Forgive and forget

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[LaurineJackson]

For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.  Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV)

 

Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” Matthew 18:21-22 (NAS)

 

But I say to you that hear, “Love your enemies, do good to them that hate you, bless them that curse you, pray for them that despitefully use you.” Luke 6:27-28 (NIV)

 

You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.”  But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? Matthew 5:43-46 (NIV)

[:)]

Amen.

[Linda]

Great verses on forgiveness.

Did you find any verses on false teachers?

[EverAStudent]

Truly wonderful passages of Scripture.  But, I am pretty certain I have read expositions of them before...somewhere...perhaps in these essays on forgiveness:

http://thefaithfulword.org/2008januaryblogarchives.html#9    Unconditional Forgiveness
http://thefaithfulword.org/insincereapologies.html                Insincere Apologies
http://thefaithfulword.org/forgiveness.html                         What is biblical forgiveness?

Blessings!

[AgathaL'Orange]

It seems to me that holding a grudge is a bit different than "warning" others from hurt.  I wish someone would have warned me (well, a few people did, but I thought I knew better... turns out they were right) before I joined GC.

I'd like to have those 8 years back.  I'd like to have my 50K dollars back to give to people who really needed it (like victims of war or starving children or villages without clean water).  I'd like to have a degree in my original major that more expresses who I am as a person instead of fitting a narrowly defined role for women.  I'd also like to replace the heartache with good memories.  I think the people in GC mean well.  But that doesn't mean that my actions and their actions were without consequence or that they should be forgotten or allowed to continue.

Apparently you see no need to stop high control groups from continuing to damage families and lives.  That's very strange to me that you would feel that way, having all the information sitting here at your fingertips.

[BTDT]

Hi, Laurine -- those are wonderful verses on forgiveness.  I really wish you had added your feelings and thoughts -- letting us know why you shared those verses with us.

Did you experience some deep healing and forgiveness, and want to share that experience with us?
Are you working through forgiving some hurts done to you by or through Great Commission?
Are you telling us that we need to just get over it, in a passive-aggressive sort of way?

I'm not very fond of "verse-and-run" -- it's sort of like giving an answer without us really knowing the question.  Sort of a spiritual Jeopardy, if you will.

Please come back and talk to us some more.

B

[Rebekah]

Since my renewed anger about all of this (i.e. spanking), I've also started thinking about forgiveness again.

I was taken advantage of as a child, and, as a Christian kid, spent a lot of time trying to forgive that person. But I couldn't ever figure out what forgiveness really was. I knew I should do it but not how to or what I was actually supposed to do. So, thinking I was forgiving this person, I stuffed all the feelings down and tried not to think about it anymore.

I feel the same way now. I've equated forgiveness with not feeling angry anymore. I know I should forgive GC as a whole and certain people in particular.

I could probably eventually forget the past (I have a bad memory!), but I can't--and don't think it's responsible or loving to--turn away from what's still happening to my friends and family and all the others involved in the movement.

So, EAS, I read the article about biblical forgiveness you posted above and found this section illuminating:

"Forgiveness is an act of mercy extended by a victim to the one who is guilty of committing the offense, and forgiveness should not be confused with the victim’s effort or success at setting aside his anger toward the offender."

On a side note, I think GC encourages the anger-equals-unforgiveness idea in their sermons for their own gain. Anyone angry about things they've done or said is painted as a bitter, unforgiving person who isn't living according to Christ's love.

Maybe someday I'll be able to pray "Forgive them, Lord, for they know not what they do" but not today. Today I can only pray that someday I'll be able to pray for them, without minimizing, ignoring, or excusing what they're doing.

[EverAStudent]

Forgiveness is an action of releasing an offender from all future punishment. Forgiveness is not a psychological assent that you have overcome your emotional anger toward the offender. The notion of forgiveness being an overcoming of anger is alien to the Scriptures. Forgiveness is an action that exonerates the guilty from deserved punishment.

If a victim desires release from his anger and bitterness toward an offender, especially an unrepentant one, he must do as the Scriptures require: bless your offenders and enemies, pray for them, do good to them, and work to do loving actions toward them (James 5:13, 1 Corinthians 4:12, Romans 12:14, 12:20, Luke 6:35). This is not a magic formula, it is a set of actions. Anger must be intentionally resisted and turned over to God in prayer. Always bear in mind that Scriptures express that doing good includes rebuking sinners, correcting those who are in error, and refuting those who have espoused evil.  Doing good to enemies and offenders never includes lying to them or taunting them. Doing good also does not require denying or perverting justice.   

...

Ridding oneself of anger and bitterness regarding a wrong suffered is just plain intentional hard work. Gimmicks, like offering false forgiveness, may make great public spectacle but they only compound the real problem. Only Christ can make one feel safe and whole again. This He will do through the Holy Spirit.

You shall do no injustice in judgment; you shall not be partial to the poor nor defer to the great, but you are to judge your neighbor fairly. You shall not go about as a slanderer among your people, and you are not to act against the life of your neighbor; I am the LORD. You shall not hate your fellow countryman in your heart; you may surely reprove your neighbor, but shall not incur sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD. (Leviticus 19:15-18)


http://thefaithfulword.org/forgiveness.html

[calgal]

I can tell you what helps me to heal:

My ex-husband knows nothing else.

He is wounded.

He comes from a wounded background and family.  This cult is the only thing that gives his life structure and meaning.  Somehow the structure and rigidness of this cult (intertwined with preverse teachings on spankings, etc) are intimately interconnected with deeply held and some correct Christian beliefs.  It would be hard for him to extradite these from each other.  I know this and I have empathy for him.  He is the one that that has no freedom.

On the other hand, I got out.  Two of my kids are out. 

My son said something interesting to me a few years ago after a tragic experience he endured.  He said, "Mom, my heart hurts, it feels so big that is going to burst.  I also feel like it is also going to be big enough to be able to relate to others in the future."

I told him that was called empathy. 

I think it is possible to be angry at their actions and yet have empathy for the broken person committing the action that is unaware of the impact of their actions.

Yet, that is how I have found healing ... you need to find your own path.

You are in my prayers.
Calgal

[Rebekah]

Thanks. My husband and I were talking about this last night, trying to work through what we thought forgiveness was. We agreed that it was ok to be angry about current injustices we see, and then I said that I shouldn't want to see them suffer because that is a sin. And he said that they already are suffering, like you said, calgal.

They (national leaders especially) seem so satisfied with themselves, their movement, their families, etc., but my husband thinks that's all put on. Even with completely buying into the beliefs and lifestyles, their lives are exhausting and, in my experience, guilt-ridden. They put up with it for the greater mission, but it's still probably isn't very fun. So, yes, empathy is the antidote to revenge-seeking.

I was also thinking that trying to forgive GC as an organization is like trying to forgive Wal-Mart. If you're a small business owner that Wal-Mart put out of business, you could try to forgive anybody who lied to you or employees who left your business to work for Wal-Mart or neighbors who stopped shopping at your store. But it's not really possible to forgive Wal-Mart as an entity.

Even if you forgive all those people who were part of your business going under, you'd still be angry at the way Wal-Mart treats its own workers or bullies the smaller companies that make the products into selling to it so cheaply, etc. And there isn't anyone in particular that you can forgive for those things because it's a business plan you're angry at.

GC is kind of like that. I can forgive certain people who have hurt those I love by their words and actions. But I don't have to forgive or show kindness to the way GC does business or its bad theology, if that makes sense.