’ book, “Something’s Not Right,” by Diane Langberg:


He knows that when something is not right there are often people who want us to think we are not right. They may seek to convince us that our thinking is off, our labels are wrong, or our imagination is running away from us. They may exclaim, “You need to trust us; we will fix it!” They may warn that we risk destroying the godly work that has been accomplished by giving voice to our concerns. Wade knows what it is like to be seen as a threat, to be silenced and pushed aside. He understands what it is like to have people authoritatively switch all the labels in order to cover up wrongdoing.

Having our experience negated is both disorienting and isolating. It is confusing. At times like this, we need courage. We need a map, and the signposts along the way need to be true.

Not only has Dr. Mullen been in this murky land himself, but for his doctoral dissertation he studied over one thousand cases of abuse in churches and the methods used by those institutions to cover it up, rename it, and deny it. He gives names to grooming techniques used by those who abuse their power. He exposes the silencing techniques used by individuals and systems to keep truth from coming to light or being believed. He brings to light the deceptions, the twisting of words, and the manipulations that silence people and shift blame to those who expose abuse as if they, and not the abuse, were the actual threat. Wade teaches us about impression management—tools and strategies for managing what others see. These tools have been used for centuries to confuse, mislead, and cover up actions and decisions that are destroying precious people created in the image of our God. …

The light is on, our labels are correct, and we then move forward toward greater strength and the healing of wounds. …

By reading and learning what Wade has to teach us, we will be safer for each other and carry a greater likeness of the one we follow, who said that he himself is both the Truth and our Refuge.

-Diane Langberg, PhD Psychologist

[Janet Easson Martin]

This book, “Something’s Not Right,” seems like it could be trail-blazing to the conversation for victims of deceptive spiritual abuse; and to hasten exposure of such abusers. It seems to have great potential to raise even more awareness of how spiritual abusers hide behind false impressions (or damage control).


Some of the worst forms of abuse are psychological. The victim may never be physically touched but nevertheless is traumatized by the experience of being emotionally manipulated and held captive by lies, threats… The language of abuse is, at its core, a collection of tactics for deception, and it allows the evil of abuse to spread. …

Through my own experience of abuse at the church and through my academic studies, I became aware of a branch of sociology called “impression management.” … Impression management tactics seemed to name the very ways that abusers gained their power in my life and in the stories I’d come across. …

…if we can learn the language of abuse—we can stop the cycle: we can make abusers less effective at accomplishing destruction in our lives. The ability to identify and describe tactics that were previously unidentifiable and indescribable will restore the power that was taken from you. … Freedom comes first by understanding, and understanding means having the language to identify and talk about your situation.

I hope this book can also speak to those who are enabling abusers—either willfully or unknowingly. I hope your eyes are opened to see the abuser in your midst. … Abusive individuals and organizations might be using impression management tactics to hide what happens behind the scenes so their act can continue. You must recognize that it is not just those doing the hiding who are at fault but also those who benefit from the abuser’s show and want it to continue. …

When I was in the midst of my own abusive experience, I felt as if abusers had taken hold of the pen of my life’s story. …  I had lost control of my own story…

[Janet Easson Martin]

IMPRESSION MANAGEMENT

by “GCx” Leaders

It is interesting to me how the author of these papers (Hopler?) sets out to discredit information people may find on the Internet that challenges GC teaching/theology by attacking the messenger rather than giving direct answers to the specific issues people have. … He then goes on to brush off some serious accusations by suggesting that those who used the "cult" word were simply not understanding Christians who are devoted to Christ and actively sharing their faith. …

Here he criticizes people from the past who had issues with the theology/practice of GC and makes some bold, unsubstantiated, slanderous attacks when he says people made unfair statements and even gave false reports. Then, he moves on to discredit this site by suggesting that those posting here have bought into those "false statements".

What he fails to note in this statement is that GC issued a 13 page statement of ERROR AND APOLOGY for the bad theology and practice that got them on the cult watch sites in the first place. Unfortunately, as documented in this paper and others, they spend more time defending the actions of the past rather than trying to correct them and they do this by criticizing people (they are anonymous, they are believing false reports, they aren't Christians, they are unfair, they lied) who point them out. …

-Linda


Link to full post:
http://forum.gcmwarning.com/general-discussion/gcc-prints-message-on-'how-false-information-can-spread'/

[Janet Easson Martin]

People did not wait 30 years to report this GCx “pastor’s” [MD’s] behavior. From those able to speak openly on this site, we have learned that people had noticed this inappropriate behavior for years, but it, like nearly all other complaints got dismissed, denied, and covered up. It took someone OUTSIDE GCx to get the truth out.

-Janet

[Janet Easson Martin]

Much of my frustration came from trying to "handle things the right way", according to the church I attended. I spoke with those in leadership that I trusted in private, only to be accused of being divisive and deceived. Some of the difficulty I had in retrospect was that I allowed them to spin the situation and control the information I reported, which is what abusive churches do. …

Paul gave Timothy specific instructions to show respect to elders, but also direction on how to keep them in check (slightly different from Matthew 18). I Timothy 5:17-20 says, "Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching. For the Scripture says, “You shall not muzzle an ox when it treads out the grain,” and, “The laborer deserves his wages.” Do not admit a charge against an elder except on the evidence of two or three witnesses. As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear.

Here we see that we are to give honor to those who preach and teach (which I may add is the primary duty of an elder and not evangelism). If there is a legitimate charge, there must be evidence from witnesses, and if the behavior persists, the elders are to be publicly rebuked! What has angered me so much is that there have been so many witnesses to these charges. However, in the system which we were fed, the evidence of multiple people was never allowed to come forward. The people were controlled by fear and the information itself was controlled because we approached them one by one...and we were dispensed of one by one.

If I could go back, I would publicly rebuke the elders out of love for the church. I cannot as I am no longer welcome in the doors. …

-Linda,   2011